Sandra Dodd

Brenda this went through, but please trim off quotes next time. Thanks!


From: Brenda Ferns <s_bferns@...>
Date: July 11, 2009 12:08:00 PM MDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Toddlers and Sharing- any comments?

Hi Marina your post was right on about children sharing with
strangers. I think a lot of parents expect children to share with
other children that they barely know and I think children are
protective over their things and do not know the other child well
enough to know if they are going treat their toy nicely. I know with
my girls when I come across the sharing situation I ask them if they
have a toy that they wouldn't mind playing with and if they do can
they go and get it for them. I know with myself I am weary when
someone new comes into my house and touches things that I are valuable
to me because I really do not know the person. I try to prepare my
children when someone new is coming over and ask them if they want to
put up the things that they do not want others to play with.

And I agree if it is done with tears it is not sharing. If the
children are young then maybe have a variety of toys out and put up
the one that you know your child values over the other toys.


Proud momma of 3 amazing girls. DD 6, DD 4, DD 22 Months.

From: Marina DeLuca-Howard <delucahoward@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, July 11, 2009 10:29:03 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Toddlers and Sharing- any comments?

>>> If I offer to let someone take my guitar home for a while that's my
>>> choice. If someone asked if they could take my guitar home, they'd
>>> better be my REALLY good friend.

I noticed my children readily shared most of the time with friends, and
almost always with me, whether I asked them to share with me or not!

>>>> Well, my question now is how does a child learn about sharing?

>>> Little by little in lots of different ways. By you sharing with her.
>>> By being generous with what you have. By helping her feel she has
>>> "enough". The reason to hold onto something is because you fear you
>>> won't get more. It's far easier to share when you feel you have more
>>> than enough. It's a rare child who won't share something that's
>>> essentially endless like water or paper ;-) It's only when there's a
>>> feel of rationing that people feel they need to hold onto what they
>>> have

I have always shared with my kids, and so they reciprocate. But even if
they have enough children need not share with everyone all the time.
It is
much easier to share with people whom you have a relationship with, so I
think most children might be willing to give their friend a turn or a
more often than a stranger :-)

Many parents ask their children to sacrifice toys, or treats to
While that makes them "the popular parent" with the neighbours, I would
guess the child might feel resentful and angry at being bullied into
sacrifices. Sharing is one instance where adults demand much more of
children than of themselves! It really demonstrates how disempowered
children are in our world!

Also, note that if your child surrenders something to someone while in
or has a meltdown that is not sharing. If someone asks me at gunpoint
share my wallet, I will hand it over, but I would not call it
sharing. I
would call it theft! I would never want to invite the thief to
dinner, nor
would I be willing to shake hands and wish him well.


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