Jenny C

Chamille had a friend over last night. His mother was working late and
he stayed at our house instead of being home alone. They were hungry
and not really liking the choices for food here, so they rounded up a
bunch of change and headed out on a mission to get food. I thought
they'd go to the 7-11 because it's only a couple of blocks away, but
they ended up at a pizza place a bit farther, maybe 6 or 7 blocks away,
less than a mile for sure. It was fine with me, Chamille called and
told me where they were when they got there. On their way home the
boy's mother called them and was very upset that he had gone to the
pizza place without telling her. It's a little weird, but she's really
over protective about knowing where he is at all times.

So, when they got back here, his mind was full of thoughts of how his
mother was upset with him. He expressed deep regret that he can't
communicate well with his mother and that she doesn't ever really listen
to him, cuts him off, usually because she doesn't like what he is
telling her. He went on to express his frustration that his parents
don't trust him and that he doesn't know how to prove trustworthiness.
He's a good kid, does well in school, doesn't do drugs, gets home on
time, and really tries to be good. His mother isn't even a bad parent,
she's pretty nice really, and he really does like his mother, even
though he's very hurt by her actions that show disappointment and lack
of trust.

This kid cried and poured his heart out to us. Chamille and I loved him
up and fed him jelly bellies and apple juice and talked and talked about
everything. At one point he had said that he could understand how a
parent wouldn't trust their child if they'd done something to break
their trust. I really disagree with this. Isn't a child who has done
something, only making a mistake? Does it really mean that trust is
broken, or doesn't it mean that a kid made a mistake and is going to do
better next time?

Kids live up to their parent's expectations. If parents don't trust
their kids, eventually the kids will be untrustworthy, thereby giving
validation to the fact that the kids weren't to be trusted. Why even
bother being trustworthy if you aren't trusted to begin with? I trust
my kids absolutely. I don't doubt for a moment that they will do things
that are less than brilliant, but I still trust them and still want to
trust them.

Anyway, those are the thoughts floating in my head today.