Connection and Anger
saturnfire16
I'm struggling with the mixed feelings I get from trying to stay in the present moment and stay connected with my family, especially my 3 year old daughter. On the days that I do the best at being in the moment, I find that those are also the days that I am the most irritable. The day will often start wonderfully, and I'll feel like the best mom in the world. We'll really connect and it feels so good. I love seeing her joy at the connection as well. But as the day goes on I feel drained and snappy, and it usually ends with me not being very nice.
This happens with my husband too. After a good, heartfelt talk or a nice day spent together, I'm soon feeling angry and nagging about stupid things.
I think I know what the problem is. I have a hard time getting close to anyone and it takes a lot of energy out of me to put forth that effort. It's much easier for me to shut down, close everyone off, and live like an emotional hermit. But I don't *want* to live that way. I want to be close to my family.
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard emotions that come with the territory?
Emily
This happens with my husband too. After a good, heartfelt talk or a nice day spent together, I'm soon feeling angry and nagging about stupid things.
I think I know what the problem is. I have a hard time getting close to anyone and it takes a lot of energy out of me to put forth that effort. It's much easier for me to shut down, close everyone off, and live like an emotional hermit. But I don't *want* to live that way. I want to be close to my family.
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard emotions that come with the territory?
Emily
Sandra Dodd
-=-
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard
emotions that come with the territory? -=-
Changing thoughts (the cognitive angle),
breathing/moving (physical angle)...
http://sandradodd.com/choices
Maybe instead of seeing it as one long day with grouchiness at the
end, see it as a series of choices, and if you can make each choice
consciously and lovingly, you'll be living in EACH moment.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard
emotions that come with the territory? -=-
Changing thoughts (the cognitive angle),
breathing/moving (physical angle)...
http://sandradodd.com/choices
Maybe instead of seeing it as one long day with grouchiness at the
end, see it as a series of choices, and if you can make each choice
consciously and lovingly, you'll be living in EACH moment.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Apr 16, 2009, at 11:01 PM, saturnfire16 wrote:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships/
There's lots of discussion on how to stay connected (and how to
reconnect) mostly with spouses but can apply to others too :-)
Joyce
> I think I know what the problem is. I have a hard time gettingYou might also join the Peaceful Partnerships list:
> close to anyone and it takes a lot of energy out of me to put forth
> that effort. It's much easier for me to shut down, close everyone
> off, and live like an emotional hermit. But I don't *want* to live
> that way. I want to be close to my family.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships/
There's lots of discussion on how to stay connected (and how to
reconnect) mostly with spouses but can apply to others too :-)
Joyce
Joyce Fetteroll
On Apr 16, 2009, at 11:01 PM, saturnfire16 wrote:
:: The Love Game ::
Think about how good you feel when someone tells you
they love you -- *really* love you. Wouldn't you like
to feel that way more often?
The object of today's game is to rekindle that feeling
*all day long!* Here's how:
No matter what your child does or says to you
today, *interpret* every expression as if s/he
said "I love you!"
This may seem frivolous or even crazy, but don't knock
it 'til you've tried it! :-)
You can make up reasons if you like. (Example: "My
child loves me so much, s/he'll do *anything* to get
my attention.") But there's even more power in
perceiving love for no reason at all.
Immense power and pleasure are available to you by
deliberately choosing interpretations that feel good
*to you*. Before long, you may discover more Love than
you know how to let in.
Remember that love is your birthright. You don't need
an excuse to let it in. Love is always there for you.
Just breathe and let it in!
http://www.dailygroove.net/love-game
Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2009 by Scott Noelle
> Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hardHere's something from Scott Noel today that might help. -- Joyce
> emotions that come with the territory?
:: The Love Game ::
Think about how good you feel when someone tells you
they love you -- *really* love you. Wouldn't you like
to feel that way more often?
The object of today's game is to rekindle that feeling
*all day long!* Here's how:
No matter what your child does or says to you
today, *interpret* every expression as if s/he
said "I love you!"
This may seem frivolous or even crazy, but don't knock
it 'til you've tried it! :-)
You can make up reasons if you like. (Example: "My
child loves me so much, s/he'll do *anything* to get
my attention.") But there's even more power in
perceiving love for no reason at all.
Immense power and pleasure are available to you by
deliberately choosing interpretations that feel good
*to you*. Before long, you may discover more Love than
you know how to let in.
Remember that love is your birthright. You don't need
an excuse to let it in. Love is always there for you.
Just breathe and let it in!
http://www.dailygroove.net/love-game
Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2009 by Scott Noelle
Patti
> "I'm struggling with the mixed feelings I get from trying to stay inI can so relate. I don't have a solution on this. I just want to let
> the present moment and stay connected with my family, especially my
> 3 year old daughter. On the days that I do the best at being in the
> moment, I find that those are also the days that I am the most
> irritable. The day will often start wonderfully, and I'll feel like
> the best mom in the world. We'll really connect and it feels so
> good. I love seeing her joy at the connection as well. But as the
> day goes on I feel drained and snappy, and it usually ends with me
> not being very nice. "
you know I have been working on the same issue lately. When someone
was talking about benign neglect in this group it really touched me
because it feels like sometimes that is all I have to offer. To
connect deeply for an entire day is intense and tiring for me. When I
was a child teachers called me a "daydreamer." I was the kid in the
back twisting her hair and gazing out the window. Always in trouble
for not being mentally in the room with the other kids.
I wonder if I have what we would call today an auditory processing
issue. When people speak to me I have learned to wait for the words
to crowd around in my head and then line up and make sense. This
process is experienced by me as trying to decode the message. Others
experience it as a blank stare or stupidity or worst of all- me
ignoring them. I experience sadness when my daughter gets frustrated
with this. And she gets so frustrated. She keeps elaborating on what
she said- adding more words for my poor brain to process. I get brain
lock and feel like I have to re-boot.
I've noticed that after a day of fully connecting I just want to veg.
I want to read or just lie with my eyes closed, or have my daughter
play with someone else for awhile. And I get cranky and tired.
Meditation and mindfulness are helping so far in identifying what is
happening. I'll let you know when the solution begins to bubble up.
So far, being mindful helps me to be more compassionate with my
daughter and myself. I want to be able to be close and to endure the
intensity of joy and love. I want my daughter to feel every day just
how much I love her. So I need to patient with both of us.
Plus one of the reasons I took my daughter out of school is that her
kinder teacher placed her at the table with the other "cadets" as she
put it. I didn't like that the kids were being divided up that way.
I saw all the "smart" kids at another table. I saw the writing on the
wall. I know my daughter is bright, but she does "think different"
and I wanted her to have the experience of having that embraced. One
way I can help her love her self is to embrace the way I think and
feel and make it work for me so that she has a model to follow.
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> .
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=- To
connect deeply for an entire day is intense and tiring for me. -=-
"An entire day" never happens.
Only moments happen.
If one moment is a deep connection, good. Go and check the mailbox.
Go in the yard and pull a few weeds. Come back and make another
connection.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
connect deeply for an entire day is intense and tiring for me. -=-
"An entire day" never happens.
Only moments happen.
If one moment is a deep connection, good. Go and check the mailbox.
Go in the yard and pull a few weeds. Come back and make another
connection.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I think this is true for many people (but not all). With children I
think it's almost always true. The expression may even be annoying and
worrisome but the intent is love. I didn't recognize what my parents'
expressions meant when I was a kid, when the realization could have
done me a lot more good. But I'm glad I understand their intentions
now even at this late date. I still think they could have been less
worrisome about how they expressed their love but they didn't know and
I am no longer just taking it at face value anymore, so it's ok.
When a child --full of tension and anxiety-- is expressing love, it's a
good hint that the parent could go further in making things more
comfortable. And that helps more with connection both before and after
a parent realizes the intent is love.
Read here for more: http://sandradodd.com/being/
~Katherine
think it's almost always true. The expression may even be annoying and
worrisome but the intent is love. I didn't recognize what my parents'
expressions meant when I was a kid, when the realization could have
done me a lot more good. But I'm glad I understand their intentions
now even at this late date. I still think they could have been less
worrisome about how they expressed their love but they didn't know and
I am no longer just taking it at face value anymore, so it's ok.
When a child --full of tension and anxiety-- is expressing love, it's a
good hint that the parent could go further in making things more
comfortable. And that helps more with connection both before and after
a parent realizes the intent is love.
Read here for more: http://sandradodd.com/being/
~Katherine
On Apr 17, 2009, at 6:11 AM, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:
> You can make up reasons if you like. (Example: "My
> child loves me so much, s/he'll do *anything* to get
> my attention.") But there's even more power in
> perceiving love for no reason at all.
diana jenner
On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:54 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
To connect deeply is a risk of *HUGE* proportions for me -- I married the
man I'd waited for, had his babies and he dared to die! Then I figgered out
how to *be* a single mama to my kids and pull myself into the present and
*poof* Hannah died too... Poor Hayden! I alternately crave a deep
connection, as we're the last two in the original family, and unconsciously
pull away because the thought of losing *another* connection is more than my
mind can bear!!
Then I breathe...
At the end of *my* life, what do I want to remember?
I want the people to *always* be more important than my fears.
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=- ToTough confession: I often have to catch myself in those very same moments!
> connect deeply for an entire day is intense and tiring for me. -=-
>
> "An entire day" never happens.
> Only moments happen.
>
> If one moment is a deep connection, good. Go and check the mailbox.
> Go in the yard and pull a few weeds. Come back and make another connection.
>
>
To connect deeply is a risk of *HUGE* proportions for me -- I married the
man I'd waited for, had his babies and he dared to die! Then I figgered out
how to *be* a single mama to my kids and pull myself into the present and
*poof* Hannah died too... Poor Hayden! I alternately crave a deep
connection, as we're the last two in the original family, and unconsciously
pull away because the thought of losing *another* connection is more than my
mind can bear!!
Then I breathe...
At the end of *my* life, what do I want to remember?
I want the people to *always* be more important than my fears.
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
saturnfire16
>This was one of the first things I read on your site, and I LOVED it! I had forgotten about it. It's a good reminder that I have choices in every moment. It looks like you've added some new things since I last read it, too.
> http://sandradodd.com/choices
>
> Maybe instead of seeing it as one long day with grouchiness at the
> end, see it as a series of choices, and if you can make each choice
> consciously and lovingly, you'll be living in EACH moment.
>
> Sandra
Maisha Khalfani
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard emotions
that come with the territory?
Emily you must be my emotional twin. I go through this as well. Just today
I was thinking that I wasnt feeling real. I was feeling like I was
trying to be nice. And yes, by the end of the day I am emotionally spent,
irritable, and cranky. I look forward to reading the responses to your
email.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Namasté
Maisha Khalfani
<http://sevenfreespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
<http://earthspiritreadings.blogspot.com/> Tarot & Intuitive Readings
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people
mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that
worrying about somebody means that you love them.
~Abraham
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We
are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
~Barack Obama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that come with the territory?
Emily you must be my emotional twin. I go through this as well. Just today
I was thinking that I wasnt feeling real. I was feeling like I was
trying to be nice. And yes, by the end of the day I am emotionally spent,
irritable, and cranky. I look forward to reading the responses to your
email.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Namasté
Maisha Khalfani
<http://sevenfreespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
<http://earthspiritreadings.blogspot.com/> Tarot & Intuitive Readings
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people
mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that
worrying about somebody means that you love them.
~Abraham
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We
are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
~Barack Obama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
saturnfire16
--- In [email protected], diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
I'm also afraid of being too close to anyone for fear of losing them, and I have never lost a close loved one to death.
Who was it that said "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Emily
>Oh Diana! That is hard.
> Tough confession: I often have to catch myself in those very same moments!
> To connect deeply is a risk of *HUGE* proportions for me -- I married the
> man I'd waited for, had his babies and he dared to die! Then I figgered out
> how to *be* a single mama to my kids and pull myself into the present and
> *poof* Hannah died too... Poor Hayden! I alternately crave a deep
> connection, as we're the last two in the original family, and unconsciously
> pull away because the thought of losing *another* connection is more than my
> mind can bear!!
> Then I breathe...
> At the end of *my* life, what do I want to remember?
> I want the people to *always* be more important than my fears.
> ~diana :)
> xoxoxoxo
> hannahbearski.blogspot.com
> hannahsashes.blogspot.com
> dianas365.blogspot.com
>
I'm also afraid of being too close to anyone for fear of losing them, and I have never lost a close loved one to death.
Who was it that said "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Emily
Sandra Dodd
-=-This was one of the first things I read on your site, and I LOVED
it! I had forgotten about it. It's a good reminder that I have choices
in every moment. It looks like you've added some new things since I
last read it, too. -=-
Thanks!
I add new things pretty regularly, and most of them are announced here:
http://aboutunschooling.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
it! I had forgotten about it. It's a good reminder that I have choices
in every moment. It looks like you've added some new things since I
last read it, too. -=-
Thanks!
I add new things pretty regularly, and most of them are announced here:
http://aboutunschooling.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
The things that make the biggest difference to my mood are little. Things like having a beautiful glass to drink from, or a song that I really like to dance to, or finding a dead mole while walking the dog and looking a the way it's front paws arc out, clearly being used for digging more than for walking, or discovering that there is a website on flotsam (www.flostametrics.com), or finding an Edith Blyton mystery puzzle at a charity shop in Diss (I scoped them out Sandra, there are quite a few with puzzles and one with a troll plate that I'm going back for) for 1 pound. The little things, the little moments of pleasure refill my mood gauge. It takes looking for them. Moving with an eye for pleasure. If I'm standing in the kitchen doing the dishes I enjoy the bubbles on the water or the plates that we got from Habitat or the one red glass that I got when it was marked down at Waitrose or the much cheaper on I got when I spotted it at Morrison's because it
reminds me of Target's logo with its embossed bullseyes. And I listen to the other things going on in the house: Simon and Linnaea negotiating their way through a game or laughing at something they found on lol cats and calling me in to share it or David coming in and chatting with me about the costs of renting a cottage in Norway versus one in France with a pool or playing a song on Rock Band that I haven't heard in a long, long time.
There are lots of other ways that I can find of enjoying something. It is very much recognizing that it is this moment, not the whole day, not the whole hour, but this moment that is the important one. And once it's gone it's the next moment that counts. When I start feeling overwhelmed or grouchy or tired or lousy it's important to recognize that and do the things that change how I feel. Eat, or sit and watch a movie, or take a nap, or go to bed earlier or go for a walk when David gets home, pet the cats or play with the dog, have a cup of tea in a favorite mug, make candy (I did that for the first time yesterday, I can now make traditional British candy so if there isn't a penny candy place that I can find for you Sandra I can make you stuff and you can give me pence for it, or not. Do whatever it is that you know helps you to feel better. And if that doesn't work do something different and keep doing different things until you feel so silly it makes
you laugh or something works.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Maisha Khalfani <7freespirits@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, 19 April, 2009 3:34:47 AM
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Connection and Anger
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard emotions
that come with the territory?
Emily you must be my emotional twin. I go through this as well. Just today
I was thinking that I wasn’t feeling ‘real’. I was feeling like I was
trying to be ‘nice’. And yes, by the end of the day I am emotionally spent,
irritable, and cranky. I look forward to reading the responses to your
email.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Namasté
Maisha Khalfani
<http://sevenfreespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
<http://earthspiritreadings.blogspot.com/> Tarot & Intuitive Readings
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people
mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that
worrying about somebody means that you love them.
~Abraham
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We
are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
~Barack Obama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
reminds me of Target's logo with its embossed bullseyes. And I listen to the other things going on in the house: Simon and Linnaea negotiating their way through a game or laughing at something they found on lol cats and calling me in to share it or David coming in and chatting with me about the costs of renting a cottage in Norway versus one in France with a pool or playing a song on Rock Band that I haven't heard in a long, long time.
There are lots of other ways that I can find of enjoying something. It is very much recognizing that it is this moment, not the whole day, not the whole hour, but this moment that is the important one. And once it's gone it's the next moment that counts. When I start feeling overwhelmed or grouchy or tired or lousy it's important to recognize that and do the things that change how I feel. Eat, or sit and watch a movie, or take a nap, or go to bed earlier or go for a walk when David gets home, pet the cats or play with the dog, have a cup of tea in a favorite mug, make candy (I did that for the first time yesterday, I can now make traditional British candy so if there isn't a penny candy place that I can find for you Sandra I can make you stuff and you can give me pence for it, or not. Do whatever it is that you know helps you to feel better. And if that doesn't work do something different and keep doing different things until you feel so silly it makes
you laugh or something works.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Maisha Khalfani <7freespirits@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, 19 April, 2009 3:34:47 AM
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Connection and Anger
Any advice on connecting, opening up, and working through the hard emotions
that come with the territory?
Emily you must be my emotional twin. I go through this as well. Just today
I was thinking that I wasn’t feeling ‘real’. I was feeling like I was
trying to be ‘nice’. And yes, by the end of the day I am emotionally spent,
irritable, and cranky. I look forward to reading the responses to your
email.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Namasté
Maisha Khalfani
<http://sevenfreespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
<http://earthspiritreadings.blogspot.com/> Tarot & Intuitive Readings
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people
mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that
worrying about somebody means that you love them.
~Abraham
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We
are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
~Barack Obama
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- have a cup of tea in a favorite mug, make candy (I did that for
the first time yesterday, I can now make traditional British candy so
if there isn't a penny candy place that I can find for you Sandra I
can make you stuff and you can give me pence for it, or not. -=-
Oh huh! I've been saving nickels to bring to England. American
pennies are kinda boring, and quarters are kinda expensive to give
away, but the nickels are big and pretty. A nickels won't be
interesting to an American, maybe I can pay you in Lucky Charms cereal
or New Mexico green chile or something.
I love what Schuyler wrote, and I have some ideas about why this is
difficult, and what can make it better.
-=-Do whatever it is that you know helps you to feel better. And if
that doesn't work do something different and keep doing different
things until you feel so silly it makes you laugh or something works. -
=-
Whether because of our culture's tradition of meanness to children, or
whether because of school's striation of being forbidden to interact
with older and younger people, we have a long tradition of self
conscious fear to do anything interesting for fun. Only weirdos are
interested in science fiction or fantasy, some will say. Only
immature people will play with children's toys, others will assure
us. The goal is to have everyone be equally staid and boring.
If you decide that those people are wounded and wrong and would like
to wrongly wound you too, it becomes much easier to ignore their
opinion.
I had friends when I was young--13, 15--who would question or
criticize or comment with that icy tone of voice that makes
unoffensive words offensive, when I read Dr. Seuss books, or colored
with crayons, or did art just do do art, or learned funny songs just
to learn them. I was criticized, but I was pretty confident and able
to answer the questions and ask them why they were NOT interested.
I hadn't thought of it before, but surely this is one other reason
unschooling was easy for me. I KNEW it was healthier to keep playing
and exploring even though most other people stop doing that, for some
odd posing-as-adults reasons.
It doesn't indicate maturity to stop laughing at jokes and to start
saying "That's not funny" to everything. It doesn't indicate
adulthood to consider music and art and everyday storytelling to a few
special museum or dinner party or family reunion days every year.
People can calcify. Their potential for joy can die inside them.
They can turn to stone trolls before they die.
Those people cannot be unschoolers.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the first time yesterday, I can now make traditional British candy so
if there isn't a penny candy place that I can find for you Sandra I
can make you stuff and you can give me pence for it, or not. -=-
Oh huh! I've been saving nickels to bring to England. American
pennies are kinda boring, and quarters are kinda expensive to give
away, but the nickels are big and pretty. A nickels won't be
interesting to an American, maybe I can pay you in Lucky Charms cereal
or New Mexico green chile or something.
I love what Schuyler wrote, and I have some ideas about why this is
difficult, and what can make it better.
-=-Do whatever it is that you know helps you to feel better. And if
that doesn't work do something different and keep doing different
things until you feel so silly it makes you laugh or something works. -
=-
Whether because of our culture's tradition of meanness to children, or
whether because of school's striation of being forbidden to interact
with older and younger people, we have a long tradition of self
conscious fear to do anything interesting for fun. Only weirdos are
interested in science fiction or fantasy, some will say. Only
immature people will play with children's toys, others will assure
us. The goal is to have everyone be equally staid and boring.
If you decide that those people are wounded and wrong and would like
to wrongly wound you too, it becomes much easier to ignore their
opinion.
I had friends when I was young--13, 15--who would question or
criticize or comment with that icy tone of voice that makes
unoffensive words offensive, when I read Dr. Seuss books, or colored
with crayons, or did art just do do art, or learned funny songs just
to learn them. I was criticized, but I was pretty confident and able
to answer the questions and ask them why they were NOT interested.
I hadn't thought of it before, but surely this is one other reason
unschooling was easy for me. I KNEW it was healthier to keep playing
and exploring even though most other people stop doing that, for some
odd posing-as-adults reasons.
It doesn't indicate maturity to stop laughing at jokes and to start
saying "That's not funny" to everything. It doesn't indicate
adulthood to consider music and art and everyday storytelling to a few
special museum or dinner party or family reunion days every year.
People can calcify. Their potential for joy can die inside them.
They can turn to stone trolls before they die.
Those people cannot be unschoolers.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>>> It is very much recognizing that it is this moment, not the wholeday, not the whole hour, but this moment that is the important one. And
once it's gone it's the next moment that counts. When I start feeling
overwhelmed or grouchy or tired or lousy it's important to recognize
that and do the things that change how I feel. <<<<
Yes... and this is one of the reasons I've been enjoying chats so much
recently. Chats live within the space of those moments of real time
that they're taking place in. The kinds of questions to clarify things
and communicate on lists are extremely valuable and also very different
from the kinds of things said to connect and converse during chats.
If at all possible even for just a few moments, for those who like to
talk that is, I think chats from unschooler to unschooler can be direct
ways to increase our ability to connect with our children, our
families, and other people as well as other unschoolers. Unschooling
chats are frequently interspersed with comments about how to connect
more deeply and authentically with our children, how to take up the
opportunities we have to embrace the moments and not allow the moments
with others to slip away. They have been very inspirational to me and
enlarged my appreciation and heart of gratitude.
http://sandradodd.com/chat
It's very easy for me to feel deprived of time to myself, and really it
hasn't been an epiphany for me but I've discovered that it's a gradual
growing, a living and breathing give and take and back and forth kind
of thing, depending on how I behave and feel. Time is made up of many
more opportunities to connect and to take breaks for ourselves than we
realize when we think in moments instead of those bigger chunks of time
(hours, days). If we store up both connection moments and (not
disconnection but) alone moments then we don't feel as deprived of
time. Really it's very like not feeling deprived of food, love, or
anything else. When we ration time and separate things up and dole out
time with no feeling of the generosity of all the time of our lives
together, time feels conflicted. When we say yes to more time for our
children and for ourselves, so that we and our children have all the
time we need, then we are less conflicted about time.
We were talking briefly elsewhere in other threads about instinct...
that humans haven't overcome or outgrown instinct. And rather than
ignore or deny instinct, we could accommodate for instinctive behavior
and thereby raise the level of peace in our lives. If we need more
connection and more solitude than we feel we have, it's great to really
*see* it more simply by looking at moments. We might feel that just
because humans can see time by the clock and look over the millions of
years of existence that have passed long ages ago, we could surely
overcome our instinctive need to live in the moment. But I think it's
better to realize that our bodies feel differently than logic might
lead us to believe, and make changes for peace and happiness. It's not
stupid or illogical to do so.
~Katherine
Sandra Dodd
-=-Yes... and this is one of the reasons I've been enjoying chats so
much
recently. Chats live within the space of those moments of real time
that they're taking place in-=-
And I opened this long, cool e-mail just as a chat is supposed to
start... can't even finish reading it now.
Thanks, ~k
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
much
recently. Chats live within the space of those moments of real time
that they're taking place in-=-
And I opened this long, cool e-mail just as a chat is supposed to
start... can't even finish reading it now.
Thanks, ~k
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
We're getting ready to go somewhere at the moment and will be gone a
while so I'll miss the chat today.
~Katherine
while so I'll miss the chat today.
~Katherine
On Apr 19, 2009, at 11:28 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> -=-Yes... and this is one of the reasons I've been enjoying chats so
> much
> recently. Chats live within the space of those moments of real time
> that they're taking place in-=-
>
> And I opened this long, cool e-mail just as a chat is supposed to
> start... can't even finish reading it now.
>
> Thanks, ~k
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
jenbgosh
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
Jennie
>we have a long tradition of self
> conscious fear to do anything interesting for fun. Only weirdos areThank you for this Sandra. My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate. I told her I'd be glad to ask for the game, and tried to give her some examples of stuff I do that is clearly not "adult," but I will show her your words too.
> interested in science fiction or fantasy, some will say. Only
> immature people will play with children's toys, others will assure
> us. The goal is to have everyone be equally staid and boring.
>
> If you decide that those people are wounded and wrong and would like
> to wrongly wound you too, it becomes much easier to ignore their
> opinion.
>
> I had friends when I was young--13, 15--who would question or
> criticize or comment with that icy tone of voice that makes
> unoffensive words offensive, when I read Dr. Seuss books, or colored
> with crayons, or did art just do do art, or learned funny songs just
> to learn them. I was criticized, but I was pretty confident and able
> to answer the questions and ask them why they were NOT interested.
> I hadn't thought of it before, but surely this is one other reason
> unschooling was easy for me. I KNEW it was healthier to keep playing
> and exploring even though most other people stop doing that, for some
> odd posing-as-adults reasons.
>
> It doesn't indicate maturity to stop laughing at jokes and to start
> saying "That's not funny" to everything. It doesn't indicate
> adulthood to consider music and art and everyday storytelling to a few
> special museum or dinner party or family reunion days every year.
>
> People can calcify. Their potential for joy can die inside them.
> They can turn to stone trolls before they die.
> Those people cannot be unschoolers.
>
> Sandra
>
Jennie
>
Sandra Dodd
-=- My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game
of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to
play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop.
This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling
something being age inappropriate. I told her I'd be glad to ask for
the game, and tried to give her some examples of stuff I do that is
clearly not "adult," but I will show her your words too.-=-
Tell her Holly plays Harvest Moon, and I *just* ordered her a new
version. <bwg>
I did order it from a gaming shop online, and didn't go in person, so
that might make a difference to her, but tell her Holly is this old:
http://sandradodd.com/holly
(well, the second row's more current)
Holly played with Barbies the other week with a younger visiting
girl. Maybe 11.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to
play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop.
This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling
something being age inappropriate. I told her I'd be glad to ask for
the game, and tried to give her some examples of stuff I do that is
clearly not "adult," but I will show her your words too.-=-
Tell her Holly plays Harvest Moon, and I *just* ordered her a new
version. <bwg>
I did order it from a gaming shop online, and didn't go in person, so
that might make a difference to her, but tell her Holly is this old:
http://sandradodd.com/holly
(well, the second row's more current)
Holly played with Barbies the other week with a younger visiting
girl. Maybe 11.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Pajama Sam's on the Wii, cool! No Need to Hide when It's Dark Outside? I'll have to see if the UK has it. I loved looking for the socks with Simon on my lap. Doing a quick search Spy Fox is out for the Wii as well. I love Spy Fox. I wonder if Simon or Linnaea would like to get those games...
Thanks!
________________________________
From: jenbgosh <pcjen@...>
My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate. I told her I'd be glad to ask for the game, and tried to give her some examples of stuff I do that is clearly not "adult," but I will show her your words too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thanks!
________________________________
From: jenbgosh <pcjen@...>
My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate. I told her I'd be glad to ask for the game, and tried to give her some examples of stuff I do that is clearly not "adult," but I will show her your words too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Actually, I just went and looked at gamespot.com at the release information and there are lots of comments from older gamers about how excited they are to revisit the games of their childhood: http://uk.gamespot.com/news/6188321.html. Maybe your daughter would like to look at those.
Schuyler
--------------
My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
--------------
My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
>I'll have to see if the UK has it. I loved looking for the socks with
> Pajama Sam's on the Wii, cool! No Need to Hide when It's Dark Outside?
Simon on my lap. Doing a quick search Spy Fox is out for the Wii as
well. I love Spy Fox. I wonder if Simon or Linnaea would like to get
those games...
>It's so fun when connections like this happen! We just pulled out our
Pajama Sam pc game yesterday and then it came up on this list. Margaux
has played that game so many times! She can breeze through it, so
finding the socks is one of the things that keeps it interesting.
kelly_sturman
When our family goes out to dinner, the host(ess)
will look at the seven of us and ask, "How many
children's menus would you like?" And I respond,
"We'll all be eating off the full menu, but five
of us would like the children's menus and
crayons, please, not to order from, but to
play with." The host(ess) will then hand the
children's menus and crayons to our five children,
assuming that they are the five who want to play.
But my teen does not want to color or do word searches.
(That would be me!) He is interested in working in the food
industry, and he is fascinated with watching everybody in the
restaurant doing their work. So, smiling, he accepts the children's
menu and box of crayons, and then turns and very sweetly offers
them to me.
I love to sketch people as I chat while waiting for the food to
be ready. And if one of the kids wants to play tic-tac-toe,
or do a word search together, hurrah!
Kelly Sturman
will look at the seven of us and ask, "How many
children's menus would you like?" And I respond,
"We'll all be eating off the full menu, but five
of us would like the children's menus and
crayons, please, not to order from, but to
play with." The host(ess) will then hand the
children's menus and crayons to our five children,
assuming that they are the five who want to play.
But my teen does not want to color or do word searches.
(That would be me!) He is interested in working in the food
industry, and he is fascinated with watching everybody in the
restaurant doing their work. So, smiling, he accepts the children's
menu and box of crayons, and then turns and very sweetly offers
them to me.
I love to sketch people as I chat while waiting for the food to
be ready. And if one of the kids wants to play tic-tac-toe,
or do a word search together, hurrah!
Kelly Sturman
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
> I KNEW it was healthier to keep playing and exploring
> even though most other people stop doing that, for some
> odd posing-as-adults reasons.
kelly_sturman
--- In [email protected], "jenbgosh" <pcjen@...> wrote:
Jennie~
You could go into the story and buy it.
Another thought: Would your daughter feel embarrassed
to go into a story and buy a toy or a game to give to a
younger friend or younger sib? Because if the clerk
has age-related ideas about what people "should" be
playing with, wouldn't the clerk likely assume that the
game is being purchased as a gift for someone younger?
I don't mean to imply that one should lie and say, "Oh,
I'm buying this for my younger friend." But the fact
is that people *do* buy things for other people, and
clerks I've met don't ask me whether my purchase is
for me or for somebody else. This is not meant to
make light of your daughter's feelings about making
the purchase. And of course, sometimes, we get
to be "regulars" at stores, and the clerks know us
and do make friendly inquiries about our purchases,
and I suppose your DD could feel on the spot in
a situation like that. Which would bring you back to,
buy the game for her!
Kelly Sturman
> she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for itat the game shop.
Jennie~
You could go into the story and buy it.
Another thought: Would your daughter feel embarrassed
to go into a story and buy a toy or a game to give to a
younger friend or younger sib? Because if the clerk
has age-related ideas about what people "should" be
playing with, wouldn't the clerk likely assume that the
game is being purchased as a gift for someone younger?
I don't mean to imply that one should lie and say, "Oh,
I'm buying this for my younger friend." But the fact
is that people *do* buy things for other people, and
clerks I've met don't ask me whether my purchase is
for me or for somebody else. This is not meant to
make light of your daughter's feelings about making
the purchase. And of course, sometimes, we get
to be "regulars" at stores, and the clerks know us
and do make friendly inquiries about our purchases,
and I suppose your DD could feel on the spot in
a situation like that. Which would bring you back to,
buy the game for her!
Kelly Sturman
jenbgosh
Fun reading the comments! I called our favorite store, Game Crazy, and they didn't have the Pajama Same game, but they are going to get from a shop in Buffalo NY and have them send it here to Oshkosh WI. Nice of them to go to the trouble for a $20 sale!
I'll be sure to show the comments on the gamespot website to Pearl. I'm happy to see Spy Fox and Freddi Fish are making a Wii appearance too. (Under slightly different names than the originals.) Those games were the ones that gave me that "aha" moment, when I realized that all kinds of learning takes place when one plays video games.
Jennie
I'll be sure to show the comments on the gamespot website to Pearl. I'm happy to see Spy Fox and Freddi Fish are making a Wii appearance too. (Under slightly different names than the originals.) Those games were the ones that gave me that "aha" moment, when I realized that all kinds of learning takes place when one plays video games.
Jennie
--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
>
> Actually, I just went and looked at gamespot.com at the release information and there are lots of comments from older gamers about how excited they are to revisit the games of their childhood: http://uk.gamespot.com/news/6188321.html. Maybe your daughter would like to look at those.
>
> Schuyler
>
> --------------
>
>
> My 11 yo daughter told me that a favorite childhood computer game of hers, a Pajama Sam game, was re-released on Wii, and she wanted to play it, but would be too embarrassed to ask for it at the game shop. This is the first time I ever heard her say anything resembling something being age inappropriate.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>