responding to questions and comments
Dawn
I've always had a hard time responding to people, especially "authorities" and when I feel people are really questioning my ability or judgment. It seems I always figure out what to say hours or days *after* the incident.
After lurking a bit, and just now reading the chat transcript about relatives, I am prompted to share one strategy I've been practicing for responding to (usually unwanted or rude) questions and comments from relatives and friends and even strangers. Interestingly I learned this last year from my now 18yr old son, who was partly schooled and partly unschooled as he grew up.
Awhile back he started randomly repeating back things that people said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>
person: are you going to wear that?
Him: are *you* going to wear that?
I think you probably get the idea of the strategy. Repeat whatever that person said, emphasizing *them* as the subject of the statement or question. I find it takes some practice to remember to do it off the cuff so it sounds natural. Practicing can be quite hilarious!
This can be a highly effective strategy for especially rude statements from people who would not otherwise be rude to you. It illustrates the rudeness without having to come out and say "gosh that's rude" or "none of your business".
BONUS it give you a bit more time to get over the shock of being treated in an inappropriate or unwelcome manner and think up another response.
I am imagining this dialog right now...
grandma: why aren't you sending your kids to school?
mom: why aren't *you* sending *your* kids to school?
How can grandma respond? Maybe grandma's kids are probably to old for school, and you know it, which makes her pause, confused. Or maybe she has kids in school, and you know it at which point she can say "I am", confused. Or maybe grandma stops and realizes that she has probably accidentally irritated you and it's probably not her place to butt in. Well, the possible responses are endless.
In addition to having a well rehearsed response to obnoxiousness, there has been a side benefit to this, for me. An increase in confidence about my choices. It reminds me of psychology strategies where you pretend that you are confident or not afraid or whatever until it becomes real. I DO feel more confident now than when I started saying it.
I hope this is of some help.
Enjoying this group immensely,thank you!
Dawn
After lurking a bit, and just now reading the chat transcript about relatives, I am prompted to share one strategy I've been practicing for responding to (usually unwanted or rude) questions and comments from relatives and friends and even strangers. Interestingly I learned this last year from my now 18yr old son, who was partly schooled and partly unschooled as he grew up.
Awhile back he started randomly repeating back things that people said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>
person: are you going to wear that?
Him: are *you* going to wear that?
I think you probably get the idea of the strategy. Repeat whatever that person said, emphasizing *them* as the subject of the statement or question. I find it takes some practice to remember to do it off the cuff so it sounds natural. Practicing can be quite hilarious!
This can be a highly effective strategy for especially rude statements from people who would not otherwise be rude to you. It illustrates the rudeness without having to come out and say "gosh that's rude" or "none of your business".
BONUS it give you a bit more time to get over the shock of being treated in an inappropriate or unwelcome manner and think up another response.
I am imagining this dialog right now...
grandma: why aren't you sending your kids to school?
mom: why aren't *you* sending *your* kids to school?
How can grandma respond? Maybe grandma's kids are probably to old for school, and you know it, which makes her pause, confused. Or maybe she has kids in school, and you know it at which point she can say "I am", confused. Or maybe grandma stops and realizes that she has probably accidentally irritated you and it's probably not her place to butt in. Well, the possible responses are endless.
In addition to having a well rehearsed response to obnoxiousness, there has been a side benefit to this, for me. An increase in confidence about my choices. It reminds me of psychology strategies where you pretend that you are confident or not afraid or whatever until it becomes real. I DO feel more confident now than when I started saying it.
I hope this is of some help.
Enjoying this group immensely,thank you!
Dawn
Sandra Dodd
-=-Awhile back he started randomly repeating back things that people
said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>-=-
There's a That 70's Show episode where the station wagon full of guys
gets stopped by the Canadian border patrol. They were bringing
Canadian beer back to Wisconsin. Tommy Chong is doing this to the
border agents, one of whom is played by Dave Thomas who, with Rich
Moranis, was one of "Bob and Doug McKenzie" in the 60's and early 70's
when Cheech and Chong were doing similar comedy, only the Canadians
were doing beer jokes instead of pot jokes, which also ties into this
scene for people old enough to remember all that.
What's your business in Canada?
What's YOUR business in Canada?
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17203340
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>-=-
There's a That 70's Show episode where the station wagon full of guys
gets stopped by the Canadian border patrol. They were bringing
Canadian beer back to Wisconsin. Tommy Chong is doing this to the
border agents, one of whom is played by Dave Thomas who, with Rich
Moranis, was one of "Bob and Doug McKenzie" in the 60's and early 70's
when Cheech and Chong were doing similar comedy, only the Canadians
were doing beer jokes instead of pot jokes, which also ties into this
scene for people old enough to remember all that.
What's your business in Canada?
What's YOUR business in Canada?
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17203340
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
>Love it! Old enough to remember both, though Bob & Doug debuted in the
>
>
> What's your business in Canada?
> What's YOUR business in Canada?
>
> http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17203340
>
> Sandra
80's. Some more fascinating facts that tie in with all that (the
reference to "Rush").
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_and_Doug_McKenzie
Tommy Chong is Canadian, too ("Dave's not here....").
Robin B.
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=- though Bob & Doug debuted in the
80's. =-
Thanks. I knew it was somewhat later but didn't now how-what later. <g>
I still remember their Canadian Twelve Days of Christmas that ended
and a beer
....in a tree.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
80's. =-
Thanks. I knew it was somewhat later but didn't now how-what later. <g>
I still remember their Canadian Twelve Days of Christmas that ended
and a beer
....in a tree.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
This thread has me laughing so hard. My kids have a variation that
was started by a neigbor friend. It goes
Kid 1 "You have a stain on your shirt."
Kid 2 "Your Mom has a stain on her shirt."
They do this a lot and sometimes I pop in with "I do?" when they
didn't expect I was listening.
It's almost a foolproof way to get everyone laughing.
Krisula
-=-Awhile back he started randomly repeating back things that people
said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>-=-
There's a That 70's Show episode where the station wagon full of guys
gets stopped by the Canadian border patrol. They were bringing
Canadian beer back to Wisconsin. Tommy Chong is doing this to the
border agents, one of whom is played by Dave Thomas who, with Rich
Moranis, was one of "Bob and Doug McKenzie" in the 60's and early 70's
when Cheech and Chong were doing similar comedy, only the Canadians
were doing beer jokes instead of pot jokes, which also ties into this
scene for people old enough to remember all that.
What's your business in Canada?
What's YOUR business in Canada?
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17203340
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
was started by a neigbor friend. It goes
Kid 1 "You have a stain on your shirt."
Kid 2 "Your Mom has a stain on her shirt."
They do this a lot and sometimes I pop in with "I do?" when they
didn't expect I was listening.
It's almost a foolproof way to get everyone laughing.
Krisula
-=-Awhile back he started randomly repeating back things that people
said. It went something like this.
Me: your hair is messy
Him: *your* hair is messy
Me: <feeling puzzled, I just brushed my hair>
Me: your stove is on
Him: *your* stove is on
Me: what? <feeling puzzled, how would he know that, we aren't there>-=-
There's a That 70's Show episode where the station wagon full of guys
gets stopped by the Canadian border patrol. They were bringing
Canadian beer back to Wisconsin. Tommy Chong is doing this to the
border agents, one of whom is played by Dave Thomas who, with Rich
Moranis, was one of "Bob and Doug McKenzie" in the 60's and early 70's
when Cheech and Chong were doing similar comedy, only the Canadians
were doing beer jokes instead of pot jokes, which also ties into this
scene for people old enough to remember all that.
What's your business in Canada?
What's YOUR business in Canada?
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17203340
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]