>>>The other two families, when there was a problem, the kids went to
other adults, or they covered over, or they lied, or they ran and hid.
Their parents were not on their team. They were likely to be banished
to the car until the playtime was over if they didn't "get along" as though
"get along" was a simple command to be followed.<<<

I'm not sure why people expect children to just listen to verbal
directions/commands etc. I think it's an unconscious expression (I
hope it's unconscious) of how inconvenienced they feel by children. As
if programming children with the right set(s) of commands would bring
about the desired behavior.

I don't think most people realize how it is for the children.
Knowledge of a command is not the same as understanding what it means.
Many people think that language is understanding, that words are
enough. It takes more.

And on top of that, top-down directions, guidance and commands leave
out other factors that play an important part in all this: what the
child wants. Communication is not a one-way street. The thing I want
to convey is that what Karl feels matters to me, not to tell him what
he "should" be or what he "should" do. I want to continue talking on
the side (not in front of others or to embarrass him surely) about how
others in the situation might be feeling. I want him to get the idea,
over time, that people count. And that includes him. Without
considering what's going on with children, it's probably impossible to
get those kinds of things across. We can say the words all day long
and it won't mean what we want it to without the accompanying behavior
from ourselves to match the words.

Knowledge of words ≠ Understanding of ideas