Sara

Sandra wrote (to a mom wondering how to manage situations where one
kid wants to go to an activity and the other doesn't):

Another thing to remember is to make it ALL happy and funny and
comfortable and exciting so that they want to be with you. Be sparkly.


I'm a mostly-lurker and I'm often several days behind in reading here. I
just
read the above and it jumped out at me bigtime. I've never thought about
being
sparkly but this made sense to me immediately. Yes. Right. Be sparkly. That
encapsulates everything I've been thinking about and working on this year (I
posted
here last summer about having started off as an unschooler when my oldest
was
little but drifting away as more kids came along, and then
re-discovering/immersing
in unschooling and making a big change back toward "yes" over the summer).

One of the things I have kept telling myself these past six/eight months as
I've
struggled to hold on to YES is to lighten up, relax, stop worrying about
what other
people think of us or how the kids will turn out and just have fun NOW, all
of us
together. I have this little mantra I think to myself over and over: Be fun,
be fun.

"Be sparkly" is even more fun to say. ;)

I admit "being fun" doesn't come as easily to me as I wish it did, or as it
did
when I only had one or two kids. I have five children, ages 2 to 12, and
sometimes
it feels hard to be fun when I'm trying to juggle the logistics of keeping
everyone
safe and pleasant. (Pleasant for others to be around, I mean. They are
awesome
kids. But we are a big noisy pack and I do feel like I am always on guard
lest we
annoy someone or break something.)

I can tell when I'm being fun, because those are the good days, good weeks,
and
the kids do want to be with me all the time. I'm not always fun, though. I
fall back
into patterns of speech, ways of behaving, that I wish I'd never learned:
issuing
curt orders, lecturing. I am trying so hard to knock it off permanently! But
it's like
quitting biting my nails (another bad habit): I'm good about it when I'm
paying attention,
but I find myself gnawing away when I'm not being mindful. But I'm not aware
that I
*wasn't* paying attention until I start paying attention again!

"Make it all happy and funny and comfortable and exciting so they want to be
with
you." I think that's the best mothering advice I've ever seen. The hard part
is the "all."

Sara, striving for sparkle


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-"Make it all happy and funny and comfortable and exciting so they
want to be
withyou." I think that's the best mothering advice I've ever seen.
The hard part
is the "all."-=-

Thanks. Maybe I could rephrase it without the "all" and put it on
the random quotes generator at

http://sandradodd.com/unschooling



-=-it feels hard to be fun when I'm trying to juggle the logistics of
keeping everyone safe and pleasant. -=

I remember a couple of times when we needed to do something very
quietly or I wanted one kid to go into a room where someone was
sleeping and get something, saying "Do it like a burglar." It's
kind of fun to try to do something silently. Sometimes if I want to
make eggs in the morning I need to get a pan from a pile of pans.
Sometimes it's silent and sometimes it's just quiet. But it's fun to
try.

-=-I can tell when I'm being fun, because those are the good days,
good weeks,-==

Even a good moment is worth trying, though. One good moment in a
rough hour is better than a rough hour without a good moment.

-=I'm not always fun, though. I fall back into patterns of speech,
ways of behaving, that I wish I'd never learned: issuing curt orders,
lecturing.-=-

Me too. Few totally overcome falling back into being their moms
occasionally. The difference between really being that, though, and
being the way we'd rather be is how we feel when we're there, and
what we do to recover from it and make up with our kids.








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

I added that quote to the unschooling page, and when I went to check
to see if it still worked (very fragile quotes generator), this came up:

We make choices ALL the time. Learning to make better ones in small
little ways, immediate ways, makes life bigger and better. Choosing
to be gentle with a child, and patient with ourselves, and generous
in ways we think might not even show makes our children more gentle,
patient and generous. — Sandra Dodd



We can choose to be more sparkly.



Sandra

Lara Miller

I love this sparkly stuff! All I can do is picture myself as a little
sprite with wings going around with my little feather duster and
swishing sparkly fun all over our lives! For me that just sounds so
much more appealing than "note to self: be more fun" :D

Blessings,
Lara Miller
Currently on our way to Phoenix!
http://mytripjournal.com/millerfamily

On Feb 27, 2008, at 9:20 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> I added that quote to the unschooling page, and when I went to check
> to see if it still worked (very fragile quotes generator), this came
> up:
>
> We make choices ALL the time. Learning to make better ones in small
> little ways, immediate ways, makes life bigger and better. Choosing
> to be gentle with a child, and patient with ourselves, and generous
> in ways we think might not even show makes our children more gentle,
> patient and generous. — Sandra Dodd
>
>
>
> We can choose to be more sparkly.
>
>
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>