In between neglect and control
Sandra Dodd
I was asked a question by a new unschooler with another connection to me, and here's my last response:
** There's a group of moms [in that part of the world] who do a kind of splinter sect (as it were... "sect" is a bad word for it...) of unschooling, and they use the terms "consensual" a lot, and "autonomy." I bet their kids are fine, but the terms are problematical for the way I (and many who hang out with me) discuss it. So it's a philosophical difference. If you meet up with that group, please consider looking further afield for other information too, because I think part of what they're doing is defending some of the parenting practices that I have seen cause unschooling to fail in other families.
** Here's a piece of humor for you to consider. As with much humor, it's also dead-on for real.
http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
** One phrase from that page is "Neglect disguised as freedom" and kind of in response to that occasional condition, that group. . .seems (to me, sometimes) to practice "Control disguised as consent."**
For people on this list who are new to those ideas, another link is
http://sandradodd.com/balance
I think finding that balance is probably the hardest thing. It's easy to make an extreme charicature of "being an unschooler" rather than finding a way to live unschooling. Someone recently assured us she was "doing it," but having someone else say "that's it, you're balanced on that bicycle" is worthless if the bicycle falls over. There's doing, and there's being, and there's "it," and the reason this list exists and thrives is that those ideas (doing, being, "it") live in the realm of philosophy, of the examination of ideas, of the weeding out of error and fallacy.
Half of me says "bummer" and half of me says "cool!" and so at the balance point of those two, we continue to discuss unschooling.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
** There's a group of moms [in that part of the world] who do a kind of splinter sect (as it were... "sect" is a bad word for it...) of unschooling, and they use the terms "consensual" a lot, and "autonomy." I bet their kids are fine, but the terms are problematical for the way I (and many who hang out with me) discuss it. So it's a philosophical difference. If you meet up with that group, please consider looking further afield for other information too, because I think part of what they're doing is defending some of the parenting practices that I have seen cause unschooling to fail in other families.
** Here's a piece of humor for you to consider. As with much humor, it's also dead-on for real.
http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
** One phrase from that page is "Neglect disguised as freedom" and kind of in response to that occasional condition, that group. . .seems (to me, sometimes) to practice "Control disguised as consent."**
For people on this list who are new to those ideas, another link is
http://sandradodd.com/balance
I think finding that balance is probably the hardest thing. It's easy to make an extreme charicature of "being an unschooler" rather than finding a way to live unschooling. Someone recently assured us she was "doing it," but having someone else say "that's it, you're balanced on that bicycle" is worthless if the bicycle falls over. There's doing, and there's being, and there's "it," and the reason this list exists and thrives is that those ideas (doing, being, "it") live in the realm of philosophy, of the examination of ideas, of the weeding out of error and fallacy.
Half of me says "bummer" and half of me says "cool!" and so at the balance point of those two, we continue to discuss unschooling.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I think the balance point between neglect and control is the parent(s)
seeing more choice for themselves. And then extending that knowledge and
practice for their children is how to avoid the neglect/control extremes
when unschooling. Stated broadly.
More specifically, looking closely at how choice and decision-making work
can go a long way toward greater and greater clarity. There's always more! I
learn more everyday about that.It is amazing to me the range of choice one
may have and not even realize it!
I would even go so far as to say that for me, the above is central to
getting "it." And from what I've seen, it's central for many others too.
~Katherine
seeing more choice for themselves. And then extending that knowledge and
practice for their children is how to avoid the neglect/control extremes
when unschooling. Stated broadly.
More specifically, looking closely at how choice and decision-making work
can go a long way toward greater and greater clarity. There's always more! I
learn more everyday about that.It is amazing to me the range of choice one
may have and not even realize it!
I would even go so far as to say that for me, the above is central to
getting "it." And from what I've seen, it's central for many others too.
~Katherine
On Fri, Jan 14, 2011 at 10:03 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> I was asked a question by a new unschooler with another connection to me,
> and here's my last response:
>
>
> ** There's a group of moms [in that part of the world] who do a kind of
> splinter sect (as it were... "sect" is a bad word for it...) of unschooling,
> and they use the terms "consensual" a lot, and "autonomy." I bet their kids
> are fine, but the terms are problematical for the way I (and many who hang
> out with me) discuss it. So it's a philosophical difference. If you meet up
> with that group, please consider looking further afield for other
> information too, because I think part of what they're doing is defending
> some of the parenting practices that I have seen cause unschooling to fail
> in other families.
>
> ** Here's a piece of humor for you to consider. As with much humor, it's
> also dead-on for real.
> http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
>
> ** One phrase from that page is "Neglect disguised as freedom" and kind of
> in response to that occasional condition, that group. . .seems (to me,
> sometimes) to practice "Control disguised as consent."**
>
> For people on this list who are new to those ideas, another link is
> http://sandradodd.com/balance
>
> I think finding that balance is probably the hardest thing. It's easy to
> make an extreme charicature of "being an unschooler" rather than finding a
> way to live unschooling. Someone recently assured us she was "doing it,"
> but having someone else say "that's it, you're balanced on that bicycle" is
> worthless if the bicycle falls over. There's doing, and there's being, and
> there's "it," and the reason this list exists and thrives is that those
> ideas (doing, being, "it") live in the realm of philosophy, of the
> examination of ideas, of the weeding out of error and fallacy.
>
> Half of me says "bummer" and half of me says "cool!" and so at the balance
> point of those two, we continue to discuss unschooling.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]