how to help an angry dad see things differently
Nicole Willoughby
My 9 year old Courtney decided to try school this year. Because of some situations that were somewhat out of my control she wasn't getting what she needed at home.
Things have gotten better though some issues are still here like our barely running van, short on money as usual, and no bus service leaves us at home a lot.
After a month she decided school was not for her so I withdrew her. Dad wasnt thrilled about that because he felt that she needed to stick with it.
Then she found an online accademy and said oh I want to do this!! Dad said ok .
Well after starting to go through the enrollment process and taking the placement tests we found out that since it was still considered a public school she would have to go take the taks test and I couldnt change her curriculum. She would be expected to do it "by the book". She changed her mind ( wouldnt you lol?)
Dad gets more upset and says well she needs to pick something and stick with it.
He used to be a lot more supportive of unschooling so I dont get it .
She found time4learning.com and wanted me to order that so I did .i look at it as another tool she can use in addition to researching on the net, playing wow, watching tv, exploring outside, etc etc. Now he is wanting to know how many lessons she did in a day because he dosent want to waste money on it if she isnt going to do it.
Please excuse me .... Argh!!!!
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Things have gotten better though some issues are still here like our barely running van, short on money as usual, and no bus service leaves us at home a lot.
After a month she decided school was not for her so I withdrew her. Dad wasnt thrilled about that because he felt that she needed to stick with it.
Then she found an online accademy and said oh I want to do this!! Dad said ok .
Well after starting to go through the enrollment process and taking the placement tests we found out that since it was still considered a public school she would have to go take the taks test and I couldnt change her curriculum. She would be expected to do it "by the book". She changed her mind ( wouldnt you lol?)
Dad gets more upset and says well she needs to pick something and stick with it.
He used to be a lot more supportive of unschooling so I dont get it .
She found time4learning.com and wanted me to order that so I did .i look at it as another tool she can use in addition to researching on the net, playing wow, watching tv, exploring outside, etc etc. Now he is wanting to know how many lessons she did in a day because he dosent want to waste money on it if she isnt going to do it.
Please excuse me .... Argh!!!!
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My 9 year old Courtney decided to try school this year. Because of
some situations that were somewhat out of my control she wasn't
getting what she needed at home.-=-
If things are better, can you move fully toward unschooling and not
piddle in schoolish programs?
It seems the only way to help your husband's enthusiasm grow is to
unschool happily and well.
http://sandradodd.com/help
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
some situations that were somewhat out of my control she wasn't
getting what she needed at home.-=-
If things are better, can you move fully toward unschooling and not
piddle in schoolish programs?
It seems the only way to help your husband's enthusiasm grow is to
unschool happily and well.
http://sandradodd.com/help
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
May I also say on this subject, that it helped Brian tremendously to see
(through screwing up and being so uncomfortable and irked) that it's not the
kid's actions that cause the discomfort. It's the divide and the lack of
trust coming from the kid after a parent gets forceful or figuratively gets
medieval on their heiny.
A parent would *like* to believe that *any and all* kind of well meant
parenting is the responsible thing to do. It's gauling to realize that
sometimes the parenting is lacking and results in that nasty uncomfortable
feeling of distance from the kid. I think Karl and unschooled children are
much better able to notice and respond well to these social cues than many
adults who were literally trained to ignore many social cues. Talk about
gaps in the education... I definitely have that one to a sometimes annoying
degree.
Hopefully he and Courtney won't be sitting with that feeling too long before
he realizes what the difference is and circles back around from being
knocked out of the unschooling groove by some errant thought process. It's
lonely at the top saying you're "right!"
~Katherine
(through screwing up and being so uncomfortable and irked) that it's not the
kid's actions that cause the discomfort. It's the divide and the lack of
trust coming from the kid after a parent gets forceful or figuratively gets
medieval on their heiny.
A parent would *like* to believe that *any and all* kind of well meant
parenting is the responsible thing to do. It's gauling to realize that
sometimes the parenting is lacking and results in that nasty uncomfortable
feeling of distance from the kid. I think Karl and unschooled children are
much better able to notice and respond well to these social cues than many
adults who were literally trained to ignore many social cues. Talk about
gaps in the education... I definitely have that one to a sometimes annoying
degree.
Hopefully he and Courtney won't be sitting with that feeling too long before
he realizes what the difference is and circles back around from being
knocked out of the unschooling groove by some errant thought process. It's
lonely at the top saying you're "right!"
~Katherine
On 10/6/08, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-My 9 year old Courtney decided to try school this year. Because of
> some situations that were somewhat out of my control she wasn't
> getting what she needed at home.-=-
>
> If things are better, can you move fully toward unschooling and not
> piddle in schoolish programs?
>
> It seems the only way to help your husband's enthusiasm grow is to
> unschool happily and well.
> http://sandradodd.com/help
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nicole Willoughby
I went to go read links for a while and off to clean and bit , then back and ended finding my day in the life page from last year .
So I sent it to dh and wrote asking if we could talk about the sudden need to control. So he called me at lunch and we talked a bit. He said Im sorry Ive been really stressed about finals and afraid Im going to fail one of my classes and I am so sick of it I just want it to be done. I asked him why he kept going to school . He said because Im now 10 weeks away from finally getting my bachelors and that will hopefully get me more money in the future.
So I asked him ..... Getting your bach was a goal you set for yourself right? yes
Courtney isnt getting a degree out of going to 3rd grade or doing 3rd grade lessons right? ok true You made so many comments about all the things she was learning last year when we didnt do a single lesson right ? well yea
Judging from the papers she broght home and the things she said was she learning anything new? he laughed ok no she wasnt it was ridiculous she was having to do things she had already learned over and over again.
He is still a bit anxious because she dosent seem to want to stick with anything and I said ok imagine that you were starving and someone took you to this room full of all different kinds of food some you know you like, some you have never had before but it looks tasty what are you going to do? You can have whatever you want what are you going to do just sit and eat the pot roast or go fill your plate up with a little bit of everything that looks good? ....everything that looks good ........ok I see where you are going with this . She is a great kid and she is learning so Ill take a deep breath and relax now .
So when you come home will you ask her what she has done today or if she wants to watch mythbusters with you but not what lessons did you do on time 4 learning? Its on for the month if she dosent use it all we have to do is cancell no big deal. ....ok Ill do that
So hopefully the big must have structure and order and must stick to it monster has been evicted ....for a while at least :)
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So I sent it to dh and wrote asking if we could talk about the sudden need to control. So he called me at lunch and we talked a bit. He said Im sorry Ive been really stressed about finals and afraid Im going to fail one of my classes and I am so sick of it I just want it to be done. I asked him why he kept going to school . He said because Im now 10 weeks away from finally getting my bachelors and that will hopefully get me more money in the future.
So I asked him ..... Getting your bach was a goal you set for yourself right? yes
Courtney isnt getting a degree out of going to 3rd grade or doing 3rd grade lessons right? ok true You made so many comments about all the things she was learning last year when we didnt do a single lesson right ? well yea
Judging from the papers she broght home and the things she said was she learning anything new? he laughed ok no she wasnt it was ridiculous she was having to do things she had already learned over and over again.
He is still a bit anxious because she dosent seem to want to stick with anything and I said ok imagine that you were starving and someone took you to this room full of all different kinds of food some you know you like, some you have never had before but it looks tasty what are you going to do? You can have whatever you want what are you going to do just sit and eat the pot roast or go fill your plate up with a little bit of everything that looks good? ....everything that looks good ........ok I see where you are going with this . She is a great kid and she is learning so Ill take a deep breath and relax now .
So when you come home will you ask her what she has done today or if she wants to watch mythbusters with you but not what lessons did you do on time 4 learning? Its on for the month if she dosent use it all we have to do is cancell no big deal. ....ok Ill do that
So hopefully the big must have structure and order and must stick to it monster has been evicted ....for a while at least :)
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
You might really enjoy reading Barbara Sher's book, "Refuse to
Choose." I LOVE it. Here is the Amazon description:
Don’t know what to do with your life? Drawn to so many things that you
can’t choose just one? New York Times best-selling author Barbara Sher
has the answer—do EVERYTHING!
With her popular career counseling sessions, motivational speeches,
workshops, and television specials, Barbara Sher has become famous for
her extraordinary ability to help people define and achieve their
goals. What Sher has discovered is that some individuals simply
cannot, and should not, decide on a single path; they are genetically
wired to pursue many areas. Sher calls them "Scanners"—people whose
unique type of mind does not zero in on a single interest but rather
scans the horizon, eager to explore everything they see.
In this groundbreaking book, readers will learn:
• what’s behind their "hit and run" obsessions
• when (and how) to finish what they start
• how to do everything they love
• what type of Scanner they are (and which tools they need to do their
very best work)
About the Author
BARBARA SHER is a speaker, career/lifestyle coach, and the best-
selling author of eight books on goal achievement. Her books have sold
millions of copies and been translated into dozens of languages. She
has appeared on Oprah, Today, 60 Minutes, CNN, and Good Morning
America, and her popular public television specials air nationally
throughout the year. Barbara Sher lives in New York City.
-pam
Choose." I LOVE it. Here is the Amazon description:
Don’t know what to do with your life? Drawn to so many things that you
can’t choose just one? New York Times best-selling author Barbara Sher
has the answer—do EVERYTHING!
With her popular career counseling sessions, motivational speeches,
workshops, and television specials, Barbara Sher has become famous for
her extraordinary ability to help people define and achieve their
goals. What Sher has discovered is that some individuals simply
cannot, and should not, decide on a single path; they are genetically
wired to pursue many areas. Sher calls them "Scanners"—people whose
unique type of mind does not zero in on a single interest but rather
scans the horizon, eager to explore everything they see.
In this groundbreaking book, readers will learn:
• what’s behind their "hit and run" obsessions
• when (and how) to finish what they start
• how to do everything they love
• what type of Scanner they are (and which tools they need to do their
very best work)
About the Author
BARBARA SHER is a speaker, career/lifestyle coach, and the best-
selling author of eight books on goal achievement. Her books have sold
millions of copies and been translated into dozens of languages. She
has appeared on Oprah, Today, 60 Minutes, CNN, and Good Morning
America, and her popular public television specials air nationally
throughout the year. Barbara Sher lives in New York City.
-pam
On Oct 6, 2008, at 11:22 AM, Nicole Willoughby wrote:
> You can have whatever you want what are you going to do just sit and
> eat the pot roast or go fill your plate up with a little bit of
> everything that looks good? ....everything that looks
> good ........ok I see where you are going with this .
k
>>>>>He is still a bit anxious because she dosent seem to want to stick withanything and I said ok imagine that you were starving and someone took you
to this room full of all different kinds of food some you know you like,
some you have never had before but it looks tasty what are you going to do?
You can have whatever you want what are you going to do just sit and eat the
pot roast or go fill your plate up with a little bit of everything that
looks good? ....everything that looks good ........ok I see where you are
going with this . She is a great kid and she is learning so Ill take a deep
breath and relax now. <<<<<
I absolutely love this analogy between eating and learning. Great! It gets
across that both are all about FUN. What we want in foods and knowledge is
what draws us to choose a particular thing to eat or learn. I'm so glad.
~Katherine
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Nicole Willoughby
I absolutely love this analogy between eating and learning>>>
Thanks! lol some of the time we were talking my I was thinking I havent eaten today. Im really hungry what do I want . So it just fit.
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thanks! lol some of the time we were talking my I was thinking I havent eaten today. Im really hungry what do I want . So it just fit.
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
I'm glad your husband was willing and able to discuss that with you.
Next time he's staring to lean toward schooling in a year or five,
you could just say "Remember how mean school can make even the nicest
person?" and hug him.
Sandra
Next time he's staring to lean toward schooling in a year or five,
you could just say "Remember how mean school can make even the nicest
person?" and hug him.
Sandra