m0n1ka05

I have searched the Always Learning site and couldnt find an answer, so here goes;)

Ayshah (4) loves to be naked. Thats fine with me but I have informed her its not cool to be at the window naked or answering the door naked.

A few days ago I heard her say to Maryam (2) look at my bum. I then went in and said "no Ayshah, you dont ask Maryam to look at your private area" then today Ayshah said "mum I didnt ask Maryam to look at my private just now" pointing down there. I sternly said " Ayshah I told you not to do that" and asked her to put on pants.

I feel like I have to protect Maryam. Is it normal for siblings to do this? Do you have any thoughts on how I handled the situation?

Sandra Dodd

When Marty was little, like three years old, four, sometimes he would stand watching TV and end up holding and pulling his little baby penis. I asked him not to do that where anyone else was, that some things should only be done when you're all alone.

I tried to stay away from "never" or "put on some pants" because pants aren't magic. The reasons for the requests are more important than making rules about it, but I do think to point out that there are laws. Big details aren't necessary, but you might make them laugh (in a good, thought-solidifying way) if you said
**What if I walked outside naked? What if I said to the neighbor, "Look at my bum!" They would call the police!!" And just leave it at that for a while.

They can think about the cultural expectations and traditions without being afraid or ashamed, if you're careful.

Sandra

Miliana Johnson

In observing my own daughters (currently 6 & 4) I notice they innocently compare their crotches about as often as they compare their hair or height. Though I find it disconcerting I figure the less I fixate on any one thing they do the less they fixate on it, as well, and that has been true for the most part.

It's part of our makeup to compare ourselves to others and to be curious about our own bodies and others'. I don't think that should be discouraged as long as the children are respectful with each other.

Like Sandra I did make a point of asking them to be curious about their own bodies in the privacy of their own room, explaining that it's a private activity. We've had interesting discussions about why grown-ups don't walk around naked all the time and come up with some pretty good reasons!

Bum-looking goes hand-in-hand with poop jokes. The more I ignore them the less likely I am to have to hear one and the more likely the girls are to move on to something else I will participate in.

Apologies in advance if any of this doesn't fit with the unschooling school of thought here.

Aloha,
Miliana



--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> When Marty was little, like three years old, four, sometimes he would stand watching TV and end up holding and pulling his little baby penis. I asked him not to do that where anyone else was, that some things should only be done when you're all alone.
>
> I tried to stay away from "never" or "put on some pants" because pants aren't magic. The reasons for the requests are more important than making rules about it, but I do think to point out that there are laws. Big details aren't necessary, but you might make them laugh (in a good, thought-solidifying way) if you said
> **What if I walked outside naked? What if I said to the neighbor, "Look at my bum!" They would call the police!!" And just leave it at that for a while.
>
> They can think about the cultural expectations and traditions without being afraid or ashamed, if you're careful.
>
> Sandra
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-Like Sandra I did make a point of asking them to be curious about their own bodies in the privacy of their own room, explaining that it's a private activity. We've had interesting discussions about why grown-ups don't walk around naked all the time and come up with some pretty good reasons!-=-

I wouldn't recommend that two kids go private with mutual exploration.

The situation was Marty pulling on the foreskin of his penis, stretching it out, without really thinking about what he was doing. I told him it was okay to touch it, but not in front of other people. So that would also have been a stricture against doing it in the privacy of "their" (plural their--the kids all shared a room in those days) own room if Kirby was there, or Holly.

Sandra




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Miliana Johnson

Sorry if I was unclear - by privacy I meant by one's self, not with one's sibling.

Aloha,
Miliana


--- I wouldn't recommend that two kids go private with mutual exploration. ---

erika

I think it is all this exploration is fine. Our bodies are funny looking! Why not check each other out and show off their butts? They're squishy and it's where poop comes out. What could be funnier than that?! Why have to go behind closed doors in your own house? And especially with siblings, what's the issue? I think it's adults' fears that bring on unneccesary shameful feelings. In my experience of community living with young children, little boys are always pulling on their penises when they're naked. It's often the closest thing to keep their hands occupied! I say just laugh and enjoy their innocence. Anyway, it passes and soon enough they pick up on our culture's intolerance for nudity. (And of course I believe if you are around strangers and/or in public you need to be more cautious about what is socially acceptable with your children and to teach them these norms.)

I guess I do have a line when it's more obviously masturbation. I remember once that my daughter (who was maybe 6 or 7) was touching herself on the couch (I can't remember if she had pants on or not - but it didn't matter) and I told her that's something to do in private. She got it. And I believe that because I neverd shamed her she is very open with me (she's 12) about things going on with her body, puberty, etc.

Just my thoughts,
Erika

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