Ed Wendell

Could those of you that have boys that have gone through their teens, please guide us towards some resources for what to expect in boys becoming sexually aware and developing sexuality. I hope I'm using the right words.

Dear hubby was sexually abused at a young age and says he has no idea of what is considered "normal" development. (I hate using the word normal so I put it in quotes as I did not know how else to say what I needed) I'm clueless too as my parents certainly never discussed anything like this with me. I know how I developed and my thoughts but I was not a boy.

Zac is 13 - will be 14 in June. He is an only child.

We would appreciate information / resources for us (the adults/parents) and possibly things like how to have conversations about it with your teen. I find myself getting embarrassed and avoiding and Hubby is at a loss too. I tried putting it off on hubby (you know the ole' go ask your father avoidance) thinking he was the male and would have all the answers but Ed finally told me that was not working.

For example, when we went to see Transformers a few months ago, the boy's mother kept going on and on about masturbating and our son asked what exactly that meant. I had no idea how much information to give.

Also does anyone have any great books for boys on this - not very many words as he will only read graphic novels - or books with a lot of pictures and a few words. Just in case he is interested in exploring this topic independently. I'm thinking of strewing - just having it available - not saying "here read this" ;)

I like the idea of the functionality of it all - I know he is curious about that; but also the human element of it - emotional feelings, love, responsibility, possible disease risks, etc. He may not be ready for all that at his age but then again I really don't know.

Thank you for all your help - I didn't know who else to ask. Our families would not be helpful resources.

Lisa W.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

swissarmy_wife

--- In [email protected], "Ed Wendell" <ewendell@...> wrote:

> For example, when we went to see Transformers a few months ago, the
>boy's mother kept going on and on about masturbating and our son
>asked what exactly that meant. I had no idea how much information to
>give.

Exactly how much he asks for. :-) If he is comfortable asking you
this question, don't close that communication door by avoidance or
getting uncomfortable yourself.

> Also does anyone have any great books for boys on this - not very
>many words as he will only read graphic novels - or books with a lot
>of pictures and a few words. Just in case he is interested in
>exploring this topic independently. I'm thinking of strewing - just
>having it available - not saying "here read this" ;)

We have a book called "Where did I come from?". The book is great.
The pictures are downright funny. I've also heard that "It's
perfectly normal" is a good book but I haven't seen it.

My 9 year old has started to ask a few questions here and there. He
also has his first crush right now. :-) I remember bringing up the
topic of sexuality and boys on another list a few weeks ago and I got
a few unrelated (to what I needed) replies and then total silence. I
think this is a tough topic for MANY adults. Including myself. I
found myself feeling uncomfortable with the subject as well. I really
had to take a look at myself, why I was feeling uncomfortable, and
realize that I have children who are going to be needing guidance in
this area and will probably be asking lots of uncomfortable questions.
For me, it was time to get over it and take on the subject just as I
would any other.


Ren Allen

~~Could those of you that have boys that have gone through their
teens, please guide us towards some resources for what to expect in
boys becoming sexually aware and developing sexuality.~~


I think the best thing is to get really comfortable with sex and human
sexuality. A discomfort in parents is a big barrier for a child.

As far as discussion coming from the Dad or the Mom, I really don't
think it has to be one or the other even for a young man who might
have typical male questions. My boys have been really comfortable
talking to me about sex but there are topics I can say "well, here's
what I know but I never experienced this as a female so you might want
to ask your Dad more".

My dh wasn't as comfortable sharing earlier on in our marriage. As the
kids grew and I pretty much discussed whatever topic they were
interested in, whenever they were interested, he got more comfortable.

Interestingly, my oldest (now 18) has shared far more with me than I
ever expected or thought possible! His girlfriend even wrote me to let
me know when she went on birth control. How wild is that? I never
asked them to tell me anything, but they always knew I would be a
resource of information without judgement.

There have been a lot of interesting talks over the last few years but
Trevor and Moira's relationship has spurred a whole new level of
openness. She's as open and talkative as I am, so I suppose that makes
a big difference.;) A more private person might not feel the same
about sharing.

So my advice is to try and analyze why you feel uncomfortable with sex
talk. It's one of the most natural parts of being human and I really
believe that openness is hugely important. Dh and I don't hide our
sexuality (meaning we talk about it in front of the kids) and we don't
shy away from their questions. GET comfortable. I think that would be
really helpful.

At your child's age, he probably knows a LOT more than you think he does.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Sandra Dodd

-=-Interestingly, my oldest (now 18) has shared far more with me than I
ever expected or thought possible! His girlfriend even wrote me to let
me know when she went on birth control. How wild is that? I never
asked them to tell me anything, but they always knew I would be a
resource of information without judgement. -=-

Holly has a boyfriend and I know the status of their relationship,
because they have both spoken to me about it because they wanted to.

When they kissed, Holly told Keith before she told me, because she
wanted him to hear it from her first. He told me later that he
asked her what the difference was between kissing him and the other
boys she has kissed. He said "What's different?" She thought and
said "I am."

She has, on camping trips and at parties, kissed one boy or another a
few times. This is very different.

One of my best friends, who's known me since Kirby was born (Jeff
Cunico, for those who know me and some of my friends) was talking to
me Monday this week about this and that. I told him the status of
their love life, and that she's not "sexually active," but might be
within a few months. He told me it was none of my business.

I didn't argue with him, but next time we talk I might ask him to
clarify, and let him know (gently) that both of them have made it my
business, because they need my approval and cooperation and they LIKE
me and trust me.

It's a luxury, knowing things like this. It's a gift. And I'm not
going to screw up the situation by being unsupportive.

Unschooling makes lots of things very different. Once we've helped
them accomplish what they want to do, it's hard to decide at some
point to say "NO MORE; no more."

Maybe it's impossible, once life becomes about safety and opportunity
and learning.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Laureen

heya!

On Wed, Mar 19, 2008 at 1:52 PM, Ed Wendell <ewendell@...> wrote:

> Dear hubby was sexually abused at a young age and says he has no idea of
> what is considered "normal" development. (I hate using the word normal so I
> put it in quotes as I did not know how else to say what I needed) I'm
> clueless too as my parents certainly never discussed anything like this with
> me. I know how I developed and my thoughts but I was not a boy.


I'd really like to address this point, specifically. I was abused when
young, and was worried that in my paranoia and desire to protect my child (I
was freaking out about this when I was pregnant with my first), I'd handle
it badly.

I would strongly recommend you pick up a copy of "Protecting the Gift" by
Gavin de Becker. Fantastic book that really explores what children need to
know and why, from a perspective of their own mental and physical defense. I
totally credit what I learned in this book with getting me to stop freaking,
and address the whole thing in a practical, matter-of-fact way.

Saying "I have an abuse history, so I don't know", honestly, is a copout. As
a parent, you have an obligation to shelve your baggage, or at least trade
it out for the new shinier stuff, with wheels and handles and all. =) And
I'm not saying that lightly; BTDT, I know it can be hard to face, hard to
deal with, and puts up some tremendous blocks to, as Ren put it, "get[ing]
really comfortable with sex and human sexuality". But that's the job we sign
up for, and there are *excellent* tools available to us, as survivors, to
help our kids be comfy in their own skins about what is, after all is said
and done and marketed and airbrushed and whatnot, normal biological
functioning.

--
~~L!

~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
Writing here:
http://www.theexcellentadventure.com/
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/

Publishing here:
http://huntpress.com/
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Saying "I have an abuse history, so I don't know", honestly, is a
copout. As
a parent, you have an obligation to shelve your baggage, or at least
trade
it out for the new shinier stuff, with wheels and handles and all. =)
And
I'm not saying that lightly; BTDT, I know it can be hard to face,
hard to
deal with, and puts up some tremendous blocks to, as Ren put it, "get
[ing]
really comfortable with sex and human sexuality". -=-

My sister was raped when she was fourteen. My mom was raped when she
was younger. I was not.

I don't even want to tally up how many of my friends have been
raped. I'm just making the point to say I have some second-hand but
very close experience.

My mom handled some things very well and others not so well,
regarding having four girls in the house (my sister and two
cousins). My sister handled her kids' stuff very well.

I've seen other people's parents go practically catatonic about
discussions of sexuality. My best friend in high school found kotex
supplies on her bed and the little pamphlet "Now You're a Woman,"
after she put bloody panties in the laundry, thinking she was dying.
Not a word was said between her and her mom. She referred to that as
"When the Kotex fairy came."

There are books. Go to a bookstore and look, or go to Amazon and
look, or go to reviews and look. My boys had something that wasn't
bad for the 1990s but I wouldn't recommend it now. Get something
with pictures that's easy to flip through and browse.

If not, the abuser is hurting other kids, still, through the parents.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

Actually we/he are not copping out by saying this. We/he are simply acknowledging our limited knowledge and are searching for more information - hence my query here. If he was copping out we wouldn't have asked for help/information.

This has been a long journey for us as a family. I don't recommend shelving it so much as healing it, moving beyond it perhaps sounds better to me. We are in a much better place than we were 6 years ago - because it all had been stuffed in baggage and shelved - then the suitcase fell off the shelf bursting open with a vengeance. ; )

And he does read this list probably more avidly than I - he is the stay at home person.

Lisa W.





Saying "I have an abuse history, so I don't know", honestly, is a copout.



As a parent, you have an obligation to shelve your baggage, or at least trade
it out for the new shinier stuff, with wheels and handles and all. =)
.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

There are books. Go to a bookstore and look, or go to Amazon and
look, or go to reviews and look. My boys had something that wasn't
bad for the 1990s but I wouldn't recommend it now. Get something
with pictures that's easy to flip through and browse.


Will do




If not, the abuser is hurting other kids, still, through the parents.

Sandra



Exactly what I said two nights ago.

Lisa W.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

halfshadow1

There's a book i just read called:The Wonder of boys. The author
writes about "teaching" his words,how to help a boy honor,respect and
care for and understand his body and how girls might see a boys words
or actions and intent in relating to each other. He also writes how
boys need competition through sports and other areas and such. I liked
the book except the part about discipline.--- In
[email protected], "Ed Wendell" <ewendell@...> wrote:
>
> Could those of you that have boys that have gone through their
teens, please guide us towards some resources for what to expect in
boys becoming sexually aware and developing sexuality. I hope I'm
using the right words.
>
> Dear hubby was sexually abused at a young age and says he has no
idea of what is considered "normal" development. (I hate using the
word normal so I put it in quotes as I did not know how else to say
what I needed) I'm clueless too as my parents certainly never
discussed anything like this with me. I know how I developed and my
thoughts but I was not a boy.
>
> Zac is 13 - will be 14 in June. He is an only child.
>
> We would appreciate information / resources for us (the
adults/parents) and possibly things like how to have conversations
about it with your teen. I find myself getting embarrassed and
avoiding and Hubby is at a loss too. I tried putting it off on hubby
(you know the ole' go ask your father avoidance) thinking he was the
male and would have all the answers but Ed finally told me that was
not working.
>
> For example, when we went to see Transformers a few months ago, the
boy's mother kept going on and on about masturbating and our son asked
what exactly that meant. I had no idea how much information to give.
>
> Also does anyone have any great books for boys on this - not very
many words as he will only read graphic novels - or books with a lot
of pictures and a few words. Just in case he is interested in
exploring this topic independently. I'm thinking of strewing - just
having it available - not saying "here read this" ;)
>
> I like the idea of the functionality of it all - I know he is
curious about that; but also the human element of it - emotional
feelings, love, responsibility, possible disease risks, etc. He may
not be ready for all that at his age but then again I really don't know.
>
> Thank you for all your help - I didn't know who else to ask. Our
families would not be helpful resources.
>
> Lisa W.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Ed Wendell

I actually have that book - just went and found it in my library - I read it when Zac was around age 5. I'll reread it.

Lisa W.


----- Original Message -----
From: halfshadow1
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, March 19, 2008 7:42 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: teen boy development


There's a book i just read called:The Wonder of boys. The author
writes about "teaching" his words,how to help a boy honor,respect and
care for and understand his body and how girls might see a boys words
or actions and intent in relating to each other. He also writes how
boys need competition through sports and other areas and such. I liked
the book except the part about discipline.---
.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

~~It's a luxury, knowing things like this. It's a gift. And I'm not
going to screw up the situation by being unsupportive.~~

EXACTLY.
I speak openly of Trevor and Moira's choices because they have given
me permission to do so...I wanted to clarify that in case anyone was
nervous about that. Both sets of parents have been part of the
process, though we left my dh in the dark about some of it because he
has a harder time. We feed it in bits and pieces, though he guesses
most of it anyway.:)

It's really cool to have him with the person he's chosen, because he
happens to be in love with a person whose parents are very open and
supportive though they came to unschooling later in life.

Trevor and Moira joke about both of them being "kindergarten
drop-outs". I was just up in Trevor's room where Jared was playing WoW
with him. Trevor is in Waynesville with Moira right now, has been part
of the process of her parents buying a house which they will all be
living in soon....
I've had so many thoughts about teens and video gaming and all this
built up trust over the years. Jared has an amazing connection with
his brother and WoW is helping ease a very difficult transition for
him. Living without his brother full-time has been hard.

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit here, but as I chatted with Jared I was
telling him things to tell Trevor during their play. He finally handed
me the keyboard and said "YOU talk to him". So I did.

He tells me he just wrote Moira's Dad asking him for permission to
marry her. They'd been talking about it for a few months, but I guess
it's becoming officialized.

Both sets of parents are completely supportive of them living together
and they want to get married. Go figure.:)

I'm honored to have been included in some really important decisions
in these young people's lives. Honored and a bit befuddled at times
because it's such a different reality than what I knew. I'm so grateful.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Ren Allen

~~It's really cool to have him with the person he's chosen, because he
happens to be in love with a person whose parents are very open and
supportive though they came to unschooling later in life.
~~

That was more rambly and unclear than I thought...
It's really cool to see Trevor with the person he's chosen.....we
don't "have him" with anyone. That sounded weird.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Joanna Murphy

Hi Lisa--

My son is almost 13, and we've just been going through this. He's never really asked that
many questions, but things are changing so much that I knew it was time for some more
info. Dad really wasn't keen on initiating anything, so I realized it would be me. So I hit
Amazon and found "What's Going on Down There?" It got good comments and was perfect
for 12 (probably good for 11-15).

I left it around somewhere and he found it. It is mostly text, and even though he's not
reading books much for pleasure these days. he devoured it.

The talking part came after ds and I were watching Friends. It's such a great series for so
many reasons, and one of them that I hadn't even known about is the great conversation it
can stimulate about relationships and sex. After an episode with more than one couple
"hooking up" I really felt like I needed to point out that sex isn't necessarily that casual or
that meaningless. He perked up, said, "That's what I was thinking, but then I was getting
kind of confused by how it is on this show." PERFECT It was one of those beautiful
moments when the stars were aligned for the right conversation at the right time. We
talked until about 2 in the morning. I did refer a few questions to dad and recommended
that he talk with him. My ds son, "I really do want to talk about this, but I will NEVER bring
it up, so you have to." I loved that! I mentioned it to my husband who then did initiate a
talk the next night. And they had a 2-3 hour conversation. They covered much of the
same territory, but from his point of view. Brilliant.

I was thrilled everything came together like it did, because I was handed a book when I
was about 8 and a pamphlet when I was 10 and that was the extent of my conversations
with my parents. Woo hoo. I really didn't know how I would handle it when the time
came, but as it was happening I was relaxing and realizing that talking about sex was no
different than any of the gazillion other conversations we have.

Joanna

Joanna

Robin

This subject line drew my interest right away, because I have spent
the last 18 years trying to figure out my son! My daughter and I have
always just "gotten" each other, whereas my son and I tend to have to
explain ourselves.
Anyway, a few months ago there was something on a news program about a
series of popular and controversial videos on the web, called The
MIDWEST TEEN SEX SHOW. If you Google it you'll find lots of opinions
and reviews. From the clips I've seen, they are sort of a cross
between educational public service announcements, and raunchy pop
shock comedy shows. The teens in my life (15g, 16g, 18b, 19b) loved
it. Good for conversation starters, if you can watch them together.
Definitely watch a few of them yourself first.
Here's a Wikipedia link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midwest_Teen_Sex_Show
~~Robin
Relaxing at the computer after spending this sunny southern California
afternoon with my three teens, as we started to clean the mud, algae,
debris, frogs, and brown water out of what once was a crystal clear pool


--- In [email protected], "Ed Wendell" <ewendell@...>
wrote:
>
> I actually have that book - just went and found it in my library - I
read it when Zac was around age 5. I'll reread it.
>
> Lisa W.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: halfshadow1
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Wednesday, March 19, 2008 7:42 PM
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: teen boy development
>
>
> There's a book i just read called:The Wonder of boys. The author
> writes about "teaching" his words,how to help a boy honor,respect and
> care for and understand his body and how girls might see a boys words
> or actions and intent in relating to each other. He also writes how
> boys need competition through sports and other areas and such. I liked
> the book except the part about discipline.---
> .
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Tara

>
> For example, when we went to see Transformers a few months ago, the
boy's mother kept going on and on about masturbating and our son
asked what exactly that meant. I had no idea how much information to
give.
>

Oh boy that movie open up a can of worms with our 8 yr old! He
watched it two or three times before asking "What's that word mean?".
At the time, I simply answered his question without additional info,
trying not to tell him more than he is ready for. (The real can of
worms came later. lol)

Z has always seemed kind of embarassed about sex and sort of censors
himself (turning away from movies) but is not emabarassed about his
body, which just shows me he's not ready for the sex info yet. But
with a 13/14 year old, if he's embarassed, it might be from the fact
that it is a new subject to talk about with his parents. Z used to be
more embarassed about his body and other peoples bodies but I made it
a point to start talking about it nonchalantly (but not too much if I
could tell he was uncomfortable) and he seems to have come to realize
our bodies are not something to be embarassed about.

But IMO, I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic. I'd be open and honest and
talkative about it...and soon. He needs open dialogue with someone he
trusts. My mom left books for me and we never had an open
conversation or read the boks together. She never even askedme if I
read them or had questions. I think if I had someone I felt like I
could trust to ask questions and not get knee-jerk responses
like "wait til your married/you'll regret it/etc", I may have made
some much different choices in my life.

A book is no substitute for a parent. And trust me, it's only
uncomfortable the first couple of times you talk about it. It gets
easier with time! (At least it has with us!) lol

~ Tara

Katy

<<<<<but is not emabarassed about his body, which just shows me he's not ready for the sex info yet.>>>>

I may not understand this comment completely... Richard (12) has never been embarrassed about his body, though he is more private with others recently. He has even come to me to show me how much pubic hair he has gotten ("LOOK MOM!!!"). I am more embarrassed than he is when he does that! I try not to show it though! But even with his openness he is definitely ready for and wanting more information.

We talk pretty openly about bodies and puberty and sex, always have though, up to the level that he was ready for. There are times that we will hear something on TV that goes above and beyond his knowledge, a recent example was a reference to oral sex (Mom, what's a blow job?), I just take a deep breath and explain in little increments, giving only as much info as he is ready for and happy with.

<<<<I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic>>>>
<<<<A book is no substitute for a parent.>>>>

I don't think anyone here mean't that a book should be used in place of parental involvement. I got a book for Richard a few years ago, I think he was 8. I left it in the bathroom, he read through it some, so did I! He saw me reading it, I commented about things when I was reading sometimes. There were some boyish things that I didn't know (and I told him that)! He asked if there was a girl version, and that made me remember in 6th grade or so when boys and girls got taken into the cafeteria separately for our little movies. Everyone knew that the girls movie was about menstruation. We girls wanted to know what the boys movie was about! The only thing we could think of was wet dreams, and the boys wouldn't tell!

I gave that book to another friend of mine who had a son, and recently, at 12, Richard asked where it was. He is going through new changes and would like to read different parts of it. I am ordering both the boy and the girl version this time.

Katy J


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joanna Murphy

--- In [email protected], "Tara" <organicsis@...> wrote:

> But IMO, I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic. I'd be open and honest and
> talkative about it

> A book is no substitute for a parent.

I did recommend strewing about this subject, because my children learning about isn't that
different from how they learn anything else. They want to investigate and explore on their
own and in their own time. But that in no way conflicts with direct conversation--the two
aren't mutually exclusive at all. Reading, watching shows together, talking, seeing billboards,
overhearing conversations and jokes, talking with friends--it's all available material for
fodder.

Joanna

Sandra Dodd

-=-<<<<I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic>>>>
<<<<A book is no substitute for a parent.>>>>

-=-I don't think anyone here mean't that a book should be used in
place of parental involvement.-=-

We went with discussions AND books. You don't have to choose just one.

And if a parent really, truly cannot discuss it, get more than one
book. Maybe find another adult friend your child trusts and get him/
her to discuss it. Some people have no qualms at all. Me. Diana/
hahamommy... We can go on and on. <g>

When I was teaching 7th grade in ancient days, I did the sex ed
program for my students and two neighbor-teachers---the 63 year old
who couldn't begin to discuss it with 12 yr olds and the woman my age
who had been to girls' catholic school through college graduation.
It was fine with me, so I got lots of practice.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tara

--- In [email protected], "Katy" <kjennings95@...> wrote:
>
> <<<<<but is not emabarassed about his body, which just shows me
he's not ready for the sex info yet.>>>>
>
> I may not understand this comment completely...

I don't think I proof read enough to make sure I was clear before
sending this through. Sorry 'bout that! What I meant was I know he's
not quite ready for sex info because he doesn't ask questions and
isn't comfortable talking about it or seeing something on TV/movies,
like he is with "body" type stuff. He's more comfortable talking
about his body or even a girls body and its functions. He's just not
ready to know how they function *together*.

Does that answer your question?


>
> <<<<I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic>>>>
> <<<<A book is no substitute for a parent.>>>>
>
> I don't think anyone here mean't that a book should be used in
place of parental involvement.

Oh, I don't think so either! But I know my mom was uncomfortable with
the subject and used the book as a cop-out to avoid a conversation.
So I was just throwing that out there as another perspective to
consider.

I probably could've clarified that better as well. I guess it's an
off night for my responses! :]



~ Tara

Pamela Sorooshian

On Mar 19, 2008, at 3:58 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:

> One of my best friends, who's known me since Kirby was born (Jeff
> Cunico, for those who know me and some of my friends) was talking to
> me Monday this week about this and that. I told him the status of
> their love life, and that she's not "sexually active," but might be
> within a few months. He told me it was none of my business.

I had the urge to tell my own daughter that when she talked to me
about her sex life. I mean, I didn't - but I thought, "HUH? You're
talking to ME about this? What the heck? I'm your MOTHER!"

I got over it. But it surprised me.

It shouldn't have. Back when she was maybe 6 years old she asked how
the baby got into the mother. I explained a little, she asked more. I
explained a little more. She wanted to know the actual mechanics. So,
I told her. My husband was in the room, kind of trying to disappear
into his chair <G>. Then, she got up to leave the room, turned back,
laughed, and said, "Yeah, right. To do that they'd have to take off
their clothes." So, my dh and I both laughed and I said, "Yes, they
do." But SHE mistook our laughing to mean we were joking. So she
didn't believe me. I kept saying, "No, really, they do." But she kept
saying, "Yeah, that's so funny." We were laughing more and more - so
she was completely persuaded that I had just made up the whole thing.


-pam




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/20/2008 12:26:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kjennings95@... writes:

~*~*~I got a book for Richard a few years ago, I think he was 8. I left it
in the bathroom, he read through it some, so did I! He saw me reading it, I
commented about things when I was reading sometimes. There were some boyish
things that I didn't know (and I told him that)! He asked if there was a girl
version,
<<<snip>>>

I am ordering both the boy and the girl version this time. ~*~*~


I'm sorry if I missed the "naming", but could you say what the title of the
books are and possibly the author(s)?

Thanks,
De



**************Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL
Home.
(http://home.aol.com/diy/home-improvement-eric-stromer?video=15?ncid=aolhom00030000000001)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Katy

<<<<<I'm sorry if I missed the "naming", but could you say what the title of the
books are and possibly the author(s)?>>>>

Well, the book that I had gotten was "What's Going on Down There?: Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask" by Karen Gravel and Nick and Chava Castro. I was just at Amazon though and there is no girls version. I could have sworn that there was.

Katy J
www.katyjennings.blogspot.com

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diana jenner

On Wed, Mar 19, 2008 at 7:55 PM, Tara <organicsis@...> wrote:

> Oh boy that movie open up a can of worms with our 8 yr old! He
> watched it two or three times before asking "What's that word mean?".
> At the time, I simply answered his question without additional info,
> trying not to tell him more than he is ready for. (The real can of
> worms came later. lol)
>






"Touching your penis/yoni because it feels good" --pretty simple response.
If they need more, say more, if not, keep quiet.


>
> But IMO, I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic. I'd be open and honest and
> talkative about it...and soon. He needs open dialogue with someone he
> trusts. My mom left books for me and we never had an open
> conversation or read the boks together. She never even askedme if I
> read them or had questions. I think if I had someone I felt like I
> could trust to ask questions and not get knee-jerk responses
> like "wait til your married/you'll regret it/etc", I may have made
> some much different choices in my life.
>
> A book is no substitute for a parent. And trust me, it's only
> uncomfortable the first couple of times you talk about it. It gets
> easier with time! (At least it has with us!) lol
>














I had the honor of being part of a talk on Sex with unschooled teenagers
last September.
The *vast* majority of the boys in the room PREFERRED the information be
strewed without discussion. They appreciated the books left on the bed --
they all admitted to reading them cover-to-cover. These kids all have what
I'd consider "cool parents" to whom they can speak about anything... *they*
preferred the books first and they would ask questions if they had any.
And yeah, I've had more than a mother's share of conversations with these
kids, as a trusted adult in their life. Sometimes it's just easier to get
the information from someone who's not your parents (yes, even some
uschooled teens groan at the thought of parents as sexual beings! :::bg:::)

You can always come to Life is Good and have him come to my Condom Art (Sex
Talk) Funshop :D

> --
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com


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Sandra Dodd

-=-The *vast* majority of the boys in the room PREFERRED the
information be
strewed without discussion. They appreciated the books left on the
bed --
they all admitted to reading them cover-to-cover.-=-



What my boys had (separate copies, bought used) was "What's Happening
to my Body? for Boys." That one had a girls' version. I should've
gotten them one; seriously.

But I don't recommend those just on the theory there are better
things out there now, ten years later. There's nothing wrong with
them except they're black and white line-drawing paperback kinds of
things. But it wouldn't hurt to get them that AND something else.
Or three or five books or websites or something.

And don't wait until the boys are teens. Leave some information in
the bathroom or something, casually, when they're nine, ten or eleven.

Sandra

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Ed Wendell

Actually our son is not embarrassed at all - though he has spelled S-E-X every time instead of saying it for the past 2 years - which I think is cute in his own way. He gripes about the Erectile Dysfunction ads that are on every five minutes. About a year ago he said "I know that is important to adults but kids get tired of hearing about it all the time." So we've made a game of being silly about the ads - I'll say something like "Oh Zac here's your favorite ad." Then we laugh together. He still says "ewwwww" to romance scenes in movies and jokingly says it when he catches his dad and I kissing or saying romantic things to each other.

Our son would still run naked through the house, except that I at one point a couple of years ago, told him that I didn't think it appropriate for us to see each other naked any more - and let him know that the reason is because it was a societal norm thing. He gets that because we talk with him about societal expectations a lot - some things he does not tend to just pick up on - we have to discuss them and point them out to him. Just this week he said he didn't care if I saw him naked, but it would bother him if other's saw him - that he just covers up to honor my wishes.

I was not going to strew to avoid discussion, but to just have the info on hand for his independent "research" - for example if it is 2 AM and we are asleep but Zac chooses to explore the subject - maybe something on TV sparks his curiosity - the resource would be there. Plus I thought we could go over a book or books and then leave them for him to go back over if he wished.


Lisa W.








But with a 13/14 year old, if he's embarassed, it might be from the fact
that it is a new subject to talk about with his parents.

But IMO, I wouldn't "strew" the sex topic. I'd be open and honest and
talkative about it...and soon.

~ Tara
.


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Pam Tellew

<,The *vast* majority of the boys in the room PREFERRED the information be
strewed without discussion. They appreciated the books left on the bed --
they all admitted to reading them cover-to-cover>>>

I appreciate hearing this Diana. But what can I strew for my 13 yo
who can read but doesn't pick up books on his own?


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Nancy Wooton

On Mar 19, 2008, at 11:21 PM, diana jenner wrote:

> Sometimes it's just easier to get
> the information from someone who's not your parents (yes, even some
> uschooled teens groan at the thought of parents as sexual
> beings! :::bg:::)


LOL! One morning a couple of years ago, my teen son asked, "Mom, was
what was going on what is sounded like?" I just said "Yes." He
smiled and said, "I thought so."

;-) Nancy

Joanna Murphy

Pam--

Have you tried strewing books on this subject, or is it in general that he won't pick up
books. I ask that because I would describe my ds the same way, but on this subject--no
problem! :-)
Joanna

--- In [email protected], Pam Tellew <pamtellew@...> wrote:
>
>
> <,The *vast* majority of the boys in the room PREFERRED the information be
> strewed without discussion. They appreciated the books left on the bed --
> they all admitted to reading them cover-to-cover>>>
>
> I appreciate hearing this Diana. But what can I strew for my 13 yo
> who can read but doesn't pick up books on his own?
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Pam Tellew

><<<
>Have you tried strewing books on this subject, or is it in general
>that he won't pick up
>books. I ask that because I would describe my ds the same way, but
>on this subject--no
>problem! :-)
>Joanna>>>>


Yes, one or two, to no avail. At least they don't look thumbed
through!! But maybe not the right books. I personally loved having
books on this as a teen.

Pam