diana jenner

On Mon, Apr 19, 2010 at 9:37 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> -=-When something comes to me as an issue I have found myself
> formulating it as a question for this list and then imagining what the
> answers might be. What I have only now realised is that this is
> indicative of how extraordinarily difficult I have found it to think
> for myself. I am so used to being spoonfed the "right answer" that
> even now, in my forties, I sort of wait for someone to tell me what to
> do. -=-
> I don't think what you're describing is unusual at all, though.
> People have voices in their heads, and they have the images of people
> whose approval would make them feel better.

Knowing I'm in control of those voices (I found volume!) and that I am the
one who can shape the things said to me *inside my OWN head* are very
important day-to-day tools. You can fire the voices you no longer agree
with. Crazy but TRUE ;)

I used to "bring in" Sandra to virtually sit in the corner of the room while
I played with my kids. She would *in my head* watch and approve of the

Once I heard her voice IRL and listened to Parenting Peacefully about 857
times, she moved from the corner of the room to the head of the choir!
Slowly, slowly through the years, I've collected the voices of the moms I
want most to be like (and lucky us, there are lots of 'em here!) and allowed
them to speak to me in ways I'd never heard before! While waiting for that
next, better option (a PP tool), I'll poll my mental-mamas for suggestions.
(hmmm, I've not used this lately, perhaps this is a reminder to me more than
any of the general you ;))

> I have TONS of people in my head.
My dad's voice *in my head* was incredibly critical, though he'd not spoken
that way (to me or anyone else) in over 25 years. I've incorporated a lot of
New Dad-isms, while finding humor (instead of shame or pain) in the Old
Dad-isms. i.e. He used to say, "If you had any brains, you'd take 'em out
and play with 'em!" Part of me remembers the insult, while there's a part of
me that remembers how I would internally smile and think, "At least I'd have
something to PLAY with!" Today, my dad would laugh at my thought, he
wouldn't have then. Imagining us laughing together is a better thought to
carry than the insult. As an unschooling mommy, I can't imagine the pain
little-boy-Ed felt about having things said to him. I know Papa Ed
appreciates seeing it not happen to his grandson. So changing those old
voices, improves the now relations. And no one outside your mind need know
how it was done! :D

> I have Holly in my head when I want to buy something that I don't
> really need. Darn that Holly.
> __
My most favorite Holly-ism:
"Does that need to be heard?"
I didn't imagine this could be said in a non-snarky way - IT CAN! With a
genuine concern to make life better, it can, it was.
In that gap between getting riled up and taking that deep breath to begin to
spew, in comes Holly's voice & I'm deflated like a balloon. I step back and
examine what I'm about to say; I can still say it in 38 seconds if it's
deemed worthy of being heard. 78.53% of the time (scientifically) the
thought doesn't need to leave me; the rest of the time, the editing option
should still be used ;)

~diana :)

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