Radical Unschooling Question
k
What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling?
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling?
Shira Rocklin
--- What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? ---
I can't think of one moment that I can pinpoint as having 'turned' me.
Sometimes it feels like it was just the 'easiest' route. Every time we
encountered a 'discipline' problem with our 3 year old, we were at a
loss how to deal with it. We didn't give time-outs. We didn't punish.
We occasionally got fustrated and yelled. But we knew we had to have
some sort of response for those times of childhood. Alfie Kohn's book,
Unconditionally Parenting, had helped us transition from baby to
toddler, from attachment parenting to something more, but it didn't go
far enough, it didn't give any concrete tools for changing (although I
should go back and read it in context of older kids, because perhaps I
just wasn't ready to read those things in the text at the time I read
it). It felt like the only route was toward more punishment and
regulation, but the more we tried the more Temima struggled against it,
and it wasn't pretty, and we gave up pretty fast. And the problem was
that I didn't want to become like my parents, taking a hard line, and
then not enforcing it, and then locking my kids in their rooms as
punishment in the end, as the only punishment of power they 'held'. I
didn't want to be wishy-washy and I didn't want to employ and escalating
list of consequences. And during that period, I think I happened to be
researching our homeschooling options, and started probably reading
Sandra's site, and the two topics clicked together. It still honestly
feels like the path of least resistance to me.
I think the most appealing part, from a parenting perspective, about
radical unschooling, is that I'll get to be a part of everything they
experience (or at least lots more than schooled kids) emtionally. I get
the impression that unschooled kids share their feelings and experiences
more easily with their parents.
From a learning perspective, most appealing, is that they will get to
explore so much more of what they are interested in than they would in
school! And be able to not spend hours and hours doing 'work' when they
could be being children. And also that I can learn along with them.
There are so many things I want to learn that I think they'll want to
learn (I'm thinking of Jewish topics that I never had a chance to learn,
but that are really interesting).
Shira
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? ---
I can't think of one moment that I can pinpoint as having 'turned' me.
Sometimes it feels like it was just the 'easiest' route. Every time we
encountered a 'discipline' problem with our 3 year old, we were at a
loss how to deal with it. We didn't give time-outs. We didn't punish.
We occasionally got fustrated and yelled. But we knew we had to have
some sort of response for those times of childhood. Alfie Kohn's book,
Unconditionally Parenting, had helped us transition from baby to
toddler, from attachment parenting to something more, but it didn't go
far enough, it didn't give any concrete tools for changing (although I
should go back and read it in context of older kids, because perhaps I
just wasn't ready to read those things in the text at the time I read
it). It felt like the only route was toward more punishment and
regulation, but the more we tried the more Temima struggled against it,
and it wasn't pretty, and we gave up pretty fast. And the problem was
that I didn't want to become like my parents, taking a hard line, and
then not enforcing it, and then locking my kids in their rooms as
punishment in the end, as the only punishment of power they 'held'. I
didn't want to be wishy-washy and I didn't want to employ and escalating
list of consequences. And during that period, I think I happened to be
researching our homeschooling options, and started probably reading
Sandra's site, and the two topics clicked together. It still honestly
feels like the path of least resistance to me.
I think the most appealing part, from a parenting perspective, about
radical unschooling, is that I'll get to be a part of everything they
experience (or at least lots more than schooled kids) emtionally. I get
the impression that unschooled kids share their feelings and experiences
more easily with their parents.
From a learning perspective, most appealing, is that they will get to
explore so much more of what they are interested in than they would in
school! And be able to not spend hours and hours doing 'work' when they
could be being children. And also that I can learn along with them.
There are so many things I want to learn that I think they'll want to
learn (I'm thinking of Jewish topics that I never had a chance to learn,
but that are really interesting).
Shira
k
I like that: the path of least resistance. As long as it leads to good
things, why take the hard way there?!
What you've written says a lot about the comprehensive approach to
parenting that radical unschooling is. That's one of the reasons I
think it works so well. It answers a lot of parenting dilemmas with
some clear goals in mind..
~Katherine
things, why take the hard way there?!
What you've written says a lot about the comprehensive approach to
parenting that radical unschooling is. That's one of the reasons I
think it works so well. It answers a lot of parenting dilemmas with
some clear goals in mind..
~Katherine
On 4/25/10, Shira Rocklin <shirarocklin@...> wrote:
> --- What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
> family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
> radical unschooling? ---
>
> I can't think of one moment that I can pinpoint as having 'turned' me.
> Sometimes it feels like it was just the 'easiest' route. Every time we
> encountered a 'discipline' problem with our 3 year old, we were at a
> loss how to deal with it. We didn't give time-outs. We didn't punish.
> We occasionally got fustrated and yelled. But we knew we had to have
> some sort of response for those times of childhood. Alfie Kohn's book,
> Unconditionally Parenting, had helped us transition from baby to
> toddler, from attachment parenting to something more, but it didn't go
> far enough, it didn't give any concrete tools for changing (although I
> should go back and read it in context of older kids, because perhaps I
> just wasn't ready to read those things in the text at the time I read
> it). It felt like the only route was toward more punishment and
> regulation, but the more we tried the more Temima struggled against it,
> and it wasn't pretty, and we gave up pretty fast. And the problem was
> that I didn't want to become like my parents, taking a hard line, and
> then not enforcing it, and then locking my kids in their rooms as
> punishment in the end, as the only punishment of power they 'held'. I
> didn't want to be wishy-washy and I didn't want to employ and escalating
> list of consequences. And during that period, I think I happened to be
> researching our homeschooling options, and started probably reading
> Sandra's site, and the two topics clicked together. It still honestly
> feels like the path of least resistance to me.
>
> I think the most appealing part, from a parenting perspective, about
> radical unschooling, is that I'll get to be a part of everything they
> experience (or at least lots more than schooled kids) emtionally. I get
> the impression that unschooled kids share their feelings and experiences
> more easily with their parents.
>
> From a learning perspective, most appealing, is that they will get to
> explore so much more of what they are interested in than they would in
> school! And be able to not spend hours and hours doing 'work' when they
> could be being children. And also that I can learn along with them.
> There are so many things I want to learn that I think they'll want to
> learn (I'm thinking of Jewish topics that I never had a chance to learn,
> but that are really interesting).
>
> Shira
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Vidyut Kale
"What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling?"
My own life. Always been an introspective, self-aware person. Felt not
understood by the world. What I saw was following my heart was rebellion to
the world, though I actually went through a lot of effort to follow as many
rules as I could without compromising my goal.
Later, created a life for myself after leaving family with great loneliness.
Became an experiential learning facilitator, which helped me understand many
processes of human interaction and learning. It gave me the validation I
needed - that I was fine, and large number of people being invasive of my
dignity didn't change that.
Worked with children a lot and found that treating them with respect makes
for joy and ease of living. Did many teacher's programmes for sensitivity
training, and got a first hand look at the psychological mess soup that kids
are thrown into without supervision. Sometimes teachers have their own
issues, other times the structure creates them. End result is always no one
sitting and talking for the children's dignity, because life is an endless
crisis management and problem solving situation.
Experienced first hand something I knew from attending my own school. The
lack of belief in the usefulness of acting on values professed was not
limited to my school. It is an epidemic infecting every educational
institution I came across without exception. You ARE supposed to compromise,
recommend compromise, enforce compromise to prevent anything rocking the
boat - even if the boat is alternative, experiential education.
By the time I had my own child, there was no question of me even considering
sending him into this toxic mess. We were fine.
That is one side of the story.
The other is my experiences with horses. I had pack ponies for treks and
mares for breeding who also went on treks when not pregnant or with foal. I
went through great efforts to ensure their well being by keeping the foal
with the dam till it was of working age. Even then, I used to ensure that
they worked together. Till I noticed the foals becoming independent of the
dam and finding their own company of choice (usually similar ages). That was
the point I used to consider the foals weaned, regardless of whether they
were still drinking milk or not. Post that point, I didn't make any
particular efforts to keep them together or separate them, letting the work
decide and leaving them free when not working. I found that adult horses
whom I find of a lovely temperament rarely are excessively attached to their
parents in terms of suffering if separated. However, they will often 'touch
base' so to say. If I can do so much for horses, why in the world would I
force my own child away from my side and constant company before he was
ready to initiate it? I want my child to have me available till he initiates
separation. I think the whole world has it upside down when they teach kids
to be independent and expect adults to feel attachment towards their
parents. I think it is dehumanizing children to make them independent and
thus less of an effort to invest and then expect caring in the old age -
like an insurance plan. Feelings can't be expected to fit convenience.
I think unconsciously, we all seek to leave a mark on the world. A monument,
so to say. Children are the most accessible way of doing it. Unfortunately,
most people try to 'mold' their kids in their image, or better still, an
image the tourists (society) will admire. They forget that it is a person
with potential beyond what they 'allot' and the healthy tree is one that is
free to send out roots and branches to choose the nutrients IT needs.
My experiences with kids taught me that the principles of experiential
learning and appreciative inquiry worked well to create deep relationships,
learning environment and empowered children. Did that with my own child too,
of course. In fact, it is how I now am - whether with a child or adult or my
own or another's.
By the time I found unschooling, all that remained was to have a name for
what I did (I hadn't even thought I missed a name, till I realized a label
can let me have a community of kindred souls), since I was also now a
parent, companion and a child's chief learning facilitator/coach (?) in
addition to experiential learning.
So here I am. Unschooling, though I hate that counter dependent word,
because it fits what we are up to..
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling?"
My own life. Always been an introspective, self-aware person. Felt not
understood by the world. What I saw was following my heart was rebellion to
the world, though I actually went through a lot of effort to follow as many
rules as I could without compromising my goal.
Later, created a life for myself after leaving family with great loneliness.
Became an experiential learning facilitator, which helped me understand many
processes of human interaction and learning. It gave me the validation I
needed - that I was fine, and large number of people being invasive of my
dignity didn't change that.
Worked with children a lot and found that treating them with respect makes
for joy and ease of living. Did many teacher's programmes for sensitivity
training, and got a first hand look at the psychological mess soup that kids
are thrown into without supervision. Sometimes teachers have their own
issues, other times the structure creates them. End result is always no one
sitting and talking for the children's dignity, because life is an endless
crisis management and problem solving situation.
Experienced first hand something I knew from attending my own school. The
lack of belief in the usefulness of acting on values professed was not
limited to my school. It is an epidemic infecting every educational
institution I came across without exception. You ARE supposed to compromise,
recommend compromise, enforce compromise to prevent anything rocking the
boat - even if the boat is alternative, experiential education.
By the time I had my own child, there was no question of me even considering
sending him into this toxic mess. We were fine.
That is one side of the story.
The other is my experiences with horses. I had pack ponies for treks and
mares for breeding who also went on treks when not pregnant or with foal. I
went through great efforts to ensure their well being by keeping the foal
with the dam till it was of working age. Even then, I used to ensure that
they worked together. Till I noticed the foals becoming independent of the
dam and finding their own company of choice (usually similar ages). That was
the point I used to consider the foals weaned, regardless of whether they
were still drinking milk or not. Post that point, I didn't make any
particular efforts to keep them together or separate them, letting the work
decide and leaving them free when not working. I found that adult horses
whom I find of a lovely temperament rarely are excessively attached to their
parents in terms of suffering if separated. However, they will often 'touch
base' so to say. If I can do so much for horses, why in the world would I
force my own child away from my side and constant company before he was
ready to initiate it? I want my child to have me available till he initiates
separation. I think the whole world has it upside down when they teach kids
to be independent and expect adults to feel attachment towards their
parents. I think it is dehumanizing children to make them independent and
thus less of an effort to invest and then expect caring in the old age -
like an insurance plan. Feelings can't be expected to fit convenience.
I think unconsciously, we all seek to leave a mark on the world. A monument,
so to say. Children are the most accessible way of doing it. Unfortunately,
most people try to 'mold' their kids in their image, or better still, an
image the tourists (society) will admire. They forget that it is a person
with potential beyond what they 'allot' and the healthy tree is one that is
free to send out roots and branches to choose the nutrients IT needs.
My experiences with kids taught me that the principles of experiential
learning and appreciative inquiry worked well to create deep relationships,
learning environment and empowered children. Did that with my own child too,
of course. In fact, it is how I now am - whether with a child or adult or my
own or another's.
By the time I found unschooling, all that remained was to have a name for
what I did (I hadn't even thought I missed a name, till I realized a label
can let me have a community of kindred souls), since I was also now a
parent, companion and a child's chief learning facilitator/coach (?) in
addition to experiential learning.
So here I am. Unschooling, though I hate that counter dependent word,
because it fits what we are up to..
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I really love this phrase as it fits so much more than unschooling:
"Feelings can't be expected to fit convenience." Oh my. True.
Especially in relation to children, who are noticeably inconvenient in
a previously child-free lifestyle. Unschooling is a way to extend
attachment parenting for many people. It was for me, and that's a big
reason I took a liking to unschooling. I was still breastfeeding, for
one thing. So the idea of putting a child in school away from mother
and comfort seems antithetical to what the child would want to do. The
feedback loop that is breastfeeding keeps a mothering instinct going
and I know *I* wasn't ready to cut it out, especially since our family
was happiest together. And I can say that with special emphasis after
a longish separation from his dad when Karl was 3. It's funny when I
hear people say that breastfeeding interrupts the marriage. I think
that's only because culture does less to support breastfeeding and, in
different ways but for similar reasons, it does less to support
marriage, than it used to.
As to the word unschooling, I have liked it ever since I heard that
its origins were John Holt's coining of the word as inspired by the
famous Uncola tv commercial of the 70s. I always loved that ad. I
guess the infamous word "unschooling" pretty much floats my boat. ;)
~Katherine
"Feelings can't be expected to fit convenience." Oh my. True.
Especially in relation to children, who are noticeably inconvenient in
a previously child-free lifestyle. Unschooling is a way to extend
attachment parenting for many people. It was for me, and that's a big
reason I took a liking to unschooling. I was still breastfeeding, for
one thing. So the idea of putting a child in school away from mother
and comfort seems antithetical to what the child would want to do. The
feedback loop that is breastfeeding keeps a mothering instinct going
and I know *I* wasn't ready to cut it out, especially since our family
was happiest together. And I can say that with special emphasis after
a longish separation from his dad when Karl was 3. It's funny when I
hear people say that breastfeeding interrupts the marriage. I think
that's only because culture does less to support breastfeeding and, in
different ways but for similar reasons, it does less to support
marriage, than it used to.
As to the word unschooling, I have liked it ever since I heard that
its origins were John Holt's coining of the word as inspired by the
famous Uncola tv commercial of the 70s. I always loved that ad. I
guess the infamous word "unschooling" pretty much floats my boat. ;)
~Katherine
On 4/26/10, Vidyut Kale <wide.aware@...> wrote:
> "What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
> family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
> radical unschooling?"
>
> My own life. Always been an introspective, self-aware person. Felt not
> understood by the world. What I saw was following my heart was rebellion to
> the world, though I actually went through a lot of effort to follow as many
> rules as I could without compromising my goal.
>
> Later, created a life for myself after leaving family with great loneliness.
> Became an experiential learning facilitator, which helped me understand many
> processes of human interaction and learning. It gave me the validation I
> needed - that I was fine, and large number of people being invasive of my
> dignity didn't change that.
>
> Worked with children a lot and found that treating them with respect makes
> for joy and ease of living. Did many teacher's programmes for sensitivity
> training, and got a first hand look at the psychological mess soup that kids
> are thrown into without supervision. Sometimes teachers have their own
> issues, other times the structure creates them. End result is always no one
> sitting and talking for the children's dignity, because life is an endless
> crisis management and problem solving situation.
>
> Experienced first hand something I knew from attending my own school. The
> lack of belief in the usefulness of acting on values professed was not
> limited to my school. It is an epidemic infecting every educational
> institution I came across without exception. You ARE supposed to compromise,
> recommend compromise, enforce compromise to prevent anything rocking the
> boat - even if the boat is alternative, experiential education.
>
> By the time I had my own child, there was no question of me even considering
> sending him into this toxic mess. We were fine.
>
> That is one side of the story.
>
> The other is my experiences with horses. I had pack ponies for treks and
> mares for breeding who also went on treks when not pregnant or with foal. I
> went through great efforts to ensure their well being by keeping the foal
> with the dam till it was of working age. Even then, I used to ensure that
> they worked together. Till I noticed the foals becoming independent of the
> dam and finding their own company of choice (usually similar ages). That was
> the point I used to consider the foals weaned, regardless of whether they
> were still drinking milk or not. Post that point, I didn't make any
> particular efforts to keep them together or separate them, letting the work
> decide and leaving them free when not working. I found that adult horses
> whom I find of a lovely temperament rarely are excessively attached to their
> parents in terms of suffering if separated. However, they will often 'touch
> base' so to say. If I can do so much for horses, why in the world would I
> force my own child away from my side and constant company before he was
> ready to initiate it? I want my child to have me available till he initiates
> separation. I think the whole world has it upside down when they teach kids
> to be independent and expect adults to feel attachment towards their
> parents. I think it is dehumanizing children to make them independent and
> thus less of an effort to invest and then expect caring in the old age -
> like an insurance plan. Feelings can't be expected to fit convenience.
>
> I think unconsciously, we all seek to leave a mark on the world. A monument,
> so to say. Children are the most accessible way of doing it. Unfortunately,
> most people try to 'mold' their kids in their image, or better still, an
> image the tourists (society) will admire. They forget that it is a person
> with potential beyond what they 'allot' and the healthy tree is one that is
> free to send out roots and branches to choose the nutrients IT needs.
>
> My experiences with kids taught me that the principles of experiential
> learning and appreciative inquiry worked well to create deep relationships,
> learning environment and empowered children. Did that with my own child too,
> of course. In fact, it is how I now am - whether with a child or adult or my
> own or another's.
>
> By the time I found unschooling, all that remained was to have a name for
> what I did (I hadn't even thought I missed a name, till I realized a label
> can let me have a community of kindred souls), since I was also now a
> parent, companion and a child's chief learning facilitator/coach (?) in
> addition to experiential learning.
>
> So here I am. Unschooling, though I hate that counter dependent word,
> because it fits what we are up to..
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Susanne
When I was in school, even when very young, I vowed I would never make my children go through the same prison like youth I had to go through. I stayed in touch with my inner child I guess, and am thankfully still able to look at the world through the same perspective I had back then.
Besides, being with my daughter, knowing her so well, I know I would need to break her will before going to school would be something that might even happen, let alone be something that worked. What good would that do, and for whom? Even waking up early every day would be such an incredible bad start. Add the expected obedience, the peer pressure, being captive instead of free...
I want my child to be free, to be herself right from the very beginning, so there won't be any need for soul searching when she's is her 30's or so, and can't find herself because she had to adept to all these rules other people made up to fit their own convenience. She can just be, that's all, and whatever she needs, we will provide that for her because we love to care for her and see her blossom in this wealth of freedom and joy.
Bye, Susanne
Besides, being with my daughter, knowing her so well, I know I would need to break her will before going to school would be something that might even happen, let alone be something that worked. What good would that do, and for whom? Even waking up early every day would be such an incredible bad start. Add the expected obedience, the peer pressure, being captive instead of free...
I want my child to be free, to be herself right from the very beginning, so there won't be any need for soul searching when she's is her 30's or so, and can't find herself because she had to adept to all these rules other people made up to fit their own convenience. She can just be, that's all, and whatever she needs, we will provide that for her because we love to care for her and see her blossom in this wealth of freedom and joy.
Bye, Susanne
--- In [email protected], k <katherand@...> wrote:
>
> What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
> family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
> radical unschooling?
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-As to the word unschooling, I have liked it ever since I heard that
its origins were John Holt's coining of the word as inspired by the
famous Uncola tv commercial of the 70s. I always loved that ad. I
guess the infamous word "unschooling" pretty much floats my boat. ;)-=-
http://sandradodd.com/unschool/theterm
Some of the text is below, but by going to the link you can see that
and more, and a video.
Origin of the term "Unschooling"
Sandra Dodd, August 2008
its origins were John Holt's coining of the word as inspired by the
famous Uncola tv commercial of the 70s. I always loved that ad. I
guess the infamous word "unschooling" pretty much floats my boat. ;)-=-
http://sandradodd.com/unschool/theterm
Some of the text is below, but by going to the link you can see that
and more, and a video.
Origin of the term "Unschooling"
Sandra Dodd, August 2008
On an Australian message board, someone wrote:
Maybe the concept unschooling came about in the USA because parents
were taking their kids out of school, and deschooling them back to
unschooling/natural learning ways of learning?
Wasn't it Sandra Dodd who coined the term 'radical unschooling'? I'd
love to hear your definition of this Sandra.
And I responded:
There was a 7-Up commercial in the 1970's. 7-Up is a carbonated lemon/
lime thing. At the time, there was also a huge competition between
Pepsi and Coca-Cola (international�one got importation rights to the
USSR and the other didn't, one got McDonald's and the other didn't�
stuff like that). So 7-Up made a commercial that said "7-Up: The
UNcola."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura Wray
~~> What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? <~~
Sorry... this answer is going to run a little long.
As a child, I hated school! As a military brat, moving all over, I was
constantly missing stuff (the topic wasn't being discussed yet by the school
I was at, and had already been discussed at the school I would be moving
to), or getting stuff twice. I hated the busy work in class, always getting
in trouble for reading ahead, and thus not being where I was supposed to be.
I remember in 4th grade, doing grammar work, and answering the questions in
my head, and moving to the next section and answering those questions, and
so on, until suddenly the teacher called for the papers to be passed
forward. I had no paper to pass forward, because though I'd answered all the
questions, I hadn't written them down. I'd get tired of listening to how
slowly people read (I'd learned very early - starting at age 3 with the seed
packets from the garden Mom just put in), so I'd read ahead in the story.
I'd get called on to read, and would often be in a different story. Got in
trouble for that. Was sent to a private school, in hopes by my parents that
it would pull my grades up, since it was paced by the workbooks you were
doing. You did them at the speed you needed, so when you finished one, you
went to the next, whether the rest of the kids were at that point or not.
The other problem, for me, was the extreme attitude of the school - dancing
and singing were bad, unless done in the "Lord's House". Girls wore skirts
to school, except on field trips - then we got to wear slacks. So skirts,
even in the wet, cold south Texas winters, even if you were sick. I got
paddled for wearing a pair of slacks to school (at my mother's insistance)
because I was sick. Mom had to come bring me a skirt before I could go back
to class. An increase in tuition found me back at public school, and I never
went to private school again.
I found myself increasingly bored in school, hated doing the busywork, hated
doing the homework. It felt like a waste of time for me to sit down with 30
math problems, or 20 questions to answer about whatever subject. Re: the
math, I either got it within a few problems or I didn't... continuing to do
problems I already understood was a waste of precious time that could be
spent doing the countless hours of other homework I had; continuing to
struggle with problems I didn't understand was also a waste of that time.
The questions to be answered from other subjects were busywork - can you
look through the book, find the answer and then put it in your own words.
*sigh* It all felt very wasteful. So my grades were not what my parents (and
other family members) expected of me. I can't tell you how many times I
heard the phrase "You're smarter than this! Why don't you just do the work,
and turn it in?" I could never seem to get them to understand my
viewpoint. I'd long ago learned the futility of doing things that I enjoyed,
hearing such things as "You need to have vocational skills so that you can
get a job doing *something*." "You'll never make enough money as an artist
to support yourself, you have to have something to fall back on." So I got a
job before I was out of high school, met the man who be my first husband and
worked.
Fast forward 5 years - married, our new son is 8 months old, and because of
finances, my husband joined the Navy (the one thing I'd sworn as a child and
teen was that I'd never marry a military man - technically I didn't). We got
stationed in San Diego, and then within two years, were informed the entire
ship and ship's company was moving homeports to western Washington. I
realized at that point I needed to do something about my son's education, so
he wasn't hopscotching around the way I did. I had an aunt who'd bucked
family wisdom and homeschooled her kids, so the precedent was there.
Washington state is pretty homeschooler friendly, so I figured I'd be able
to handle it.
When Craig, my oldest, turned 6 he was old enough to be enrolled in school,
though you weren't required to actually send them to school until they were
8 (if I remember correctly). We sat down and pulled out the kindergarten
workbook I'd gotten - a comprehensive curriculum that offered everything -
math, science, reading/grammar, citizenship, environmental studies - all
geared towards the grade the child was in. After a week, a frustrating,
head-butting, angry, argument filled week, I realized something very
important. I was trying to do to him what had happened to me in school.
Busywork. He could answer the questions if I read them to him, did math in
his head easily, but writing the answers down was torture to him, as was
trying to read by himself. I decided maybe we needed to set things aside for
a little while - after all there were a couple of years before I had to
officially do anything formal (notifying the school district) about his
schooling. In the meantime, I joined a couple of online support groups, and
kept seeing the term "unschooling". Asked some questions, did a bunch of
research, read "Growing without Schooling" at the public library just a
couple years before the magazine stopped publishing, and realized that this
was the path for us. My husband wasn't real happy, but since Craig was
happy, and healthy, there wasn't a whole lot to complain about. Craig loved
it. He spent the days building things with his Legos, played video games,
watched "The Magic School Bus" and explored the great outdoors. He had
freedom to go where he wanted (within the wide boundaries I'd set for my 6
yr old) - the one stipulation was coming home when his watch beeped - mostly
to check in, in case I needed to run to the commissary or go pick up his Dad
from work. It was during this time that Craig started asking if he could
stay home when I went to pick up his Dad. He was involved in his Legos, and
didn't want to stop building, and could he please stay home. Since I
was only 5 minutes away, I said yes. He started asking more and more often,
and I said yes, unless it was going to be a longer trip (grocery shopping or
something like that).
We turned back only once, when he was about 8, and we'd been stationed back
in California. I was getting pressure from everyone in the family (my sister
was the worst - her schooled daughter is 2 days younger than Craig) to do
school. They wanted a measurable something to see that he was actually
learning. After a week, we stopped again, because of many of the same issues
as before... frustration with reading and writing. It almost hurt watching
him. We never looked back after that. I had a big talk with my mother, aunt,
a couple of family friends and told them that his schooling was my choice,
and that his education was going to be better than anything he could get in
school - how much better a "teacher/student" ratio could they want than one
on one, and since in California we were registered as a private school, I
just let it sit that way. They weren't happy, but it wasn't their choice. I
also figured out part of the reason Craig was having issues with reading and
writing was an allergic type reaction to the petroleum based additives in
our food. So we set about changing our diet. He flourished with this diet,
and was able to do so at home, without people teasing him for having
different foods, or being different. During our time in CA, he started
asking if he could stay home when I went to drop his dad off at work - 2
hours away one way. We had to leave the house by 3:30 in the morning, which
meant disrupting Craig's sleep (he didn't do the fall asleep in the car
thing), and a 4 hour car trip. I thought about it for a little while, made
sure he could dial my cell phone number, and his grandmother's (just in
case) and then we gave it a try. He was still sleeping when I got home. So
we continued to do that. Pretty soon, he indicated that he wanted to stay
home when I went to go get him (I dropped him off on Mon, picked him up on
Th). Since we dealt with rush hour traffic, it meant a longer trip. Since
he'd decided he was ready for this, I said yes. Made sure there were plenty
of things in the kitchen for him to eat, and went and picked up his dad. It
worked out well, and he was happy.
We moved to Colorado when Craig was almost 11, to a new life (my first
husband and I had filed for divorce - too much time apart left nothing in
our marriage except a very roommate like friendship - it was amicable and
things went very smoothly) and a new man in our lives. Not too long after we
settled in, the new man and I realized that we were seeing some very erratic
behavior from Craig. It took a little work, but we sussed out the culprit -
Corn syrup. Craig couldn't deal with it. So we removed the corn syrup, and
something very interesting happened - his reading level shot from Captain
Underpants to The Chronicles of Narnia, and Harry Potter in a week. Not
kidding. We've noticed a slight dyslexia, but he's still miles ahead of
where he was. At some point, our family structure took on the informal
"radical" nature... probably because of the need for us to both be working,
and the different hours (we both worked late shifts). It was never a
conscious decision, it just sort of flowed out what we were already doing.
Fast forward to now - 5 years later. I'm back at home with my kids (where I
really prefer to be), Craig's still loving the life we have, and we're doing
the same with Danny - who is 20 months. It took some learning on his part,
but my second husband is fully behind the unschooling. He had to deschool
himself - he went through an advanced high school program, his mom was a
public school teacher for 25 years and still works for the district she
taught in, and he had many good experiences in school. We had many
discussions about it, I gave him plenty to read (including the Unschooling
Handbook), and he finally realized that this was working for our family, and
that his experiences in school were not the norm for everyone.
We never really were convinced to radical unschool. It just flowed from what
we were doing and what we believed - that our children's happiness was more
important than societal norms. Now, I'm looking at a young man who's
expressed interest in going to the Not Back to School camp - probably
the one in Oregon - this summer. So we're looking at our one income budget
to try and find the extra monies to send him. At the end this year, he's
going to Japan to visit his dad and stepmom - his dad is paying for the
ticket - which he's thoroughly thrilled about. He's a huge anime and manga
fan, and his favorite console system (Nintendo) is based in Japan. He's also
thrilled about all the stuff he'll be able to see. He wants to learn
Japanese before he goes, so that he can at least say a few things in the
language and be understood. :)
Anyway, sorry this was so long, but it really isn't just one story that got
us to where we are.
Laura W
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? <~~
Sorry... this answer is going to run a little long.
As a child, I hated school! As a military brat, moving all over, I was
constantly missing stuff (the topic wasn't being discussed yet by the school
I was at, and had already been discussed at the school I would be moving
to), or getting stuff twice. I hated the busy work in class, always getting
in trouble for reading ahead, and thus not being where I was supposed to be.
I remember in 4th grade, doing grammar work, and answering the questions in
my head, and moving to the next section and answering those questions, and
so on, until suddenly the teacher called for the papers to be passed
forward. I had no paper to pass forward, because though I'd answered all the
questions, I hadn't written them down. I'd get tired of listening to how
slowly people read (I'd learned very early - starting at age 3 with the seed
packets from the garden Mom just put in), so I'd read ahead in the story.
I'd get called on to read, and would often be in a different story. Got in
trouble for that. Was sent to a private school, in hopes by my parents that
it would pull my grades up, since it was paced by the workbooks you were
doing. You did them at the speed you needed, so when you finished one, you
went to the next, whether the rest of the kids were at that point or not.
The other problem, for me, was the extreme attitude of the school - dancing
and singing were bad, unless done in the "Lord's House". Girls wore skirts
to school, except on field trips - then we got to wear slacks. So skirts,
even in the wet, cold south Texas winters, even if you were sick. I got
paddled for wearing a pair of slacks to school (at my mother's insistance)
because I was sick. Mom had to come bring me a skirt before I could go back
to class. An increase in tuition found me back at public school, and I never
went to private school again.
I found myself increasingly bored in school, hated doing the busywork, hated
doing the homework. It felt like a waste of time for me to sit down with 30
math problems, or 20 questions to answer about whatever subject. Re: the
math, I either got it within a few problems or I didn't... continuing to do
problems I already understood was a waste of precious time that could be
spent doing the countless hours of other homework I had; continuing to
struggle with problems I didn't understand was also a waste of that time.
The questions to be answered from other subjects were busywork - can you
look through the book, find the answer and then put it in your own words.
*sigh* It all felt very wasteful. So my grades were not what my parents (and
other family members) expected of me. I can't tell you how many times I
heard the phrase "You're smarter than this! Why don't you just do the work,
and turn it in?" I could never seem to get them to understand my
viewpoint. I'd long ago learned the futility of doing things that I enjoyed,
hearing such things as "You need to have vocational skills so that you can
get a job doing *something*." "You'll never make enough money as an artist
to support yourself, you have to have something to fall back on." So I got a
job before I was out of high school, met the man who be my first husband and
worked.
Fast forward 5 years - married, our new son is 8 months old, and because of
finances, my husband joined the Navy (the one thing I'd sworn as a child and
teen was that I'd never marry a military man - technically I didn't). We got
stationed in San Diego, and then within two years, were informed the entire
ship and ship's company was moving homeports to western Washington. I
realized at that point I needed to do something about my son's education, so
he wasn't hopscotching around the way I did. I had an aunt who'd bucked
family wisdom and homeschooled her kids, so the precedent was there.
Washington state is pretty homeschooler friendly, so I figured I'd be able
to handle it.
When Craig, my oldest, turned 6 he was old enough to be enrolled in school,
though you weren't required to actually send them to school until they were
8 (if I remember correctly). We sat down and pulled out the kindergarten
workbook I'd gotten - a comprehensive curriculum that offered everything -
math, science, reading/grammar, citizenship, environmental studies - all
geared towards the grade the child was in. After a week, a frustrating,
head-butting, angry, argument filled week, I realized something very
important. I was trying to do to him what had happened to me in school.
Busywork. He could answer the questions if I read them to him, did math in
his head easily, but writing the answers down was torture to him, as was
trying to read by himself. I decided maybe we needed to set things aside for
a little while - after all there were a couple of years before I had to
officially do anything formal (notifying the school district) about his
schooling. In the meantime, I joined a couple of online support groups, and
kept seeing the term "unschooling". Asked some questions, did a bunch of
research, read "Growing without Schooling" at the public library just a
couple years before the magazine stopped publishing, and realized that this
was the path for us. My husband wasn't real happy, but since Craig was
happy, and healthy, there wasn't a whole lot to complain about. Craig loved
it. He spent the days building things with his Legos, played video games,
watched "The Magic School Bus" and explored the great outdoors. He had
freedom to go where he wanted (within the wide boundaries I'd set for my 6
yr old) - the one stipulation was coming home when his watch beeped - mostly
to check in, in case I needed to run to the commissary or go pick up his Dad
from work. It was during this time that Craig started asking if he could
stay home when I went to pick up his Dad. He was involved in his Legos, and
didn't want to stop building, and could he please stay home. Since I
was only 5 minutes away, I said yes. He started asking more and more often,
and I said yes, unless it was going to be a longer trip (grocery shopping or
something like that).
We turned back only once, when he was about 8, and we'd been stationed back
in California. I was getting pressure from everyone in the family (my sister
was the worst - her schooled daughter is 2 days younger than Craig) to do
school. They wanted a measurable something to see that he was actually
learning. After a week, we stopped again, because of many of the same issues
as before... frustration with reading and writing. It almost hurt watching
him. We never looked back after that. I had a big talk with my mother, aunt,
a couple of family friends and told them that his schooling was my choice,
and that his education was going to be better than anything he could get in
school - how much better a "teacher/student" ratio could they want than one
on one, and since in California we were registered as a private school, I
just let it sit that way. They weren't happy, but it wasn't their choice. I
also figured out part of the reason Craig was having issues with reading and
writing was an allergic type reaction to the petroleum based additives in
our food. So we set about changing our diet. He flourished with this diet,
and was able to do so at home, without people teasing him for having
different foods, or being different. During our time in CA, he started
asking if he could stay home when I went to drop his dad off at work - 2
hours away one way. We had to leave the house by 3:30 in the morning, which
meant disrupting Craig's sleep (he didn't do the fall asleep in the car
thing), and a 4 hour car trip. I thought about it for a little while, made
sure he could dial my cell phone number, and his grandmother's (just in
case) and then we gave it a try. He was still sleeping when I got home. So
we continued to do that. Pretty soon, he indicated that he wanted to stay
home when I went to go get him (I dropped him off on Mon, picked him up on
Th). Since we dealt with rush hour traffic, it meant a longer trip. Since
he'd decided he was ready for this, I said yes. Made sure there were plenty
of things in the kitchen for him to eat, and went and picked up his dad. It
worked out well, and he was happy.
We moved to Colorado when Craig was almost 11, to a new life (my first
husband and I had filed for divorce - too much time apart left nothing in
our marriage except a very roommate like friendship - it was amicable and
things went very smoothly) and a new man in our lives. Not too long after we
settled in, the new man and I realized that we were seeing some very erratic
behavior from Craig. It took a little work, but we sussed out the culprit -
Corn syrup. Craig couldn't deal with it. So we removed the corn syrup, and
something very interesting happened - his reading level shot from Captain
Underpants to The Chronicles of Narnia, and Harry Potter in a week. Not
kidding. We've noticed a slight dyslexia, but he's still miles ahead of
where he was. At some point, our family structure took on the informal
"radical" nature... probably because of the need for us to both be working,
and the different hours (we both worked late shifts). It was never a
conscious decision, it just sort of flowed out what we were already doing.
Fast forward to now - 5 years later. I'm back at home with my kids (where I
really prefer to be), Craig's still loving the life we have, and we're doing
the same with Danny - who is 20 months. It took some learning on his part,
but my second husband is fully behind the unschooling. He had to deschool
himself - he went through an advanced high school program, his mom was a
public school teacher for 25 years and still works for the district she
taught in, and he had many good experiences in school. We had many
discussions about it, I gave him plenty to read (including the Unschooling
Handbook), and he finally realized that this was working for our family, and
that his experiences in school were not the norm for everyone.
We never really were convinced to radical unschool. It just flowed from what
we were doing and what we believed - that our children's happiness was more
important than societal norms. Now, I'm looking at a young man who's
expressed interest in going to the Not Back to School camp - probably
the one in Oregon - this summer. So we're looking at our one income budget
to try and find the extra monies to send him. At the end this year, he's
going to Japan to visit his dad and stepmom - his dad is paying for the
ticket - which he's thoroughly thrilled about. He's a huge anime and manga
fan, and his favorite console system (Nintendo) is based in Japan. He's also
thrilled about all the stuff he'll be able to see. He wants to learn
Japanese before he goes, so that he can at least say a few things in the
language and be understood. :)
Anyway, sorry this was so long, but it really isn't just one story that got
us to where we are.
Laura W
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura Wray
~~> What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? <~~
Sorry... this answer is going to run a little long.
As a child, I hated school! As a military brat, moving all over, I was
constantly missing stuff (the topic wasn't being discussed yet by the school
I was at, and had already been discussed at the school I would be moving
to), or getting stuff twice. I hated the busy work in class, always getting
in trouble for reading ahead, and thus not being where I was supposed to be.
I remember in 4th grade, doing grammar work, and answering the questions in
my head, and moving to the next section and answering those questions, and
so on, until suddenly the teacher called for the papers to be passed
forward. I had no paper to pass forward, because though I'd answered all the
questions, I hadn't written them down. I'd get tired of listening to how
slowly people read (I'd learned very early - starting at age 3 with the seed
packets from the garden Mom just put in), so I'd read ahead in the story.
I'd get called on to read, and would often be in a different story. Got in
trouble for that. Was sent to a private school, in hopes by my parents that
it would pull my grades up, since it was paced by the workbooks you were
doing. You did them at the speed you needed, so when you finished one, you
went to the next, whether the rest of the kids were at that point or not.
The other problem, for me, was the extreme attitude of the school - dancing
and singing were bad, unless done in the "Lord's House". Girls wore skirts
to school, except on field trips - then we got to wear slacks. So skirts,
even in the wet, cold south Texas winters, even if you were sick. I got
paddled for wearing a pair of slacks to school (at my mother's insistance)
because I was sick. Mom had to come bring me a skirt before I could go back
to class. An increase in tuition found me back at public school, and I never
went to private school again.
I found myself increasingly bored in school, hated doing the busywork, hated
doing the homework. It felt like a waste of time for me to sit down with 30
math problems, or 20 questions to answer about whatever subject. Re: the
math, I either got it within a few problems or I didn't... continuing to do
problems I already understood was a waste of precious time that could be
spent doing the countless hours of other homework I had; continuing to
struggle with problems I didn't understand was also a waste of that time.
The questions to be answered from other subjects were busywork - can you
look through the book, find the answer and then put it in your own words.
*sigh* It all felt very wasteful. So my grades were not what my parents (and
other family members) expected of me. I can't tell you how many times I
heard the phrase "You're smarter than this! Why don't you just do the work,
and turn it in?" I could never seem to get them to understand my viewpoint.
I'd long ago learned the futility of doing things that I enjoyed, hearing
such things as "You need to have vocational skills so that you can get a job
doing *something*." "You'll never make enough money as an artist to support
yourself, you have to have something to fall back on." So I got a job before
I was out of high school, met the man who be my first husband and worked.
Fast forward 5 years - married, our new son is 8 months old, and because of
finances, my husband joined the Navy (the one thing I'd sworn as a child and
teen was that I'd never marry a military man - technically I didn't). We got
stationed in San Diego, and then within two years, were informed the entire
ship and ship's company was moving homeports to western Washington. I
realized at that point I needed to do something about my son's education, so
he wasn't hopscotching around the way I did. I had an aunt who'd bucked
family wisdom and homeschooled her kids, so the precedent was there.
Washington state is pretty homeschooler friendly, so I figured I'd be able
to handle it.
When Craig, my oldest, turned 6 he was old enough to be enrolled in school,
though you weren't required to actually send them to school until they were
8 (if I remember correctly). We sat down and pulled out the kindergarten
workbook I'd gotten - a comprehensive curriculum that offered everything -
math, science, reading/grammar, citizenship, environmental studies - all
geared towards the grade the child was in. After a week, a frustrating,
head-butting, angry, argument filled week, I realized something very
important. I was trying to do to him what had happened to me in school.
Busywork. He could answer the questions if I read them to him, did math in
his head easily, but writing the answers down was torture to him, as was
trying to read by himself. I decided maybe we needed to set things aside for
a little while - after all there were a couple of years before I had to
officially do anything formal (notifying the school district) about his
schooling. In the meantime, I joined a couple of online support groups, and
kept seeing the term "unschooling". Asked some questions, did a bunch of
research, read "Growing without Schooling" at the public library just a
couple years before the magazine stopped publishing, and realized that this
was the path for us. My husband wasn't real happy, but since Craig was
happy, and healthy, there wasn't a whole lot to complain about. Craig loved
it. He spent the days building things with his Legos, played video games,
watched "The Magic School Bus" and explored the great outdoors. He had
freedom to go where he wanted (within the wide boundaries I'd set for my 6
yr old) - the one stipulation was coming home when his watch beeped - mostly
to check in, in case I needed to run to the commissary or go pick up his Dad
from work. It was during this time that Craig started asking if he could
stay home when I went to pick up his Dad. He was involved in his Legos, and
didn't want to stop building, and could he please stay home. Since I was
only 5 minutes away, I said yes. He started asking more and more often, and
I said yes, unless it was going to be a longer trip (grocery shopping or
something like that).
We turned back only once, when he was about 8, and we'd been stationed back
in California. I was getting pressure from everyone in the family (my sister
was the worst - her schooled daughter is 2 days younger than Craig) to do
school. They wanted a measurable something to see that he was actually
learning. After a week, we stopped again, because of many of the same issues
as before... frustration with reading and writing. It almost hurt watching
him. We never looked back after that. I had a big talk with my mother, aunt,
a couple of family friends and told them that his schooling was my choice,
and that his education was going to be better than anything he could get in
school - how much better a "teacher/student" ratio could they want than one
on one, and since in California we were registered as a private school, I
just let it sit that way. They weren't happy, but it wasn't their choice. I
also figured out part of the reason Craig was having issues with reading and
writing was an allergic type reaction to the petroleum based additives in
our food. So we set about changing our diet. He flourished with this diet,
and was able to do so at home, without people teasing him for having
different foods, or being different. During our time in CA, he started
asking if he could stay home when I went to drop his dad off at work - 2
hours away one way. We had to leave the house by 3:30 in the morning, which
meant disrupting Craig's sleep (he didn't do the fall asleep in the car
thing), and a 4 hour car trip. I thought about it for a little while, made
sure he could dial my cell phone number, and his grandmother's (just in
case) and then we gave it a try. He was still sleeping when I got home. So
we continued to do that. Pretty soon, he indicated that he wanted to stay
home when I went to go get him (I dropped him off on Mon, picked him up on
Th). Since we dealt with rush hour traffic, it meant a longer trip. Since
he'd decided he was ready for this, I said yes. Made sure there were plenty
of things in the kitchen for him to eat, and went and picked up his dad. It
worked out well, and he was happy.
We moved to Colorado when Craig was almost 11, to a new life (my first
husband and I had filed for divorce - too much time apart left nothing in
our marriage except a very roommate like friendship - it was amicable and
things went very smoothly) and a new man in our lives. Not too long after we
settled in, the new man and I realized that we were seeing some very erratic
behavior from Craig. It took a little work, but we sussed out the culprit -
Corn syrup. Craig couldn't deal with it. So we removed the corn syrup, and
something very interesting happened - his reading level shot from Captain
Underpants to The Chronicles of Narnia, and Harry Potter in a week. Not
kidding. We've noticed a slight dyslexia, but he's still miles ahead of
where he was. At some point, our family structure took on the informal
"radical" nature... probably because of the need for us to both be working,
and the different hours (we both worked late shifts). It was never a
conscious decision, it just sort of flowed out what we were already doing.
Fast forward to now - 5 years later. I'm back at home with my kids (where I
really prefer to be), Craig's still loving the life we have, and we're doing
the same with Danny - who is 20 months. It took some learning on his part,
but my second husband is fully behind the unschooling. He had to deschool
himself - he went through an advanced high school program, his mom was a
public school teacher for 25 years and still works for the district she
taught in, and he had many good experiences in school. We had many
discussions about it, I gave him plenty to read (including the Unschooling
Handbook), and he finally realized that this was working for our family, and
that his experiences in school were not the norm for everyone.
We never really were convinced to radical unschool. It just flowed from what
we were doing and what we believed - that our children's happiness was more
important than societal norms. Now, I'm looking at a young man who's
expressed interest in going to the Not Back to School camp - probably the
one in Oregon - this summer. So we're looking at our one income budget to
try and find the extra monies to send him. At the end this year, he's going
to Japan to visit his dad and stepmom - his dad is paying for the ticket -
which he's thoroughly thrilled about. He's a huge anime and manga fan, and
his favorite console system (Nintendo) is based in Japan. He's also thrilled
about all the stuff he'll be able to see. He wants to learn Japanese before
he goes, so that he can at least say a few things in the language and be
understood. :)
Anyway, sorry this was so long, but it really isn't just one story that got
us to where we are.
Laura W
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
radical unschooling? <~~
Sorry... this answer is going to run a little long.
As a child, I hated school! As a military brat, moving all over, I was
constantly missing stuff (the topic wasn't being discussed yet by the school
I was at, and had already been discussed at the school I would be moving
to), or getting stuff twice. I hated the busy work in class, always getting
in trouble for reading ahead, and thus not being where I was supposed to be.
I remember in 4th grade, doing grammar work, and answering the questions in
my head, and moving to the next section and answering those questions, and
so on, until suddenly the teacher called for the papers to be passed
forward. I had no paper to pass forward, because though I'd answered all the
questions, I hadn't written them down. I'd get tired of listening to how
slowly people read (I'd learned very early - starting at age 3 with the seed
packets from the garden Mom just put in), so I'd read ahead in the story.
I'd get called on to read, and would often be in a different story. Got in
trouble for that. Was sent to a private school, in hopes by my parents that
it would pull my grades up, since it was paced by the workbooks you were
doing. You did them at the speed you needed, so when you finished one, you
went to the next, whether the rest of the kids were at that point or not.
The other problem, for me, was the extreme attitude of the school - dancing
and singing were bad, unless done in the "Lord's House". Girls wore skirts
to school, except on field trips - then we got to wear slacks. So skirts,
even in the wet, cold south Texas winters, even if you were sick. I got
paddled for wearing a pair of slacks to school (at my mother's insistance)
because I was sick. Mom had to come bring me a skirt before I could go back
to class. An increase in tuition found me back at public school, and I never
went to private school again.
I found myself increasingly bored in school, hated doing the busywork, hated
doing the homework. It felt like a waste of time for me to sit down with 30
math problems, or 20 questions to answer about whatever subject. Re: the
math, I either got it within a few problems or I didn't... continuing to do
problems I already understood was a waste of precious time that could be
spent doing the countless hours of other homework I had; continuing to
struggle with problems I didn't understand was also a waste of that time.
The questions to be answered from other subjects were busywork - can you
look through the book, find the answer and then put it in your own words.
*sigh* It all felt very wasteful. So my grades were not what my parents (and
other family members) expected of me. I can't tell you how many times I
heard the phrase "You're smarter than this! Why don't you just do the work,
and turn it in?" I could never seem to get them to understand my viewpoint.
I'd long ago learned the futility of doing things that I enjoyed, hearing
such things as "You need to have vocational skills so that you can get a job
doing *something*." "You'll never make enough money as an artist to support
yourself, you have to have something to fall back on." So I got a job before
I was out of high school, met the man who be my first husband and worked.
Fast forward 5 years - married, our new son is 8 months old, and because of
finances, my husband joined the Navy (the one thing I'd sworn as a child and
teen was that I'd never marry a military man - technically I didn't). We got
stationed in San Diego, and then within two years, were informed the entire
ship and ship's company was moving homeports to western Washington. I
realized at that point I needed to do something about my son's education, so
he wasn't hopscotching around the way I did. I had an aunt who'd bucked
family wisdom and homeschooled her kids, so the precedent was there.
Washington state is pretty homeschooler friendly, so I figured I'd be able
to handle it.
When Craig, my oldest, turned 6 he was old enough to be enrolled in school,
though you weren't required to actually send them to school until they were
8 (if I remember correctly). We sat down and pulled out the kindergarten
workbook I'd gotten - a comprehensive curriculum that offered everything -
math, science, reading/grammar, citizenship, environmental studies - all
geared towards the grade the child was in. After a week, a frustrating,
head-butting, angry, argument filled week, I realized something very
important. I was trying to do to him what had happened to me in school.
Busywork. He could answer the questions if I read them to him, did math in
his head easily, but writing the answers down was torture to him, as was
trying to read by himself. I decided maybe we needed to set things aside for
a little while - after all there were a couple of years before I had to
officially do anything formal (notifying the school district) about his
schooling. In the meantime, I joined a couple of online support groups, and
kept seeing the term "unschooling". Asked some questions, did a bunch of
research, read "Growing without Schooling" at the public library just a
couple years before the magazine stopped publishing, and realized that this
was the path for us. My husband wasn't real happy, but since Craig was
happy, and healthy, there wasn't a whole lot to complain about. Craig loved
it. He spent the days building things with his Legos, played video games,
watched "The Magic School Bus" and explored the great outdoors. He had
freedom to go where he wanted (within the wide boundaries I'd set for my 6
yr old) - the one stipulation was coming home when his watch beeped - mostly
to check in, in case I needed to run to the commissary or go pick up his Dad
from work. It was during this time that Craig started asking if he could
stay home when I went to pick up his Dad. He was involved in his Legos, and
didn't want to stop building, and could he please stay home. Since I was
only 5 minutes away, I said yes. He started asking more and more often, and
I said yes, unless it was going to be a longer trip (grocery shopping or
something like that).
We turned back only once, when he was about 8, and we'd been stationed back
in California. I was getting pressure from everyone in the family (my sister
was the worst - her schooled daughter is 2 days younger than Craig) to do
school. They wanted a measurable something to see that he was actually
learning. After a week, we stopped again, because of many of the same issues
as before... frustration with reading and writing. It almost hurt watching
him. We never looked back after that. I had a big talk with my mother, aunt,
a couple of family friends and told them that his schooling was my choice,
and that his education was going to be better than anything he could get in
school - how much better a "teacher/student" ratio could they want than one
on one, and since in California we were registered as a private school, I
just let it sit that way. They weren't happy, but it wasn't their choice. I
also figured out part of the reason Craig was having issues with reading and
writing was an allergic type reaction to the petroleum based additives in
our food. So we set about changing our diet. He flourished with this diet,
and was able to do so at home, without people teasing him for having
different foods, or being different. During our time in CA, he started
asking if he could stay home when I went to drop his dad off at work - 2
hours away one way. We had to leave the house by 3:30 in the morning, which
meant disrupting Craig's sleep (he didn't do the fall asleep in the car
thing), and a 4 hour car trip. I thought about it for a little while, made
sure he could dial my cell phone number, and his grandmother's (just in
case) and then we gave it a try. He was still sleeping when I got home. So
we continued to do that. Pretty soon, he indicated that he wanted to stay
home when I went to go get him (I dropped him off on Mon, picked him up on
Th). Since we dealt with rush hour traffic, it meant a longer trip. Since
he'd decided he was ready for this, I said yes. Made sure there were plenty
of things in the kitchen for him to eat, and went and picked up his dad. It
worked out well, and he was happy.
We moved to Colorado when Craig was almost 11, to a new life (my first
husband and I had filed for divorce - too much time apart left nothing in
our marriage except a very roommate like friendship - it was amicable and
things went very smoothly) and a new man in our lives. Not too long after we
settled in, the new man and I realized that we were seeing some very erratic
behavior from Craig. It took a little work, but we sussed out the culprit -
Corn syrup. Craig couldn't deal with it. So we removed the corn syrup, and
something very interesting happened - his reading level shot from Captain
Underpants to The Chronicles of Narnia, and Harry Potter in a week. Not
kidding. We've noticed a slight dyslexia, but he's still miles ahead of
where he was. At some point, our family structure took on the informal
"radical" nature... probably because of the need for us to both be working,
and the different hours (we both worked late shifts). It was never a
conscious decision, it just sort of flowed out what we were already doing.
Fast forward to now - 5 years later. I'm back at home with my kids (where I
really prefer to be), Craig's still loving the life we have, and we're doing
the same with Danny - who is 20 months. It took some learning on his part,
but my second husband is fully behind the unschooling. He had to deschool
himself - he went through an advanced high school program, his mom was a
public school teacher for 25 years and still works for the district she
taught in, and he had many good experiences in school. We had many
discussions about it, I gave him plenty to read (including the Unschooling
Handbook), and he finally realized that this was working for our family, and
that his experiences in school were not the norm for everyone.
We never really were convinced to radical unschool. It just flowed from what
we were doing and what we believed - that our children's happiness was more
important than societal norms. Now, I'm looking at a young man who's
expressed interest in going to the Not Back to School camp - probably the
one in Oregon - this summer. So we're looking at our one income budget to
try and find the extra monies to send him. At the end this year, he's going
to Japan to visit his dad and stepmom - his dad is paying for the ticket -
which he's thoroughly thrilled about. He's a huge anime and manga fan, and
his favorite console system (Nintendo) is based in Japan. He's also thrilled
about all the stuff he'll be able to see. He wants to learn Japanese before
he goes, so that he can at least say a few things in the language and be
understood. :)
Anyway, sorry this was so long, but it really isn't just one story that got
us to where we are.
Laura W
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda's Shoebox
First, I want to thank those who shared the connection between the word unschooling and uncola. It makes me like the term unschooling a little more. I must admit I'm a little uncomfortable with the word as I think it conjures up the wrong images in people's minds when you tell them that that is the educational path you've chosen for your children.
My best friend growing up was a homeschooler and, while I was an honor roll student who loved learning, I hated high school...
...I hated the cliques
...I hated the English teacher that gave me a D on my oral report on Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I chose the book because my older cousin in college was studying the book and the relationship the book had to the addiction many in England had to cocaine. In my oral report I discussed the correlation between the book and drug addiction, but she felt that I missed the actual theme of the book, good vs. evil, and that I chose the book because it was less than 80 pages long. I read War and Peace for the second semester oral report on a classic book <BEG>. This teacher also questioned the existence of kudzu when I was supposed to write a factual essay. When I went up to her after class and told her that it did, in fact, exist and was a huge problem in Kentucky, she told me, "well, if it does exist, I'm sure you spelled it wrong"?!?!?
...I hated the History teacher whose entire method of teaching was standing in front of the classroom reading from the textbook in a monotone voice.
...I hated the Gym teacher who gave me detention for chewing gum in her class. I showed up for detention. After waiting outside her locked door for 30 minutes for her to show up, I left. The next day she accused "me" of not showing up!
Okay, so maybe "hate" is a strong word, but you get the point.
I finally convinced my parents to let me homeschool for my Junior year in high school. Sadly, it was the same year that my homeschooling friend moved to another state.
My parents purchased me 4 correspondence courses and I went from working 10 hours a week at our local health food store to managing their deli and working 40+ hours a week.
All in all, I only completed a few assignments of the courses. I spent most of my time working and living. I lost contact with my school friends... we were living different lives.
I met my husband, who was a homeless seventeen year old at the time. He was really the only person in my life I could relate to. Six months later I was pregnant. We were married 3 weeks after my 17th birthday. I never finished high school or went to college. This continued to bother me. I loved the learning part of school and while I continued to learn throughout adulthood and always regretted not having "proof" of what I knew. Part of that was that I felt trapped in my life and that I didn't have a lot of freedom... but that's a whole other story.
Then 5 years ago, our oldest daughter, 10, is about to start 6th graded (first year of middle school). We hear horrible things about our local middle school and apply for a charter school. She was accepted and woke up at 5 am every morning to ride on a school bus for one hour (each way) to return home at 5 pm with 2-3 hours of homework each night. By the end of 6th grade, our daughter was stressed, cranky, exhausted, and constantly fighting with us.
My husband suggested we try homeschooling her the following year. Looking back at my homeschooling experience, I was dead set against it. I didn't want my daughter feeling alone and alienated as I had as a teenager which eventually made sneaking out of my window almost every night to be with my homeless boyfriend, now husband.
I finally agreed to do a one year trial with the condition that she would be in some sort of activity where she could interact with other kids. I didn't know about homeschooling groups at that point.
Well, that year was amazing! We absolutely loved it. My husband and I both work from home and it was fantastic. We loved having her home with us and brought our other two daughters home the following year. It's amazing how much more you learn about your children while homeschooling. We went from using K12.com to making our own curriculum.
My oldest daughter was very focused on grades, "being advanced", going to Harvard... she was missing the joy of learning. My middle daughter would just get through her assignments, doing as little as possible. My youngest daughter would complain about everything and just hated to read (which seriously bummed me out because my older two daughters and I LOVE reading).
I began learning about unschooling. I loved the idea of it, but thought it was still important to teach grammar and math through Algebra II... wasn't it? At that point, we didn't actually know any unschoolers.
Last November, we moved to a new town and joined a homeschooling group run by an unschooling family. I was sold. I only had to convince my oldest daughter to give it a try. Turns out, she was sold on it as well after talking with the children of the unschooling family. She asked to stop taking all of her classes a couple of months ago (at which point I freaked out a little for a moment, lol), but I talked with my husband and he agreed to start unschooling our children.
I still feel a little bit of panic every once in a while. But most days I love it. Right now my girls are having a blast in the pool. Yesterday, I walked into the computer room to find my 14 year old studying to take the AP Microeconomics exam next month (while she dropped the class, she decided to continue studying on her own), my 13 year old writing an essay on the relationship between education and liberty for a writing contest, and my 10 year old playing Disney's Toontown. Seeing them happily pursuing their own interests is really awesome.
I would love to eventually move to radical unschooling... my husband isn't quite sold on the idea... but I think we'll get there.
~ Amanda
My best friend growing up was a homeschooler and, while I was an honor roll student who loved learning, I hated high school...
...I hated the cliques
...I hated the English teacher that gave me a D on my oral report on Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I chose the book because my older cousin in college was studying the book and the relationship the book had to the addiction many in England had to cocaine. In my oral report I discussed the correlation between the book and drug addiction, but she felt that I missed the actual theme of the book, good vs. evil, and that I chose the book because it was less than 80 pages long. I read War and Peace for the second semester oral report on a classic book <BEG>. This teacher also questioned the existence of kudzu when I was supposed to write a factual essay. When I went up to her after class and told her that it did, in fact, exist and was a huge problem in Kentucky, she told me, "well, if it does exist, I'm sure you spelled it wrong"?!?!?
...I hated the History teacher whose entire method of teaching was standing in front of the classroom reading from the textbook in a monotone voice.
...I hated the Gym teacher who gave me detention for chewing gum in her class. I showed up for detention. After waiting outside her locked door for 30 minutes for her to show up, I left. The next day she accused "me" of not showing up!
Okay, so maybe "hate" is a strong word, but you get the point.
I finally convinced my parents to let me homeschool for my Junior year in high school. Sadly, it was the same year that my homeschooling friend moved to another state.
My parents purchased me 4 correspondence courses and I went from working 10 hours a week at our local health food store to managing their deli and working 40+ hours a week.
All in all, I only completed a few assignments of the courses. I spent most of my time working and living. I lost contact with my school friends... we were living different lives.
I met my husband, who was a homeless seventeen year old at the time. He was really the only person in my life I could relate to. Six months later I was pregnant. We were married 3 weeks after my 17th birthday. I never finished high school or went to college. This continued to bother me. I loved the learning part of school and while I continued to learn throughout adulthood and always regretted not having "proof" of what I knew. Part of that was that I felt trapped in my life and that I didn't have a lot of freedom... but that's a whole other story.
Then 5 years ago, our oldest daughter, 10, is about to start 6th graded (first year of middle school). We hear horrible things about our local middle school and apply for a charter school. She was accepted and woke up at 5 am every morning to ride on a school bus for one hour (each way) to return home at 5 pm with 2-3 hours of homework each night. By the end of 6th grade, our daughter was stressed, cranky, exhausted, and constantly fighting with us.
My husband suggested we try homeschooling her the following year. Looking back at my homeschooling experience, I was dead set against it. I didn't want my daughter feeling alone and alienated as I had as a teenager which eventually made sneaking out of my window almost every night to be with my homeless boyfriend, now husband.
I finally agreed to do a one year trial with the condition that she would be in some sort of activity where she could interact with other kids. I didn't know about homeschooling groups at that point.
Well, that year was amazing! We absolutely loved it. My husband and I both work from home and it was fantastic. We loved having her home with us and brought our other two daughters home the following year. It's amazing how much more you learn about your children while homeschooling. We went from using K12.com to making our own curriculum.
My oldest daughter was very focused on grades, "being advanced", going to Harvard... she was missing the joy of learning. My middle daughter would just get through her assignments, doing as little as possible. My youngest daughter would complain about everything and just hated to read (which seriously bummed me out because my older two daughters and I LOVE reading).
I began learning about unschooling. I loved the idea of it, but thought it was still important to teach grammar and math through Algebra II... wasn't it? At that point, we didn't actually know any unschoolers.
Last November, we moved to a new town and joined a homeschooling group run by an unschooling family. I was sold. I only had to convince my oldest daughter to give it a try. Turns out, she was sold on it as well after talking with the children of the unschooling family. She asked to stop taking all of her classes a couple of months ago (at which point I freaked out a little for a moment, lol), but I talked with my husband and he agreed to start unschooling our children.
I still feel a little bit of panic every once in a while. But most days I love it. Right now my girls are having a blast in the pool. Yesterday, I walked into the computer room to find my 14 year old studying to take the AP Microeconomics exam next month (while she dropped the class, she decided to continue studying on her own), my 13 year old writing an essay on the relationship between education and liberty for a writing contest, and my 10 year old playing Disney's Toontown. Seeing them happily pursuing their own interests is really awesome.
I would love to eventually move to radical unschooling... my husband isn't quite sold on the idea... but I think we'll get there.
~ Amanda
--- In [email protected], k <katherand@...> wrote:
>
> What convinced you that radical unschooling was a good fit for your
> family? What was the most convincing part for you about the idea of
> radical unschooling?
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-I would love to eventually move to radical unschooling... my
husband isn't quite sold on the idea... but I think we'll get there.-=-
Don't rush him, but consider attending a gathering somewhere where he
can meet older unschooled kids and see families interacting.
http://sandradodd.com/partners
http://unschooling.info/gatherings
there are also gatherings in Wales and southern England in the next
few months, I'm pretty sure, and undoubtedly a dozen more I didn't
know about when I made that list.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
husband isn't quite sold on the idea... but I think we'll get there.-=-
Don't rush him, but consider attending a gathering somewhere where he
can meet older unschooled kids and see families interacting.
http://sandradodd.com/partners
http://unschooling.info/gatherings
there are also gatherings in Wales and southern England in the next
few months, I'm pretty sure, and undoubtedly a dozen more I didn't
know about when I made that list.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]