Need help brainstorming solutions: 4 year old and my working at home
Emily S
My daughter is 4.5 and I manage an apartment complex. The office is attached to the living room and separated by a door. When a resident or someone knocks on the door, she often feels like she has to be in the office with me. This used to be ok, when she was younger and her 2 year old sister was a smaller baby who I could hold in my arms. But now, it is really getting too crowded. The office is very small, the kids are getting bigger, they often try to talk over or to whoever comes to the door, and try to run outside.
When my husband is home, he watches them in the house while I work. But when he's not, it is becoming really hard for me to talk to anyone in the office. I either have to deal with them being in the office or leave them in the living room and shut the door. But then my 4 year old will bang loudly on the door, yell and try to barge in.
I have tried talking to her about how this is my work and what that means, and this is what I do instead of going away all day like some mommies have to. I have also starting paying her for "babysitting" her sister for a few minutes while I work, which works sometimes. I try to let her come in the office at times when it is not such a big deal- like when I am just signing for a UPS package or giving a purchase order number to a vendor. As often as I can, I have people call and make appointments, so that I can be sure that dh will be home to watch them. But when it is a resident with a problem or a prospective resident who shows up unexpectedly, I need 3 minutes of peace and quiet.
Any suggestions?
When my husband is home, he watches them in the house while I work. But when he's not, it is becoming really hard for me to talk to anyone in the office. I either have to deal with them being in the office or leave them in the living room and shut the door. But then my 4 year old will bang loudly on the door, yell and try to barge in.
I have tried talking to her about how this is my work and what that means, and this is what I do instead of going away all day like some mommies have to. I have also starting paying her for "babysitting" her sister for a few minutes while I work, which works sometimes. I try to let her come in the office at times when it is not such a big deal- like when I am just signing for a UPS package or giving a purchase order number to a vendor. As often as I can, I have people call and make appointments, so that I can be sure that dh will be home to watch them. But when it is a resident with a problem or a prospective resident who shows up unexpectedly, I need 3 minutes of peace and quiet.
Any suggestions?
wtexans
===The office is attached to the living room and separated by a door. When a resident or someone knocks on the door, she often feels like she has to be in the office with me.===
The closed solid door may scare her. Would it be possible to install a screen door or glass storm-type door in addition to the solid door, so that you could leave the solid door open and she could see you when you are in the office without having to actually be in there with you?
Glenda
The closed solid door may scare her. Would it be possible to install a screen door or glass storm-type door in addition to the solid door, so that you could leave the solid door open and she could see you when you are in the office without having to actually be in there with you?
Glenda
Pam Sorooshian
On 6/3/2010 10:52 PM, wtexans wrote:
door. Maybe most of the time the kids will just keep on doing whatever
they were already doing, if you aren't going away behind a big heavy
closed door.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> The closed solid door may scare her. Would it be possible to install aSeems like a really good idea. Maybe even just a baby gate across the
> screen door or glass storm-type door in addition to the solid door, so
> that you could leave the solid door open and she could see you when
> you are in the office without having to actually be in there with you?
door. Maybe most of the time the kids will just keep on doing whatever
they were already doing, if you aren't going away behind a big heavy
closed door.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Emily S
--- In [email protected], "wtexans" <wtexans@...> wrote:
Emily
>Thank you for the suggestion, but no she isn't scared. We have been here for 2 years, she is very comfortable with the environment. If she is busy playing with her sister or watching tv she doesn't mind me going in the office and closing the door one bit. She knows I will be out in a few minutes. But when she decides she wants me *right then,* a few minutes is too long to wait.
> ===The office is attached to the living room and separated by a door. When a resident or someone knocks on the door, she often feels like she has to be in the office with me.===
>
> The closed solid door may scare her. Would it be possible to install a screen door or glass storm-type door in addition to the solid door, so that you could leave the solid door open and she could see you when you are in the office without having to actually be in there with you?
>
> Glenda
>
Emily
Emily S
--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
She is VERY social and that is a big part of it. When someone comes to the door she is dying to see who it is and talk to them. Sometimes it's more important to her than other times. Sometimes she is too busy playing to care or she is naked in which case it is easier to just remind her she can't come to the door naked. At those times, she doesn't mind the door being closed. But when she decides she wants in, she will pound on the door and scream until I let her in or until I come out.
Emily
>Thank you for that suggestion also, but she would just push it down. Also, I don't really want people seeing into our living room, which tends to be messy. If I thought she was scared, I would definitely be handling this differently, but I know for sure she is not.
> On 6/3/2010 10:52 PM, wtexans wrote:
> > The closed solid door may scare her. Would it be possible to install a
> > screen door or glass storm-type door in addition to the solid door, so
> > that you could leave the solid door open and she could see you when
> > you are in the office without having to actually be in there with you?
>
> Seems like a really good idea. Maybe even just a baby gate across the
> door. Maybe most of the time the kids will just keep on doing whatever
> they were already doing, if you aren't going away behind a big heavy
> closed door.
>
> -pam
She is VERY social and that is a big part of it. When someone comes to the door she is dying to see who it is and talk to them. Sometimes it's more important to her than other times. Sometimes she is too busy playing to care or she is naked in which case it is easier to just remind her she can't come to the door naked. At those times, she doesn't mind the door being closed. But when she decides she wants in, she will pound on the door and scream until I let her in or until I come out.
Emily
Pam Sorooshian
On 6/4/2010 12:05 AM, Emily S wrote:
maybe you can get her to help keep your younger one occupied during
those times. Just be patient and keep trying all kinds of things. For
example, maybe have a box of really special treats in the fridge and
make a game out of it that she should go choose one when you go in the
office. Maybe something very chewy that occupies her for a few minutes.
My sister had a treasure chest in a closet for her grandkids to choose
little things out of - little things like from the 99 cent store - that
would keep them occupied for a few minutes while she was on the phone or
in the bathroom.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> She is VERY social and that is a big part of it. When someone comes toIt won't be long, Emily, before she'll be able to really understand and
> the door she is dying to see who it is and talk to them. Sometimes
> it's more important to her than other times. Sometimes she is too busy
> playing to care or she is naked in which case it is easier to just
> remind her she can't come to the door naked. At those times, she
> doesn't mind the door being closed. But when she decides she wants in,
> she will pound on the door and scream until I let her in or until I
> come out.
maybe you can get her to help keep your younger one occupied during
those times. Just be patient and keep trying all kinds of things. For
example, maybe have a box of really special treats in the fridge and
make a game out of it that she should go choose one when you go in the
office. Maybe something very chewy that occupies her for a few minutes.
My sister had a treasure chest in a closet for her grandkids to choose
little things out of - little things like from the 99 cent store - that
would keep them occupied for a few minutes while she was on the phone or
in the bathroom.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abby987_sask
I worked at home when my daughter was that age, I did transcripts and abstracts for a news clipping service; when it was time to work, we both worked, she had a little cash register and some play money & toy grocery things, a desk, paper & crayons etc so she could pretend she was doing what I was doing. I also would record some of her favourite tv shows, we made her a sort of library of shows she loved so she could watch those while I worked. Or I would have her draw pictures of what she wanted us to do together when I was done working, to give her something to look forward to. I had a whole bag of tricks but this was ten years ago for me, can't remember all of them now!
wtexans
===When someone comes to the door she is dying to see who it is and talk to them.===
Do you let her answer the door and greet folks (with you right there, I mean, not by herself)? She might enjoy that and it'd give her a sense of being a part of what's happening and of helping out.
===But when she decides she wants in, she will pound on the door and scream until I let her in or until I come out.===
Part of it may be that she doesn't like that those people coming to the door are pulling you away from her. I've worked from home since Andrew was quite young and when he was young it really sucked when I'd have to stop our play to answer the phone or do some paperwork that my boss wanted done and sent over right away.
Spend more time with her doing things she wants to do, being sure you're actively engaged with her during those times -- filling up that cup, so to speak -- so that when you are pulled away there will be a better chance that there's enough "mom-n-me time" in that cup to sustain her while you're in the office.
Then, when you're done in the office, be sure to go back to her and re-engage her -- even if she's involved in something, kiss her on the forehead or gently let her know you're there and join in on what she's doing.
Let her know by your actions that when you come back out of that office, she and her sister are your priorities again.
Glenda
Do you let her answer the door and greet folks (with you right there, I mean, not by herself)? She might enjoy that and it'd give her a sense of being a part of what's happening and of helping out.
===But when she decides she wants in, she will pound on the door and scream until I let her in or until I come out.===
Part of it may be that she doesn't like that those people coming to the door are pulling you away from her. I've worked from home since Andrew was quite young and when he was young it really sucked when I'd have to stop our play to answer the phone or do some paperwork that my boss wanted done and sent over right away.
Spend more time with her doing things she wants to do, being sure you're actively engaged with her during those times -- filling up that cup, so to speak -- so that when you are pulled away there will be a better chance that there's enough "mom-n-me time" in that cup to sustain her while you're in the office.
Then, when you're done in the office, be sure to go back to her and re-engage her -- even if she's involved in something, kiss her on the forehead or gently let her know you're there and join in on what she's doing.
Let her know by your actions that when you come back out of that office, she and her sister are your priorities again.
Glenda