Sandra Dodd

It has to be one or the other, dichotomy or balance.

Nah, that's not even true, either. I was just using it as an example
of extreme thinking, of dividing each thought into two.

I've been criticized about "the happy bubbles of [my] followers."
First, I don't have "followers." I do write, and some people read, so
I suppose I have readers. I am in discussions and sometimes I make a
point someone else likes, but the same person might dislike another
point. I'm not campaigning for votes.

It's not about me. It's about the ideas, and how they can make
lives better. And by "better" I usually mean safer, more peaceful,
calmer, more toward the learning end of life than the suffering end.
More toward the optimistic end than the sky-is-falling, dark, cloudy
side. That's my personal preference, but I don't own the gate of the
key to any of this stuff. I see some people sad because they're sad,
and sometimes I have ideas for ways they could be happier. Sometimes
they want those ideas and sometimes they don't. Still, my own family
is happy.

"I think it is more important to be honest about our feelings than to
create a false happy bubble."

A statement like that lives in the assumption that the opposite of
"honest about our feelings" is "a false happy bubble."

I've been honest about my feelings a lot. And my family is happy.
Not false happy, but real, honest happy.
There are expressions of my feelings I withhold or soften. That's not
dishonesty. That's compassion and tact. But I don't withhold
everything I think, as some people do. I don't mind objecting when
someone is being so negative that it's affecting me or my family, or
my house, or my car. I do defend this list (and am sorry I've had to
defend it so much the past few days, from people who either can't or
won't read and understand the guidelines).

It would be possible for me, or me and a combination of others on this
list to share stories from our families of origin, or from our friends
or other relatives, or from our school days, and if we shared the
worst, and the saddest, and painted them in phrases to milk the
emotions of the readers of the list, and went into details... It
would be possible for us to induce a depressing, suicidal mood in the
group. And many people here would repeat those stories to their
partners, or friends, or children, and so the darkness would spread.
Some people would be angry. Some would be sad. Some would feel
empathy, and guilt for not having had so bad a life. Some would want
to volunteer at rape crisis centers or to adopt children or give all
their money to orphanages. There could be wailing and gnashing of

Let's don't.
I won't tell you the details of my sister being raped at 14, though I
know them. It's bad enough that it's in my head, and much of the
follow-up and fallout. She will be no better off if I put it in
writing and make some of you cry.
Let's don't do any of that.

The people on this list are here to discuss ways to have better lives
with their children. Not false happy bubbles. Not even happy
bubbles. Life. Real-in-the-real-world peaceful lives.

Negativity is poison to unschooling.


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As if happiness is LESS real than unhappiness. I think it's more that
people don't notice the drama in happiness the same way they feel the
drama in unhappiness. Neither is more (or less) real than the other.

Some people don't believe in love either. Doesn't mean it isn't real.
I think it means that many who don't believe in love, haven't
recognized it's quiet presence because perhaps they're looking for
something flashier, so that hatred or indifference seems more common
in their experience. Doesn't mean that is or isn't.

Everyone's life is subjective that way. Feelings do matter and
thoughts influence them directly. So hearing people who say "open your
eyes, look around you" (there's a song that says that from the 70s)
doesn't mean you're hearing bad advice or that there's no such thing
as what they see... love or happiness.

One of my favorites, that I highly recommend, is Chicago's Saturday in
the Park. Give it a listen if you like.