balickgoodmanfamily

hi all -

i've been on this list for a few weeks and wanted to introduce myself.
my name is lyssa, mom to jessica (7) and henry (5). we live & learn
in maryland and are very fortunate to know several unschooling
families in the area.

i've been enjoying all of the discussions on this list and the one on
stress relievers hit very close to home. my mother has als, which is
a fatal neurodegenerative disease. she's had it for the past 4 years
and we've visited her every 2 weeks (we live 2 hours away). we are
fortunate to have a supportive network of extended family and friends,
but sometimes, it can be an emotional stress...when we visit, we are
calm and present for my mom and dad and then when we return, i feel
like i have what i can only describe as an emotional hangover...my
kids and husband feel like this too, but i think my daughter and i are
hit the hardest.

i really like all of the tips people have shared (and will revisit
these a lot, i think). one thing that has really helped us immensely
is to s-l-o-w down after our visits. we all need at least 1/2 day to
just be still and this really helps. the other thing that has helped
is to do some simple things that help us all get ourselves in balance.
it differs for each of us but includes baths, nature, video games,
movies, books, cuddles, or just being alone. being part of this list
and reading other unschooling material has helped so much b/c i
realize that my kids are really good judges of how to bring themselves
back into balance.

the thing that is the hardest for me is when i am completely drained
and my kids really, really need me. that shift - trying to connect
with them - is difficult, but it does get easier with practice. we're
all getting better at learning how to identify and release our emotions.

while this situation is stressful, we have been able to appreciate all
of the joyful things in our lives. stress has helped us to prioritize
and decide what is important. we are also getting better and better
at choosing what brings us joy and happiness, a very good antidote to
stress...

anyway, just wanted to thank all of you for the great discussions.

best, lyssa

Sandra Dodd

-=-when we return, i feel
like i have what i can only describe as an emotional hangover...-=-

Could it also just be described as exhaustion?

Mental/emotional exhaustion seems to me more tiring, less satisfying,
more confusing than physical exhaustion. I think it's because our
culture prizes physical labor and is suspicious and disdainful of
emotional effort.

-=-when we visit, we are

calm and present for my mom and dad and then when we return, i feel
like i have what i can only describe as an emotional hangover...-=-

Is it a holding-your-breath calm? A watching the clock calm? I
think I mean to ask whether you're acting calm. Acting calm takes
way more effort than being calm.

I have a quote I've been meaning to build a discussion around, and I
still will (with the story of where it came from) but this is the
quote, and it was about Buddhist-style meditation:

" I found ultimately though that I can't go on acting like I'm just
observing my anger (which does really work for many people I
know...I'm not saying it is the wrong way or that it doesn't work!). "

Maybe substitute "stress" or "concern" for "anger" and see if it
rings any bells. If not, GOOD! I'm hoping you're saying you're
really, truly calm when you're with your parents.

-=-being part of this list
and reading other unschooling material has helped so much b/c i
realize that my kids are really good judges of how to bring themselves
back into balance.-=-

This is big.

Marty is introverted like his dad, and also a big showman like his
dad when he IS in groups. But he needs recovery from his showiness.
It drains him instead of feeding him. It's just the way he is. So
Marty needs a lot of quiet time alone. It might be watching videos
or playing games, but it's not interacting with other people, not
even family members. We leave him alone for long stretches because
we know (from knowing Keith) that it's a real need, and he makes good
use of it.

Sandra





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Sylvia Toyama

Marty is introverted like his dad, and also a big showman like his dad when he IS in groups. But he needs recovery from his showiness. It drains him instead of feeding him. It's just the way he is. So Marty needs a lot of quiet time alone. It might be watching videos or playing games, but it's not interacting with other people, not even family members. We leave him alone for long stretches because we know (from knowing Keith) that it's a real need, and he makes good use of it.

****
Gary (dh) and Andy (ds) are like this, too. It can be very easy for people who don't someone like Keith or Marty or Andy well to assume they're extroverts who are energized by being outgoing. It's good that y'all figured out what Keith and Marty need to recover.

Sylvia



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