Amanda Horein

We are having a clothes issue. My girls LOVE to wear dresses. They also love
to play outside. A lot of their dresses would be ruined if they played out
side in them. So, when they get up and want to get dressed I remind them
that they should put on play clothes (most of the time not dresses, they
have few play dresses). They tell me they won't go outside. I don't argue
with them, I let them put the fancy clothes on. Then a bit later when they
want to go outside I let them know they have to put play clothes on first.
That is when I hear "But mom..."

I am not sure what to do. You guys always have great ideas, and I seem to be
stuck.

Also, when they do wear their few play dresses outside I ask that they wear
shorts underneath. This mostly applies to my 4 year old. Then I end up
finding those shorts laying outside on the ground or on the porch.

What can I do about this? More specifically, how can I change my thinking?

--
Amanda
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com

My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
www.hopescreations.com
http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On May 6, 2008, at 11:10 AM, Amanda Horein wrote:

> They tell me they won't go outside. I don't argue
> with them, I let them put the fancy clothes on

Goodwill or Salvation Army for fancy dresses for a couple of dollars.
Let them pick out a bunch.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Beth Fleming

 

We are having a clothes issue.
--- My little girls also love dresses and love to play in the mud, pool, sand, whatever...they are 4 and 2.  We go to the local second hand store for most of their clothes....They love the "VERY FANCY" dresses...and can wear them anywhere they like!  It doesn't matter if they get dirty.  As my 4 yo likes to say to those who get nervous about her fancy dress getting dirty, "that's why we have a washing machine!"


Also, when they do wear their few play dresses outside I ask that they wear
shorts underneath.
---Why? 

What can I do about this? More specifically, how can I change my thinking?
---I love the part of The Unprocessed Child by Valerie Fitzenreiter about Laurie's fancy dress....you have to read it!  It's change my way of thiniking for good. 
HTH, Amanda.
Beth

--
Amanda





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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joanna Murphy

Your post is so near and dear to my own heart! My dd (9) Only wears dresses--and the
fancier the better. I'm thinking that she may actually have the princess gene, because
after conversations about the possibility of ruined dresses, she's always decided to wear
them outside anyway--in the sandbox often--and she's hardly ruined a one! I have so
many wonderful pictures of her playing all out looking like a princess--and we could have
made a big issue of it and not had all those joyous occasions.

But the possibility of damage is there, so our strategy until now has been to buy them at
Costco because you can get the most beautiful dresses for $13.00, so I'd just pick one up
every trip till we had the collection. They only go up to size 8 though, so we've had to be a
little more creative now that she's in a 10. If you have your eyes out there looking you can
find them on sale for the next year, off season, etc., and of course there's Goodwill, but we
haven't had good luck with that ourselves.

She has said that wearing fancy dresses is her style. She really identifies herself as the girl
who does that--and she's unique in that regard, because most moms won't allow their
daughters to wear their best to the park. My theory is that those are generally the clothes
that the most money are spent on, so why not get good use out of them!

My MIL gave her a beautiful blue velvet dress from Nordstrom's that had been worn by a
cousin. She asked that Caroline not wear it except for fancy events because she wanted to
pass it down to another cousin. I personally didn't appreciate this, because my MIL knows
exactly who my daughter is and has helped to get other dresses that could be worn--and
it was like torture for it to be in the closet and not touchable. So one day my dd wore it
inside the house, stood up while accidently standing on a sash and ripped it off. I couldn't
believe it came off--and she wasn't playing or anything--just sitting very calmly wearing
the dress. (She likes to wear the ties down because they feel like ribbons to her, but the
ties on this dress were much longer than her other dresses.) So now I have to get it to a
seamstress to be repaired--so my feeling is that that dress was more trouble than it was
worth!! We thought we were respecting the spirit of the request--oh, well.

The other thing you could do is to see if your daughters will agree on one dress each that
does not get worn for play so that it stays nice to be available when needed.

"Also, when they do wear their few play dresses outside I ask that they wear
> shorts underneath. This mostly applies to my 4 year old. Then I end up
> finding those shorts laying outside on the ground or on the porch."

I haven't been able to sell Caroline on skorts because they just don't FEEL like a skirt or
dress, so they don't feel fancy.

Joanna

Sandra Dodd

-=-But the possibility of damage is there, so our strategy until now
has been to buy them at
Costco because you can get the most beautiful dresses for $13.00, so
I'd just pick one up
every trip till we had the collection. They only go up to size 8
though, so we've had to be a
little more creative now that she's in a 10. -=-



Holly had a Cinderella dress she wore LOTS. It was a used yellow
prom dress or bridesmaid's dress from a thrift store. I took in the
neckline by making hand-sewn (temporary, if it lasted long enough)
pleats. We cut the bottom off; didn't even hem it, I don't think.
And with the long piece of the outer layer, she had a veil, a shawl,
a belt...

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Beth of Diapercuts.com

I have a "Princess" daughter also, and we made some of these

http://mamasdoodles.blogspot.com/2007/08/tutu-tutorial-tuturial.html

no sewing neccessary! She has them in many colors and the tulle is
available for 1.00 a yard most of the time so very inexpensive to make
them, and she helps too. It may not solve all the problems but I know
she would like to wear these if shes like my daughter :)

cathyandgarth

--- In [email protected], "Amanda Horein" <horein@...>
wrote:
>
> My girls LOVE to wear dresses. They also love
> to play outside.

I haven't introduced myself yet, still in my reading period ... but I
wanted to mention eBay. I have gotten some great "lots" of clothes for
my kids -- including beautiful dresses for my dd to wear whenever.
Clearance rack at Target has also netted us some wonderful dresses for
less that $5.

Otherwise I second the thrift store! Shimmery adult skirts can become
capes or sun dresses if you add ribbins for shoulder straps. We take
in a lot of waists, and add belts to a lot of fancy women's shirts.

Cathy
with Quin, Maggie, and Zach

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Find plenty of play dresses, even fancy ones on second hand stores, cheap simple ones on Target.

I let my kids play in their fancy stuff. Why saved them if they are going to grow out of them anyway. I want them to have joy . If they feel joyful wearing their fancy stuff them be it.
I know when they get older they may CHOOSE to save fancy stuff for special occasions.
I don't want them to be like me that likes to save certain clothes because I like them to much and end up never really wearing them.

Why does she need to wear shorts under her dress. Little kids underwear are so big anyway They probably cover more than her swim suit.
To be honest people in the US are too hung up on stuff like that. When I lives abroad little girls did not even wear a bikini top at the the beach until they were much older.
A modest underwear is as good as shorts.

Alex Polikowsky
polykow.blogspot.com



Amanda Horein <horein@...> wrote:
We are having a clothes issue. My girls LOVE to wear dresses. They also love
to play outside. A lot of their dresses would be ruined if they played out
side in them. So, when they get up and want to get dressed I remind them
that they should put on play clothes (most of the time not dresses, they
have few play dresses). They tell me they won't go outside. I don't argue
with them, I let them put the fancy clothes on. Then a bit later when they
want to go outside I let them know they have to put play clothes on first.
That is when I hear "But mom..."

I am not sure what to do. You guys always have great ideas, and I seem to be
stuck.

Also, when they do wear their few play dresses outside I ask that they wear
shorts underneath. This mostly applies to my 4 year old. Then I end up
finding those shorts laying outside on the ground or on the porch.

What can I do about this? More specifically, how can I change my thinking?

--
Amanda
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com

My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
www.hopescreations.com
http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Barbara Chase

> A lot of their dresses would be ruined if they played out side in
> them.
>
>>
> What can I do about this? More specifically, how can I change my
> thinking?

You've already gotten a lot of good ideas about getting clothes that
the girls *can* play in. I want to give you some suggestions for how
to change your thinking...

Ask yourself what your own issues are. It could be anything, from
not having any nice clothes when you were little even though you
wanted them to being concerned about the money. Our suggestions will
be hit or miss if you don't know what's going on with yourself. One
way to find out is to ask yourself questions. When you are saying
'no' to playing outside with the dresses what are you saying 'yes'
to? You say the dresses will be ruined, so are you saying yes to
being frugal? ... to order? ... to care for people's things?

When I find myself saying 'no' I try to take a moment to get at what
my 'yes' really is. With a 'yes' I open up to so many more creative
solutions. With a 'no' it's the end of the story, really. You don't
have to "let go" of your desire - whatever it is. And once you are
aware of the issue then you can make better choices for meeting that
need w/o hindering your relationship with your kids. For example, if
your need is to be frugal - well, you've received a lot of ideas
already for creating an abundance of outdoor play dresses while still
being frugal. And, you can invite your kids to participate in the
process - which will bring you all closer together. And it will feel
better, because you will be taking action to meet your need for being
frugal rather than just closing the door with a 'no'.

Mahalo,
Barbara

Terry

My dd loves to play in dress. we pick up princess dresses after
halloween. alot of them are on sale. we also pick up dresses after
christmas on sale.

[email protected]

I assume you're wanting them to wear shorts under the dresses because you're
worrying about showing underwear as they play? If so, maybe wearing a leotard
(or swimsuit) underneath might satisfy you both. They're not underwear, and
yet the girls still get the feel of bare legs that shorts sabotage.

Hie thee down to the closest thrift stores and start looking for used fancy
dresses. And hey, it's the height of garage sale season! Each of my girls had
fancy dresses bought used, dirt cheap, that were either previously totally
unworn (tags still on) or very ligthly worn. The girls were happy with fancy stuff
to play in, and I was happy because I hadn't spent a bunch.

Seriously, my strategy with all clothes, not just "play clothes", was to make
sure that I didn't have any emotional attachment to how the child wore them
or what they did with them. This was best accomplished around here by spending
as little as possible yet still having a fantastic wardrobe the kids loved.
(My boys could go through the knees of a pair of jeans in a month, new OR used -
if it was a $4 pair from the thrift store it was no big deal but a $20 pair,
ack!)

Learn to bargain down garage sale sellers. Go on the last day when they're
staring at stuff they really don't want to take back in the house. Fancy dresses
often have fancy prices, and sometimes you'll hear "Do you know how much this
is worth?" in reply to a low offer, but hey, the answer to that is whatever
it's worth TO YOU, not what they spent for it before their daughter wasn't
allowed to wear it much. :)

Don't forget to look at bigger sizes! Prom and bridesmaid dresses can be
fairly easily sized down for super fancy duds for little people with strategic
pleating.

Aw, I miss those days. My babies are almost 30, 23 and the still home pair
will be 16 in 6 days. Man it goes fast!

Deborah in IL


**************
Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new
twists on family favorites at AOL Food.

(http://food.aol.com/dinner-tonight?NCID=aolfod00030000000001)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joylyn

All of this reminded me of something that happened when Alexx was about
9 months old.

She was happily playing on the floor with her toys and I was doing
something else, and I looked over and she was busily pulling the tissues
out of the box, one by one. It must have seemed like magic to her.
She would pull one out, and another one would appear, and she'd pull
that one out, and another one would appear. My grandmother and my
mother slipped into my body and I went to pull the box away from her, oh
my god, she was wasting that precious tissue, that I was going to blow
my nose into--but as I got close I realized that she had the expression
of utter delight. She was happy, and around her were perfectly good
tissues, they just were no longer neatly in the box. I stopped myself,
and thought about the situation

The tissues were about 99 cents a box. Maybe a bit more. By far the
cheapest toy on the floor.
She wasn't hurting anything.
She wasn't hurting anybody.
She was really enjoying herself.

So, I let it go and she and I played with the box of tissue until it was
empty. Then she played with the empty box for a while. She would stick
tissue back in and try to get them to come out the same magical way they
did before, but it didn't really work. So then she used the box for her
other toys. After she was clearly finished with the tissues themselves,
I piled up what was usable and put it where it could be used... I tossed
the rest.

Since then, that is my gage for a lot of things. Is it hurting anyone?
hurting anything?

Another example would be halloween costumes. I used to want to, for
some odd reason, want to put them away for--uh what exactly? Instead I
let them wear them, play with them, use them for dress up, etc. etc.
etc. After all, in a few months they won't fit. What better way to get
their money's worth...

Same with fancy clothes. I put it away, they wear it once. I let them
wear it all the time--and I get my money's worth.

If, I say, bought a particular outfit for a particular outing, I would
expect my children to understand that it needs to be saved for that
outing. but after that, I think it's fair game.

I agree with everyone else... if they really want to wear their fancy
clothing out to play in the mud, let 'um. Buy clothes for cheap, get
hand me downs. In the long run, I would think that the memories of
playing in the mud in fancy clothing would be far better than the
memory mom freaking out over a bit of fancy cloth that won't fit in six
months anyway...

Or, they could just do what my kids did, when they were younger and we
had a back yard that was rather secluded--they played in the mud sans
clothing...

Joylyn

DACunefare@... wrote:

> I assume you're wanting them to wear shorts under the dresses because
> you're
> worrying about showing underwear as they play? If so, maybe wearing a
> leotard
> (or swimsuit) underneath might satisfy you both. They're not
> underwear, and
> yet the girls still get the feel of bare legs that shorts sabotage.
>
> Hie thee down to the closest thrift stores and start looking for used
> fancy
> dresses. And hey, it's the height of garage sale season! Each of my
> girls had
> fancy dresses bought used, dirt cheap, that were either previously
> totally
> unworn (tags still on) or very ligthly worn. The girls were happy with
> fancy stuff
> to play in, and I was happy because I hadn't spent a bunch.
>
> Seriously, my strategy with all clothes, not just "play clothes", was
> to make
> sure that I didn't have any emotional attachment to how the child wore
> them
> or what they did with them. This was best accomplished around here by
> spending
> as little as possible yet still having a fantastic wardrobe the kids
> loved.
> (My boys could go through the knees of a pair of jeans in a month, new
> OR used -
> if it was a $4 pair from the thrift store it was no big deal but a $20
> pair,
> ack!)
>
> Learn to bargain down garage sale sellers. Go on the last day when
> they're
> staring at stuff they really don't want to take back in the house.
> Fancy dresses
> often have fancy prices, and sometimes you'll hear "Do you know how
> much this
> is worth?" in reply to a low offer, but hey, the answer to that is
> whatever
> it's worth TO YOU, not what they spent for it before their daughter
> wasn't
> allowed to wear it much. :)
>
> Don't forget to look at bigger sizes! Prom and bridesmaid dresses can be
> fairly easily sized down for super fancy duds for little people with
> strategic
> pleating.
>
> Aw, I miss those days. My babies are almost 30, 23 and the still home
> pair
> will be 16 in 6 days. Man it goes fast!
>
> Deborah in IL
>
> **************
> Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new
> twists on family favorites at AOL Food.
>
> (http://food.aol.com/dinner-tonight?NCID=aolfod00030000000001
> <http://food.aol.com/dinner-tonight?NCID=aolfod00030000000001>)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Amanda Horein

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

To be honest people in the US are too hung up on stuff like that. When I
lives
abroad little girls did not even wear a bikini top at the the beach until
they
were much older.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Well, I agree with you, in theroy.

You asked why.

Here's part of it. I admit that part is senseless fear, but it isn't all
senseless.

Here's a story...
We are without a vehicle and using public transportation. About a week ago
we were riding the bus and this one guy got on. He looked a little slow (not
necessarily retarted, but you get the idea). Normally I am okay around
people of that nature (I worked in an adult foster care home and LOVED it),
but this guy kindda gave me the hebie gebies. About halfway through the
ride, he started staring at my youngest (4) who was in a dress and not
sitting like a lady. She was covered, but he was just looking a little to
closely for my comfort.

I try not to worry too much about it because I rarely let my kids out of
site (I try not to use absolutes or I might say *never* in this case), but
it worries me a bit, now that we are on public transport that we are more
vulnerable to the people in our neighborhood and we don't live in a pleasant
neighborhood. I just did a sex offender search and it turned up 12 child
offenders within a 1 mile radius of my home. Here is the map they gave me.
The red dots are child offenders.

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b80/choose2bgr8/House/1mile.jpg
So, while I do agree with you in theroy, I think for us, we have to be
careful about the issue.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I assume you're wanting them to wear shorts under the dresses because you're
worrying about showing underwear as they play? If so, maybe wearing a
leotard
(or swimsuit) underneath might satisfy you both. They're not underwear, and
yet the girls still get the feel of bare legs that shorts sabotage.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Great idea. Thank you.

Thanks everyone for your ideas. You have helped me a lot.

--
Amanda
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com

My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
www.hopescreations.com
http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Margaret

Is that still a concern in your backyard?

Could you help your daughter learn to sit like a princess? Maybe some
princess like bloomers would be more appealing than shorts? I found a
site that sells them and they had cute pictures
(http://www.lainaline.com/girls_bloomers.htm). Kind of pricey, but
they don't look hard to make. I bet your daughters would love helping
you pick the fabric :)

On Wed, May 7, 2008 at 4:51 AM, Amanda Horein <horein@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
>
> To be honest people in the US are too hung up on stuff like that. When I
> lives
> abroad little girls did not even wear a bikini top at the the beach until
> they
> were much older.
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
> Well, I agree with you, in theroy.
>
> You asked why.
>
> Here's part of it. I admit that part is senseless fear, but it isn't all
> senseless.
>
> Here's a story...
> We are without a vehicle and using public transportation. About a week ago
> we were riding the bus and this one guy got on. He looked a little slow
> (not
> necessarily retarted, but you get the idea). Normally I am okay around
> people of that nature (I worked in an adult foster care home and LOVED it),
> but this guy kindda gave me the hebie gebies. About halfway through the
> ride, he started staring at my youngest (4) who was in a dress and not
> sitting like a lady. She was covered, but he was just looking a little to
> closely for my comfort.
>
> I try not to worry too much about it because I rarely let my kids out of
> site (I try not to use absolutes or I might say *never* in this case), but
> it worries me a bit, now that we are on public transport that we are more
> vulnerable to the people in our neighborhood and we don't live in a
> pleasant
> neighborhood. I just did a sex offender search and it turned up 12 child
> offenders within a 1 mile radius of my home. Here is the map they gave me.
> The red dots are child offenders.
>
> http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b80/choose2bgr8/House/1mile.jpg
> So, while I do agree with you in theroy, I think for us, we have to be
> careful about the issue.
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
> I assume you're wanting them to wear shorts under the dresses because
> you're
> worrying about showing underwear as they play? If so, maybe wearing a
> leotard
> (or swimsuit) underneath might satisfy you both. They're not underwear, and
> yet the girls still get the feel of bare legs that shorts sabotage.
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> Great idea. Thank you.
>
> Thanks everyone for your ideas. You have helped me a lot.
>
>
> --
> Amanda
> http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
> http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com
>
> My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
> www.hopescreations.com
> http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>

Clarissa Fetrow

This thread is timely for me, and one of the ways I have been making the
most progress with unschooling mentality. Even when Grandma gives dd a
special dress, she is now allowed to wear it when and how she wants, as long
as it is safe and modest (a word I have never used in my life til recently).
Now that the shoe is on the other foot, and I am the mom, I relate to the
cautiousness expressed about shorts under skirts.
Our relationship is too precious for me to get adversarial to protect
clothing. Recently, Grandma bought dd some pastel espadrilles. Within a
week they were brownish gray from being worn through woodchips and mud, but
oh she has been happy to be able to wear them all she wants. And we have so
much more positive energy and trust, when I'm not struggling against her
desires.

As I say yes more, or simply don't say no, dd expresses so much
appreciativeness, and even respect for me - respect that I'm behaving more
reasonably, I think.

Clarissa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

terrygrant234

I agree! Something used is still fun for them but doesn't make us worried about them getting
ruined!


--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On May 6, 2008, at 11:10 AM, Amanda Horein wrote:
>
> > They tell me they won't go outside. I don't argue
> > with them, I let them put the fancy clothes on
>
> Goodwill or Salvation Army for fancy dresses for a couple of dollars.
> Let them pick out a bunch.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>