9 year olds/kids in transition
Su Penn
Sandra lined to her page on negativity here: http://sandradodd.com/negativity
On that page, Deb Lewis wrote this:
I'm definitely seeing the move away from toys, not completely but certainly some. Yesterday my kids and a family of 7 kids were at the park together, and Eric grouped up with the older kids who stood around talking about stuff for much of the time, whereas Carl grouped up with the group of younger kids who ran around like nuts all afternoon. Other stuff that is going on for him include becoming much more independent, much more helpful around the house (he now offers to bring things in from the car, he took his little sister to the park while I cooked dinner one day, he offers to help Carl and Yehva with things). And he's starting to be interested in The Big Questions: how long do people live, why is he a person and not a dog or a spider, what's it like to be a dog or a spider, what happens when you die, are humans still evolving and how would we know, what is the nature of reality (driving in the car with my partner David one day, Eric asked "What is this?" David asked him what he meant, and Eric gestured out the windows: "This! What it is? It's not a video game, so what is it?"). We got into a conversation about taxation the other day and he was fascinated.
He's also becoming more comfortable being out and about and with other people. It used to be, if we saw friends or were in a group two days a week, that was more than enough for him (and more left him overwrought and needing to recover). Now he is more interested in getting out places, in having friends over, and it doesn't seem to wipe him out like it used to.
Honestly, I feel a little gobsmacked. He's leaving some things behind (again, not completely, but toys are definitely less a part of his day) and familiar things like video games are expanding to fill the time. That's fine with me, except to the extent that I'm concerned that there's more he needs that I'm not making available to him. We're doing a lot of reading aloud, both fiction and non-fiction, I'm trying to bring in movies I think he'll like, the other day we played a tabletop role-playing game we like and he designed the dungeon and ran the game. He likes to bake, so I'm trying to make time to invite him into the kitchen to do that with me.
This is rambly--what am I asking? I guess I'd be interested to hear about life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of childhood to another. I need to be thinking bigger, or maybe I just need to be chilling out. I'd love to hear people's experiences.
Su, mom to Eric, 8; Carl, 6; Yehva, 2.5
tapeflags.blogspot.com
On that page, Deb Lewis wrote this:
> Your son is nine? I think we start comparing our kids to other kids about this age, some before, but really about this age because they seem so big in so many ways. We're saying goodbye to our babies and we're looking for our grown kids and missing this incredible person in between. And it can be, for the child, a difficult time when the most beloved toys and games of childhood are losing their appeal and the very cool stuff of the world of adults still seems too hard and too far away.I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is turning 9 this week, and just in the last couple of months he's gone through an extraordinary transformation. He tends to change in sudden spurts--when he was a baby, we used to joke that his software had been upgraded overnight. And this has been a very fast change.
I'm definitely seeing the move away from toys, not completely but certainly some. Yesterday my kids and a family of 7 kids were at the park together, and Eric grouped up with the older kids who stood around talking about stuff for much of the time, whereas Carl grouped up with the group of younger kids who ran around like nuts all afternoon. Other stuff that is going on for him include becoming much more independent, much more helpful around the house (he now offers to bring things in from the car, he took his little sister to the park while I cooked dinner one day, he offers to help Carl and Yehva with things). And he's starting to be interested in The Big Questions: how long do people live, why is he a person and not a dog or a spider, what's it like to be a dog or a spider, what happens when you die, are humans still evolving and how would we know, what is the nature of reality (driving in the car with my partner David one day, Eric asked "What is this?" David asked him what he meant, and Eric gestured out the windows: "This! What it is? It's not a video game, so what is it?"). We got into a conversation about taxation the other day and he was fascinated.
He's also becoming more comfortable being out and about and with other people. It used to be, if we saw friends or were in a group two days a week, that was more than enough for him (and more left him overwrought and needing to recover). Now he is more interested in getting out places, in having friends over, and it doesn't seem to wipe him out like it used to.
Honestly, I feel a little gobsmacked. He's leaving some things behind (again, not completely, but toys are definitely less a part of his day) and familiar things like video games are expanding to fill the time. That's fine with me, except to the extent that I'm concerned that there's more he needs that I'm not making available to him. We're doing a lot of reading aloud, both fiction and non-fiction, I'm trying to bring in movies I think he'll like, the other day we played a tabletop role-playing game we like and he designed the dungeon and ran the game. He likes to bake, so I'm trying to make time to invite him into the kitchen to do that with me.
This is rambly--what am I asking? I guess I'd be interested to hear about life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of childhood to another. I need to be thinking bigger, or maybe I just need to be chilling out. I'd love to hear people's experiences.
Su, mom to Eric, 8; Carl, 6; Yehva, 2.5
tapeflags.blogspot.com
Su Penn
Sandra said the beginning and end of Deb's quote wasn't clear; I'm not sure why, it's clear in mine even after coming through the list, but e-mail can be like that. But I'll mark it differently and maybe that will help.
On May 22, 2010, at 10:22 PM, Su Penn wrote:
Sandra lined to her page on negativity here: http://sandradodd.com/negativity
On that page, Deb Lewis wrote this:
> Your son is nine? I think we start comparing our kids to other kids about this age, some before, but really about this age because they seem so big in so many ways. We're saying goodbye to our babies and we're looking for our grown kids and missing this incredible person in between. And it can be, for the child, a difficult time when the most beloved toys and games of childhood are losing their appeal and the very cool stuff of the world of adults still seems too hard and too far away.
<<End of quote; the rest is me.>>
I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is turning 9 this week, and just in the last couple of months he's gone through an extraordinary transformation. He tends to change in sudden spurts--when he was a baby, we used to joke that his software had been upgraded overnight. And this has been a very fast change.
I'm definitely seeing the move away from toys, not completely but certainly some. Yesterday my kids and a family of 7 kids were at the park together, and Eric grouped up with the older kids who stood around talking about stuff for much of the time, whereas Carl grouped up with the group of younger kids who ran around like nuts all afternoon. Other stuff that is going on for him include becoming much more independent, much more helpful around the house (he now offers to bring things in from the car, he took his little sister to the park while I cooked dinner one day, he offers to help Carl and Yehva with things). And he's starting to be interested in The Big Questions: how long do people live, why is he a person and not a dog or a spider, what's it like to be a dog or a spider, what happens when you die, are humans still evolving and how would we know, what is the nature of reality (driving in the car with my partner David one day, Eric asked "What is this?" David asked him what he meant, and Eric gestured out the windows: "This! What it is? It's not a video game, so what is it?"). We got into a conversation about taxation the other day and he was fascinated.
He's also becoming more comfortable being out and about and with other people. It used to be, if we saw friends or were in a group two days a week, that was more than enough for him (and more left him overwrought and needing to recover). Now he is more interested in getting out places, in having friends over, and it doesn't seem to wipe him out like it used to.
Honestly, I feel a little gobsmacked. He's leaving some things behind (again, not completely, but toys are definitely less a part of his day) and familiar things like video games are expanding to fill the time. That's fine with me, except to the extent that I'm concerned that there's more he needs that I'm not making available to him. We're doing a lot of reading aloud, both fiction and non-fiction, I'm trying to bring in movies I think he'll like, the other day we played a tabletop role-playing game we like and he designed the dungeon and ran the game. He likes to bake, so I'm trying to make time to invite him into the kitchen to do that with me.
This is rambly--what am I asking? I guess I'd be interested to hear about life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of childhood to another. I need to be thinking bigger, or maybe I just need to be chilling out. I'd love to hear people's experiences.
Su, mom to Eric, 8; Carl, 6; Yehva, 2.5
tapeflags.blogspot.com
Melissa Dietrick
hi su--
<<<I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is
everyone found the age of 9 to be a time of missing the baby and discomfort
in the child...I know that for me I was reluctant to answer because that was
not my experience so far with this age. I really enjoy this particular age.
I have had 5 nine year olds so far plus I remember very clearly being one
:o)...and to me it seems that children that are parenting in a respectful
loving and supportive atmosphere (irregardless of unschooling--I wasnt
unschooled nor were, my first 4) around 9 or 10 years old are entering a
time of "being in their own:" there seems to be a great confidence in their
abilities to find out more, as well as a surety in what they already have
learned.
I agree that they seem at times to change overnight--I have noticed with my
children that it is around 9yrs that they finally start taking a
spontaneous, independent interest in helping out in keep the house clean, or
preparing meals or snacks or something for everyone to drink (spontaneous in
the sense that it is not connected to any request I made for help ,
independent in the sense that I may not even be cleaning or cooking and the
child will come upon the idea on her own).
I agree, they also start asking the "big questions" alot. And alot of the
time I need help to answer them. Now that we're unschooling, I am keeping a
question pad--because so many questions come up when we are too far away
from a resource for answers (walks in nature). with my now 9 year old (she
will be turning 10 in a week) I can really relate to your feeling a need to
"strew" in different ways, I too need to think more about what might
interest her, and find myself wanting to get her out more into the wide
world--and she is asking to go places much more than she used to. With my
schooled children this was not so noticeable because they already had to be
out of the house every day so staying home was a luxury.
so yes, I find myself really wanting to explore the world more, so it is
also a time for me to shift gears and deepen our relationship in a more
physical Go out there and Explore way as well as a more intellectual,
philosophical and scientific (physics fascinates her) way.
I find this age exciting, stimulating and really extremely gratifying as
they are still my "little child" but also are moving to become my
side-by-side friend to talk with and explore the world.
hope that meets your need for shared realities :o)
xxxmelissa
in italy
mamma di 7
--
lucia almost 23yr, lidia 19.5yr, matteo 15.25yr, raffaele 12.5yr,
elena shanti 9.75yr, giacomo leo 6.75yr and gioele 4.5y
"There is a Place beyond Rightness and Wrongness -- let us meet There."
§Rumi
www.nontogliermiilsorriso.org
http://it.groups.yahoo.com/group/apprendimentonaturale/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<<I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is
> turning 9 this week, and just in the last couple of months he's gone throughI notice that no one had answered...and I was thinking that maybe not
> an extraordinary transformation.
>
> Honestly, I feel a little gobsmacked. He's leaving some things behind
> (again, not completely, but toys are definitely less a part of his day) and
> familiar things like video games are expanding to fill the time. That's fine
> with me, except to the extent that I'm concerned that there's more he needs
> that I'm not making available to him. We're doing a lot of reading aloud,
> both fiction and non-fiction, I'm trying to bring in movies I think he'll
> like, the other day we played a tabletop role-playing game we like and he
> designed the dungeon and ran the game. He likes to bake, so I'm trying to
> make time to invite him into the kitchen to do that with me.
>
> This is rambly--what am I asking? I guess I'd be interested to hear about
> life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who
> were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of
> childhood to another. I need to be thinking bigger, or maybe I just need to
> be chilling out. I'd love to hear people's experiences.<<<
>
>
>
everyone found the age of 9 to be a time of missing the baby and discomfort
in the child...I know that for me I was reluctant to answer because that was
not my experience so far with this age. I really enjoy this particular age.
I have had 5 nine year olds so far plus I remember very clearly being one
:o)...and to me it seems that children that are parenting in a respectful
loving and supportive atmosphere (irregardless of unschooling--I wasnt
unschooled nor were, my first 4) around 9 or 10 years old are entering a
time of "being in their own:" there seems to be a great confidence in their
abilities to find out more, as well as a surety in what they already have
learned.
I agree that they seem at times to change overnight--I have noticed with my
children that it is around 9yrs that they finally start taking a
spontaneous, independent interest in helping out in keep the house clean, or
preparing meals or snacks or something for everyone to drink (spontaneous in
the sense that it is not connected to any request I made for help ,
independent in the sense that I may not even be cleaning or cooking and the
child will come upon the idea on her own).
I agree, they also start asking the "big questions" alot. And alot of the
time I need help to answer them. Now that we're unschooling, I am keeping a
question pad--because so many questions come up when we are too far away
from a resource for answers (walks in nature). with my now 9 year old (she
will be turning 10 in a week) I can really relate to your feeling a need to
"strew" in different ways, I too need to think more about what might
interest her, and find myself wanting to get her out more into the wide
world--and she is asking to go places much more than she used to. With my
schooled children this was not so noticeable because they already had to be
out of the house every day so staying home was a luxury.
so yes, I find myself really wanting to explore the world more, so it is
also a time for me to shift gears and deepen our relationship in a more
physical Go out there and Explore way as well as a more intellectual,
philosophical and scientific (physics fascinates her) way.
I find this age exciting, stimulating and really extremely gratifying as
they are still my "little child" but also are moving to become my
side-by-side friend to talk with and explore the world.
hope that meets your need for shared realities :o)
xxxmelissa
in italy
mamma di 7
--
lucia almost 23yr, lidia 19.5yr, matteo 15.25yr, raffaele 12.5yr,
elena shanti 9.75yr, giacomo leo 6.75yr and gioele 4.5y
"There is a Place beyond Rightness and Wrongness -- let us meet There."
§Rumi
www.nontogliermiilsorriso.org
http://it.groups.yahoo.com/group/apprendimentonaturale/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
AllisonR
I, too, have a just turned 10-year-old boy and three much littler ones...so the difference is quite marked.
he himself is getting frustrated that the toys and games he ADORED for HOURS on end just four months ago are not doing it for him anymore... we even tried providing more Bionical pieces and more I Spy video games, but nothin' doing...he is growing out of stuff and even HE doesn't quite know what to make of it.
I can sense his confusion and self awareness that he is moving to a new place, a more mature place...one that he is not sure of, doesn't have the map...and that has always made this particular child nervous...he likes the lay of the land, the familiar, the KNOWN...anyhoo, He is changing in all sorts of ways and the whole family is along for the ride... a sometimes a bumpy one, with random crying and fits and starts...but lots of love.
My guy is actually cocooning a bit and reconnecting with mom. I see this as a last big hug before he is comfortable to venture out. He is interested in fewer, but more specific activities... parkdays, tours of local businesses etc not so much, but Medieval Martial Arts? Sure!
But to answer your question, YES! This age has the distinct flavor of transition... a little of this, a little of that... a 9-yrs-old one day, 3 the next with a dash of the lovely young man he is becoming even the testy old fart, at times.
Advice? Dare I? Follow his lead as much as you can. Observe him as it sounds like you are doing and he will TELL you what he needs - and it changes fast. And goes backwards, as I am sure you know as your head swivels around just to try and keep track!! He is likely feeling a bit "gobsmacked" himeslf!!
He will tell you in his own way that seems to be the part of this transition I like the most a greater self-awareness. I am working hard on my listening and observing skills more than I ever have before.
Peace, Allison
he himself is getting frustrated that the toys and games he ADORED for HOURS on end just four months ago are not doing it for him anymore... we even tried providing more Bionical pieces and more I Spy video games, but nothin' doing...he is growing out of stuff and even HE doesn't quite know what to make of it.
I can sense his confusion and self awareness that he is moving to a new place, a more mature place...one that he is not sure of, doesn't have the map...and that has always made this particular child nervous...he likes the lay of the land, the familiar, the KNOWN...anyhoo, He is changing in all sorts of ways and the whole family is along for the ride... a sometimes a bumpy one, with random crying and fits and starts...but lots of love.
My guy is actually cocooning a bit and reconnecting with mom. I see this as a last big hug before he is comfortable to venture out. He is interested in fewer, but more specific activities... parkdays, tours of local businesses etc not so much, but Medieval Martial Arts? Sure!
But to answer your question, YES! This age has the distinct flavor of transition... a little of this, a little of that... a 9-yrs-old one day, 3 the next with a dash of the lovely young man he is becoming even the testy old fart, at times.
Advice? Dare I? Follow his lead as much as you can. Observe him as it sounds like you are doing and he will TELL you what he needs - and it changes fast. And goes backwards, as I am sure you know as your head swivels around just to try and keep track!! He is likely feeling a bit "gobsmacked" himeslf!!
He will tell you in his own way that seems to be the part of this transition I like the most a greater self-awareness. I am working hard on my listening and observing skills more than I ever have before.
Peace, Allison
Sandra Dodd
-=-I notice that no one had answered...and I was thinking that maybe not
everyone found the age of 9 to be a time of missing the baby and
discomfort
in the child...I know that for me I was reluctant to answer because
that was
not my experience so far with this age. I really enjoy this particular
age.-=-
I don't think talking about particular ages is a good use of the list,
as part of the substance of unschooling is accepting that each child's
trajectory/curve will be individual. Rather than seeing one nine-year-
old as "mature" or "immature" or "ahead" or "behind" or "typical," I
think it's better to apply the same principles of acceptance and
encouragement and facilitation of learning to children of any ages.
I have fond and clear memories of the changes in me when I was nine,
and thirteen, but that doesn't mean my own children would also have a
jump in analytical thinking at those same age, or that being eight,
ten, twelve or fourteen should be discounted.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
everyone found the age of 9 to be a time of missing the baby and
discomfort
in the child...I know that for me I was reluctant to answer because
that was
not my experience so far with this age. I really enjoy this particular
age.-=-
I don't think talking about particular ages is a good use of the list,
as part of the substance of unschooling is accepting that each child's
trajectory/curve will be individual. Rather than seeing one nine-year-
old as "mature" or "immature" or "ahead" or "behind" or "typical," I
think it's better to apply the same principles of acceptance and
encouragement and facilitation of learning to children of any ages.
I have fond and clear memories of the changes in me when I was nine,
and thirteen, but that doesn't mean my own children would also have a
jump in analytical thinking at those same age, or that being eight,
ten, twelve or fourteen should be discounted.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Su Penn
On May 24, 2010, at 10:24 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
Su
> \I don't think talking about particular ages is a good use of the list,Yes, that's why I used the subject heading I did, and included this in my question: I guess I'd be interested to hear about life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of childhood to another.
> as part of the substance of unschooling is accepting that each child's
> trajectory/curve will be individual.
Su
k
>>>I don't think talking about particular ages is a good use of the list<<<I agree. Like you say, it invites comparisons and hurt feelings can
get into the mix from there.
Some of the things in the OP post are true of my six year old, and
some aren't. Some of those same things didn't happen for me until well
after 9, and some aren't things I ever related to in childhood (video
games, for one).
I think it's worth noting that just because we think we know our
children that doesn't mean we do or that children won't change a great
deal now or later. And surprise us. That's happened with Karl a lot
too. He has surprised me on so many occasions. I truly had no idea
what he was thinking.
It just confirms to me that learning itself is an organic unseen
internal process which people on the outside may or may not see
evidence for while it's happening.
~Katherine
On 5/24/10, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> -=-I notice that no one had answered...and I was thinking that maybe not
> everyone found the age of 9 to be a time of missing the baby and
> discomfort
> in the child...I know that for me I was reluctant to answer because
> that was
> not my experience so far with this age. I really enjoy this particular
> age.-=-
>
> I don't think talking about particular ages is a good use of the list,
> as part of the substance of unschooling is accepting that each child's
> trajectory/curve will be individual. Rather than seeing one nine-year-
> old as "mature" or "immature" or "ahead" or "behind" or "typical," I
> think it's better to apply the same principles of acceptance and
> encouragement and facilitation of learning to children of any ages.
>
> I have fond and clear memories of the changes in me when I was nine,
> and thirteen, but that doesn't mean my own children would also have a
> jump in analytical thinking at those same age, or that being eight,
> ten, twelve or fourteen should be discounted.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Joanna
--- In [email protected], Su Penn <su@...> wrote:
I remember "the moment" when something very different happened, and it was beautiful. He'd recently turned 9 and we had our playgroup down to the river that ran through the bottom of our property. We rarely went there because it was across the road and far from our house. Everyone was ready to leave, but he perched himself on a rock and just gazed across the water. It was very poignant and obvious to all that he was not looking at the river, or even the bank on the other side. We all quietly left, knowing that he wanted that time to himself. His dad went down to be with him, and just sat down close by and waited. I'd say he was there for almost an hour before they wordlessly walked up. In fact, the whole thing was wordless. It was an internal/external rite of passage that was marked by all, but spoken of by none.
I've heard this time talked about as a time when the past (childhood) is meeting the future, with glimpses into what will be. That's pretty esoteric and touchy feely (lol), but it resonated as true and fittingly profound for what he experienced and we witnessed.
Joanna
> -=-I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is turning 9 this week, and just in the last couple of months he's gone through an extraordinary transformation.-=-When Joshua turned 9, I was kind of prepared because in the Waldorf system, much is made of the 9 year change. I have found that bit to be very useful with both kids, as they expressed it differently but both distinctly.
I remember "the moment" when something very different happened, and it was beautiful. He'd recently turned 9 and we had our playgroup down to the river that ran through the bottom of our property. We rarely went there because it was across the road and far from our house. Everyone was ready to leave, but he perched himself on a rock and just gazed across the water. It was very poignant and obvious to all that he was not looking at the river, or even the bank on the other side. We all quietly left, knowing that he wanted that time to himself. His dad went down to be with him, and just sat down close by and waited. I'd say he was there for almost an hour before they wordlessly walked up. In fact, the whole thing was wordless. It was an internal/external rite of passage that was marked by all, but spoken of by none.
I've heard this time talked about as a time when the past (childhood) is meeting the future, with glimpses into what will be. That's pretty esoteric and touchy feely (lol), but it resonated as true and fittingly profound for what he experienced and we witnessed.
Joanna
lalow66
"
my oldest son will be 9 in the fall and I am seeing some things with him. he is sleeping a little more, playing less with toys, more irritable with younger siblings, more in need for active large motor activities. He is more sensitive with his Dad too. Things that my husband used to be able to tease him out of now upset him. Not sure what is going on but it seems he is going through some stage of life kind of change.
> Yes, that's why I used the subject heading I did, and included this in my question: I guess I'd be interested to hear about life with _your_ nine-year-olds, past or present, or kids of other ages who were going through what seemed to be a major transition from one stage of childhood to another."
my oldest son will be 9 in the fall and I am seeing some things with him. he is sleeping a little more, playing less with toys, more irritable with younger siblings, more in need for active large motor activities. He is more sensitive with his Dad too. Things that my husband used to be able to tease him out of now upset him. Not sure what is going on but it seems he is going through some stage of life kind of change.
renee_cabatic
Xander and XuMei turned 9 on March 16 of this year. I was going to post about how amazing they are and how in love with them I am but then I realized I could have said the same things about them when they were 8, 7, 6, ...and on down through the years. Wherever they are I am with them.
XuMei has really started to find her own music. Finding songs she likes and playing them until she learns to sing them. She and I attempted to learn the Thrill the World dance choreography together. http://www.thrilltheworld.com/learn
She knows it now--I am still "attempting"!
Her passion for horses is blossoming into connection and understanding. She is helping with the training a young pony!
Xander is playing Dungeons and Dragons and watching Legend of the Seeker. He's also playing Borderlands. All of these things seemed too scary to him just a year ago but now he is asking, "Why do people like scary things?" And he is fascinated by Egyptian history and WWII. He recently told me his favorite thing to do is think.
I am enjoying their company so much that I feel a bit sad/dissappointed when they choose to play at a friends house or spend the night away.
I could go on and on but I am not sure this is helping anyone "get" unschooling better. :-)
Renee
XuMei has really started to find her own music. Finding songs she likes and playing them until she learns to sing them. She and I attempted to learn the Thrill the World dance choreography together. http://www.thrilltheworld.com/learn
She knows it now--I am still "attempting"!
Her passion for horses is blossoming into connection and understanding. She is helping with the training a young pony!
Xander is playing Dungeons and Dragons and watching Legend of the Seeker. He's also playing Borderlands. All of these things seemed too scary to him just a year ago but now he is asking, "Why do people like scary things?" And he is fascinated by Egyptian history and WWII. He recently told me his favorite thing to do is think.
I am enjoying their company so much that I feel a bit sad/dissappointed when they choose to play at a friends house or spend the night away.
I could go on and on but I am not sure this is helping anyone "get" unschooling better. :-)
Renee
Katrine Clip
>>> Your son is nine? ... We're saying goodbye to our babies and we'relooking for our grown kids and missing this incredible person in between.
And it can be, for the child, a difficult time when the most beloved toys
and games of childhood are losing their appeal and the very cool stuff of
the world of adults still seems too hard and too far away.
I would love to hear people's experiences with nine year olds. Eric is
turning 9 this week, and just in the last couple of months he's gone through
an extraordinary transformation. >>>
I have twin boys who just turned 9. What I have seen in them over the last
6 months since we took them out of school is a return to childhood. We are
new unschoolers, still deschooling, and still learning a lot. With the new
freedom they have from school and restrictions, they have blossomed in
pretend play and imagination.
I love the way they are playing with their toys, making voices for their
favorite stuffed animals, and making them come alive. They treat their
little friends as living things, celebrate birthdays (about once a week!),
give gifts, take them on road trips, "feed" them, etc.
They have always played like this together, but to me it seems now more than
ever before. They will go in their room and play their "stuffed animal game"
for an hour or two, and build legos too. They also like "girl toys" like
Littlest Pet Shop. They want to buy toys from their favorite tv shows, Ben
Ten, Generator Rex, Pokemon, as well as new Lego sets. For every new toy,
their imagination is set on fire!!
But, the new toys fade fast, and after a few days the legos are everywhere
after being reconstructed into new creations, and Spidermonkey is missing a
few legs. There's so much "toy junk" in our house and I feel they are not
appreciating and taking care of their things...
Another thing I have seen is their avoidance of anything that could be
remotely like "educational". If they think I'm showing them a film they can
learn something from, they don't want to see it. We probably still need to
deschool, they are not over their school experiences. But I see their
playtime as healing at least.
I also think they have become more vocal about their wants and dislikes. If
this is a consequence of age or of beginning unschooling, I don't know! But
it's a lot harder for me now to do things with them, because they will
refuse to do things, go places. So I know now not to sign them up for
classes (without their consent), and be prepared to stay home instead of
going to parkday. They really like being home, play videogames, watch tv,
cuddle with the dog, build legos, play with their stuffed animals. And they
act shy around other kids now, not used to being with lots of kids anymore.
I'm concerned that they are not out enough? If they don't click with other
kids, at parkday for instance, they don't want to go back for months.
I think 9 is wonderful! They tell me they are happy they are homeschooled so
they get to be with me all the time! I get lots of hugs from them, my 11
year old son is not so spontaneous anymore!
-Katrine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/25/2010 10:54 PM, Katrine Clip wrote:
rummage through and clean up or organize sort of on the side, so you
don't totally interrupt their play, but you just tidy up so that their
play can continue more easily.
pushing anything on them.
the go, right? Sounds like deschooling to me. But, if you really want to
get out more, find ways to give them more control over how that happens.
Also, kids do start to get more selective about friends and are not
interested in playing with just anybody who happens to be in the park
when they are.
unschoolers are typically super affectionate with their moms, I've noticed.
-pam
> But, the new toys fade fast, and after a few days the legos are everywhereHelp them more. Go in and chat or play with them and just sort of
> after being reconstructed into new creations, and Spidermonkey is
> missing a
> few legs. There's so much "toy junk" in our house and I feel they are not
> appreciating and taking care of their things...
rummage through and clean up or organize sort of on the side, so you
don't totally interrupt their play, but you just tidy up so that their
play can continue more easily.
>Very very normal during deschooling. Be sensitive and don't appear to be
> Another thing I have seen is their avoidance of anything that could be
> remotely like "educational".
pushing anything on them.
>They might be really enjoying having control over what they do and where
> I also think they have become more vocal about their wants and
> dislikes. If
> this is a consequence of age or of beginning unschooling, I don't
> know! But
> it's a lot harder for me now to do things with them, because they will
> refuse to do things, go places. So I know now not to sign them up for
> classes (without their consent), and be prepared to stay home instead of
> going to parkday.
the go, right? Sounds like deschooling to me. But, if you really want to
get out more, find ways to give them more control over how that happens.
> They really like being home, play videogames, watch tv,Again - they now have the option and they are taking advantage of it.
> cuddle with the dog, build legos, play with their stuffed animals. And
> they
> act shy around other kids now, not used to being with lots of kids
> anymore.
> I'm concerned that they are not out enough? If they don't click with other
> kids, at parkday for instance, they don't want to go back for months.
Also, kids do start to get more selective about friends and are not
interested in playing with just anybody who happens to be in the park
when they are.
>Is he in school, still? Eleven isn't that old - even older teenage
> I think 9 is wonderful! They tell me they are happy they are
> homeschooled so
> they get to be with me all the time! I get lots of hugs from them, my 11
> year old son is not so spontaneous anymore!
unschoolers are typically super affectionate with their moms, I've noticed.
-pam
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 26, 2010, at 1:54 AM, Katrine Clip wrote:
and what you wish they were.
Babies find it easier to eat with their hands, but if silverware is
provided for them and they see people eating with silverware, they
eventually use silverware.
If you tie resentment to their not putting toys away that will lay
another layer of unpleasantness on top of the complexity of cleaning
up. If you wanted kids to eat healthier, it would be better to serve
healthy food joyfully, put effort into finding healthy food they like,
than to see them as not appreciating healthy food and not taking care
of themselves.
If it's something you value, do it. Find a way to do it joyfully. Ask
them to help. (But accept no as an answer.) Make the pick up easy with
games or bins to toss things into.
As for some toys having a short life span, why wouldn't that be true?
It's adult baggage that wants a rapidly changing child to find the
same things fascinating for a long time. It's actually surprising
there are any toys that do :-)
What happens with a paperback novel you've finished? How many do you
read again? If you see toys as entertainment rather than a tool, if a
toy costs $10 and lasts for 2 weeks, how many times have you bought 2
weeks of entertainment for $10? ;-)
Encourage recycling :-) Take the old toys to Goodwill and pick up some
more.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> There's so much "toy junk" in our house and I feel they are notIt helps relationships to see who they are rather than who they aren't
> appreciating and taking care of their things...
and what you wish they were.
Babies find it easier to eat with their hands, but if silverware is
provided for them and they see people eating with silverware, they
eventually use silverware.
If you tie resentment to their not putting toys away that will lay
another layer of unpleasantness on top of the complexity of cleaning
up. If you wanted kids to eat healthier, it would be better to serve
healthy food joyfully, put effort into finding healthy food they like,
than to see them as not appreciating healthy food and not taking care
of themselves.
If it's something you value, do it. Find a way to do it joyfully. Ask
them to help. (But accept no as an answer.) Make the pick up easy with
games or bins to toss things into.
As for some toys having a short life span, why wouldn't that be true?
It's adult baggage that wants a rapidly changing child to find the
same things fascinating for a long time. It's actually surprising
there are any toys that do :-)
What happens with a paperback novel you've finished? How many do you
read again? If you see toys as entertainment rather than a tool, if a
toy costs $10 and lasts for 2 weeks, how many times have you bought 2
weeks of entertainment for $10? ;-)
Encourage recycling :-) Take the old toys to Goodwill and pick up some
more.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=Encourage recycling :-) Take the old toys to Goodwill and pick up some
more.-=-
But not against the kids' will. Parents who would be furious if a
child threw away their wallet or remote control or at a child who took
money from them and gave it to the neighbors have been known to sneak
toys into the trash or the charity store bin, or to give toys to
neighbors and relatives.
It's back to that trust and respect thing.
I always saw toys as educational materials--as things from which the
children were learning. That helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
more.-=-
But not against the kids' will. Parents who would be furious if a
child threw away their wallet or remote control or at a child who took
money from them and gave it to the neighbors have been known to sneak
toys into the trash or the charity store bin, or to give toys to
neighbors and relatives.
It's back to that trust and respect thing.
I always saw toys as educational materials--as things from which the
children were learning. That helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Su Penn
On May 26, 2010, at 11:21 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
Su, mom to Eric, 9; Carl, 6; Yehva, 2.5
tapeflags.blogspot.com
> I always saw toys as educational materials--as things from which theAnother thing that helps me relax when the kids lose interest or only use a certain toy for a very short time is to shift my thinking from "this is something we spent money on and now we have to squeeze all the value out of it" to seeing a toy, whether I choose it or they do, as a _possibility_ to explore, something to try rather than an obligation. And to remember that they're learning even if a toy doesn't hold their interest--they're learning about what they like and don't like, if nothing else!
> children were learning. That helped.
Su, mom to Eric, 9; Carl, 6; Yehva, 2.5
tapeflags.blogspot.com
Katrine Clip
> >>>>As for some toys having a short life span, why wouldn't that be true?I like that idea, to compare their toys to my "toys", and seeing toys as
> It's adult baggage that wants a rapidly changing child to find the
> same things fascinating for a long time. It's actually surprising
> there are any toys that do :-)
>
> What happens with a paperback novel you've finished? How many do you
> read again? If you see toys as entertainment rather than a tool, if a
> toy costs $10 and lasts for 2 weeks, how many times have you bought 2
> weeks of entertainment for $10? ;-)
>
> Encourage recycling :-) Take the old toys to Goodwill and pick up some
> more.>>>>
>
tools! I usually get my books from the library to save money, and only buy
books I want to keep and reread. But there are other hobbies I have that
cost money and I am not always finishing my projects either...
This also reminded me of something great I've found in Switzerland. In
almost every town they have a Ludoteque, it's like a library (biblioteque)
where you check out toys! It costs a little money each time you check out a
new item but it's cheap, and you can keep the toys for a few weeks. We have
checked out skateboards, scooters, electronic games, boxing equipment, toy
cars and puzzles.... It's a great way to keep my kids entertained and happy
for a few weeks' vacation, and the locals use it year round.
I like the "recycling" idea behind the Ludoteque, and I see that with some
small effort on my side I can use resources available here by going to
Goodwill or garage sales or posting on Freecycle.
-Katrine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
== I like that idea, to compare their toys to my "toys" ==
This is how I look at things, too. It took a while for my husband to get it.
An example, I finally bought the Wii Fit Plus with the board about 2 weeks ago. I bought it for everyone because the board can be used for lots of games, like Tony Hawk Ride, which we all want. I was all gung-ho about using it to exercise every day. I think I've used it 3 times since I bought it and I find it rather boring. I need to look into it further to see if I can set up longer, more interesting work outs. It would be completely hypocritical and unfair for me to get upset because my kids are bored with a $10 toy when I've just spent $100 on this toy for me and am already bored with it.
Alysia
This is how I look at things, too. It took a while for my husband to get it.
An example, I finally bought the Wii Fit Plus with the board about 2 weeks ago. I bought it for everyone because the board can be used for lots of games, like Tony Hawk Ride, which we all want. I was all gung-ho about using it to exercise every day. I think I've used it 3 times since I bought it and I find it rather boring. I need to look into it further to see if I can set up longer, more interesting work outs. It would be completely hypocritical and unfair for me to get upset because my kids are bored with a $10 toy when I've just spent $100 on this toy for me and am already bored with it.
Alysia