catfish_friend

My almost 5 year old has told me that she wants to know how to read. She writes the alphabet of her own volition and numbers up to 20 or so. No one ever taught her these things. Occasionally, she asks me how to spell words because she's writing a note. On her own, she has written out words she sees often like "open" and "love".

I suggested we read "Hop on Pop" for bedtime or another book that has shorter words and she was so excited. But, when she started to try reading it that night, she got flustered and frustrated to the point that she stopped our reading time altogether. She yelled with her hands over her face, "I'll never learn to read!"

The next night, I asked her if she'd prefer that I not read at all when she is trying to read. That seemed to be what she was looking for. She has perfectionistic tendencies and I think she was embarrassed by my correcting her as she was reading.

My question is, what should I be doing, if anything, to help her learn to read? Our home has relatively recently loosened up total TV/media restriction. I am recording shows she likes and finding new ones that focus on spelling and reading and phonics (Super-Why, Word World, DVDs for old Electric Company, etc.). I've started to follow the words on the page with my finger (which I never did before).

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

A side note -- she wrote out her numbers up to 15-20 twice recently in perfect mirror-image form. Not sure if that might indicate dyslexia, but thought it worth mentioning.

I'm not in any hurry for her to read, but want to honor that she's expressed her desire to know how and want to know how to facilitate without being schoolish.

Ceci

Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone

Sandra Dodd

-=-
My question is, what should I be doing, if anything, to help her learn to read-=-

It might be best to tell her it will come gradually, just as she learned to walk and talk. Tell her you didn't teach her to talk, but she learned, and that reading is like that, too.

Be sweet about it all and calm.

The things she's doing, Holly did at those ages, but Holly didn't read until 11, even though she would have liked to. Until several things are mature and in place, reading can't happen. When those things ARE in place, and if there are words around and people reading, reading can't help but happen.

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

railyuh

Since she is already copying and writing out words, I would maybe point that out to her and tell her that what she is doing is a part of reading. Does she write her name? Or maybe another word she writes frequently? If she can recognize her name, or another word, when it is written on the paper that might give her more confidence even if she can't sit down and read through a book on her own. My son gets really excited to "read" the mail labels because he can recognize his name on a package. Maybe your daughter would be excited about that too? Ask friends and family to send her cards/letter and she can sort through the mail to find her own name.

If she doesn't like the corrections while she is reading, I wouldn't correct her. My son is 5 too and he's gone through periods over the last year or so where he would switch letters in his name, or start writing a letter backward that he previous wrote out the right way, but we just let it be. We knew what he was writing and he knew what he was writing and that was enough at the time. He has figured out how things go just by seeing his name in other places.

Since she really wants to learn to read, I would maybe tell her that one way to learn to read is just for the two of you to read together. Just by her listening and watching you read, that will help her learn to read. She can read books to you by repeating as much of the story as she remembers, or by making up the story, or she might have other ideas. You could also find books that have less words. There is a book by Jez Alborough called Hug that only has the word hug for most of the book. My son has loved it ever since he was very little (it's a very sweet book) and now it is a book he can read to his baby sister even if it is only because it has one word. You could also try wordless books if she enjoys making up her own stories. Maybe expand into other activities, you could write down stories she makes up and she could add pictures (or even copy the stories down onto another piece of paper since she seems to enjoy copying words already). One of my son's favorite games has been to write out strings of random letters and asking me to read them, and I try sounding out all the letters and it makes him laugh. Once he wrote "fox" by chance and he was so excited about that one that he has remembered how to spell that word ever since. Think of other reading related activities that she is capable of doing right now.

I hope that is helpful!
Annie

--- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
>
> My almost 5 year old has told me that she wants to know how to read. She writes the alphabet of her own volition and numbers up to 20 or so. No one ever taught her these things. Occasionally, she asks me how to spell words because she's writing a note. On her own, she has written out words she sees often like "open" and "love".
>
> I suggested we read "Hop on Pop" for bedtime or another book that has shorter words and she was so excited. But, when she started to try reading it that night, she got flustered and frustrated to the point that she stopped our reading time altogether. She yelled with her hands over her face, "I'll never learn to read!"
>
> The next night, I asked her if she'd prefer that I not read at all when she is trying to read. That seemed to be what she was looking for. She has perfectionistic tendencies and I think she was embarrassed by my correcting her as she was reading.
>
> My question is, what should I be doing, if anything, to help her learn to read? Our home has relatively recently loosened up total TV/media restriction. I am recording shows she likes and finding new ones that focus on spelling and reading and phonics (Super-Why, Word World, DVDs for old Electric Company, etc.). I've started to follow the words on the page with my finger (which I never did before).
>
> Any suggestions would be appreciated.
>
> A side note -- she wrote out her numbers up to 15-20 twice recently in perfect mirror-image form. Not sure if that might indicate dyslexia, but thought it worth mentioning.
>
> I'm not in any hurry for her to read, but want to honor that she's expressed her desire to know how and want to know how to facilitate without being schoolish.
>
> Ceci
>
> Sent from my iDon'tAlwaysHaveItOnPhone
>

Sylvia Woodman

We play with Bananagram tiles to make words and then sub in and out letters
to make other words. When we are in the diner they have place mats with ads
for local businesses and we try to read the small words and the words within
larger words. The kids also like to type on the computer and have me try to
sound out the long strings of letters that they type. My dd7 can write in
any direction (mirror, backwards, sideways) She used to do it all the time
with letters. Now mostly she writes left to right. She is now writing
numbers and mostly writes them in mirror image. I expect as she gets more
experience with numbers she will write them left to right also.

The waiting for "it" to happen -- whatever it is is always hard. I used to
think my kids would be in diapers forever but one day it happened. I am
assuming the same is true with reading.

Someone else on this list mentioned recently in a similar situation it might
be good to notice all the advantages of not yet being a reader -- the
ability to see things and not be distracted by all the words that surround
us (sort of like the beauty of the forrest obscured by all those damn
trees).

Sylvia

On Thu, Jun 16, 2011 at 12:41 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

>
>
>
> We played a game with sticky notes, putting names of pieces of furniture
> (chair, couch, table) and wall, lamp, book, TV, and then we would put them
> on the other things (mix them up) and let the budding reader rearrange them
> (maybe with the help of an older sibling).
>
> I would make a list of something--like all the dogs they knew, or their
> friends' names, or of TV shows or something, and they would figure out if
> they could tell which were which. Process of elimination.
>
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=Since she is already copying and writing out words, I would maybe point that out to her and tell her that what she is doing is a part of reading. Does she write her name? Or maybe another word she writes frequently? If she can recognize her name, or another word, when it is written on the paper that might give her more confidence even if she can't sit down and read through a book on her own. My son gets really excited to "read" the mail labels because he can recognize his name on a package. Maybe your daughter would be excited about that too? Ask friends and family to send her cards/letter and she can sort through the mail to find her own name. -=-

We played a game with sticky notes, putting names of pieces of furniture (chair, couch, table) and wall, lamp, book, TV, and then we would put them on the other things (mix them up) and let the budding reader rearrange them (maybe with the help of an older sibling).

I would make a list of something--like all the dogs they knew, or their friends' names, or of TV shows or something, and they would figure out if they could tell which were which. Process of elimination.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pam Sorooshian

On 6/16/2011 12:59 AM, catfish_friend wrote:
> My question is, what should I be doing, if anything, to help her learn
> to read? Our home has relatively recently loosened up total TV/media
> restriction. I am recording shows she likes and finding new ones that
> focus on spelling and reading and phonics (Super-Why, Word World, DVDs
> for old Electric Company, etc.). I've started to follow the words on
> the page with my finger (which I never did before).

I think you are inadvertently pressuring her. You're doing a lot. You
are suggesting "learning to read books" - which is what Hop on Pop
clearly is. You are recording spelling, reading, phonics shows. You're
following words on page with your finger. And you're correcting her when
she does try to read.

That's a LOT. And she's not reacted well and has made it very clear it
isn't what she needs right now. I think you should completely back off
of ALL the above things. Try to NOT find "reading" books or shows - try
to find more that do not require reading. Do not correct her at ALL
unless she actually asks. Stop running your finger under words when you
read to her. You can create "reading disabilities" due to anxiety and
frustration.

If SHE asks to learn to read - you might ask her "What word do you want
to learn first?" Write the word on an index card and hand it to her.
That's it. Don't talk about it and don't tell her what to do with it. If
she asks for more words, again ask her what word she wants to learn and
write it on a card and hand it to her. Do this calmly and simply and
without discussion.

If she expresses frustration, reassure her that she will learn when her
brain is ready, that it is still growing. And tell her that kids learn
to read at all different ages and there is no hurry. Get her audiobooks
to listen to, so that she doesn't have to rely only on you reading to
her because she might now feel that your reading aloud times have become
unsuccessful reading lessons, and you can say that lots of grown-ups
read by listening to books, too, instead of reading them with their eyes.

IF she likes to have her words on cards, you can expand that to a game
by writing action words on cards and holding them up for her to
recognize and do the action. For example, write, "JUMP," "SIT," and
"HOP" on cards. Mix them up and hold up one. If she doesn't get it right
away - you do it Be funny. She'll probably figure out the first letter
sound and respond just to that. That's fine (be sure to use three words
that start with different letters). IF she likes this game, add more
actions -- "DANCE," "RUN," "FALL." Again, use words that all start with
different first letters. Your focus is NOT on challenging her, but on
making it fun for her. If it isn't fun, just let the idea go.

We also did Sandra's idea of post-it notes on things and mixing them up
and the kids laughing when they'd discover the lamp labeled as the
refrigerator, etc. The kids did this themselves when they were reading
already a bit. My mom kept a little drawer full of post-it notes of all
kinds - cute ones. The kids would always go into grandma's post-it notes
and pretend write her notes and stick them in very unexpected places (in
the freezer, in her medicine cabinet, on the front of the tv, in her
dresser drawer, back of the toilet, etc. Slowly, over months and years,
the notes would go from pretend writing to pretend writing with the
child's actual name, to pretend writing with, "I LOVE YOU" and "FROM" on
it, to real writing with lots of misspellings and weirdly shaped
letters, to finally normal writing.

Some kids learn to read BY learning to write, by the way. So if your
daughter is writing letters, then go with that --- support THAT since
that's what shes actually doing. Maybe get her a really pretty box (they
sell gorgeous boxes of all sizes at Michael's - even boxes that look
like books) and collect some cool paper and colored pencils, pens,
markers, but also stickers and stamps and other things that are easier
than writing. Stamps that say little things are great - "I Love You" and
"You're the Greatest" kind of support kids in writing notes to family
members. I had a stamp that said, "From" and my kids would write notes
because they wanted to stamp, "FROM....." (fill in their own name).
There was a while that my kids were writing so many notes that we made
little mailboxes for each family member so they kids could deliver and
pick up their mail.

I just remembered something that was super cute at the time -- Roya is 6
years older than Rosie and Roxana is 3 years older. Plus Roxana learned
to read and write very young and Rosie didn't learn until she was 8. So
there were a lot of years when Roya and Roxana could read and write well
and Rosie wasn't doing either yet, at all. When Rosie would write her
"mail" and deliver it to her sisters' mailboxes, they would get it and
run to her and say, "Rosie - read it to me!!" (It was nonsense writing
in between stamps.) Rosie would pretend to read it to them. And when she
got a note from them, she'd run excitedly to them to ask them to read it
to her. Clearly the idea of written notes taking the place of speaking
directly was entirely lost on all of them - they were just having fun
playing mail delivery. Sometimes I remember they wanted to write
complete addresses on the front of the envelope.

I've seen it that when kids have access to lots of stickers and stamps,
they sometimes like to write stories about them. We used to put one
sticker at the top of a page and then the child would tell a story about
it and I'd write it down on the page. We'd collect those and make a
sticker-story book. For example, there might be a sticker of a chicken.
That would go at the top and then the kid would start with, "Once there
was a chicken. Its name was Henry." And so on. I'd write that under the
sticker. Some of the stories were just about that much - two lines. Some
went on and on.

Again - don't do ANYTHING that isn't being done because it is fun. But
if a child has an urge to write, then offering fun things to do that
involve writing is what unschooling is - supporting a child's interest.

There are some great books - old, but still around, called "Games for
Reading," "Games for Learning," "Games for Math," and "Games for
Writing." All by Peggy Kaye.

I feel like I need to warn you again, though, consider these as GAMES -
not as lessons - and offer them the same way you'd offer to play Go Fish
or Checkers.

Also - watch your child and support more of what the child is ACTUALLY
pursuing - expand on it and enrich it. One thing will lead to another -
let one thing lead to another naturally, don't try to push it.

One more thing - if and when a child starts playing around with the
sounds of words (not in writing, in sound), then that's a good time to
play word games and rhyming games. If you introduce word games and
rhyming games when a child isn't interested, they'll just be
frustrating. Not good. But if they are interested, a good starting game
is "My name is Jane and my husband's name is Jack. We live in Japan and
we sell Jugs." But you start from the letter "A" and take turns, each
person does the next letter of the alphabet. The simplest rhyming game
is to just start off with a word and take turns trying to find a word
that rhymes with it. Make it really simple - "CAT," "SAT," "BAT," "FAT,"
etc. You don't keep score on these games - you just go until someone
can't think of one, then other people help them, then when nobody can
think of one, you start a new round.

Mostly we played these kinds of games in the car or while waiting (in
lines or in places like hospital waiting rooms, for example <g>). My
kids are 26, 23, and 20 and we still play them (slightly more
complicated ones) in the car on road trips. And my husband recently went
on a work trip with a bunch of co-workers in a couple of 13-person vans.
He got all the people in his van playing word games. On the way back,
everybody wanted to be in his van because they'd had so much fun (an 8
hour drive).

-pam

Sandra Dodd

-=-That's a LOT. And she's not reacted well and has made it very clear it
isn't what she needs right now. I think you should completely back off
of ALL the above things. Try to NOT find "reading" books or shows - try
to find more that do not require reading. Do not correct her at ALL
unless she actually asks. Stop running your finger under words when you
read to her. You can create "reading disabilities" due to anxiety and
frustration.-=-

I agree. Pam's right.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Someone else on this list mentioned recently in a similar situation it might
be good to notice all the advantages of not yet being a reader -- the
ability to see things and not be distracted by all the words that surround
us (sort of like the beauty of the forrest obscured by all those damn
trees).-=-


We found unexpected advantages with Holly's later reading and I wrote about that here:

http://sandradodd.com/r/hollydodd

Had all my kids read "early," I wouldn't know as much as I know now about natural learning.

Sandra





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Jenny Cyphers

***My question is, what should I be doing, if anything, to help her learn to
read?***

Find interesting books and read to her. The first book I read to Chamille,
other than picture books, was Charlotte's Web. There are a lot of wonderful
short stories like that, short chapters, good story lines, and pictures.
Chamille wanted to be able to read at 5, but she didn't pick up her own book
until she was 11. Chamille experienced frustration and pressure form neighbor
kids, but book for book she's acquired more than all of them combined, so was
able to jump into the games they all played adding elements from stories. Even
though she felt that frustration, she was able to seamlessly play fantasy games
with intricate plots.

By the time she was 11, she'd had so many books read to her, listened to so many
books on tape and cd, that she knew how words flowed together, she knew what
words sounded like and what they meant. We read books that movies were made
into and compared. We did that enough times that she started doing it on her
own. Her first critical comparison was of the movie and book Carrie. Her
analysis blew me away.

Knowing how to read is only a part of the equation. The other part is what is
being read. We filled Chamille's life with stories and imaginative worlds
through books and movies. Another part is doing things you love. The primary
thing that helped Chamille read was an online RPG that required a fair amount of
reading. We played with her as much as we could and when she played solo, she
figured out how to communicate with other players with reading and writing via
chat.

My younger daughter wasn't as interested in being read to, still isn't. She
liked, and still does, particular picture books, I Spy books, puzzle books,
mysteries, Where's Waldo?, and books that have lift the flap and other tactile
things. She's 9, and is reading fluently. Over the last couple of years, we've
played a LOT of Nancy Drew pc games. They have a story line, puzzles, and
reading, not so different from the books she's liked over the years. She plays
DS games as well.

Both of my girls explored what they liked and learned to read as a side effect
of being around words. Happily do things together that you guys love. Play
games, watch movies, read stories, and play.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny Cyphers

***We play with Bananagram tiles to make words and then sub in and out letters
to make other words.***

There are so many games and things that people can play with that have words and
letters. We have a lot of fridge magnets that people write things with all the
time. We also have a huge chalkboard in our kitchen that people use to draw and
write on.

When I realized that my oldest was a word collector, meaning she didn't
understand phonics but would discover a word and remember it, I put little
sticky name tags on lots of common household items.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jun 16, 2011, at 12:33 PM, Sylvia Woodman wrote:

> Someone else on this list mentioned recently in a similar situation
> it might
> be good to notice all the advantages of not yet being a reader

The Stroop test is fun.

http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/words.html

She should be able to do it better than you :-). There's an
interactive one there that tells you how much time you took to respond
with the color name.

There was a cool interactive station several years ago at a da Vinci
exhibit where you had to write your name backwards like da Vinci did.
Adults struggled. Kathryn could do it with ease. :-)

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Bentley

>
> The Stroop test is fun.
>
> http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/words.html
>
My husband does this with his coaching clients. Our science center in
Vancouver also did the test for fun in one of their presentations.

But the first thing I thought when I saw what the test was called (I
didn't remember or didn't know) "There's a test with Dutch pancake
syrup?"

The stroop I know is a treacle syrup one of our favorite restaurants
in Vancouver serves with their pannekoek!

Robin B.

Sarah

> Someone else on this list mentioned recently in a similar situation it might
> be good to notice all the advantages of not yet being a reader -- the
> ability to see things and not be distracted by all the words that surround
> us (sort of like the beauty of the forrest obscured by all those damn
> trees).
>

I notice this with my 6year old don. He plays quite complicated video games without reading- he just works it out logically. So if he was reading then he'd be using that rather than developing his logical faculties. It gets highlighted when he selects Dutch as the language rather than English- I'm completely at sea without the text but he's still fine.

Sarah

lamortimer

I've used letter tiles to make "signs" that my kids (and sometimes husband) then rearrange and make a new sign out of.

For example, I once wrote:
Dinner tonight will be formal. Please dress accordingly.

And the response I saw the next day was:
Dinner may contain blood.

:-)

For my son, I usually make sure to have at least two p's and two o's in my sign, because without fail, he will make the word 'poop.'

If you were wondering, yes, I totally stole the idea from Captain Underpants.

Cheers,

Lori

--- In [email protected], Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
>
> ***We play with Bananagram tiles to make words and then sub in and out letters
> to make other words.***
>
> There are so many games and things that people can play with that have words and
> letters.

catfish_friend

On Jun 16, 2011, at 3:35 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> It might be best to tell her it will come gradually, just as she learned to walk and talk. Tell her you didn't teach her to talk, but she learned, and that reading is like that, too.
>
> Be sweet about it all and calm.
-------------

Right after doing this, DD1 (Carolina) went into the other room, picked up her current favorite book, "A Sick Day for Amos McGee" and was reading it aloud to herself, reciting partially from memory and filling in the rest. When she had finished, she came into the room I was in and triumphantly said, "I read my first book, mama! It was a LOT of work!". She sounded joyful and truly proud of herself.

And as Pam suggested, I TOTALLY backed off. I stopped following the text with my finger myself because I felt that was contrived considering I had never done that before while reading to my DDs.

It is helpful to be led towards fun and games rather than away from being teacher-y or even from being focused on learning.

Helpful, too, is to be reminded to really WATCH DD and see what her interest is in specifically. Right now, she LOVES writing and typing the alphabet and numbers. She also LOVES writing her own notes or playing restaurant where she's the waitress and she takes down my food order. I will absolutely explore and play these things with her more, see what else it might be connected to!

She's GLUED to the TV/DVD player right now, but also to me reading to her. She seems to be very absorbed and interested in stories right now.

Thanks for all the input and also the links -- I had read virtually all of them from the other thread related to reading before I had posted originally. It really helped me understand and accept the value of learning to read naturally, how it can aid development of comprehension and that 8 or 9 may be a more developmentally appropriate age to learn to read as opposed to 5 or 6 as is expected in traditional schooling.

Always so incredibly grateful and happy to be always learning!

Ceci