Working and unschooling with young children
[email protected]
Tomorrow, I go back to work after being off for my year-long maternity leave (Canada). My girls, turning 1 and 4 in March, will be at a home based day care for the 3 days a week that I work. My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income). And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far. But I'm jolted into thinking about what I really want, what is best for our family. I just learned about unschooling this past year and will not be sending my 4 year old to school this September.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.
Shelly
I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.
Shelly
DArcy K
I have always thought home-schooling would be impossible, we "needed" both incomes to make things work...my children are in 1st and 4th grades now, and I feel like I am always rushing them...rushing them to get them to school on time, rushing to my work, rushing them to their after school activities, rushing them home, through homework, shower, dinner, to bed because they have to get up early the next day. It feels horrible. � Simultaneously, my job has gotten more stressful. � It just makes me realize what is important to me.
With a 10 year old, I am really half way to her adulthood, and I feel like there has been no time to share with her all that I want to share before she goes off on her own somewhere...I also want to be able to support her more, to be able to help her follow her dreams.... my dreamy 7 year old is not made for traditional school. � She has a brilliant inner world that is not at all recognized or enhanced by school. � It breaks my heart to see them becoming used to being institutionalized. � I don't want them to grow up and work in an office like I do...even though my job is 'professional', it is not what I would dream to do....I never had the chance to figure that out when I was younger, and am only starting to figure things out for myself now...basically, I guess I have been 'unschooling' myself for the last few years, diving into subjects of interest to me and learning more about them.
�
Anyway, I have talked this over with my husband�(over �the last couple of months)�and we have agreed that we will begin homeschooling as soon as possible...probably this fall (I am still hoping to be able to start being home full time in the summer). � At first, he didn't see how it would work with the money, but after he thought about it and I shared with him why I think it would be so good for our children, he has come to really love the idea. He sees how great it would be for all of us. � When we looked at the budget, it is so much easier to spend less money when you are not rushed over everything...you can go to the farmer's market, have a garden, etc.
I think of life like a conveyor belt full of random things going by you...if you have a strong vision and know exactly what you want, you can *catch it* as it goes by.� Otherwise, you just say 'oh yeah, I wanted that thing that passed by a little while ago...darn.'
Just some thoughts, sounds like I may be in a somewhat similar place, just with older children.
Hope this helps.
D'Arcy.
________________________________
From: "shellythouse@..." <shellythouse@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, February 26, 2012 12:58 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Working and unschooling with young children
Tomorrow, I go back to work after being off for my year-long maternity leave (Canada). My girls, turning 1 and 4 in March, will be at a home based day care for the 3 days a week that I work. My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income). And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far. But I'm jolted into thinking about what I really want, what is best for our family. I just learned about unschooling this past year and will not be sending my 4 year old to school this September.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.
Shelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
With a 10 year old, I am really half way to her adulthood, and I feel like there has been no time to share with her all that I want to share before she goes off on her own somewhere...I also want to be able to support her more, to be able to help her follow her dreams.... my dreamy 7 year old is not made for traditional school. � She has a brilliant inner world that is not at all recognized or enhanced by school. � It breaks my heart to see them becoming used to being institutionalized. � I don't want them to grow up and work in an office like I do...even though my job is 'professional', it is not what I would dream to do....I never had the chance to figure that out when I was younger, and am only starting to figure things out for myself now...basically, I guess I have been 'unschooling' myself for the last few years, diving into subjects of interest to me and learning more about them.
�
Anyway, I have talked this over with my husband�(over �the last couple of months)�and we have agreed that we will begin homeschooling as soon as possible...probably this fall (I am still hoping to be able to start being home full time in the summer). � At first, he didn't see how it would work with the money, but after he thought about it and I shared with him why I think it would be so good for our children, he has come to really love the idea. He sees how great it would be for all of us. � When we looked at the budget, it is so much easier to spend less money when you are not rushed over everything...you can go to the farmer's market, have a garden, etc.
I think of life like a conveyor belt full of random things going by you...if you have a strong vision and know exactly what you want, you can *catch it* as it goes by.� Otherwise, you just say 'oh yeah, I wanted that thing that passed by a little while ago...darn.'
Just some thoughts, sounds like I may be in a somewhat similar place, just with older children.
Hope this helps.
D'Arcy.
________________________________
From: "shellythouse@..." <shellythouse@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, February 26, 2012 12:58 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Working and unschooling with young children
Tomorrow, I go back to work after being off for my year-long maternity leave (Canada). My girls, turning 1 and 4 in March, will be at a home based day care for the 3 days a week that I work. My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income). And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far. But I'm jolted into thinking about what I really want, what is best for our family. I just learned about unschooling this past year and will not be sending my 4 year old to school this September.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.
Shelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income).***
Anytime I hear this kind of thing it hits me to the core. My husband had a great job until the housing market crashed and he got laid off. He's been a contingent worker ever since, partly by not being able to find work and partly because what he's doing could be better in the long run. We often don't make enough to live on. I did find side work to offset his income. It's hard and I have older kids, 17 and 10.
I would NOT work if my husband made enough to support us. Being available to my kids is very important. When each of my kids were young I didn't work at all, even if it meant living on a very small income. I went to work full time when my oldest was 4 and I did that for a year until I found part time work where I could bring her along. I still feel like I missed out on a whole year of her life!
It comes down to priorities. What is the priority for you and your husband? Is it extra income or extra time with kids? I think all parents with young kids have to make that decision. If you decide to keep your kids home from school, then you get to continue choosing time with kids over extra income.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anytime I hear this kind of thing it hits me to the core. My husband had a great job until the housing market crashed and he got laid off. He's been a contingent worker ever since, partly by not being able to find work and partly because what he's doing could be better in the long run. We often don't make enough to live on. I did find side work to offset his income. It's hard and I have older kids, 17 and 10.
I would NOT work if my husband made enough to support us. Being available to my kids is very important. When each of my kids were young I didn't work at all, even if it meant living on a very small income. I went to work full time when my oldest was 4 and I did that for a year until I found part time work where I could bring her along. I still feel like I missed out on a whole year of her life!
It comes down to priorities. What is the priority for you and your husband? Is it extra income or extra time with kids? I think all parents with young kids have to make that decision. If you decide to keep your kids home from school, then you get to continue choosing time with kids over extra income.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
It comes down to priorities. What is the priority for you and your husband? Is
it extra income or extra time with kids? I think all parents with young kids
have to make that decision. If you decide to keep your kids home from school,
then you get to continue choosing time with kids over extra income.
Thank you, Jenny.
Here's another idea I've had on the go, is it good to model having work that you love to do? Or would that still be choosing the job over extra time with kids?
Shelly
it extra income or extra time with kids? I think all parents with young kids
have to make that decision. If you decide to keep your kids home from school,
then you get to continue choosing time with kids over extra income.
Thank you, Jenny.
Here's another idea I've had on the go, is it good to model having work that you love to do? Or would that still be choosing the job over extra time with kids?
Shelly
Joyce Fetteroll
On Feb 26, 2012, at 8:46 PM, shellythouse@... wrote:
When parents do something for the purpose of a lesson they want the kids to learn, the kids are often learning an entirely different lesson.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> is it good to model having work that you love to do?You would be showing them you loved work more than them if they knew you were doing that rather than staying home with them.
When parents do something for the purpose of a lesson they want the kids to learn, the kids are often learning an entirely different lesson.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mirayma6102
Hi, I have never posted here before but I couldn't pass this one up.
My son is 3 and I have been doing research about homeschooling, unschooling and everything in between since I found out I was pregnant. I work full-time (35+ hours a week) and my significant other works part-time (20-25 hours a week). Significant other and I work alternate shifts (He works 2am-7am and I work 4pm-11pm) We made sure that it would be this way so that one of use would always be with our son and he wouldn't have to go to any kind of outside care. I work because without both incomes we wouldn't be able to cover even our most basic needs(rent,car,utilities and food)because we live in a very high cost of living area. I love to work and I don't feel like loving my job takes away from loving my son. However, if it wasn't for our ability to find jobs with alternate schedules I or my significant other would not be working because our #1 priority has always been that one of us be with him. I am not a full on unschooler or homeschooler I consider my approach to be more like life learning or child lead learning. We do what he wants when he wants until it's time for me to go to work and then his father takes over doing whatever he wants with him. I don't think I really have a point here, I just wanted to share my experience with you hoping it will help you.
Good Luck
Janet
My son is 3 and I have been doing research about homeschooling, unschooling and everything in between since I found out I was pregnant. I work full-time (35+ hours a week) and my significant other works part-time (20-25 hours a week). Significant other and I work alternate shifts (He works 2am-7am and I work 4pm-11pm) We made sure that it would be this way so that one of use would always be with our son and he wouldn't have to go to any kind of outside care. I work because without both incomes we wouldn't be able to cover even our most basic needs(rent,car,utilities and food)because we live in a very high cost of living area. I love to work and I don't feel like loving my job takes away from loving my son. However, if it wasn't for our ability to find jobs with alternate schedules I or my significant other would not be working because our #1 priority has always been that one of us be with him. I am not a full on unschooler or homeschooler I consider my approach to be more like life learning or child lead learning. We do what he wants when he wants until it's time for me to go to work and then his father takes over doing whatever he wants with him. I don't think I really have a point here, I just wanted to share my experience with you hoping it will help you.
Good Luck
Janet
--- In [email protected], "shellythouse@..." <shellythouse@...> wrote:
>
> Tomorrow, I go back to work after being off for my year-long maternity leave (Canada). My girls, turning 1 and 4 in March, will be at a home based day care for the 3 days a week that I work. My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income). And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far. But I'm jolted into thinking about what I really want, what is best for our family. I just learned about unschooling this past year and will not be sending my 4 year old to school this September.
> I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.
> Shelly
>
Jo Isaac
==My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income)==
My husband has a job that barely supports us, and it's only for 4 years, after that, he'll have to look for another job and we'll probably have to move. He is a post-doctoral scientist - they don't earn a great deal! But we manage - we cut costs in other areas, because it's worth it to us to be unschooling Kai.
==And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far.==
Things change, you might not love it forever. I loved my job before I gave up going out to work (I was also an ecologist at Uni!), but I certainly don't miss it now i've been out of it for 3 years, and have no intention of going back. We do struggle for money, but like Jenny said, that is the choice we have made - to me being at home with Kai is MUCH more fun than work, and I love it way more than I loved work and the extra money.
I do work from home - i can do bits and pieces during the day, and if i need a big amount of time, i do it on the weekend and Brett takes Kai out. Could you consider doing something from home (I do freelance research and write magazine articles)? My extra income does make a difference to us, even though it's not lots - it keeps Kai and I in money for our day-to-day activities - swimming, park days/petrol, and other miscellaneous stuff.
Good luck,
Jo
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My husband has a job that barely supports us, and it's only for 4 years, after that, he'll have to look for another job and we'll probably have to move. He is a post-doctoral scientist - they don't earn a great deal! But we manage - we cut costs in other areas, because it's worth it to us to be unschooling Kai.
==And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far.==
Things change, you might not love it forever. I loved my job before I gave up going out to work (I was also an ecologist at Uni!), but I certainly don't miss it now i've been out of it for 3 years, and have no intention of going back. We do struggle for money, but like Jenny said, that is the choice we have made - to me being at home with Kai is MUCH more fun than work, and I love it way more than I loved work and the extra money.
I do work from home - i can do bits and pieces during the day, and if i need a big amount of time, i do it on the weekend and Brett takes Kai out. Could you consider doing something from home (I do freelance research and write magazine articles)? My extra income does make a difference to us, even though it's not lots - it keeps Kai and I in money for our day-to-day activities - swimming, park days/petrol, and other miscellaneous stuff.
Good luck,
Jo
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kristi_beguin
>>>I guess what I'm looking for here is some help with my thinking about working part time and unschooling. I have so many half-thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to start.<<<I am, and always have been, the primary breadwinner in my family. My husband is a musician and a bike mechanic who works from home. He brings in more money during the warmer months, and almost no money during the winter. I work part-time, and I am fortunate to be able to do so. We have a lot of family who supports our decision to unschool, and who live in the same area as we do. We've had the same schedule for years, where I work every day outside the home except for Wednesday. My husband is with our girls on Mondays, his mom cares for them on Tuesday and Thursday, and my Mom cares for them on Fridays. Fortunately I work close to home (less than a 2-minute drive, or a 15 minute walk), and I also try to come in early so that I can take off early and be with them during the early evening.
Our situation is unique because we have so much family help. Prior to committing to homeschooling, I was definitely of the mindset that it would never work because I earned the money, and my husband was of the mindset that he could never be good at "teaching." Boy, have we learned a lot since those first months on this journey!! We have made it work and we love it. Every week we talk about how thankful we are that we are making this work.
If I had the option to stay home with my girls, I would absolutely do so, but I think we've managed to create a situation that works very well for us.
sheeboo2
I worked part-time when Noor was younger (3-6.5) during the day and my husband, who we lived separately from for some of that time, worked nights. It worked for us (not the being separated, but the working part) until the university where I taught doubled the allowable amount of students per class. That created way too much work during the time I was at home for me to be as engaged as I needed to be with Noor. My attention was elsewhere too often and that wasn't good. I quit my job and we made some drastic choices that allowed us to live on one small income--we gave up our apartment and moved into my dad's (huge) house so we wouldn't have to pay rent.
Like Kristi's situation, we are very lucky to have family that is supportive and willing to help us live/build the life we've chosen.
A year ago, Michael's job stopped being able to support us even without having to pay rent. He was needing to work so many hours and was never home and exhausted when he was that his and Noor's relationship was suffering terribly. We decided to make an even more drastic change--we started a business.
We're lucky that we have a small amount of savings that we're using to get this show on the road. It is a huge gamble, but we're both willing to take the risk to create a life that we want. We're both working now, for ourselves, and it's been an adjustment for Noor to have me be occupied with things besides our life together, but we've been able to include her in much of our activity. Michael's studio is in our basement, and Noor has a space down there to hang out while he's working. We take her with us when she wants to go to shows and buying trips (Michael makes clothing), and I try to do all the administrative computer-work I need to do when she's occupied with other things. I work on the computer in the same room as her so I'm available when she needs me. So far, we're doing really well with balancing it all, I think. We've had to tweak and change as we've progressed, but knowing that the way we schedule ourselves can be fluid is helpful.
So my suggestion is to think outside the box, brainstorm, don't cross off any crazy idea without really thinking about it. Of course, a lot of this depends on your husband too--you have to be on the same page; it isn't beneficial for one parent to be willing to make drastic changes if the other will feel resentful. Go slowly, talking and re-thinking and re-tweaking as much as possible.
Brie
Like Kristi's situation, we are very lucky to have family that is supportive and willing to help us live/build the life we've chosen.
A year ago, Michael's job stopped being able to support us even without having to pay rent. He was needing to work so many hours and was never home and exhausted when he was that his and Noor's relationship was suffering terribly. We decided to make an even more drastic change--we started a business.
We're lucky that we have a small amount of savings that we're using to get this show on the road. It is a huge gamble, but we're both willing to take the risk to create a life that we want. We're both working now, for ourselves, and it's been an adjustment for Noor to have me be occupied with things besides our life together, but we've been able to include her in much of our activity. Michael's studio is in our basement, and Noor has a space down there to hang out while he's working. We take her with us when she wants to go to shows and buying trips (Michael makes clothing), and I try to do all the administrative computer-work I need to do when she's occupied with other things. I work on the computer in the same room as her so I'm available when she needs me. So far, we're doing really well with balancing it all, I think. We've had to tweak and change as we've progressed, but knowing that the way we schedule ourselves can be fluid is helpful.
So my suggestion is to think outside the box, brainstorm, don't cross off any crazy idea without really thinking about it. Of course, a lot of this depends on your husband too--you have to be on the same page; it isn't beneficial for one parent to be willing to make drastic changes if the other will feel resentful. Go slowly, talking and re-thinking and re-tweaking as much as possible.
Brie
Julie van der Wekken
>>>>I would NOT work if my husband made enough to support us. Being available to my kids is very important. When each of my kids were young I didn't work at all, even if it meant living on a very small income.<<<<I also would NOT work if my husband made enough to support us, and didn't for 9 years. My husband is a carpenter and him, his dad and his brother had their own business for the past 20 years doing remodels and additions on houses and similar projects on small businesses. 2 years ago in November the work really slowed down. We made do and in the spring/summer it picked back up again and we were fine. Last winter it slowed way down again and we were starting to rely on making ends meet by using credit cards a bit too much. I got a part-time job and my husband hired on for a big construction company on a government job that will last at least a couple of years.
I'm very lucky that the job I have allows me to work from home and pretty much make my own hours. I have a set shift, but am able to trade hours or give up hours from time to time depending on what we as a family have going on. Right now it is working out well and we are starting to pay down the debt we accumulated while his work was slow. An added benefit of my job is that we get free airfare (I work for an airline) and we are going on our first free flight (the boys have never been on an airplane) this weekend to take the boys to the ocean (they've never been). Time will tell whether this will be a long term thing or just until my husband gets into something more long term or the economy picks back up and he can go back to being self-employed.
Julie v.
Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp
----And I have a great job and have loved doing it so far. But I'm jolted into thinking about what I really want, what is best for our family. ----
It can be confusing to choose between things that you really love. For me, it's helped to make choices based on my priorities, my relationships and/or how I would most prefer to spend my time and energy at that particular point in my life.
I had a great job as an education consultant that I loved in my 20s. I decided to give up this well paid position to take advantage of some international working holiday visas that are only valid for people 30 years old and younger. I wanted to experience leisurely living, traveling and working in different countries. My employer was happy to send me overseas, but the position would have involved some compromises that I was not willing to make. For me, it was worth giving up the job I loved, for something I loved even more - the adventure and excitement of the unknown.
While I was in Australia, I met a really nice boy (now my husband). Even though I had planned on working in education, I took a job at a call center because we were both offered work together and we wanted to spend as much time together as possible. He was Dutch, I was Canadian, we didn't know how our story would end. We had both come to Australia with semi-formed work/internship plans to go to different countries after our work visas expired (me to Ghana, him to Japan), but we never followed through with them because we decided we'd rather be together.
When I was living in the Netherlands with my now husband, I got a good job at a publishing agency about a 5 minute walk from our house. That week I found out my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. I decided not to take the publishing job, but found an employer that gave me a ton of work flexibility and paid me in air miles so I could travel frequently between the Netherlands and Canada.
I have been really fortunate with finding work, and most of my past employers have found ways to give me freelance work if I have asked for it. What has worked really well for me is to divide a job into different elements such as income, energy, responsibility, service, skill, experience, etc. My work as an education consultant had all of these elements. But when my priorities changed, I made different choices. Sometimes my priority is learning a new skill, sometimes it is doing something that helps the world be a better place, sometimes I focus on being paid well. The element(s) I focus on depend on what is happening in my life at that moment.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It can be confusing to choose between things that you really love. For me, it's helped to make choices based on my priorities, my relationships and/or how I would most prefer to spend my time and energy at that particular point in my life.
I had a great job as an education consultant that I loved in my 20s. I decided to give up this well paid position to take advantage of some international working holiday visas that are only valid for people 30 years old and younger. I wanted to experience leisurely living, traveling and working in different countries. My employer was happy to send me overseas, but the position would have involved some compromises that I was not willing to make. For me, it was worth giving up the job I loved, for something I loved even more - the adventure and excitement of the unknown.
While I was in Australia, I met a really nice boy (now my husband). Even though I had planned on working in education, I took a job at a call center because we were both offered work together and we wanted to spend as much time together as possible. He was Dutch, I was Canadian, we didn't know how our story would end. We had both come to Australia with semi-formed work/internship plans to go to different countries after our work visas expired (me to Ghana, him to Japan), but we never followed through with them because we decided we'd rather be together.
When I was living in the Netherlands with my now husband, I got a good job at a publishing agency about a 5 minute walk from our house. That week I found out my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. I decided not to take the publishing job, but found an employer that gave me a ton of work flexibility and paid me in air miles so I could travel frequently between the Netherlands and Canada.
I have been really fortunate with finding work, and most of my past employers have found ways to give me freelance work if I have asked for it. What has worked really well for me is to divide a job into different elements such as income, energy, responsibility, service, skill, experience, etc. My work as an education consultant had all of these elements. But when my priorities changed, I made different choices. Sometimes my priority is learning a new skill, sometimes it is doing something that helps the world be a better place, sometimes I focus on being paid well. The element(s) I focus on depend on what is happening in my life at that moment.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp
----My husband has a job that could probably support us (although he'd prefer the extra income)----
Maybe you can talk to your husband about what he hopes to do with the extra income. Once you've made a budget and spending wish list, you might be more able to clearly see what the reality of one income would look like for your family. There are often costs associated with jobs such as child care, travel, clothing, etc. that you might be able to save on if you decide to stay home. There are some great frugality websites and probably some local sources of information that could help you figure out how to cut costs and what your family expenses would be. I really enjoy the creativity and resourcefulness involved in being frugal. I find it exhilarating :)
My husband and I together made the choice that I would not work once we had children. We've never once regretted our decision. We don't have much extra money. We live in a small house, without a yard, and with a neighbour who lives below us. We've rarely bought ourselves new clothes, shoes, etc. since we've had children. We rarely go to restaurants, cafes, movies or expensive outings. We don't own a car, but bikes (we live in the Netherlands where this is very possible). We rarely go on holidays or travel outside of the Netherlands. We're fine with all of it, in fact we're a thriving and happy family. We've had those experiences before we had children and we're confident we'll have those experiences again when the children are older.
What your family decides to forgo might look very different.
With the money we do have, we made choices that we thought would be most beneficial to our whole family. We have friends and family living all over the world, and we've made a comfy guest room for them to be able to visit us when they want to. Our relationships with the people we love are really important to us, so we've made it one of our family's priorities to have space for them, especially since both our families live far away.
We live in a really nice, child friendly neighbourhood that is walking distance to the city center. We bought a tiny garden cottage (for less than a price of a basic car) on an allotment about a 10 minute bike ride away from our house that has a yard, a trampoline and lots of outside space for the children. We go on lots of picnics, download movies and shows to watch together (it's legal here), and visit lots of (usually free) interesting places.
We take advantage of what is available in our area for free or low cost - playgrounds, parks, the sea, the lake, children's farms, free concerts, free theater/puppet shows, the library, discounted days at local attractions, open-air festivals, LETS (local exchange trade society), charity shops and second hand sales, ebay, home exchanges, etc.
We have enough money to buy the children nice (mostly second hand) clothes, toys, games, craft materials, puzzles, books, bikes, sports equipment, etc. We make their visits to the shoe store a special family outing. We pay for family national museum memberships and train discount cards. We pay for expensive semi-private swim classes because my son wanted to get his certification, but didn't like the other swimming pools (Dutch pools require children to wear floatation devices unless they have official level one certification).
My children's swim classes and their desire to go visit our family in Canada makes me think that I'll probably have to find a way to generate some money in the next year. Knowing our priorities helps me figure out what type of work to take on. In my case, I probably need enough to cover the expense of any future classes they might want to take and 4 plane tickets. I will find (or most likely create) something that is temporary and hopefully well paid. I would only work hours where my husband is available to take care of the children.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe you can talk to your husband about what he hopes to do with the extra income. Once you've made a budget and spending wish list, you might be more able to clearly see what the reality of one income would look like for your family. There are often costs associated with jobs such as child care, travel, clothing, etc. that you might be able to save on if you decide to stay home. There are some great frugality websites and probably some local sources of information that could help you figure out how to cut costs and what your family expenses would be. I really enjoy the creativity and resourcefulness involved in being frugal. I find it exhilarating :)
My husband and I together made the choice that I would not work once we had children. We've never once regretted our decision. We don't have much extra money. We live in a small house, without a yard, and with a neighbour who lives below us. We've rarely bought ourselves new clothes, shoes, etc. since we've had children. We rarely go to restaurants, cafes, movies or expensive outings. We don't own a car, but bikes (we live in the Netherlands where this is very possible). We rarely go on holidays or travel outside of the Netherlands. We're fine with all of it, in fact we're a thriving and happy family. We've had those experiences before we had children and we're confident we'll have those experiences again when the children are older.
What your family decides to forgo might look very different.
With the money we do have, we made choices that we thought would be most beneficial to our whole family. We have friends and family living all over the world, and we've made a comfy guest room for them to be able to visit us when they want to. Our relationships with the people we love are really important to us, so we've made it one of our family's priorities to have space for them, especially since both our families live far away.
We live in a really nice, child friendly neighbourhood that is walking distance to the city center. We bought a tiny garden cottage (for less than a price of a basic car) on an allotment about a 10 minute bike ride away from our house that has a yard, a trampoline and lots of outside space for the children. We go on lots of picnics, download movies and shows to watch together (it's legal here), and visit lots of (usually free) interesting places.
We take advantage of what is available in our area for free or low cost - playgrounds, parks, the sea, the lake, children's farms, free concerts, free theater/puppet shows, the library, discounted days at local attractions, open-air festivals, LETS (local exchange trade society), charity shops and second hand sales, ebay, home exchanges, etc.
We have enough money to buy the children nice (mostly second hand) clothes, toys, games, craft materials, puzzles, books, bikes, sports equipment, etc. We make their visits to the shoe store a special family outing. We pay for family national museum memberships and train discount cards. We pay for expensive semi-private swim classes because my son wanted to get his certification, but didn't like the other swimming pools (Dutch pools require children to wear floatation devices unless they have official level one certification).
My children's swim classes and their desire to go visit our family in Canada makes me think that I'll probably have to find a way to generate some money in the next year. Knowing our priorities helps me figure out what type of work to take on. In my case, I probably need enough to cover the expense of any future classes they might want to take and 4 plane tickets. I will find (or most likely create) something that is temporary and hopefully well paid. I would only work hours where my husband is available to take care of the children.
Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kristin Ames
"...You would be showing them you loved work more than them if they knew
you were doing that rather than staying home with them.
When parents do something for the purpose of a lesson they want the kids to
learn, the kids are often learning an entirely different lesson.
Joyce"
I agree with Joyce.
My Mom & I talk about this alot. In the 70's she worked hard at a career
that fulfilled her that had "purpose", & was making a "contribution" and a
"difference" as she put it so often to me.... which family & parenting, by
inference, did not.....with the belief that I was learning that important
lesson, loving what you do, "making a difference".
But, as Joyce said, I saw her choice on a smaller scale, my scale, &
concluded that she preferred her work to spending time with me. (preferred
her vacation time alone with my step father too, as it happens, now I know
she was working on her marriage then.....but again, not her family & not me)
Now, as she watches me & my son & husband she talks about regretting her
decisions, saying that she bought into what she thought was an important
feminist idea & also some sort of a progressive self
determination/fulfillment mood that was prevalent at the time....not
listening to her doubts......not finding a way to go against the current
tide at the time....that sort of thing.
Her decision influenced mine to do what I can to stay home with my son as
much as possible......for the enjoyment of my family as much as the
"purpose & contribution" i find in it.
We're broke most of the time, we always lived pretty close to the bone &
it's really hard to live on one income. My husband misses sharing the
financial responsibilities but so far, the benefits seem to outweigh those
concerns for us & I'm working on developing a hard skin to criticism & I've
also lost my pride about asking family handouts when I need to.
Kristin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you were doing that rather than staying home with them.
When parents do something for the purpose of a lesson they want the kids to
learn, the kids are often learning an entirely different lesson.
Joyce"
I agree with Joyce.
My Mom & I talk about this alot. In the 70's she worked hard at a career
that fulfilled her that had "purpose", & was making a "contribution" and a
"difference" as she put it so often to me.... which family & parenting, by
inference, did not.....with the belief that I was learning that important
lesson, loving what you do, "making a difference".
But, as Joyce said, I saw her choice on a smaller scale, my scale, &
concluded that she preferred her work to spending time with me. (preferred
her vacation time alone with my step father too, as it happens, now I know
she was working on her marriage then.....but again, not her family & not me)
Now, as she watches me & my son & husband she talks about regretting her
decisions, saying that she bought into what she thought was an important
feminist idea & also some sort of a progressive self
determination/fulfillment mood that was prevalent at the time....not
listening to her doubts......not finding a way to go against the current
tide at the time....that sort of thing.
Her decision influenced mine to do what I can to stay home with my son as
much as possible......for the enjoyment of my family as much as the
"purpose & contribution" i find in it.
We're broke most of the time, we always lived pretty close to the bone &
it's really hard to live on one income. My husband misses sharing the
financial responsibilities but so far, the benefits seem to outweigh those
concerns for us & I'm working on developing a hard skin to criticism & I've
also lost my pride about asking family handouts when I need to.
Kristin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Veronica Deleon-sutter
This issue is where I am at right now. My biggest concern is healthcare. I'm the breadwinner and my job suppplies us all with great health benefits for a very low premium. I don't want to be the breadwinner anymore, I want to be home. I'll be honest, I'm scared to rely on gov't healthcare. I feel like not having complete health coverage for my daughter is another way of not taking care of her. But she and I both want me home and we are already going to lose our house in foreclosure, my husband has only a part-time job.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Colleen
***This issue is where I am at right now. My biggest concern is healthcare. I'm the breadwinner and my job supplies us all with great health benefits for a very low premium. I don't want to be the breadwinner anymore, I want to be home. ***
When I was pregnant (my son is 9 now) I was working full time in a job I enjoyed (coordinating the education program for a non-profit). I knew that I wanted to be home with my son once he was born, but my husband works for himself (from home) and our health insurance was through my job. In order to have what we wanted (me home with the baby) we thought I'd need to quit my job and my husband would need to take a full time job with benefits working for someone else instead of continuing his own business. But that wasn't ideal my husband loved working for himself, and the idea of us both being home and available to the baby was what was most of interest to us.
As we thought about how to work out what we wanted, I remembered reading the book "The Aladdin Factor" - a big message of which is "if you want something - ask!" Because if you don't ask, you never know what someone might be able or willing to do to help you out. My husband said "yep you have nothing to lose - ask! And if they say no, we'll figure something else out."
I went to my employer and asked her straight out "would you let me work from home, reduce my hours to part time, and still keep my health insurance benefits?" I didn't think she'd go for it, as our organization didn't have anyone else working flex hours or working from home. But I explained to her that the other option was that I quit and she would be left to find someone (potentially less experienced) to replace me - and I shared with her what I felt were the benefits *to her* of letting me stay home and work (I'd get more done because I'd be working without the interruptions of daily office life, I'd not need office space or a computer at their office any more (which would save them money), I'd be available off-hours since I'd be flexing my work around the baby's needs, etc.).
To my very happy surprise, my employer was absolutely willing to work with me to redefine my position in a way that made working part time from home quite doable. She switched some of my responsibilities away that would have required me to be in the office and added grant writing and other responsibilities that work well from out of the office, cut my hours to a level that still allowed me access to insurance and I've now been working from home for 9 years. My husband is still home working as well and between the two of us, there's always a parent available to our son and often (but not always) since whenever we can we get work done late at night when he's asleep or early in the morning before he's awake, both of us are available.
As an added bonus, from being around the two of us while we're working, from being on either of our laps while we're on the computer, and from listening to us on conference calls and such, my son knows his way around Excel, factory layout prints and Autocad, and education-related terminology and he can have quite a discussion with anyone about the value of play in the preschool classroom, how to help an irate factory manager calm down (or "stop tantruming" as he calls it ;-)), or other fun things that he's picked up just by hanging out with us over the years :-)
I'm sharing our story because I think it's important to remember that if someone wants an "unconventional" work set up in order to be able to have income, insurance, AND the ability to be home with your child(ren), asking straight out for what you want can be one way to achieve what you're looking for. It certainly might not work for everyone (some employers will surely say no and some jobs aren't suited for at-home work) and work from home (as opposed to no work at all) might not be what others are seeking. But for us, it's made our lives wonderful all because I asked :-)
Colleen
When I was pregnant (my son is 9 now) I was working full time in a job I enjoyed (coordinating the education program for a non-profit). I knew that I wanted to be home with my son once he was born, but my husband works for himself (from home) and our health insurance was through my job. In order to have what we wanted (me home with the baby) we thought I'd need to quit my job and my husband would need to take a full time job with benefits working for someone else instead of continuing his own business. But that wasn't ideal my husband loved working for himself, and the idea of us both being home and available to the baby was what was most of interest to us.
As we thought about how to work out what we wanted, I remembered reading the book "The Aladdin Factor" - a big message of which is "if you want something - ask!" Because if you don't ask, you never know what someone might be able or willing to do to help you out. My husband said "yep you have nothing to lose - ask! And if they say no, we'll figure something else out."
I went to my employer and asked her straight out "would you let me work from home, reduce my hours to part time, and still keep my health insurance benefits?" I didn't think she'd go for it, as our organization didn't have anyone else working flex hours or working from home. But I explained to her that the other option was that I quit and she would be left to find someone (potentially less experienced) to replace me - and I shared with her what I felt were the benefits *to her* of letting me stay home and work (I'd get more done because I'd be working without the interruptions of daily office life, I'd not need office space or a computer at their office any more (which would save them money), I'd be available off-hours since I'd be flexing my work around the baby's needs, etc.).
To my very happy surprise, my employer was absolutely willing to work with me to redefine my position in a way that made working part time from home quite doable. She switched some of my responsibilities away that would have required me to be in the office and added grant writing and other responsibilities that work well from out of the office, cut my hours to a level that still allowed me access to insurance and I've now been working from home for 9 years. My husband is still home working as well and between the two of us, there's always a parent available to our son and often (but not always) since whenever we can we get work done late at night when he's asleep or early in the morning before he's awake, both of us are available.
As an added bonus, from being around the two of us while we're working, from being on either of our laps while we're on the computer, and from listening to us on conference calls and such, my son knows his way around Excel, factory layout prints and Autocad, and education-related terminology and he can have quite a discussion with anyone about the value of play in the preschool classroom, how to help an irate factory manager calm down (or "stop tantruming" as he calls it ;-)), or other fun things that he's picked up just by hanging out with us over the years :-)
I'm sharing our story because I think it's important to remember that if someone wants an "unconventional" work set up in order to be able to have income, insurance, AND the ability to be home with your child(ren), asking straight out for what you want can be one way to achieve what you're looking for. It certainly might not work for everyone (some employers will surely say no and some jobs aren't suited for at-home work) and work from home (as opposed to no work at all) might not be what others are seeking. But for us, it's made our lives wonderful all because I asked :-)
Colleen
catfish_friend
> --- It certainly might not work for everyone (some employers will surely say no – and some jobs aren't suited for at-home work) – and work from home (as opposed to no work at all) might not be what others are seeking. ---I asked my boss for the promotion (in title only, not pay) that he had been dangling as a carrot to entice me to work with him on a difficult project. I had already been doing the work of the promoted position and he had been complimenting my work, often saying that I should be working at his level. The promotion he had been saying he would give me was in between my then title and his title. The promotion would have relaxed my schedule. I was working 10-16 hour days (plus weekends 1-3x month) with an added 1.5-2 hour commute daily (and night nursing and pumping at work) so any reduction in hours and demands would have been helpful. As it was, I was doing two jobs and my boss was upset that I didn't seem happy. He only had praise for my work and work ethic. I presented to him what I thought would be a win-win solution -- promote me as he had promised, as it would not change my pay or benefits, in fact, it would save them money because I would work maybe 1-2 hours less per day (which would reduce overtime at 1.5x or 2x hourly pay) and I would be happier because I could be at home a little bit more. I had been training up my underling all along the project and my boss and I had agreed early on that the plan was for my underling and myself to both get bumped up in title. My boss seemed surprised I asked for the promotion he had been promising me and he fired me the next day.
Fortunately, our family was not living paycheck to paycheck at the time.
I mention this to point out that asking for what you want (or need) can cause unwanted circumstances.
Looking back, I can see that maybe my boss calling our supervisor a c*nt or gossiping negatively that another older woman department head must be going through menopause or his story complaining of how his newlywed wife can't handle the baby on the weekends on her own when he has a nanny for her all week -- these were signs of some bigger issues that I hadn't considered before approaching him.
He replaced me with my underling and hired two more men to support him, one of whom had even more experience than me.
If we had been relying on my income solely or my benefits at the time, I would not have approached my boss at all. Not having enough to support your household basic needs would make unschooling impossible or extremely challenged.
Embracing unschooling can make one's current work choices extremely challenging, though, too.
Ceci