Cleaning House
Sandra Dodd
This was under another topic, so I've brought it out.
First poster:
I'm sure this topic has been on here a thousand times, but since I'm
new here, I
was wondering what some of you do about kids and cleaning house? I'm
pretty
laid back about it, then when the house starts to look thrashed I
become "Sarge
Mom" and belt out orders. I hate when that happens. Their rooms I
don't really
worry about - I just shut the door. I'm just looking for creative
ideas for the
rest of the house. Thanks!
Second:
What do you mean by thrashed? Kids toys everywhere? General cleaning
not kept up? It sounds like you clean only in crisis mode, when it's
reached a critical point. Perhaps you can try cleaning more regularly
so it doesn't get to that point. My kids have always loved doing
housework such as vacuuming, dusting, wiping banisters, mopping
floors, and cleaning windows. I've always let them have fun doing it
and don't criticize their efforts in any way. Over the years their
skills have improved and housework isn't a dreaded thing like I see in
some other families.
What lots of families here do is to think of housework in a different
way, instead of as something kids should be made to do, and different
from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do everything.
There are some reports and commentary here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/
houseworktips.html
http://sandradodd.com/chores
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/
kidstohelpwithchores.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
First poster:
I'm sure this topic has been on here a thousand times, but since I'm
new here, I
was wondering what some of you do about kids and cleaning house? I'm
pretty
laid back about it, then when the house starts to look thrashed I
become "Sarge
Mom" and belt out orders. I hate when that happens. Their rooms I
don't really
worry about - I just shut the door. I'm just looking for creative
ideas for the
rest of the house. Thanks!
Second:
What do you mean by thrashed? Kids toys everywhere? General cleaning
not kept up? It sounds like you clean only in crisis mode, when it's
reached a critical point. Perhaps you can try cleaning more regularly
so it doesn't get to that point. My kids have always loved doing
housework such as vacuuming, dusting, wiping banisters, mopping
floors, and cleaning windows. I've always let them have fun doing it
and don't criticize their efforts in any way. Over the years their
skills have improved and housework isn't a dreaded thing like I see in
some other families.
What lots of families here do is to think of housework in a different
way, instead of as something kids should be made to do, and different
from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do everything.
There are some reports and commentary here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/
houseworktips.html
http://sandradodd.com/chores
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/
kidstohelpwithchores.html
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carnationsgalore
> What lots of families here do is to think of housework in aI hope my post didn't sound like I meant either of those things! If I
> different way, instead of as something kids should be made to do,
> and different from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do
> everything.
feel like I need help cleaning, I ask for help. My kids are free to
say no and they know that. What I meant was that my kids have always
enjoyed doing things around the house and I believe they feel that way
because I've never made it a power struggle.
Beth M.
Sandra Dodd
> What lots of families here do is to think of housework in aI hope my post didn't sound like I meant either of those things!
> different way, instead of as something kids should be made to do,
> and different from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do
> everything.
====================
It didn't. I'm talking about the way lot of mainstream moms are.
It's about the ideas.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Wiley
>I used to feel overwhelmed by the workload. *Wanted* to be mellow and
> > What lots of families here do is to think of housework in a
> > different way, instead of as something kids should be made to do,
> > and different from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do
> > everything.
>
> I hope my post didn't sound like I meant either of those things!
>
> ====================
>
> It didn't. I'm talking about the way lot of mainstream moms are.
>
> It's about the ideas.
>
cheerful about
it (my friend Karen calls it "serving without counting the cost," and I like
that; I think a
lot of moms keep a mental balance sheet in their heads: I've done X amount
of work
and you people OWE me) but even with help from the kids and my dh, who does
quite
a lot, I felt like I was pouring more time into housework than I wanted to.
So I took a poll.
I asked my hubby and the older kids what bugs them when it isn't clean or
tidy. I 'polled'
myself too. ;) I like a clean kitchen, bathrooms, living room floor. Hubby
likes: no shoes
under computer desk (I had no idea!), magazines *not* whisked off to
magazine rack
before he gets home from work, dishwasher unloaded before dinner (he does
the dinner dishes).
Various kids said: "I like my Muse magazines to be put away so the baby
doesn't rip off the
covers." "I like my bed smooth so I can play on it but it's too hard for me
to get it right."
"I don't like crumbs on my chair." "I wish no one would leave the Sculpey
out because the
baby mixes all the colors."
Turned out no one in the house cares about what our closets look like, or
the laundry room
where I pile up all the clutter.
When we looked at specifics, it was a pretty short list. Housekeeping books
are big and fat,
but the list of what matters to the people who live here is very manageable.
And I have noticed
people doing things that *other* people mentioned, voluntarily, because it
feels good to do
something nice for mom or dad or sisters or kids. The 12yo unloads the
dishwasher after
breakfast. She doesn't have to. She knows her dad appreciates it. I keep an
eye out for
shoes under the computer table. (But shoes are abandoned there less often,
now that we're
paying attention to it.) I leave new magazines on the table by the couch
instead of putting
them in the magazine rack. All the kids take more care to put away the
Sculpey. It's a pleasure
to surprise my 7yo by making her bed all smooth the way she likes it but I
rarely get the chance:
her big sisters help her out.
I can stay on top of the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the living room floor.
That's not a huge
workload.
Melissa in San Diego, mom of five
melissawiley.com/blog
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Shannon Foust
Melissa - I love the poll idea. I will do that just to see what everyone else thinks. I tend to walk around my house with my own mom's eyes...but she had 2 kids and didn't homeschool - we have 8 and do, plus even both adults are home all day and in my house growing up everyone worked or went to school (and only 2 kids) out of the home all day. I need to change the way I, 1. look at the house, and 2. look at myself because of the house. Thanks everyone for your great ideas. Shannon
Melissa Wiley <thebonnyglen@...> wrote: >
cheerful about
it (my friend Karen calls it "serving without counting the cost," and I like
that; I think a
lot of moms keep a mental balance sheet in their heads: I've done X amount
of work
and you people OWE me) but even with help from the kids and my dh, who does
quite
a lot, I felt like I was pouring more time into housework than I wanted to.
So I took a poll.
I asked my hubby and the older kids what bugs them when it isn't clean or
tidy. I 'polled'
myself too. ;) I like a clean kitchen, bathrooms, living room floor. Hubby
likes: no shoes
under computer desk (I had no idea!), magazines *not* whisked off to
magazine rack
before he gets home from work, dishwasher unloaded before dinner (he does
the dinner dishes).
Various kids said: "I like my Muse magazines to be put away so the baby
doesn't rip off the
covers." "I like my bed smooth so I can play on it but it's too hard for me
to get it right."
"I don't like crumbs on my chair." "I wish no one would leave the Sculpey
out because the
baby mixes all the colors."
Turned out no one in the house cares about what our closets look like, or
the laundry room
where I pile up all the clutter.
When we looked at specifics, it was a pretty short list. Housekeeping books
are big and fat,
but the list of what matters to the people who live here is very manageable.
And I have noticed
people doing things that *other* people mentioned, voluntarily, because it
feels good to do
something nice for mom or dad or sisters or kids. The 12yo unloads the
dishwasher after
breakfast. She doesn't have to. She knows her dad appreciates it. I keep an
eye out for
shoes under the computer table. (But shoes are abandoned there less often,
now that we're
paying attention to it.) I leave new magazines on the table by the couch
instead of putting
them in the magazine rack. All the kids take more care to put away the
Sculpey. It's a pleasure
to surprise my 7yo by making her bed all smooth the way she likes it but I
rarely get the chance:
her big sisters help her out.
I can stay on top of the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the living room floor.
That's not a huge
workload.
Melissa in San Diego, mom of five
melissawiley.com/blog
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Shannon
www.myspace.com/soldout641
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040601130
www.homeschoolblogger.com/soldout841
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Wiley <thebonnyglen@...> wrote: >
> > What lots of families here do is to think of housework in aI used to feel overwhelmed by the workload. *Wanted* to be mellow and
> > different way, instead of as something kids should be made to do,
> > and different from thinking mom's a martyr who has to do
> > everything.
>
> I hope my post didn't sound like I meant either of those things!
>
> ====================
>
> It didn't. I'm talking about the way lot of mainstream moms are.
>
> It's about the ideas.
>
cheerful about
it (my friend Karen calls it "serving without counting the cost," and I like
that; I think a
lot of moms keep a mental balance sheet in their heads: I've done X amount
of work
and you people OWE me) but even with help from the kids and my dh, who does
quite
a lot, I felt like I was pouring more time into housework than I wanted to.
So I took a poll.
I asked my hubby and the older kids what bugs them when it isn't clean or
tidy. I 'polled'
myself too. ;) I like a clean kitchen, bathrooms, living room floor. Hubby
likes: no shoes
under computer desk (I had no idea!), magazines *not* whisked off to
magazine rack
before he gets home from work, dishwasher unloaded before dinner (he does
the dinner dishes).
Various kids said: "I like my Muse magazines to be put away so the baby
doesn't rip off the
covers." "I like my bed smooth so I can play on it but it's too hard for me
to get it right."
"I don't like crumbs on my chair." "I wish no one would leave the Sculpey
out because the
baby mixes all the colors."
Turned out no one in the house cares about what our closets look like, or
the laundry room
where I pile up all the clutter.
When we looked at specifics, it was a pretty short list. Housekeeping books
are big and fat,
but the list of what matters to the people who live here is very manageable.
And I have noticed
people doing things that *other* people mentioned, voluntarily, because it
feels good to do
something nice for mom or dad or sisters or kids. The 12yo unloads the
dishwasher after
breakfast. She doesn't have to. She knows her dad appreciates it. I keep an
eye out for
shoes under the computer table. (But shoes are abandoned there less often,
now that we're
paying attention to it.) I leave new magazines on the table by the couch
instead of putting
them in the magazine rack. All the kids take more care to put away the
Sculpey. It's a pleasure
to surprise my 7yo by making her bed all smooth the way she likes it but I
rarely get the chance:
her big sisters help her out.
I can stay on top of the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the living room floor.
That's not a huge
workload.
Melissa in San Diego, mom of five
melissawiley.com/blog
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Shannon
www.myspace.com/soldout641
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040601130
www.homeschoolblogger.com/soldout841
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Dietrick
Hi melissa, we are a large house hold as well (7,and im a melissa too!)
I really like what you wrote here...it is something I want to ask my family about ASAP...
In our home, things have always moved pretty smoothly...we generally do similarly to
Emily Troper...we invite alot, and if I see something needs done, that I know a child will
enjoy doing, I start doing it when the child is present...then the child or many children lol,
will get going on it, usually. If not, I might ask (or might not), and accept a no Most of the
time. If I cannot accept a no, I will explain in advance why I cannot accept a no (like weve
got to leave before x oclock but the goats need feeding, milking and the cheese checked
fire stooked (stoked?) and the cats all out etc etc. They all know Im willing to look at what
needs done and we can decide together who will do what where and when.... there are
some jobs that just gotta get done...
Ive been having a bit of difficulty more recently due to dh as he is getting rather sensative
to "mess" as he ages (he is 50 now). my oldest girls are excellent support when they are
home, very intuitive and willing (if dh doesnt get pushing about the "mess", imagined or
not) yet they are both down the mountain in town for the week living at their grandma's
and home on weekends.
the older boys (10y and 14y) are both helpful but not in that same intuitive way the girls
are...mainly because they are more interested in the outside work as they have always
followed their papi about more than me (he is home most of the time).
we have two home businesses going here--flute making and spinning/weaving/sewing
and weekends when everybody is homes can be overwhelming sometimes! flutes
everyplace, bits of wool fluff, balls of yarn, spools of yarn, cloth...and then all the other
projects everyone else has going on as well... right now, bow and arrow makings, spinning
wheel constructions, etc etc...not to mention the food prep and dishes, clothes clean and
notsoclean...
so thank you so much for this!
melissa in italy mamma of 7
--- In [email protected], "Melissa Wiley" <thebonnyglen@...> wrote
I really like what you wrote here...it is something I want to ask my family about ASAP...
In our home, things have always moved pretty smoothly...we generally do similarly to
Emily Troper...we invite alot, and if I see something needs done, that I know a child will
enjoy doing, I start doing it when the child is present...then the child or many children lol,
will get going on it, usually. If not, I might ask (or might not), and accept a no Most of the
time. If I cannot accept a no, I will explain in advance why I cannot accept a no (like weve
got to leave before x oclock but the goats need feeding, milking and the cheese checked
fire stooked (stoked?) and the cats all out etc etc. They all know Im willing to look at what
needs done and we can decide together who will do what where and when.... there are
some jobs that just gotta get done...
Ive been having a bit of difficulty more recently due to dh as he is getting rather sensative
to "mess" as he ages (he is 50 now). my oldest girls are excellent support when they are
home, very intuitive and willing (if dh doesnt get pushing about the "mess", imagined or
not) yet they are both down the mountain in town for the week living at their grandma's
and home on weekends.
the older boys (10y and 14y) are both helpful but not in that same intuitive way the girls
are...mainly because they are more interested in the outside work as they have always
followed their papi about more than me (he is home most of the time).
we have two home businesses going here--flute making and spinning/weaving/sewing
and weekends when everybody is homes can be overwhelming sometimes! flutes
everyplace, bits of wool fluff, balls of yarn, spools of yarn, cloth...and then all the other
projects everyone else has going on as well... right now, bow and arrow makings, spinning
wheel constructions, etc etc...not to mention the food prep and dishes, clothes clean and
notsoclean...
so thank you so much for this!
melissa in italy mamma of 7
--- In [email protected], "Melissa Wiley" <thebonnyglen@...> wrote
>
>
> I used to feel overwhelmed by the workload. *Wanted* to be mellow and
> cheerful about
> it (my friend Karen calls it "serving without counting the cost," and I like
> that; I think a
> lot of moms keep a mental balance sheet in their heads: I've done X amount
> of work
> and you people OWE me) but even with help from the kids and my dh, who does
> quite
> a lot, I felt like I was pouring more time into housework than I wanted to.
> So I took a poll.
> I asked my hubby and the older kids what bugs them when it isn't clean or
> tidy. I 'polled'
> myself too. ;) I like a clean kitchen, bathrooms, living room floor. Hubby
> likes: no shoes
> under computer desk (I had no idea!), magazines *not* whisked off to
> magazine rack
> before he gets home from work, dishwasher unloaded before dinner (he does
> the dinner dishes).
> Various kids said: "I like my Muse magazines to be put away so the baby
> doesn't rip off the
> covers." "I like my bed smooth so I can play on it but it's too hard for me
> to get it right."
> "I don't like crumbs on my chair." "I wish no one would leave the Sculpey
> out because the
> baby mixes all the colors."
>
> Turned out no one in the house cares about what our closets look like, or
> the laundry room
> where I pile up all the clutter.
>
> When we looked at specifics, it was a pretty short list. Housekeeping books
> are big and fat,
> but the list of what matters to the people who live here is very manageable.
> And I have noticed
> people doing things that *other* people mentioned, voluntarily, because it
> feels good to do
> something nice for mom or dad or sisters or kids. The 12yo unloads the
> dishwasher after
> breakfast. She doesn't have to. She knows her dad appreciates it. I keep an
> eye out for
> shoes under the computer table. (But shoes are abandoned there less often,
> now that we're
> paying attention to it.) I leave new magazines on the table by the couch
> instead of putting
> them in the magazine rack. All the kids take more care to put away the
> Sculpey. It's a pleasure
> to surprise my 7yo by making her bed all smooth the way she likes it but I
> rarely get the chance:
> her big sisters help her out.
>
> I can stay on top of the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the living room floor.
> That's not a huge
> workload.
CCB123
Thanks! I really liked how you polled your family, I am going to try
that and see what is revealed. . .
that and see what is revealed. . .
Maisha Khalfani
<<I asked my hubby and the older kids what bugs them when it isn't clean or
tidy. I 'polled'
myself too. ;)>>
Melissa this sounds like a great idea. I definitely have moments of keeping
score of what I do, and then feeling resentment towards dh and the kids for
not "doing their share". That's something I'm paying attention to, and
shifting when I can. It has become easier to do with the kids; still not so
easy to shift with dh - but I'm working on it.
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
<http://earthspiritjourneys.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Journeys
"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot
accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will
experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and
self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and
never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we
reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they
are."
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tidy. I 'polled'
myself too. ;)>>
Melissa this sounds like a great idea. I definitely have moments of keeping
score of what I do, and then feeling resentment towards dh and the kids for
not "doing their share". That's something I'm paying attention to, and
shifting when I can. It has become easier to do with the kids; still not so
easy to shift with dh - but I'm working on it.
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
<http://earthspiritjourneys.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Journeys
"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot
accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will
experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and
self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and
never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we
reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they
are."
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I definitely have moments of keeping
score of what I do, and then feeling resentment towards dh and the
kids for
not "doing their share". That's something I'm paying attention to, and
shifting when I can. It has become easier to do with the kids; still
not so
easy to shift with dh - but I'm working on it.-=-
Don't try to shift gradually and with difficulty. Just find a switch
to flip.
When I've talked to much older women who have been married 50, 60
years, they got there by putting up with some of what seemed like
nonsense, but when they get older the husbands generally became very
solicitous and generous and kind.
Same as with kids, the nicer you are to them, the nicer they'll
ultimately be to you. And just as with kids, if you see a kid really
strident and resentful and angry, it's probably all been deposited in
him little by little over the years.
That's not a recommendation to get strident and resentful and angry
over little things your husband might have done or not done. It's a
reminder that husbands are often wounded big kids. And our culture
has taken a lot away from men in various little ways and big ways.
It's hard for them to grow up and feel displaced and powerless,
socially. Some posture. Some go quiet. Be nice to them. Be
cheery and bring them food. Thank them for little stuff, and tell
them they're good at something or other, and it will make a big
difference.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
score of what I do, and then feeling resentment towards dh and the
kids for
not "doing their share". That's something I'm paying attention to, and
shifting when I can. It has become easier to do with the kids; still
not so
easy to shift with dh - but I'm working on it.-=-
Don't try to shift gradually and with difficulty. Just find a switch
to flip.
When I've talked to much older women who have been married 50, 60
years, they got there by putting up with some of what seemed like
nonsense, but when they get older the husbands generally became very
solicitous and generous and kind.
Same as with kids, the nicer you are to them, the nicer they'll
ultimately be to you. And just as with kids, if you see a kid really
strident and resentful and angry, it's probably all been deposited in
him little by little over the years.
That's not a recommendation to get strident and resentful and angry
over little things your husband might have done or not done. It's a
reminder that husbands are often wounded big kids. And our culture
has taken a lot away from men in various little ways and big ways.
It's hard for them to grow up and feel displaced and powerless,
socially. Some posture. Some go quiet. Be nice to them. Be
cheery and bring them food. Thank them for little stuff, and tell
them they're good at something or other, and it will make a big
difference.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]