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-----Original Message-----
>From: k <katherand@...>

>By focusing on how you want to be and what you want to do when
>interacting with your child, and not seeing others as central in that

I've definitely had a moment or two (or three or four) of trying to control my parents' relationship with my kids. And I've finally decided, barring anything egregious, that I'd back off. Their relationship is *theirs* and they can navigate it. I think the bond they have with their grandparents, who love them so much, far outweighs any difference we may have in our approach.

My kids at this point know that Grampa gets very testy when they don't do as they're asked or make a mess in his car. They make the choice to do as he asks and not make a mess in his car. Done! It's not life altering at all. They know Grampa is a different person from Dad, from Mom, from Gramma, and they adjust. They get what they want and need from the situation (time with Grampa and the fun they have) and they don't have to feel tension between people they love. : )

If it were me, I'd back off. If your son seems to be enjoying himself with Grampa, then that's his experience. I think adding tension to it would be the harm. And if that changes, and he doesn't seem to want to be with Grampa anymore, you can deal with that then.

All that said, I don't think Grampa not getting him the shovel harmed him. I think he learned that this is what Grampa thinks, he disagreed, and the world didn't end.


Wife to Bob
Momma to George (12), Theo (9), Eli (6), and Oliver (18 mo)

If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable.
-- Carrie Fisher