Re: [AlwaysLearning] "What was I thinking" was Telling our kids the answers v...
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/11/2008 4:34:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
s.waynforth@... writes:
<<<As I peer closer I can see a bird she made and drawings she's drawn and
planes she designed as toys for the kittens. >>>
This is so cool-it made me smile and think of the Lion King movie, at the
end where Rafikki is trying to get Simba to look within himself by way of a
reflection in the water and he says, "Look *ha*rder" as he points him to look at
the reflection again.
Maybe that's what the trick is-instead of me looking superficially at the
"mess", I need to "look harder", look deeper and see what my kids see. Thanks!
Peace,
De
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
s.waynforth@... writes:
<<<As I peer closer I can see a bird she made and drawings she's drawn and
planes she designed as toys for the kittens. >>>
This is so cool-it made me smile and think of the Lion King movie, at the
end where Rafikki is trying to get Simba to look within himself by way of a
reflection in the water and he says, "Look *ha*rder" as he points him to look at
the reflection again.
Maybe that's what the trick is-instead of me looking superficially at the
"mess", I need to "look harder", look deeper and see what my kids see. Thanks!
Peace,
De
**************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music
scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com!
(http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
> In a message dated 7/11/2008 4:34:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,Rosie and Roxana usually stay up a long time after my dh and I have
> s.waynforth@... writes:
>
> <<<As I peer closer I can see a bird she made and drawings she's
> drawn and
> planes she designed as toys for the kittens. >>>
gone to bed. I LOVE waking up in the morning and seeing the remains of
what they were doing. It takes me about 2 minutes to clear up some
dishes and stuff that they've usually left around - but while I'm
doing that, I pay attention to what dvd's are out or what other clues
they've left. Once in a while I'll go to put something, very quietly,
into one of their rooms and the other one will be in there, too,
asleep. I LOVE knowing that they were hanging out together and fell
asleep watching tv or listening to music or talking to each other.
Every once in a while my husband will say, "You shouldn't be cleaning
up after them. Leave it for them to clean up when they get up." That
would have made sense to me, years ago, but now it seems silly. I can
clean it up in less than 2 minutes and spend my morning in a clutter-
free room, which is pleasant for me. And, like I said, I have FUN
while I'm straightening up after them - I'm enjoying that minute or
two of thinking about them and what they were doing/making/eating/
drinking, etc., the night before.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebecca Boxwell
All -
I have been thinking a lot about cleaning, picking up after kids, asking
for help, etc. My kids are young, almost five, and 20 mos. I can see
how just doing the work, and occasionally inviting help, would play out
well in the long run. I think that my children already tend to be
helpful.
I am very happy to leave out long term projects or toys. Often my son
will build a train track across the entire living room floor and will
work on it over many days. This is lovely.
The problem is that I feel like I am buried in a never ending cycle of
abandoned toys, dishes, messes. My children don't have an overwhelming
amount of stuff, so I don't think that the issue is one of too much.
There is a lot of food waste of the "I want a sandwich, now I've taken a
bite and changed my mind, how about a banana,the banana isn't tasty,
what about some crackers" variety - which also creates a lot of dishes
and mess. I am trying to be kind, loving, and helpful. I am trying not
to yell that I have just made an abandoned sandwich and peeled a banana
and don't think they really want crackers.
My husband is also being messy. I think more than usual because it is
already messy from the kids. What is one more glass? I don't want to
spend time arguing with my husband about cleaning up, he works hard, I
just want to hang out with him.
BUT - I feel used. Taken advantage of. Tired of being the only one
doing any of upkeep. When I don't clean then it isn't as pleasant
around here, there is bickering, my husband is annoyed and I feel like I
have dropped the ball.
Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my deal?
Hiring someone else isn't really an option right now.
I am assuming that I need to change MY attitude and thinking - but I
can't get myself there yet.
--Rebecca
On Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:58:04 -0700, "Pamela Sorooshian"
<pamsoroosh@...> said:
I have been thinking a lot about cleaning, picking up after kids, asking
for help, etc. My kids are young, almost five, and 20 mos. I can see
how just doing the work, and occasionally inviting help, would play out
well in the long run. I think that my children already tend to be
helpful.
I am very happy to leave out long term projects or toys. Often my son
will build a train track across the entire living room floor and will
work on it over many days. This is lovely.
The problem is that I feel like I am buried in a never ending cycle of
abandoned toys, dishes, messes. My children don't have an overwhelming
amount of stuff, so I don't think that the issue is one of too much.
There is a lot of food waste of the "I want a sandwich, now I've taken a
bite and changed my mind, how about a banana,the banana isn't tasty,
what about some crackers" variety - which also creates a lot of dishes
and mess. I am trying to be kind, loving, and helpful. I am trying not
to yell that I have just made an abandoned sandwich and peeled a banana
and don't think they really want crackers.
My husband is also being messy. I think more than usual because it is
already messy from the kids. What is one more glass? I don't want to
spend time arguing with my husband about cleaning up, he works hard, I
just want to hang out with him.
BUT - I feel used. Taken advantage of. Tired of being the only one
doing any of upkeep. When I don't clean then it isn't as pleasant
around here, there is bickering, my husband is annoyed and I feel like I
have dropped the ball.
Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my deal?
Hiring someone else isn't really an option right now.
I am assuming that I need to change MY attitude and thinking - but I
can't get myself there yet.
--Rebecca
On Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:58:04 -0700, "Pamela Sorooshian"
<pamsoroosh@...> said:
>
> > In a message dated 7/11/2008 4:34:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
> > s.waynforth@... writes:
> >
> > <<<As I peer closer I can see a bird she made and drawings she's
> > drawn and
> > planes she designed as toys for the kittens. >>>
>
> Rosie and Roxana usually stay up a long time after my dh and I have
> gone to bed. I LOVE waking up in the morning and seeing the remains of
> what they were doing. It takes me about 2 minutes to clear up some
> dishes and stuff that they've usually left around - but while I'm
> doing that, I pay attention to what dvd's are out or what other clues
> they've left. Once in a while I'll go to put something, very quietly,
> into one of their rooms and the other one will be in there, too,
> asleep. I LOVE knowing that they were hanging out together and fell
> asleep watching tv or listening to music or talking to each other.
>
> Every once in a while my husband will say, "You shouldn't be cleaning
> up after them. Leave it for them to clean up when they get up." That
> would have made sense to me, years ago, but now it seems silly. I can
> clean it up in less than 2 minutes and spend my morning in a clutter-
> free room, which is pleasant for me. And, like I said, I have FUN
> while I'm straightening up after them - I'm enjoying that minute or
> two of thinking about them and what they were doing/making/eating/
> drinking, etc., the night before.
>
> -pam
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
=-I am trying not
to yell that I have just made an abandoned sandwich and peeled a banana
and don't think they really want crackers.-=-
The banana can go into a bag in the freezer, and be put in pancakes
or banana bread later. Consider that you're already working on a
future meal.
The sandwich could be wrapped up for later, too. Maybe you or your
husband would want it for a snack later if the kids don't, but it
doesn't need to be eaten RIGHT then.
My mom used to tell me what I didn't want. I still remember. Try
not to do that. She would tell me I wasn't hungry and I wasn't cold,
too, and with such a voice of derision.
-=-"I want a sandwich, now I've taken a bite and changed my mind-=-
Maybe make very small sandwiches? They do sell very small bread, or
you could make some small bread.
Or make sandwiches with crackers, or peanut butter and banana
sandwiches.
-=-What is one more glass? -=-
Put it in the dishwasher while you're breathing and thinking how
grateful you are to own glasses and a dishwasher and be hooked up to
electricity, and to have electric lights and a roof that doesn't
leak! Running water. HOT running water!
-=-BUT - I feel used. Taken advantage of. Tired of being the only one
doing any of upkeep. When I don't clean then it isn't as pleasant
around here, there is bickering, my husband is annoyed and I feel
like I have dropped the ball.-=-
Consider your alternatives, no matter how silly or outrageous. It
might get you back toward center.
-=-Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my
deal? -=-
Oh, HELL no, you don't have to embrace it or even accept it! You
could make so much guilt-creating noise that your kids are scarred
for life and your husband leaves. You could give yourself joint pain
and ulcers by holding tightly to all the adrenaline you can muster
while you Wash those STUPID dishes for those LAZY awful people who
live with you. That could last for years, but you'll probably just
be washing your own dishes, because the others will get away from the
tension.
Please read here:
http://sandradodd.com/chores
I didn't write it. Lots of people wrote some sweet and wonderful
things that will help you.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to yell that I have just made an abandoned sandwich and peeled a banana
and don't think they really want crackers.-=-
The banana can go into a bag in the freezer, and be put in pancakes
or banana bread later. Consider that you're already working on a
future meal.
The sandwich could be wrapped up for later, too. Maybe you or your
husband would want it for a snack later if the kids don't, but it
doesn't need to be eaten RIGHT then.
My mom used to tell me what I didn't want. I still remember. Try
not to do that. She would tell me I wasn't hungry and I wasn't cold,
too, and with such a voice of derision.
-=-"I want a sandwich, now I've taken a bite and changed my mind-=-
Maybe make very small sandwiches? They do sell very small bread, or
you could make some small bread.
Or make sandwiches with crackers, or peanut butter and banana
sandwiches.
-=-What is one more glass? -=-
Put it in the dishwasher while you're breathing and thinking how
grateful you are to own glasses and a dishwasher and be hooked up to
electricity, and to have electric lights and a roof that doesn't
leak! Running water. HOT running water!
-=-BUT - I feel used. Taken advantage of. Tired of being the only one
doing any of upkeep. When I don't clean then it isn't as pleasant
around here, there is bickering, my husband is annoyed and I feel
like I have dropped the ball.-=-
Consider your alternatives, no matter how silly or outrageous. It
might get you back toward center.
-=-Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my
deal? -=-
Oh, HELL no, you don't have to embrace it or even accept it! You
could make so much guilt-creating noise that your kids are scarred
for life and your husband leaves. You could give yourself joint pain
and ulcers by holding tightly to all the adrenaline you can muster
while you Wash those STUPID dishes for those LAZY awful people who
live with you. That could last for years, but you'll probably just
be washing your own dishes, because the others will get away from the
tension.
Please read here:
http://sandradodd.com/chores
I didn't write it. Lots of people wrote some sweet and wonderful
things that will help you.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 11, 2008, at 3:15 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
and cheap.
Every day you don't leave, you've *chosen* to stay. It's not a trap
you're in. You're choosing to stay because there's more good where
you are than out there where you're not.
Look at the full good places rather than the empty annoying places in
your life.
(That's not code for "Stop whining!" It's a technique to help ground
yourself.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Oh, HELL no, you don't have to embrace it or even accept it! YouOr you could leave. Drain the accounts, take off for someplace exotic
> could make so much guilt-creating noise that your kids are scarred
> for life and your husband leaves. You could give yourself joint pain
> and ulcers by holding tightly to all the adrenaline you can muster
> while you Wash those STUPID dishes for those LAZY awful people who
> live with you. That could last for years, but you'll probably just
> be washing your own dishes, because the others will get away from the
> tension.
and cheap.
Every day you don't leave, you've *chosen* to stay. It's not a trap
you're in. You're choosing to stay because there's more good where
you are than out there where you're not.
Look at the full good places rather than the empty annoying places in
your life.
(That's not code for "Stop whining!" It's a technique to help ground
yourself.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
It is SO worth it to change your attitude. Do a sort of zen thing -
concentrate on now - don't think about the decade, just this minute
and then the next.
Every dish you pick up, give silent thanks that you have dishes. Every
time you pick up something your husband left out, use that as a cue to
silently (or out loud) thank him for what he does to make your good
life possible. And, for SURE, every time you peel a banana or get out
crackers for a child, give them a kiss along with it and let your
heart overflow with happiness that your child is with you.
Do this as "a practice" - a discipline. When you forget, just notice
that you've been forgetting and start doing it again.
-pam
concentrate on now - don't think about the decade, just this minute
and then the next.
Every dish you pick up, give silent thanks that you have dishes. Every
time you pick up something your husband left out, use that as a cue to
silently (or out loud) thank him for what he does to make your good
life possible. And, for SURE, every time you peel a banana or get out
crackers for a child, give them a kiss along with it and let your
heart overflow with happiness that your child is with you.
Do this as "a practice" - a discipline. When you forget, just notice
that you've been forgetting and start doing it again.
-pam
On Jul 11, 2008, at 11:20 AM, Rebecca Boxwell wrote:
> BUT - I feel used. Taken advantage of. Tired of being the only one
> doing any of upkeep. When I don't clean then it isn't as pleasant
> around here, there is bickering, my husband is annoyed and I feel
> like I
> have dropped the ball.
>
> Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my deal?
> Hiring someone else isn't really an option right now.
>
> I am assuming that I need to change MY attitude and thinking - but I
> can't get myself there yet.
Sandra Dodd
-=-Every time you pick up something your husband left out...-=-
I used to be cranky when Keith would snore. For a few years he
snored a lot, when he was living in Minneapolis, and he would come
home all snorey. I think he had some kind of chronic sinus problem
from all that northern swamp living. After he moved back to New
Mexico full time, the snoring almost totally stopped.
Now, rarely, I'll hear him snore, and I think about how someday he
might be dead and I would LOVE to hear him snore. So now if I hear
him snore I think about how safe I feel with him here, and how hard
he works, and how rough it was to be him, with his school days and
his parents, and how glad I am we've stayed together so long.
When I wash his dirty socks and underwear, I think that someday I
might miss the smell of him, and the simple little things like
folding his t-shirts.
It has to do with love and gratitude.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I used to be cranky when Keith would snore. For a few years he
snored a lot, when he was living in Minneapolis, and he would come
home all snorey. I think he had some kind of chronic sinus problem
from all that northern swamp living. After he moved back to New
Mexico full time, the snoring almost totally stopped.
Now, rarely, I'll hear him snore, and I think about how someday he
might be dead and I would LOVE to hear him snore. So now if I hear
him snore I think about how safe I feel with him here, and how hard
he works, and how rough it was to be him, with his school days and
his parents, and how glad I am we've stayed together so long.
When I wash his dirty socks and underwear, I think that someday I
might miss the smell of him, and the simple little things like
folding his t-shirts.
It has to do with love and gratitude.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katy
<<<<When I wash his dirty socks and underwear, I think that someday I might miss the smell of him, and the simple little things like folding his t-shirts.>>>>
My step-dad died in February, he hadn't really been sick (that we knew of!). My mom keeps, still unwashed, the jeans that he worked in around the house. She complained and complained about them, hated them. They are paint stained and ugly. She wanted him to wear some of his newer jeans, even if they would get grungy, he didn't want his newer stuff to get grungy.
Now those grungy, nasty jeans lay folded on the bed, or on the dresser, or in a chair. I find them throughout her house, usually in the bedroom. She said when we were going through his clothes that they were the one thing that she really wanted to keep.
katy
www.katyjennings.blogspot.com<http://www.katyjennings.blogspot.com/>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My step-dad died in February, he hadn't really been sick (that we knew of!). My mom keeps, still unwashed, the jeans that he worked in around the house. She complained and complained about them, hated them. They are paint stained and ugly. She wanted him to wear some of his newer jeans, even if they would get grungy, he didn't want his newer stuff to get grungy.
Now those grungy, nasty jeans lay folded on the bed, or on the dresser, or in a chair. I find them throughout her house, usually in the bedroom. She said when we were going through his clothes that they were the one thing that she really wanted to keep.
katy
www.katyjennings.blogspot.com<http://www.katyjennings.blogspot.com/>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J Geller
Do I just have to embrace that for the next decade this is my deal?
Hiring someone else isn't really an option right now.
I am assuming that I need to change MY attitude and thinking - but I
can't get myself there yet.
--Rebecca
I have been married to my wonderful and messy husband for 20 years now. We have had other people come in to clean, which was a nuisance because I still had to pick up for them. We had a woman and her two children, victims of domestic violence, live with us for almost 2 years (she was going to stay for one night and it went on from there) and she was a compulsive cleaner. That was great! We loved having cute little girls and a mother who cleaned. I was spoiled by that but we all got used to things being cleaner. When I stopped working for pay, I didn't want to pay someone to clean. I knew that it was my choice, but I still resented it.
"Loving What Is" by Byron Katie helped me to change my thinking. Now I clean when I feel like cleaning and don't when I don't. But I never resent it anymore. When I want things cleaned up, I do it. If it is before we have people over, then usually everyone will pitch in to help. Or not, if they don't feel like it. There are cleaning supplies in the boy's bathroom and I have vinyl flooring all around the toilet area. Guests are welcome to clean up after after middle-of-the-night-boy-aim or I can always pop in to quick clean up. If people don't like my house keeping they are welcome to not visit. My mother hasn't been to our house in almost 5 years. We meet at my brother's house and it is lovely. (My parents live across the country and my brother lives in the next town and has a house cleaner.) It is such a wonderful feeling to be free of the house-pride and anxiety that entailed. And to be free of the resentment about the housecleaning. I also now love noticing how much exercise I get from vacuuming and carrying laundry up and down the stairs. Putting dirty socks away is a great little calorie burning break. It took a while after doing The Work (from the book) but I am really peaceful about the cleaning. I still have plenty of other things to work on, though.
Jae
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Hiring someone else isn't really an option right now.
I am assuming that I need to change MY attitude and thinking - but I
can't get myself there yet.
--Rebecca
I have been married to my wonderful and messy husband for 20 years now. We have had other people come in to clean, which was a nuisance because I still had to pick up for them. We had a woman and her two children, victims of domestic violence, live with us for almost 2 years (she was going to stay for one night and it went on from there) and she was a compulsive cleaner. That was great! We loved having cute little girls and a mother who cleaned. I was spoiled by that but we all got used to things being cleaner. When I stopped working for pay, I didn't want to pay someone to clean. I knew that it was my choice, but I still resented it.
"Loving What Is" by Byron Katie helped me to change my thinking. Now I clean when I feel like cleaning and don't when I don't. But I never resent it anymore. When I want things cleaned up, I do it. If it is before we have people over, then usually everyone will pitch in to help. Or not, if they don't feel like it. There are cleaning supplies in the boy's bathroom and I have vinyl flooring all around the toilet area. Guests are welcome to clean up after after middle-of-the-night-boy-aim or I can always pop in to quick clean up. If people don't like my house keeping they are welcome to not visit. My mother hasn't been to our house in almost 5 years. We meet at my brother's house and it is lovely. (My parents live across the country and my brother lives in the next town and has a house cleaner.) It is such a wonderful feeling to be free of the house-pride and anxiety that entailed. And to be free of the resentment about the housecleaning. I also now love noticing how much exercise I get from vacuuming and carrying laundry up and down the stairs. Putting dirty socks away is a great little calorie burning break. It took a while after doing The Work (from the book) but I am really peaceful about the cleaning. I still have plenty of other things to work on, though.
Jae
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wendy S.
Wow...that's beautiful Sandra! It's so true. And when I find myself
thinking about how much I hate doing laundry I choose instead to be
grateful for my new, awesome washing machine and for our abundance
that we have *so* many clothes to wash, and that I am blessing my
family by doing this for them.
It is *all* about attitude.
Wendy S. in GA
Mom to Shelby, Age 9
http://ourjourneyfantastic.blogspot.com/
BIRTH IS SAFE, INTERVENTION IS RISKY
http://www.trustbirth.com/
Join Us at the Trust Birth Conference in 2010!!
http://trustbirthconference.com/
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving
the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." -
Marianne Williamson
thinking about how much I hate doing laundry I choose instead to be
grateful for my new, awesome washing machine and for our abundance
that we have *so* many clothes to wash, and that I am blessing my
family by doing this for them.
It is *all* about attitude.
Wendy S. in GA
Mom to Shelby, Age 9
http://ourjourneyfantastic.blogspot.com/
BIRTH IS SAFE, INTERVENTION IS RISKY
http://www.trustbirth.com/
Join Us at the Trust Birth Conference in 2010!!
http://trustbirthconference.com/
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving
the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." -
Marianne Williamson
On Jul 11, 2008, at 7:06 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> I used to be cranky when Keith would snore. For a few years he
> snored a lot, when he was living in Minneapolis, and he would come
> home all snorey. I think he had some kind of chronic sinus problem
> from all that northern swamp living. After he moved back to New
> Mexico full time, the snoring almost totally stopped.
>
> Now, rarely, I'll hear him snore, and I think about how someday he
> might be dead and I would LOVE to hear him snore. So now if I hear
> him snore I think about how safe I feel with him here, and how hard
> he works, and how rough it was to be him, with his school days and
> his parents, and how glad I am we've stayed together so long.
>
> When I wash his dirty socks and underwear, I think that someday I
> might miss the smell of him, and the simple little things like
> folding his t-shirts.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Dietrick
> Every once in a while my husband will say, "You shouldn't be cleaningyes, here as well. Dh might see me cleaning up alone and say "you
> up after them. Leave it for them to clean up when they get up." That
> would have made sense to me, years ago, but now it seems silly. I can
> clean it up in less than 2 minutes and spend my morning in a clutter-
> free room, which is pleasant for me. And, like I said, I have FUN
> while I'm straightening up after them - I'm enjoying that minute or
> two of thinking about them and what they were doing/making/eating/
> drinking, etc., the night before.
should call them to help you." but why? Im cleaning up, Im thinking
about their trail of activities, Im connecting (as sandra mentioned
some where) in the sense that I am *happy* to be making our home nice
and I want that energy to prevail. Not "oh Im so alone and cant handle
it"..
I also enjoy a moment of relative peace as I tidy things up where as
when we work together (that happens alot too, dont get me wrong) it
turns into a wild sort of party--loud music, lots of laughter and
sometimes new projects get started that no one ever dreamed of.
melissa
in italy
mamma of 7
Ed Wendell
When Zac was really, really into Lego's (not as much now - though he does still go through stages) he would leave creations on the kitchen counter right where he knew I would be fixing my lunch and breakfast every morning as I was getting ready for work . It always brings a smile to my face - it's a nice way to start my day at 5:30 AM while the house is slumbering.
Sometimes still I will get up and glance into the family room and there will be his night's work/creations. The other day I got up and every Manga book from his bedroom was in the family room. Then a few days later there were the Zome creations.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sometimes still I will get up and glance into the family room and there will be his night's work/creations. The other day I got up and every Manga book from his bedroom was in the family room. Then a few days later there were the Zome creations.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/11/2008 1:58:47 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Rosie and Roxana usually stay up a long time after my dh and I have
gone to bed. I LOVE waking up in the morning and seeing the remains of
what they were doing.
____
I could hear Logan going to bed this morning about the same time as Broc and
I were waking up. I do just the same thing in the mornings as you are
talking about. It's a bit like an archeology site... this morning it was crumbs
from the pizza, the empty Juno netflix envelope, and my favorite thing was
the empty box that the new 500 GB external hard drive came in!
Last year, Logan put an extra hard drive into my computer that he had and
wasn't using. Early this week, he found enough computer parts around and
decided to build a computer and use an old guitar for the case. To do that, he
needed his old hard drive back so last evening we found an external drive on
sale at Staples for my computer. It appears that during the night he did his
computer magic. I can't wait to peek into his room when he gets up because
I imagine there will be at least a partially built computer on his floor.
Years ago, waking up to the mess of crumbs and stuff all over the floor just
would have started my day off wrong. Just changing my perceptions of how I
looked at it was such a huge key to the much happier shift in our lives.
The "zen" stuff Pam talks about really helped and it became so automatic to
see it all as evidence of a full happy life that we are living. As the kids
move towards adulthood, I know how quickly there will come the day when I
will wake up to a house without children in it. I'll enjoy all their stuff for
every moment I can.
Gail
http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/
**************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music
scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com!
(http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Rosie and Roxana usually stay up a long time after my dh and I have
gone to bed. I LOVE waking up in the morning and seeing the remains of
what they were doing.
____
I could hear Logan going to bed this morning about the same time as Broc and
I were waking up. I do just the same thing in the mornings as you are
talking about. It's a bit like an archeology site... this morning it was crumbs
from the pizza, the empty Juno netflix envelope, and my favorite thing was
the empty box that the new 500 GB external hard drive came in!
Last year, Logan put an extra hard drive into my computer that he had and
wasn't using. Early this week, he found enough computer parts around and
decided to build a computer and use an old guitar for the case. To do that, he
needed his old hard drive back so last evening we found an external drive on
sale at Staples for my computer. It appears that during the night he did his
computer magic. I can't wait to peek into his room when he gets up because
I imagine there will be at least a partially built computer on his floor.
Years ago, waking up to the mess of crumbs and stuff all over the floor just
would have started my day off wrong. Just changing my perceptions of how I
looked at it was such a huge key to the much happier shift in our lives.
The "zen" stuff Pam talks about really helped and it became so automatic to
see it all as evidence of a full happy life that we are living. As the kids
move towards adulthood, I know how quickly there will come the day when I
will wake up to a house without children in it. I'll enjoy all their stuff for
every moment I can.
Gail
http://gail-hummingbirdhaven.blogspot.com/
**************Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music
scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com!
(http://www.tourtracker.com?NCID=aolmus00050000000112)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laureen
Heya!
On Fri, Jul 11, 2008 at 2:01 PM, Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
> It is SO worth it to change your attitude. Do a sort of zen thing -
> concentrate on now - don't think about the decade, just this minute
> and then the next.
Thich Nhat Hahn writes in the collection of essays "Peace is Every
Step" a very similar and eloquent kind of story. I was inspired to
make a sign which I hung above the sink... "After the dishes... the
dishes". It's a buddhist meditation, quite similar to "before
enlightenment, chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood,
carry water".
It's fascinating to me the number of places that sign has been
duplicated. My mom, who is a librarian, hung a sign saying "after the
shelving, the shelving" in her library, to help the staff be more
accepting of what could be a tedious annoying task.
I'm not sure where the change in our culture occurred, where we went
from repetitive tasks being a form of meditation and predictably
restful quiet in life, to being something we resent. My family's
trying to reclaim it. And it's not like I don't have my very own pissy
whiny days about the maintenance work. DH and I are working on being
the one to encourage and thank the other, and get back on track with
it being meditative and restful. But as Sandra says... we don't have
time to work out our baggage. If we want to model joyful caregiving to
the kids, we have to do it now now now. Yesterday. And ditch the
whiney.
Another fantastic source of inspiration for me on this front is the
Carol Flinders essay (sadly, not available online and she hasn't
returned my emails to make it so) "The Keeper of the Keys" from the
older edition of the Laurel's Kitchen cookbook (which I keep not for
the recipes but for that essay). I wrote this about that essay, in
regards to preparing food for the family:
http://theexcellentadventure.com/elementalmom/2007/06/26/no-time/
There are some great tidbits in Flinders' essay that while addressing
food prep specifically apply equally to cleanup and the daily routine
as well. It's a great read and I really recommend it.
--
~~L!
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
Writing here:
http://www.theexcellentadventure.com/
Evolving here:
http://www.consciouswoman.org/
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
Sandra Dodd
-=-But as Sandra says... we don't have
time to work out our baggage. If we want to model joyful caregiving to
the kids, we have to do it now now now. Yesterday. And ditch the
whiney.-=-
You can work on your baggage then, after you've eliminated the time
it takes to feel resentful. <g>
I don't mean NEVER work out childhood trauma, I mean don't schedule
that first, thinking you'll change your parenting when it's done,
when you're all whole and better.
There's a thing that goes around--an inspirational bit about putting
in the big rocks first, and then the small ones (and presumably then
the gravel, and then the sand, and then the water, if you want your
life to be packed really full!). Make your kids the big rocks.
Fill the rest of the stuff in around them, *if* there's room.
When you feel like a good parent, you'll probably find yourself
already having felt like a good person for a while without noticing.
-=-Another fantastic source of inspiration for me on this front is the
Carol Flinders essay (sadly, not available online and she hasn't
returned my emails to make it so) "The Keeper of the Keys" from the
older edition of the Laurel's Kitchen cookbook (which I keep not for
the recipes but for that essay). -=-
If you scan it or transcribe it, I'll put it online if you want, and
if she shows up she can tell me to take it off, or not.
If you don't have a scanner, photocopy it and mail it to me?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
time to work out our baggage. If we want to model joyful caregiving to
the kids, we have to do it now now now. Yesterday. And ditch the
whiney.-=-
You can work on your baggage then, after you've eliminated the time
it takes to feel resentful. <g>
I don't mean NEVER work out childhood trauma, I mean don't schedule
that first, thinking you'll change your parenting when it's done,
when you're all whole and better.
There's a thing that goes around--an inspirational bit about putting
in the big rocks first, and then the small ones (and presumably then
the gravel, and then the sand, and then the water, if you want your
life to be packed really full!). Make your kids the big rocks.
Fill the rest of the stuff in around them, *if* there's room.
When you feel like a good parent, you'll probably find yourself
already having felt like a good person for a while without noticing.
-=-Another fantastic source of inspiration for me on this front is the
Carol Flinders essay (sadly, not available online and she hasn't
returned my emails to make it so) "The Keeper of the Keys" from the
older edition of the Laurel's Kitchen cookbook (which I keep not for
the recipes but for that essay). -=-
If you scan it or transcribe it, I'll put it online if you want, and
if she shows up she can tell me to take it off, or not.
If you don't have a scanner, photocopy it and mail it to me?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]