"Don't talk to anyone, but me."
mkangj
My daughter, who is 3.5 years old, has made it clear it's important I only talk to her - not her father, not anyone on the phone - I limit phone conversations to maybe once a week or when she's playing with her father - not to people who work at stores when we are trying to buy things for the day - like art supplies or groceries, not to friends we run into when we are out and about. She would like to speak for me so I say what I want to say to only her and then she repeats what I say to the people who want to talk to me. She also doesn't like it when others speak to me. I'm thinking this is her way of telling me she has a real need for connection and we spend a lot of time together just me and her, which I really enjoy and thankful of. I'm just wondering if there is anything else I can do right now besides play with her and be with her because I would like to talk to others.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Sep 6, 2011, at 12:55 AM, mkangj wrote:
realize how little power they have over the world.
While it sounds like a fun game to play for a while, you've given her
more power than any person should have over another person! ;-)
Find a way to disengage from the game. Like "I need to talk." ;-) It
might be easier for her to accept if you make the statement about your
needs rather than about what she can't do.
And find ways she can be powerful in her life. Be more observant of
what she needs you to do for her and find more ways she can do as much
as she can herself. Get she get water or juice when she's thirsty? A
snack drawer for when she's hungry. Clothes that are in reach. Step
stool for light switches.
Joyce
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> I'm thinking this is her way of telling me she has a real need forI think it's a need for control! Three is a typical age when kids
> connection
realize how little power they have over the world.
While it sounds like a fun game to play for a while, you've given her
more power than any person should have over another person! ;-)
Find a way to disengage from the game. Like "I need to talk." ;-) It
might be easier for her to accept if you make the statement about your
needs rather than about what she can't do.
And find ways she can be powerful in her life. Be more observant of
what she needs you to do for her and find more ways she can do as much
as she can herself. Get she get water or juice when she's thirsty? A
snack drawer for when she's hungry. Clothes that are in reach. Step
stool for light switches.
Joyce
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Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm just wondering if there is anything else I can do right now besides play with her and be with her because I would like to talk to others.-=-
I would play with it in a joking way, as a game, when others aren't around, talking to stuffed animals or dolls or birds or the cat. Let her practice seeing you talk to others, maybe. And then in a serious way I would say "That's how people live in the world. I need to talk to others, and you can't decide that for me."
Joyce's ideas were good. Give her other things to control, but not you.
Maybe you could make silly, fun rules for each other as a game, and then say when the game is over. Or play Simon Says, or follow the leader. Doing a little more of what a child wants can be a way to satisfy and also extinguish (or at least examine) an odd behavior.
This is only halfway parallel (?? so NOT parallel...) but Marty wanted potatoes, wanted French fries, one day, when he was middlin' age, 12 or so, maybe? (I'll look it up if I ever need to testify in court about it; I don't remember numbers but I take notes.) I kept saying yes, in a while, sorry, soon, can't right now, sounds good. Realizing I had put him off too long, I said let's go get French fries, and just the two of us went. I said "Let's see who has the best" so kind of as a game, kind of as a joke, kind of to make up for stalling, we started going to fast food places and getting a small order of fries and going to the next place. There were seven or eight places we could have gone, but after three or four, he wasn't hungry for fries anymore. It was a big adventure and we laughed and didn't even have to drive over a couple of miles, and it would've been easier for me to go when he first asked and get one large order, but there it was.
So if you play with not talking, not sitting, not looking, not laughing dancing/notdancing (music on and off?) and things like that--making rules for another person, but making it light and fun--it might help.
Sandra
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I would play with it in a joking way, as a game, when others aren't around, talking to stuffed animals or dolls or birds or the cat. Let her practice seeing you talk to others, maybe. And then in a serious way I would say "That's how people live in the world. I need to talk to others, and you can't decide that for me."
Joyce's ideas were good. Give her other things to control, but not you.
Maybe you could make silly, fun rules for each other as a game, and then say when the game is over. Or play Simon Says, or follow the leader. Doing a little more of what a child wants can be a way to satisfy and also extinguish (or at least examine) an odd behavior.
This is only halfway parallel (?? so NOT parallel...) but Marty wanted potatoes, wanted French fries, one day, when he was middlin' age, 12 or so, maybe? (I'll look it up if I ever need to testify in court about it; I don't remember numbers but I take notes.) I kept saying yes, in a while, sorry, soon, can't right now, sounds good. Realizing I had put him off too long, I said let's go get French fries, and just the two of us went. I said "Let's see who has the best" so kind of as a game, kind of as a joke, kind of to make up for stalling, we started going to fast food places and getting a small order of fries and going to the next place. There were seven or eight places we could have gone, but after three or four, he wasn't hungry for fries anymore. It was a big adventure and we laughed and didn't even have to drive over a couple of miles, and it would've been easier for me to go when he first asked and get one large order, but there it was.
So if you play with not talking, not sitting, not looking, not laughing dancing/notdancing (music on and off?) and things like that--making rules for another person, but making it light and fun--it might help.
Sandra
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Sheila Johnson
When my daughter was that age and still she loves these http://www.girlsgogames.com/games/sue_games/sue_games.html%c2%a0 and http://www.girlsgogames.com/ and http://www.dressupgames.com/girls.html and http://www.dressupgirl.net/ and (I liked this one but never understood it like the kid could. lol ) http://www.mygames4girls.com/games/make-up/making-magic-potions.html
search "dress up games for girls", add in 'potions' and 'Sue' and any other key words you want to relate to the games. Most of it is in a foreign language andI could barely figure them out, but she whizzed right through them. Tomorrow I will ask her what the rest of them are as she still has her games listed somewhere. Webkinz is cool too(if you buy a webkinz, she likes that alot as well.
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search "dress up games for girls", add in 'potions' and 'Sue' and any other key words you want to relate to the games. Most of it is in a foreign language andI could barely figure them out, but she whizzed right through them. Tomorrow I will ask her what the rest of them are as she still has her games listed somewhere. Webkinz is cool too(if you buy a webkinz, she likes that alot as well.
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