creating a local unschooling teen group
Cara Barlow
Hi: I have two daughters, ages 11 and almost-14. I'm considering
starting a unschooling teen email group for my area with the hopes
that the kids can get together socially at least once a month. We live
in a small Southern NH town. Has anyone done this before and have
suggestions?
Best wishes, Cara
starting a unschooling teen email group for my area with the hopes
that the kids can get together socially at least once a month. We live
in a small Southern NH town. Has anyone done this before and have
suggestions?
Best wishes, Cara
Pam Sorooshian
My suggestion is that, instead, you start some kind of little group
based on your daughters' interests. That they all unschool is not
enough, by itself, to create a group of friends, as they get into teen
years. Yes, my kids DO really tend to like other unschoolers a lot. They
DO find that there are ways they "get" each other that kids who were
schooled just don't get. It IS nice to know other unschooled teens.
So, I'm not discouraging you from getting your girls together with other
unschoolers, but your idea of starting an email list and getting
together once a month is too vague. Instead, if your kids are into Rock
Band or D & D or ice skating or building robots or whatever, plan an
activity and invite the other teens to it, to DO something together.
The teen groups that work are those in which the kids have a common
interest.
-pam
based on your daughters' interests. That they all unschool is not
enough, by itself, to create a group of friends, as they get into teen
years. Yes, my kids DO really tend to like other unschoolers a lot. They
DO find that there are ways they "get" each other that kids who were
schooled just don't get. It IS nice to know other unschooled teens.
So, I'm not discouraging you from getting your girls together with other
unschoolers, but your idea of starting an email list and getting
together once a month is too vague. Instead, if your kids are into Rock
Band or D & D or ice skating or building robots or whatever, plan an
activity and invite the other teens to it, to DO something together.
The teen groups that work are those in which the kids have a common
interest.
-pam
On 12/30/2009 7:26 AM, Cara Barlow wrote:
> Hi: I have two daughters, ages 11 and almost-14. I'm considering
> starting a unschooling teen email group for my area with the hopes
> that the kids can get together socially at least once a month. We live
> in a small Southern NH town. Has anyone done this before and have
> suggestions?
>
Lyla Wolfenstein
i agree with pam - i started just such a group - well, actually helped facilitate my daughter starting one, and it's been pretty ineffective. i imagine if SHE was really into it and created all sorts of events, etc. it might take off - many joined the list - but the connections just weren't there. there is little to no discussion on the list, little to no response the few times she did try to plan something. the one event she did plan - a handful of teens did show up, but most of them did not rsvp, so it was hard to know if anyone was coming and even more discouraging, when she wrote to the group afterward saying, shall we do that, or something else regularly - what do people think? there were no responses!
then she met the unschoolers at not back to school camp, made local connections through that, and now has little time or energy for forging new friendships/relationships. so - although it wasn't interest based, exactly, it was "shared experience" based, and that was what made the difference. she does talk online to some of the local teens she connected with through the group we formed, so who knows if any of those connections will turn into anything or not....
the only way that group could have really taken off, i think, was a way which would not have been welcome by my daughter - so if your kids are different, ymmv. that would have been for ME to do the planning, events, orchestration, etc. i asked my daughter why she didn't want to make that group happen more and she said the planning/formality of it felt stilted to her - not fun. but i think she would have felt the same if i had planned it, but even more disconnected.
sorry that DOES sound like discouraging your idea - i hadn't meant to! do your teens *want* such a group? want help with social connection?
warmly, lyla
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then she met the unschoolers at not back to school camp, made local connections through that, and now has little time or energy for forging new friendships/relationships. so - although it wasn't interest based, exactly, it was "shared experience" based, and that was what made the difference. she does talk online to some of the local teens she connected with through the group we formed, so who knows if any of those connections will turn into anything or not....
the only way that group could have really taken off, i think, was a way which would not have been welcome by my daughter - so if your kids are different, ymmv. that would have been for ME to do the planning, events, orchestration, etc. i asked my daughter why she didn't want to make that group happen more and she said the planning/formality of it felt stilted to her - not fun. but i think she would have felt the same if i had planned it, but even more disconnected.
sorry that DOES sound like discouraging your idea - i hadn't meant to! do your teens *want* such a group? want help with social connection?
warmly, lyla
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Cara Barlow
<<<The teen groups that work are those in which the kids have a common
interest.>>>
My brain must have been short-circuiting this morning. I knew this and it's
how I set up group activities. I don' t know what was wrong with me.
My concern about friends is that the ps friends the girls have had for years
are falling away - as they get older they either don't have time to do
things outside of school activities, or they're so caught up in the ps
dramas that they talk of nothing else, which is getting really old.
<<<your idea of starting an email list and getting
together once a month is too vague. Instead, if your kids are into Rock
Band or D & D or ice skating or building robots or whatever, plan an
activity and invite the other teens to it, to DO something together.>>>
I agree that the idea is too vague - I've been rolling this over in my mind
for quite a while and haven't done anything because it hasn't felt right.
I'm using my Christmas money to update the computer get them a digital
camera so they can make movies, and that may be a good activity for them to
do with others.
This February I'm driving them out to Michigan to visit with my father and
on the way home we're going to the Unschooling Winter Waterpark gathering in
Ohio, and I know they'll make more connections there.
I've thought about sending my older daughter to Grace L's Not-Back-to-School
camp in Vermont, which is about 2.5 hours from our home, so maybe that's
something I should pursue.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
interest.>>>
My brain must have been short-circuiting this morning. I knew this and it's
how I set up group activities. I don' t know what was wrong with me.
My concern about friends is that the ps friends the girls have had for years
are falling away - as they get older they either don't have time to do
things outside of school activities, or they're so caught up in the ps
dramas that they talk of nothing else, which is getting really old.
<<<your idea of starting an email list and getting
together once a month is too vague. Instead, if your kids are into Rock
Band or D & D or ice skating or building robots or whatever, plan an
activity and invite the other teens to it, to DO something together.>>>
I agree that the idea is too vague - I've been rolling this over in my mind
for quite a while and haven't done anything because it hasn't felt right.
I'm using my Christmas money to update the computer get them a digital
camera so they can make movies, and that may be a good activity for them to
do with others.
This February I'm driving them out to Michigan to visit with my father and
on the way home we're going to the Unschooling Winter Waterpark gathering in
Ohio, and I know they'll make more connections there.
I've thought about sending my older daughter to Grace L's Not-Back-to-School
camp in Vermont, which is about 2.5 hours from our home, so maybe that's
something I should pursue.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lyla Wolfenstein
I've thought about sending my older daughter to Grace L's Not-Back-to-School
camp in Vermont, which is about 2.5 hours from our home, so maybe that's
something I should pursue.
***************
not back to school camp was life changing for my daughter this past summer. i highly recommend it. the friends she's made there, both locally and online, are of a totally different calliber than any friendships she's forged elsewhere.
warmly, lyla
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camp in Vermont, which is about 2.5 hours from our home, so maybe that's
something I should pursue.
***************
not back to school camp was life changing for my daughter this past summer. i highly recommend it. the friends she's made there, both locally and online, are of a totally different calliber than any friendships she's forged elsewhere.
warmly, lyla
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Pam Sorooshian
On 12/30/2009 10:31 AM, Cara Barlow wrote:
closest friends at NBTSC (in Oregon). NBTSC isn't ideal for everybody -
I, personally, think the kids ought to be pretty mature to handle it. My
other daughters didn't want to go - but my oldest absolutely loved it
and went several times and then worked as a staff person for a couple of
years when she was older.
Cara - there is something about how you're writing about these things
that has the ring of you deciding for them. I may be way off-base, but
when you say, "I've thought about sending...." it just strikes me as an
odd way for an unschooling parent to put it.
So far - you haven't said anything about what they want or what they've
expressed interest in, etc.
Is this because you're kind of looking ahead and seeing that there could
be friend-problems on the horizon or are there problems already or ?
-pam
> I've thought about sending my older daughter to Grace L's Not-Back-to-SchoolYou're so lucky to have it so close. My oldest daughter made many of her
> camp in Vermont, which is about 2.5 hours from our home, so maybe that's
> something I should pursue.
>
closest friends at NBTSC (in Oregon). NBTSC isn't ideal for everybody -
I, personally, think the kids ought to be pretty mature to handle it. My
other daughters didn't want to go - but my oldest absolutely loved it
and went several times and then worked as a staff person for a couple of
years when she was older.
Cara - there is something about how you're writing about these things
that has the ring of you deciding for them. I may be way off-base, but
when you say, "I've thought about sending...." it just strikes me as an
odd way for an unschooling parent to put it.
So far - you haven't said anything about what they want or what they've
expressed interest in, etc.
Is this because you're kind of looking ahead and seeing that there could
be friend-problems on the horizon or are there problems already or ?
-pam
Cara Barlow
> Cara - there is something about how you're writing about these thingsGood Lord - I re-read my post and you're right.
> that has the ring of you deciding for them. I may be way off-base, but
> when you say, "I've thought about sending...." it just strikes me as an
> odd way for an unschooling parent to put it.
>
> So far - you haven't said anything about what they want or what they've
> expressed interest in, etc.
>
> Is this because you're kind of looking ahead and seeing that there could
> be friend-problems on the horizon or are there problems already or ?
>
> -pam
>
I think I'm having some anxiety about possible future problems, and am
trying to get a mental handle on it. I should have thought things through
more before I posted.
Both Anna and Molly have many interests, and one that's recurred this month
is making digital movies. That would probably be a good one to invite other
kids to join in with.
I wouldn't send Anna anywhere she didn't choose to go, and when I say I
organize kids activities I mean that I'm the adult representative when doing
things with groups like 4-H. The kids decide what they want to do, and then
I make the booking and transportation arrangements and chaperon the event -
e.g. we went on an overnight camping and kayaking trip in Maine last August.
I'm glad to hear the feedback about NBTSC. I'll talk with Anna about it to
find out if she's interested - she'll be three months shy of 15 next
September.
Best wishes, Cara
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Jenny Cyphers
***Hi: I have two daughters, ages 11 and almost-14. I'm considering
starting a unschooling teen email group for my area with the hopes
that the kids can get together socially at least once a month. We live
in a small Southern NH town. Has anyone done this before and have
suggestions?***
We've had very little success in that area! Going to a conference helped a lot! Having online friends helped a lot. What helped more than anything was just finding one nice available friend at any given time, and through that meet more. My daughter, 15, has 4 really good friends, one of them is her boyfriend, there is a kind of foursome and an odd man out, even though my daughter and her boy are the only "couple".
She's been lonely many many times. She's had unavailable friends that she's loved dearly. We've done park days, tried meeting other unschooled teens. There are more than a few in the area, Lyla's daughter included, and they've met and they like each other, but have very little in common. So, even if you find other unschooled teens, it doesn't mean there will be a connection!
We went with interests.... doing FrightTown, the local Halloween haunted house changed everything soooooo much as a jumping off place of mutual interests, even though almost everyone there is an adult and she doesn't get invited the the 21 and over events. Going with interests is best! Even though all of my daughter's friends right now are in school, they still have more in common with her than all of the unschooled kids around here do. When she was younger most of her friends were other homeschoolers, but a lot of them ended up going to school.
My younger daughter, 8, has a couple of really nice unschooled friends, but like a lot of unschoolers we know, they get busy doing their thing and aren't always available!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starting a unschooling teen email group for my area with the hopes
that the kids can get together socially at least once a month. We live
in a small Southern NH town. Has anyone done this before and have
suggestions?***
We've had very little success in that area! Going to a conference helped a lot! Having online friends helped a lot. What helped more than anything was just finding one nice available friend at any given time, and through that meet more. My daughter, 15, has 4 really good friends, one of them is her boyfriend, there is a kind of foursome and an odd man out, even though my daughter and her boy are the only "couple".
She's been lonely many many times. She's had unavailable friends that she's loved dearly. We've done park days, tried meeting other unschooled teens. There are more than a few in the area, Lyla's daughter included, and they've met and they like each other, but have very little in common. So, even if you find other unschooled teens, it doesn't mean there will be a connection!
We went with interests.... doing FrightTown, the local Halloween haunted house changed everything soooooo much as a jumping off place of mutual interests, even though almost everyone there is an adult and she doesn't get invited the the 21 and over events. Going with interests is best! Even though all of my daughter's friends right now are in school, they still have more in common with her than all of the unschooled kids around here do. When she was younger most of her friends were other homeschoolers, but a lot of them ended up going to school.
My younger daughter, 8, has a couple of really nice unschooled friends, but like a lot of unschoolers we know, they get busy doing their thing and aren't always available!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- i asked my daughter why she didn't want to make that group happen
more and she said the planning/formality of it felt stilted to her -
not fun. but i think she would have felt the same if i had planned it,
but even more disconnected. -=-
I was going to say I've seen groups fail because they were too parent-
organized, and some fail because they were left to the teens to
organize, and the teens failed, and the parents saw it as "failure" or
saw some of the teens as rude or uncooperative, or not RSVPing, or
uncooperative...
If there were a social group based on just where kids lived and how
old they are, that would be the local high school <g>.
So if there's a social group based on the kids not being in school,
and their age, it might not be much more fun.
This comes, partly, under the topic of what unschoolers owe other
unschoolers. I have done years and years of pressuring my kids to be
welcoming and friendly to other unschoolers, and it probably wasn't
fair. It was good in some ways, but I don't think they owed that much
to strangers' kids. Yet next week they'll be expected to be charming
and helpful to other unschoooler-kids and their moms and dads. <g> I
don't think it will be a lot of work for them. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
more and she said the planning/formality of it felt stilted to her -
not fun. but i think she would have felt the same if i had planned it,
but even more disconnected. -=-
I was going to say I've seen groups fail because they were too parent-
organized, and some fail because they were left to the teens to
organize, and the teens failed, and the parents saw it as "failure" or
saw some of the teens as rude or uncooperative, or not RSVPing, or
uncooperative...
If there were a social group based on just where kids lived and how
old they are, that would be the local high school <g>.
So if there's a social group based on the kids not being in school,
and their age, it might not be much more fun.
This comes, partly, under the topic of what unschoolers owe other
unschoolers. I have done years and years of pressuring my kids to be
welcoming and friendly to other unschoolers, and it probably wasn't
fair. It was good in some ways, but I don't think they owed that much
to strangers' kids. Yet next week they'll be expected to be charming
and helpful to other unschoooler-kids and their moms and dads. <g> I
don't think it will be a lot of work for them. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
In our area, these are things that seems to work for groups of teens
with varied interests, a mix of unschooled and homeschooled:
Movie Night- the kids take turns choosing movies. There are some
parameters set on that by the parents who run it, who are not
unschooling parents, and it seems to work pretty well. The kids eat
pizza and then play dodgeball afterwards, and talk. The family that runs
it has a DVD projector, so the movies are projected on the wall, that
makes it more fun than watching on a TV screen. They have been doing
this for a year and a half.
Game Night - the kids choose games, video games, card games, etc. Lots
of snacks.
Dinner club and Baking club - organized by me at the request of my
daughter- these were both really fun. One family lives in a co-housing
group so we were able to use their large kitchen. Most parents
participated, which was really nice.
Ice skating- this is weekly, has been going on for years and years, and
is for all ages, though enjoyed by teens especially. Kids come to hang
out who don't skate, even.
We have planned lots of things around the kid's interests over the
years, and other families have, but these were the most fun that come to
mind.
Of course, no group activity appeals to all the homeschooled or
unschooled teens in the area -
And my kids do really especially connect with some unschoolers, though
not all. Some of them they especially prefer not to be around. Some
families with school at home and schooled kids are really nice to be
around. I notice the parents are really interested in and supportive of
their kids, and their kid's friends.
Heather (in NY)
Pam Sorooshian wrote:
with varied interests, a mix of unschooled and homeschooled:
Movie Night- the kids take turns choosing movies. There are some
parameters set on that by the parents who run it, who are not
unschooling parents, and it seems to work pretty well. The kids eat
pizza and then play dodgeball afterwards, and talk. The family that runs
it has a DVD projector, so the movies are projected on the wall, that
makes it more fun than watching on a TV screen. They have been doing
this for a year and a half.
Game Night - the kids choose games, video games, card games, etc. Lots
of snacks.
Dinner club and Baking club - organized by me at the request of my
daughter- these were both really fun. One family lives in a co-housing
group so we were able to use their large kitchen. Most parents
participated, which was really nice.
Ice skating- this is weekly, has been going on for years and years, and
is for all ages, though enjoyed by teens especially. Kids come to hang
out who don't skate, even.
We have planned lots of things around the kid's interests over the
years, and other families have, but these were the most fun that come to
mind.
Of course, no group activity appeals to all the homeschooled or
unschooled teens in the area -
And my kids do really especially connect with some unschoolers, though
not all. Some of them they especially prefer not to be around. Some
families with school at home and schooled kids are really nice to be
around. I notice the parents are really interested in and supportive of
their kids, and their kid's friends.
Heather (in NY)
Pam Sorooshian wrote:
>
>
> My suggestion is that, instead, you start some kind of little group
> based on your daughters' interests. That they all unschool is not
> enough, by itself, to create a group of friends, as they get into teen
> years. Yes, my kids DO really tend to like other unschoolers a lot. They
> DO find that there are ways they "get" each other that kids who were
> schooled just don't get. It IS nice to know other unschooled teens.
>
Sandra Dodd
Woohoo!
Just found a post from December 30 that seems not to have gone out. <g>
-=-Both Anna and Molly have many interests, and one that's recurred
this month
is making digital movies. That would probably be a good one to invite
other
kids to join in with.-=-
WHY though? Why should making movies involve inviting other kids over?
Maybe making movies should involve finding people online making little
movies and putting them on YouTube, and corresponding with them
online. Maybe it should involve meeting some adults who are doing
moviemaking of one sort or another, or video editors. Maybe they
could interview unschoolers (other kids, or parents) and put the
videos online.
-=-I wouldn't send Anna anywhere she didn't choose to go, -=-
If she chose to go, would you be "sending" her?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Just found a post from December 30 that seems not to have gone out. <g>
-=-Both Anna and Molly have many interests, and one that's recurred
this month
is making digital movies. That would probably be a good one to invite
other
kids to join in with.-=-
WHY though? Why should making movies involve inviting other kids over?
Maybe making movies should involve finding people online making little
movies and putting them on YouTube, and corresponding with them
online. Maybe it should involve meeting some adults who are doing
moviemaking of one sort or another, or video editors. Maybe they
could interview unschoolers (other kids, or parents) and put the
videos online.
-=-I wouldn't send Anna anywhere she didn't choose to go, -=-
If she chose to go, would you be "sending" her?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]