Spending time with three kids
Mirjam
I'm "new" to the group, have been reading a lot about unschooling, wish I had done it earlier. Don't understand it completely yet, but learning :).
I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely and I'm wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the moment (that he (obviously) plays inside).
And I have similar situations when one of the kids is on the computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....
Anyone with a good advise or someone who can tell me how they handle this?
Mirjam :o), with Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com
I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely and I'm wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the moment (that he (obviously) plays inside).
And I have similar situations when one of the kids is on the computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....
Anyone with a good advise or someone who can tell me how they handle this?
Mirjam :o), with Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com
Sandra Dodd
-=-And I have similar situations when one of the kids is on the
computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and
one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide
myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....-=-
If they're safe and engaged in something they're enjoying, I don't see
a problem. If they can get to you if they want you, then you're
there, it seems to me.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and
one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide
myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....-=-
If they're safe and engaged in something they're enjoying, I don't see
a problem. If they can get to you if they want you, then you're
there, it seems to me.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Marina DeLuca-Howard
<<I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely and I'm
wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a
lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle
one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the
moment (that he (obviously) plays inside)>>
Can you get an extension cord? We have watched tv outside, played ds and
computer games outside(we have wireless for a reason). Can you ask the kids
for input? They may make all sorts of suggestions you haven't considered:-)
Alternately, he may be able to play alone for a while and then join you for
a garden party, mad hatter tea party, or a mudbath/fest/party on a theme he
enjoys...
Marina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a
lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle
one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the
moment (that he (obviously) plays inside)>>
Can you get an extension cord? We have watched tv outside, played ds and
computer games outside(we have wireless for a reason). Can you ask the kids
for input? They may make all sorts of suggestions you haven't considered:-)
Alternately, he may be able to play alone for a while and then join you for
a garden party, mad hatter tea party, or a mudbath/fest/party on a theme he
enjoys...
Marina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mirjam Koopmans
Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 0:30
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
-=-And I have similar situations when one of the kids is on the
computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and
one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide
myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....-=-
If they're safe and engaged in something they're enjoying, I don't see
a problem. If they can get to you if they want you, then you're
there, it seems to me.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 0:30
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
-=-And I have similar situations when one of the kids is on the
computer in the "computer room", on is outside on the trampoline and
one is playing in the kitchen, or in the livingroom. I cannot divide
myself in three persons and be in three rooms at the same time.....-=-
If they're safe and engaged in something they're enjoying, I don't see
a problem. If they can get to you if they want you, then you're
there, it seems to me.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mirjam Koopmans
Hi Marina,
We don't have laptops (only my husband, for his work), so that wouldn't be
easy to do :-).
When the boys are playing on the computer/PS, they are fine, I don't think
they'd say I should be there all the time. I'm always trying to listen if
anything is going wrong (you can hear that by the comments they make ;)))
and try to be there before anything could go wrong. But I'll ask them
tomorrow.
Thank you for your thoughts! I'll try your suggestions :-)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Marina DeLuca-Howard
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 0:32
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
<<I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.
<http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely> com/howto/precisely and I'm
wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a
lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle
one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the
moment (that he (obviously) plays inside)>>
Can you get an extension cord? We have watched tv outside, played ds and
computer games outside(we have wireless for a reason). Can you ask the kids
for input? They may make all sorts of suggestions you haven't considered:-)
Alternately, he may be able to play alone for a while and then join you for
a garden party, mad hatter tea party, or a mudbath/fest/party on a theme he
enjoys...
Marina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We don't have laptops (only my husband, for his work), so that wouldn't be
easy to do :-).
When the boys are playing on the computer/PS, they are fine, I don't think
they'd say I should be there all the time. I'm always trying to listen if
anything is going wrong (you can hear that by the comments they make ;)))
and try to be there before anything could go wrong. But I'll ask them
tomorrow.
Thank you for your thoughts! I'll try your suggestions :-)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Marina DeLuca-Howard
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 0:32
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
<<I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.
<http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely> com/howto/precisely and I'm
wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a
lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle
one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the
moment (that he (obviously) plays inside)>>
Can you get an extension cord? We have watched tv outside, played ds and
computer games outside(we have wireless for a reason). Can you ask the kids
for input? They may make all sorts of suggestions you haven't considered:-)
Alternately, he may be able to play alone for a while and then join you for
a garden party, mad hatter tea party, or a mudbath/fest/party on a theme he
enjoys...
Marina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
You could reconnect with the older one when you come in - check to see if he needs a snack or comment on his game. 8 is still young, even if he is the oldest remember to do things with him at a different time if he does not want to go outside to garden. Connect with him on what does interest him.
Lisa W.
Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa W.
Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
> You could reconnect with the older one when you come in - check toYou could also have a walkie-talkie unit set up, in case he realizes
> see if he needs a snack or comment on his game. 8 is still young,
> even if he is the oldest remember to do things with him at a
> different time if he does not want to go outside to garden. Connect
> with him on what does interest him.
>
he needs you or you can just check in with him (if he's okay with that).
Robin B.
Mirjam Koopmans
Hi Lisa,
Oh, it's not that he's there the whole day just by himself. Not at all. It
was just that I was wondering how I could spend the *entire* day with three
boys at the same time.
I bring/make him food, ask him if he wants on the trampoline with me, sit
next to him and watch him play, watch movies together, go out together,
suggest things etc.. At the moment he's not very much interested in being
read to (which we used to do a lot!), but he likes reading himself.
Thank you for your thoughts! It's all very helpful!
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Ed Wendell
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 1:39
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
You could reconnect with the older one when you come in - check to see if he
needs a snack or comment on his game. 8 is still young, even if he is the
oldest remember to do things with him at a different time if he does not
want to go outside to garden. Connect with him on what does interest him.
Lisa W.
Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Oh, it's not that he's there the whole day just by himself. Not at all. It
was just that I was wondering how I could spend the *entire* day with three
boys at the same time.
I bring/make him food, ask him if he wants on the trampoline with me, sit
next to him and watch him play, watch movies together, go out together,
suggest things etc.. At the moment he's not very much interested in being
read to (which we used to do a lot!), but he likes reading himself.
Thank you for your thoughts! It's all very helpful!
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Ed Wendell
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 1:39
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
You could reconnect with the older one when you come in - check to see if he
needs a snack or comment on his game. 8 is still young, even if he is the
oldest remember to do things with him at a different time if he does not
want to go outside to garden. Connect with him on what does interest him.
Lisa W.
Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......
I choose to be with the younger two, because the oldest is completely fine
(when fed ;)) just by himself. He will come to me if he wants to tell me
about his victory etc.
Thank you.
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-It was just that I was wondering how I could spend the *entire* day
with three
boys at the same time. -=-
Where did you get the idea that you "had to"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
with three
boys at the same time. -=-
Where did you get the idea that you "had to"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
undermom
**Ah, ok :-)
I thought I had to be there physically......**
It sounds like you probably don't. It sounds like your particular 8yo doesn't need you or desire you there with him all the time, and that he's fine being in the house while the rest of you are outside doing something else. You should be able to periodically check in with him and keep connected that way, and perhaps he'll wish to come join you at a stopping point in his game.
The general advice is that parents need to be with their children just as long as the children need them to be there. Some (very few) 4 year olds are okay alone for relatively long stretches of time. Some (very few) 12 year olds need to have mom in the same room all the time they're awake. Most kids have needs somewhere within that range.
On my local unschool list the question comes up every year or so "What age did you let your kids stay home alone while you went out?" It's not a question that can just be answered with a number, so that the questioner can then just sort of average them out. The answer for all of us is pretty much "It depends". Some families live in neighborhoods where no one else is home in the middle of the day, leaving a child few options if they needed help. Some families live next door to supportive relatives. Some children are likely to sit quietly reading a book while mom runs to the store, some children are never still even when sleeping. Some children are still dangerously impulsive as young teens, some are reliably cautious at 6. For some families, a trip to the mailbox is a 20 minute hike, while others have a convenience store on the corner.
They're related ideas. Some 8 year olds need their parents right beside them all the time, some don't.
Deborah in IL
I thought I had to be there physically......**
It sounds like you probably don't. It sounds like your particular 8yo doesn't need you or desire you there with him all the time, and that he's fine being in the house while the rest of you are outside doing something else. You should be able to periodically check in with him and keep connected that way, and perhaps he'll wish to come join you at a stopping point in his game.
The general advice is that parents need to be with their children just as long as the children need them to be there. Some (very few) 4 year olds are okay alone for relatively long stretches of time. Some (very few) 12 year olds need to have mom in the same room all the time they're awake. Most kids have needs somewhere within that range.
On my local unschool list the question comes up every year or so "What age did you let your kids stay home alone while you went out?" It's not a question that can just be answered with a number, so that the questioner can then just sort of average them out. The answer for all of us is pretty much "It depends". Some families live in neighborhoods where no one else is home in the middle of the day, leaving a child few options if they needed help. Some families live next door to supportive relatives. Some children are likely to sit quietly reading a book while mom runs to the store, some children are never still even when sleeping. Some children are still dangerously impulsive as young teens, some are reliably cautious at 6. For some families, a trip to the mailbox is a 20 minute hike, while others have a convenience store on the corner.
They're related ideas. Some 8 year olds need their parents right beside them all the time, some don't.
Deborah in IL
Mirjam Koopmans
Well, I've seen your graph in the book and on the site; with the hours you
*should* spend with your kids.
And that doesn't leave much time *on your own* :-):-) (especially when two
of the kids are with us during the night :-))
And I read somewhere about getting up with/before the first child that wakes
up and going to bed before or with the child that goes to bed last. That is
what happens here too. But that doesn't leave a lot of time either ;)). I
can't survive on 6 hours of sleep.
I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I seem not
to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really like the
two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer.
We let the kids go to sleep when they want, but we ask the two oldest if
they want to go upstairs to the tv-room, or any room to watch a movie, or
play, or read a book, after 8/9pm or so. They don't mind doing that without
us being there all the time (we regularly check) . And when they need us,
they'll come down. I've tried to let them stay downstairs until they went to
bed, for two weeks. But it stressed me out. There wasn't a lot that I got
done. I wonder how other unschoolers do that.
You are talking about transitions. Maybe for us, the gradual transition is
to do it this way and to work towards the kids being downstairs as long as
they want. It seems like asking permission, but I think I still don't get
what unschooling is really about. I'm a little bit confused maybe, because I
know some unschoolers will say that parents should do their 'thing' and the
kids will join, or do their thing. While I think the people on this list say
that unschooling is looking at your child all the time and connect with them
all the time. I'm just not sure how I can do *my* things on a day/in a life
like that. I almost feel guilty when I'm loading the washing machine, or
planting my courgettes, for not paying direct attention to the kids at that
moment. Of course, I'm hearing them all the time. My focus is on them; I'll
just *know* if something is going wrong/will go wrong (mother's instinct).
Is that *being with them* too?
I have been thinking of buying a laptop for myself, so I can sit next to
them (upstairs) in the evenings and be there, and do my things, and they do
theirs.
Anyone who can tell me about a day in their lives? I'm sure there isn't
something like a 'normal' day, but I'm wondering how much time you use to
look up interesting things to show the kids/strew, write emails, read about
unschooling..
I'm sorry for my imperfect English, and I should go to bed now. But this was
the hour that I had time to write an email ;)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 14:25
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
-=-It was just that I was wondering how I could spend the *entire* day
with three
boys at the same time. -=-
Where did you get the idea that you "had to"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*should* spend with your kids.
And that doesn't leave much time *on your own* :-):-) (especially when two
of the kids are with us during the night :-))
And I read somewhere about getting up with/before the first child that wakes
up and going to bed before or with the child that goes to bed last. That is
what happens here too. But that doesn't leave a lot of time either ;)). I
can't survive on 6 hours of sleep.
I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I seem not
to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really like the
two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer.
We let the kids go to sleep when they want, but we ask the two oldest if
they want to go upstairs to the tv-room, or any room to watch a movie, or
play, or read a book, after 8/9pm or so. They don't mind doing that without
us being there all the time (we regularly check) . And when they need us,
they'll come down. I've tried to let them stay downstairs until they went to
bed, for two weeks. But it stressed me out. There wasn't a lot that I got
done. I wonder how other unschoolers do that.
You are talking about transitions. Maybe for us, the gradual transition is
to do it this way and to work towards the kids being downstairs as long as
they want. It seems like asking permission, but I think I still don't get
what unschooling is really about. I'm a little bit confused maybe, because I
know some unschoolers will say that parents should do their 'thing' and the
kids will join, or do their thing. While I think the people on this list say
that unschooling is looking at your child all the time and connect with them
all the time. I'm just not sure how I can do *my* things on a day/in a life
like that. I almost feel guilty when I'm loading the washing machine, or
planting my courgettes, for not paying direct attention to the kids at that
moment. Of course, I'm hearing them all the time. My focus is on them; I'll
just *know* if something is going wrong/will go wrong (mother's instinct).
Is that *being with them* too?
I have been thinking of buying a laptop for myself, so I can sit next to
them (upstairs) in the evenings and be there, and do my things, and they do
theirs.
Anyone who can tell me about a day in their lives? I'm sure there isn't
something like a 'normal' day, but I'm wondering how much time you use to
look up interesting things to show the kids/strew, write emails, read about
unschooling..
I'm sorry for my imperfect English, and I should go to bed now. But this was
the hour that I had time to write an email ;)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 14:25
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
-=-It was just that I was wondering how I could spend the *entire* day
with three
boys at the same time. -=-
Where did you get the idea that you "had to"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Well, I've seen your graph in the book and on the site; with the
hours you
*should* spend with your kids.-=-
I hope you read the accompanying words, though. It's a picture of a
graph, not a real graph (kind of a joke, but not...)
-=-I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I
seem not
to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really
like the
two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer-=-
Maybe compromise and don't read everything. Most of those reading
everything probably have older kids.
-=-I've tried to let them stay downstairs until they went to
bed, for two weeks. But it stressed me out. There wasn't a lot that I
got
done. I wonder how other unschoolers do that.-=-
By having the togetherness be the priority, maybe. Part of
replacing rules with principles is looking at the "why" as the real
consideration, rather than the who, what, when and where.
-=-. It seems like asking permission, but I think I still don't get
what unschooling is really about. I'm a little bit confused maybe,
because I
know some unschoolers will say that parents should do their 'thing'
and the
kids will join, or do their thing. -=-
There will be times for that, but with three under five, it's not time
yet.
-=While I think the people on this list say
that unschooling is looking at your child all the time and connect
with them
all the time. -=-
Maybe you joined just as someone was explaining that her child
couldn't be left alone at all, so people said "Then don't leave him
alone at all." If children are safe and happy and not harming
themselves or property, that gives the mom more range.
-=- I'm just not sure how I can do *my* things on a day/in a life like
that. -=-
You whole life won't be like that. You're only looking at one end of
that graph, and not the other end! My youngest is 18 and in
Montreal. I can take naps and play video games. When they were a
month old, three and five, I could hold one while I talked to another
one, and could hardly cook or take a shower. I took children with me
to the bathroom more often than not. I felt overwhelmed sometimes.
Nothing anyone could have said would have made it a better idea (for
me, with my beliefs and intentions) to do much differently, though.
I traded childcare for the older kids with various La Leche League
friends, meaning we planned frequent visits, and had a way to keep
track of hours. That helped. I had a neighbor who was 12-15 in the
time that she would watch my kids while I was in the house for $3 an
hour, as a mother's helper. That's how I ran chats for the AOL
homeschooling forum once a week; Amy came over to play with the kids
for those two hours.
-=-I almost feel guilty when I'm loading the washing machine, or
planting my courgettes, for not paying direct attention to the kids at
that
moment. Of course, I'm hearing them all the time. My focus is on them;
I'll
just *know* if something is going wrong/will go wrong (mother's
instinct).
Is that *being with them* too?-=-
Sure. If they're safe and happy and could get to you if they needed
you, seems you're quite "there."
-=-I have been thinking of buying a laptop for myself, so I can sit
next to
them (upstairs) in the evenings and be there, and do my things, and
they do
theirs.-=-
That sounds like a good idea if the laptop would be safe from rough
kids, but I don't know why having them downstairs would be stressful
while being upstairs wouldn't be. If it will still stress you out,
it might be too expensive an experiment.
-=Anyone who can tell me about a day in their lives? I'm sure there
isn't
something like a 'normal' day, but I'm wondering how much time you use
to
look up interesting things to show the kids/strew, write emails, read
about
unschooling..-=-
There are lots of typical days here:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
and this is about the way days change gradually as the children get
older:
http://sandradodd.com/howto
-=-I think I still don't get what unschooling is really about.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/help
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hours you
*should* spend with your kids.-=-
I hope you read the accompanying words, though. It's a picture of a
graph, not a real graph (kind of a joke, but not...)
-=-I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I
seem not
to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really
like the
two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer-=-
Maybe compromise and don't read everything. Most of those reading
everything probably have older kids.
-=-I've tried to let them stay downstairs until they went to
bed, for two weeks. But it stressed me out. There wasn't a lot that I
got
done. I wonder how other unschoolers do that.-=-
By having the togetherness be the priority, maybe. Part of
replacing rules with principles is looking at the "why" as the real
consideration, rather than the who, what, when and where.
-=-. It seems like asking permission, but I think I still don't get
what unschooling is really about. I'm a little bit confused maybe,
because I
know some unschoolers will say that parents should do their 'thing'
and the
kids will join, or do their thing. -=-
There will be times for that, but with three under five, it's not time
yet.
-=While I think the people on this list say
that unschooling is looking at your child all the time and connect
with them
all the time. -=-
Maybe you joined just as someone was explaining that her child
couldn't be left alone at all, so people said "Then don't leave him
alone at all." If children are safe and happy and not harming
themselves or property, that gives the mom more range.
-=- I'm just not sure how I can do *my* things on a day/in a life like
that. -=-
You whole life won't be like that. You're only looking at one end of
that graph, and not the other end! My youngest is 18 and in
Montreal. I can take naps and play video games. When they were a
month old, three and five, I could hold one while I talked to another
one, and could hardly cook or take a shower. I took children with me
to the bathroom more often than not. I felt overwhelmed sometimes.
Nothing anyone could have said would have made it a better idea (for
me, with my beliefs and intentions) to do much differently, though.
I traded childcare for the older kids with various La Leche League
friends, meaning we planned frequent visits, and had a way to keep
track of hours. That helped. I had a neighbor who was 12-15 in the
time that she would watch my kids while I was in the house for $3 an
hour, as a mother's helper. That's how I ran chats for the AOL
homeschooling forum once a week; Amy came over to play with the kids
for those two hours.
-=-I almost feel guilty when I'm loading the washing machine, or
planting my courgettes, for not paying direct attention to the kids at
that
moment. Of course, I'm hearing them all the time. My focus is on them;
I'll
just *know* if something is going wrong/will go wrong (mother's
instinct).
Is that *being with them* too?-=-
Sure. If they're safe and happy and could get to you if they needed
you, seems you're quite "there."
-=-I have been thinking of buying a laptop for myself, so I can sit
next to
them (upstairs) in the evenings and be there, and do my things, and
they do
theirs.-=-
That sounds like a good idea if the laptop would be safe from rough
kids, but I don't know why having them downstairs would be stressful
while being upstairs wouldn't be. If it will still stress you out,
it might be too expensive an experiment.
-=Anyone who can tell me about a day in their lives? I'm sure there
isn't
something like a 'normal' day, but I'm wondering how much time you use
to
look up interesting things to show the kids/strew, write emails, read
about
unschooling..-=-
There are lots of typical days here:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
and this is about the way days change gradually as the children get
older:
http://sandradodd.com/howto
-=-I think I still don't get what unschooling is really about.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/help
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wtexans
Mirjam said: ===I'm just not sure how I can do *my* things on a day/in a life like that.===
Sandra replied: ===I could hold one while I talked to another one, and could hardly cook or take a shower. I took children with me to the bathroom more often than not. I felt overwhelmed sometimes. Nothing anyone could have said would have made it a better idea (for me, with my beliefs and intentions) to do much differently, though.===
What I really appreciate about this particular reply of Sandra's is that she said, "I felt overwhelmed sometimes." Unschooling doesn't mean you won't ever feel overwhelmed or like you just can't get "stuff" done. I think it's helpful for folks newer to unschooling to be aware those of us with older kids had those moments too when our kids were younger.
===I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I seem not to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really like the two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer===
Is it possible for you to pop into Sandra's unschooling chats? Maybe just for a half hour? I like the quickness of the discussions that happen there, and during most every chat in which I've participated or read I've had an "aha!" moment. I don't always have time to keep up on lists, but making some part or all of the Monday chats are a huge priority for me (and I usually read the Friday chats after-the-fact).
How about keeping a notebook with you as you move around your house during the day and jot down thoughts and questions you have about unschooling as you have them? I've found that I can sometimes get to an answer without actually having to bring a question to the list, if I give myself some time to think.
Do you have some unschooling books yet, or would you be able to acquire some? When Andrew was newish to video games, he liked me to be the same room with him while he gamed. He didn't want me to be on the computer in the same room, but he didn't mind if I had a book. That's when it was handy to have Sandra's first book and Rue Kream's book -- I could read little snippets here and there, giving my son more of my attention than I could if I'd been reading on the computer, yet getting the unschooling info I was craving.
Two hours isn't much time and it goes by fast when you're on the computer (at least, it does for me!). If you can find ways to get bits of unschooling info in snippets throughout the day, perhaps you can use part of your two hours at night for other things besides reading lists or doing email, maybe do some things that aren't related to being Mom?
Glenda
Sandra replied: ===I could hold one while I talked to another one, and could hardly cook or take a shower. I took children with me to the bathroom more often than not. I felt overwhelmed sometimes. Nothing anyone could have said would have made it a better idea (for me, with my beliefs and intentions) to do much differently, though.===
What I really appreciate about this particular reply of Sandra's is that she said, "I felt overwhelmed sometimes." Unschooling doesn't mean you won't ever feel overwhelmed or like you just can't get "stuff" done. I think it's helpful for folks newer to unschooling to be aware those of us with older kids had those moments too when our kids were younger.
===I can't think things through with the kids wanting my attention. I seem not to be able to write emails like this with kids next to me. I really like the two hours at night that I can do stuff like this on the computer===
Is it possible for you to pop into Sandra's unschooling chats? Maybe just for a half hour? I like the quickness of the discussions that happen there, and during most every chat in which I've participated or read I've had an "aha!" moment. I don't always have time to keep up on lists, but making some part or all of the Monday chats are a huge priority for me (and I usually read the Friday chats after-the-fact).
How about keeping a notebook with you as you move around your house during the day and jot down thoughts and questions you have about unschooling as you have them? I've found that I can sometimes get to an answer without actually having to bring a question to the list, if I give myself some time to think.
Do you have some unschooling books yet, or would you be able to acquire some? When Andrew was newish to video games, he liked me to be the same room with him while he gamed. He didn't want me to be on the computer in the same room, but he didn't mind if I had a book. That's when it was handy to have Sandra's first book and Rue Kream's book -- I could read little snippets here and there, giving my son more of my attention than I could if I'd been reading on the computer, yet getting the unschooling info I was craving.
Two hours isn't much time and it goes by fast when you're on the computer (at least, it does for me!). If you can find ways to get bits of unschooling info in snippets throughout the day, perhaps you can use part of your two hours at night for other things besides reading lists or doing email, maybe do some things that aren't related to being Mom?
Glenda
almadoing
--- In [email protected], "wtexans" <wtexans@...> wrote:
Alison
>Something I have discovered in the last year or so is my growing ability to answer my own questions about unschooling/parenting. When something comes to me as an issue I have found myself formulating it as a question for this list and then imagining what the answers might be. What I have only now realised is that this is indicative of how extraordinarily difficult I have found it to think for myself. I am so used to being spoonfed the "right answer" that even now, in my forties, I sort of wait for someone to tell me what to do. Hah - I had no idea that choosing to unschool my children would be such a catalyst for personal growth.
>
> How about keeping a notebook with you as you move around your house during the day and jot down thoughts and questions you have about unschooling as you have them? I've found that I can sometimes get to an answer without actually having to bring a question to the list, if I give myself some time to think.
>
>
Alison
k
I personally love time to myself and with others. I divide my time up
a lot between being with others and being by myself. I was that way at
8, for sure. Not so much when I was a lot younger than that.
How can a kid get in trouble alone while playing on the computer or
PS? Especially if you're in a place you can easily be found.
~Katherine
a lot between being with others and being by myself. I was that way at
8, for sure. Not so much when I was a lot younger than that.
How can a kid get in trouble alone while playing on the computer or
PS? Especially if you're in a place you can easily be found.
~Katherine
On 4/17/10, Mirjam Koopmans <mirjamkoopmans@...> wrote:
> Hi Marina,
>
>
>
> We don't have laptops (only my husband, for his work), so that wouldn't be
> easy to do :-).
>
> When the boys are playing on the computer/PS, they are fine, I don't think
> they'd say I should be there all the time. I'm always trying to listen if
> anything is going wrong (you can hear that by the comments they make ;)))
> and try to be there before anything could go wrong. But I'll ask them
> tomorrow.
>
>
>
> Thank you for your thoughts! I'll try your suggestions :-)
>
>
>
> Groetjes, Mirjam :o), met Adam (8), Boaz (5) en Levi (2).
>
> http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com <http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com/>
>
> _____
>
> From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
> On Behalf Of Marina DeLuca-Howard
> Sent: zondag 18 april 2010 0:32
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Spending time with three kids
>
>
>
>
>
> <<I've just been reading this http://sandradodd.
> <http://sandradodd.com/howto/precisely> com/howto/precisely and I'm
> wondering....The weather is really good at the moment, so I like to spend a
> lot of time in the garden (and so does my youngest (2) and so does my middle
> one (5)). But my oldest (8) is really in to a Play Station game at the
> moment (that he (obviously) plays inside)>>
>
> Can you get an extension cord? We have watched tv outside, played ds and
> computer games outside(we have wireless for a reason). Can you ask the kids
> for input? They may make all sorts of suggestions you haven't considered:-)
>
> Alternately, he may be able to play alone for a while and then join you for
> a garden party, mad hatter tea party, or a mudbath/fest/party on a theme he
> enjoys...
>
> Marina
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-
Is it possible for you to pop into Sandra's unschooling chats? Maybe
just for a half hour? I like the quickness of the discussions that
happen there, and during most every chat in which I've participated or
read I've had an "aha!" moment. I don't always have time to keep up on
lists, but making some part or all of the Monday chats are a huge
priority for me (and I usually read the Friday chats after-the-fact).-=-
There's one this afternoon, 3:00 mountain time (so figure out what
time at your house).
They're confusing and quick, but some people like that. (Some don't,
so it's not for everyone.)
http://sandradodd.com/chats
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Is it possible for you to pop into Sandra's unschooling chats? Maybe
just for a half hour? I like the quickness of the discussions that
happen there, and during most every chat in which I've participated or
read I've had an "aha!" moment. I don't always have time to keep up on
lists, but making some part or all of the Monday chats are a huge
priority for me (and I usually read the Friday chats after-the-fact).-=-
There's one this afternoon, 3:00 mountain time (so figure out what
time at your house).
They're confusing and quick, but some people like that. (Some don't,
so it's not for everyone.)
http://sandradodd.com/chats
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-When something comes to me as an issue I have found myself
formulating it as a question for this list and then imagining what the
answers might be. What I have only now realised is that this is
indicative of how extraordinarily difficult I have found it to think
for myself. I am so used to being spoonfed the "right answer" that
even now, in my forties, I sort of wait for someone to tell me what to
do. -=-
I don't think what you're describing is unusual at all, though.
People have voices in their heads, and they have the images of people
whose approval would make them feel better.
Sometimes that becomes stalking and other insanity. <g>
Sometimes that causes a person to be incapacitated from the inability
to please parents who might even be deceased already.
But in the vast middle ground, people find their own mental/emotional
reasons to want to "do good," and if they imagine Jimmy Carter when
they're building houses for the homeless, or if they have a "what
would Jesus do" bracelet, or if they dress cool and imagine that their
favorite rock star would approve, that seems to be part of people's
"super-ego"--the compass people have that says "getting warm" or
"getting cold" or "YES! This is the right thing to do."
I have TONS of people in my head. I told my mom and granny "enough"
many years ago. When I sew, my mamaw (dad's mom) is in there being
critical. Sometimes it's helpful, though. I do feel better when I do
things her way. But she would have liked for me to always iron a
crease into bluejeans (as some people still do today, in West Texas)
and I was a "no way" northern-New-Mexico hippie kid. I mention this
because last night as I was hanging Keith's clothes up straight from
the dryer and spritzing water on the wrinkly edges, I knew she would
not approve. She died 21 years ago, but still...
I have Mr. Martinez, my favorite English teacher, when I think about
semi-colons or dashes.
I have Miss Gonzales, my fourth grade teacher, about lots of things; I
still communicate with her every few years.
I have friends from the SCA with whom I shared long philosophical
discussions. Those times they pointed out flaws in my thinking, I
keep those moments as buoys in case I get to that thought again, and
remember there's a better way. It's like an escape function in a
program. But they have faces and names.
I have Holly in my head when I want to buy something that I don't
really need. Darn that Holly.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
formulating it as a question for this list and then imagining what the
answers might be. What I have only now realised is that this is
indicative of how extraordinarily difficult I have found it to think
for myself. I am so used to being spoonfed the "right answer" that
even now, in my forties, I sort of wait for someone to tell me what to
do. -=-
I don't think what you're describing is unusual at all, though.
People have voices in their heads, and they have the images of people
whose approval would make them feel better.
Sometimes that becomes stalking and other insanity. <g>
Sometimes that causes a person to be incapacitated from the inability
to please parents who might even be deceased already.
But in the vast middle ground, people find their own mental/emotional
reasons to want to "do good," and if they imagine Jimmy Carter when
they're building houses for the homeless, or if they have a "what
would Jesus do" bracelet, or if they dress cool and imagine that their
favorite rock star would approve, that seems to be part of people's
"super-ego"--the compass people have that says "getting warm" or
"getting cold" or "YES! This is the right thing to do."
I have TONS of people in my head. I told my mom and granny "enough"
many years ago. When I sew, my mamaw (dad's mom) is in there being
critical. Sometimes it's helpful, though. I do feel better when I do
things her way. But she would have liked for me to always iron a
crease into bluejeans (as some people still do today, in West Texas)
and I was a "no way" northern-New-Mexico hippie kid. I mention this
because last night as I was hanging Keith's clothes up straight from
the dryer and spritzing water on the wrinkly edges, I knew she would
not approve. She died 21 years ago, but still...
I have Mr. Martinez, my favorite English teacher, when I think about
semi-colons or dashes.
I have Miss Gonzales, my fourth grade teacher, about lots of things; I
still communicate with her every few years.
I have friends from the SCA with whom I shared long philosophical
discussions. Those times they pointed out flaws in my thinking, I
keep those moments as buoys in case I get to that thought again, and
remember there's a better way. It's like an escape function in a
program. But they have faces and names.
I have Holly in my head when I want to buy something that I don't
really need. Darn that Holly.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]