m_aduhene

Hi all,
I have lurked for a while now becos I find it hard to get to the
computer often. I am an unschooling mummy from the UK with a nearly 7
year old, a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old. I know you will all say
don't panic and most days I don't. BUT some days I hear of someones's
child doing or saying such a thing and then I think "Oh my goodness"
I'm failing her" (I only worry about the oldest at the moment because
she is school age).
I am not worried what the school children are up to (I was a teacher
in a former life and know how much time is wasted there), what I am
worried about is the other homeschoolers who are more structured,
whose children can read, who are writing mini books (yes true) with
good punctuation, neat writing, title pages, the works (and she is the
same age as my dd), and I tried not to let it bother me. I KNOW she
will get there, BUT......and there's the sticking point the BUT.....
Tell me the truth.....is it okay to "go with the flow" each day and be
happy that they are happy and not worry that I haven't made a toilet
roll craft today or we didn't read the works of shakespeare, and that
we just made fairies and chatted and just enjoyed each other's company
and the other 2 pottered and played and chatted.
Sorry long post and you don't even know me. BUT those of you who have
trodden this unschooling path pls let me know that they will turn out
okay and that I am doing right by them.
Thankyou for reading
Blessings
Michelle

SHERRY LANGEVIN

Dear Michelle,
God bless you! You have 3 children, 2 of them small, heck yes, go with the flow . . . why make it unpleasant for yourself and them? Soon enough you will have more time for things like that. What is important is to enjoy what you can do with her. I'm sure someone else will have some plan of action for you, but for me, I say, dont worry too much.
Sending you good wishes across the sea,
Sherry

m_aduhene <anthony@...> wrote:
Hi all,
I have lurked for a while now becos I find it hard to get to the
computer often. I am an unschooling mummy from the UK with a nearly 7
year old, a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old. I know you will all say
don't panic and most days I don't. BUT some days I hear of someones's
child doing or saying such a thing and then I think "Oh my goodness"
I'm failing her" (I only worry about the oldest at the moment because
she is school age).
I am not worried what the school children are up to (I was a teacher
in a former life and know how much time is wasted there), what I am
worried about is the other homeschoolers who are more structured,
whose children can read, who are writing mini books (yes true) with
good punctuation, neat writing, title pages, the works (and she is the
same age as my dd), and I tried not to let it bother me. I KNOW she
will get there, BUT......and there's the sticking point the BUT.....
Tell me the truth.....is it okay to "go with the flow" each day and be
happy that they are happy and not worry that I haven't made a toilet
roll craft today or we didn't read the works of shakespeare, and that
we just made fairies and chatted and just enjoyed each other's company
and the other 2 pottered and played and chatted.
Sorry long post and you don't even know me. BUT those of you who have
trodden this unschooling path pls let me know that they will turn out
okay and that I am doing right by them.
Thankyou for reading
Blessings
Michelle






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pentaitalia

Hey Michelle!
Sounds like you have a case of what a friend of mine has
coined "PUPD"...you have all the symptoms! lol It is "Periodic
Unschoolers Panic Disorder"! This prognosis is good...the symptoms will
pass! :) It tends to rear it's ugly head often at the beginning of the
school year....as other children "get down to some serious
learning"....but stay in tune with what amazingly wonderful
opportunities which your kids are being given, and all will be well!
Each family is choosing a path, and your path is just a different one,
with awesome opportunities and advantages of its own!

Relax, and enjoy your children....and the path of least resistance! :)

Shonna
mom to 5 (when my 12 year old son was 7 he already had 4 little
sisters...so I do know what it can be like with so many little ones
around! :)

Sandra Dodd

-=-whose children can read, who are writing mini books (yes true) with
good punctuation, neat writing, title pages, the works (and she is the
same age as my dd), and I tried not to let it bother me.-=-

Hey...
Those little books are only souvenirs for mothers, you know.
And those children have been robbed of the joy of making a little
book *just for fun,* just because they want to. It wasn't their
idea, and can't be their idea EVER if the mom had the idea first.

How is this off topic!? THIS IS IT!

This is it.

-=-Tell me the truth.....is it okay to "go with the flow" each day
and be
happy that they are happy and not worry that I haven't made a toilet
roll craft today or we didn't read the works of shakespeare, and that
we just made fairies and chatted and just enjoyed each other's company
and the other 2 pottered and played and chatted.-=-

Toilet roll crafts aren't even souvenirs for moms. They're trash
made more trashy. (Wait... brit...)
They're rubbish made more... rubbishy.

Don't READ the works of Shakespeare anyway, even when the kids are
older. Watch DVDs.

-=-pls let me know that they will turn out
okay and that I am doing right by them.-=-

Holly mentioned just the other days that the fairies she made are up
in the top of her closet. If we have a Christmas tree this year, I
want to ask her to put them on there.

You can work fairies and toilet paper rolls and Shakespeare all
together over the next few years, and for the rest of your life.

When my kids were that little, I felt like life was whizzing by
sometimes, and sometimes like they would be babies forever. It's
confusing, that sleep-deprivation and worry. I still remember. But
with mine 15 (16 on Friday), 18 and 21 (I just talked to him on the
phone while he was walking to work, many hundreds of miles away), I
have hours to work on my webpages and I can plant flowers, and read
books. Woohoo!

Oh. That wasn't your question. <g> But it's part of your answer.

Sandra






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halfshadow1

Thank you for posting your concerns, I think we all have them at
times. My husband's co-workers have been telling my dh that our son
will be socially defunct.....lmao! Or he will not know how to pick
friend when he's a teenager...omg. It amazes me people who have no
homeschoolers in their life or who have done no reasearch say these
things but i realize it comes from the only experiance THEY know,which
is school. I backslide,my husband backslides,i forget and so on but i
am damn determined to do what i can. My son is happy. Trust all will
be well.--- In [email protected], "m_aduhene"
<anthony@...> wrote:
>
> Hi all,
> I have lurked for a while now becos I find it hard to get to the
> computer often. I am an unschooling mummy from the UK with a nearly 7
> year old, a 3.5 year old and a 17 month old. I know you will all say
> don't panic and most days I don't. BUT some days I hear of someones's
> child doing or saying such a thing and then I think "Oh my goodness"
> I'm failing her" (I only worry about the oldest at the moment because
> she is school age).
> I am not worried what the school children are up to (I was a teacher
> in a former life and know how much time is wasted there), what I am
> worried about is the other homeschoolers who are more structured,
> whose children can read, who are writing mini books (yes true) with
> good punctuation, neat writing, title pages, the works (and she is the
> same age as my dd), and I tried not to let it bother me. I KNOW she
> will get there, BUT......and there's the sticking point the BUT.....
> Tell me the truth.....is it okay to "go with the flow" each day and be
> happy that they are happy and not worry that I haven't made a toilet
> roll craft today or we didn't read the works of shakespeare, and that
> we just made fairies and chatted and just enjoyed each other's company
> and the other 2 pottered and played and chatted.
> Sorry long post and you don't even know me. BUT those of you who have
> trodden this unschooling path pls let me know that they will turn out
> okay and that I am doing right by them.
> Thankyou for reading
> Blessings
> Michelle
>

ENSEMBLE S-WAYNFORTH

It is easy to be afraid. It is easy to look at the faces of your young children and be ovewhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable task of raising them to be adults who can function in whatever the world is like in a little more than a decade. But no approach to parenting will calm the doubting voices in your head. I imagine that the home-educators whose children are creating mini-books are using these study moments, these forced activities to address the same fears that you experience when you look at their children. And I don't know that unschooling, with 3 young children, will help you to feel strong. I say that, not because I don't believe that unschooling prepares a child for "the adult world", but because unschooling is so much about helping your child to be who they are now that it is much harder to see it as some training ground for future success.

Envy is an easy place to live. I can read about people's days over at http://sandradodd.com/typical and feel like our days aren't so sparkly and filled with the glory of the moment. Well, I could but one of ours is there, so it would be silly to envy what I clearly experience :]. It is easy to know other families and look into the moments that the moms share when you get together and think about how amazing that sounds, or gee, I wish my children did that. And the best way I know to fight that kind of envy isn't to think about the lack of Shakespeare in your lives but to focus on the things that your lives are filled with. Making fairies is important work. Telling stories about fairies, sitting close and touching and sharing and laughing and loving. Those are the important things. Because now is what matters. Not 10 years from now. If you take care of this moment, this child, than they will grow up strong and engaging and enviable.

Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
-----------------------------------
<snip>
I am not worried what the school children are up to (I was a teacher
in a former life and know how much time is wasted there), what I am
worried about is the other homeschoolers who are more structured,
whose children can read, who are writing mini books (yes true) with
good punctuation, neat writing, title pages, the works (and she is the
same age as my dd), and I tried not to let it bother me. I KNOW she
will get there, BUT......and there's the sticking point the BUT.....
Tell me the truth.....is it okay to "go with the flow" each day and be
happy that they are happy and not worry that I haven't made a toilet
roll craft today or we didn't read the works of shakespeare, and that
we just made fairies and chatted and just enjoyed each other's company
and the other 2 pottered and played and chatted.
-------------------------

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

emmy

what I am
worried about is the other homeschoolers


right here is the source of your fear, you've allowed yourself to take your eyes off of your children and put them on others. you should never let other people define your children (or yourself). we are each so unique. comparing one to another is unhealthy and truly damages relationships. not everyone learns at the same pace nor in the same style. yes we can be similar in some areas but not in all. we are individuals, one of a kinds. if you allow the fear, it will overcome you. define your child by who they are and you achieve that by discovering that along beside them.

emmy

www.foundthings.etsy.com
www.cafepress.com/emmytofa
www.emmytofa.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Because now is what matters. Not 10 years from now. If you take
care of this moment, this child, than they will grow up strong and
engaging and enviable. -=-

That has been my experience. Kirby was promoted one step at work,
having decided not to apply for the step above that. He wanted to
make sure he wasn't a manager who wasn't sure of himself, so he has
decided to wait another while and then apply for the senior position
the next time. He's 21.

Here are my two youngest, last night: http://sandradodd.blogspot.com

They're solid humans.
Not many teens are solid humans.
I was very unsettled myself at their age.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-comparing one to another is unhealthy and truly damages
relationships.-=-

It's inevitable for humans to compare. It's part of how thinking works.

There are ways to balance the comparisons, though, and to be
realistic and acknowledge ranges and individuality.

-=-define your child by who they are and you achieve that by
discovering that along beside them. -=-

I agree with that, but some comparison can be good (which is
fortunate, as it's inevitable).

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

emmy

It's inevitable for humans to compare. It's part of how thinking works.

There are ways to balance the comparisons, though, and to be
realistic and acknowledge ranges and individuality.


yes we all have a process and through it we compare yet it isn't (always) healthy. fear so easily creeps in. i agree there should be balance in everything we do. in a time of confusion and uncertainity comparing can be our enemy. balance is the key. use caution so you don't allow someone else to define you. there are alot of people who have an "opinion" that you cant afford.


emmy

www.foundthings.etsy.com
www.cafepress.com/emmytofa
www.emmytofa.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Bob Collier

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
>
> Don't READ the works of Shakespeare anyway, even when the kids are
> older. Watch DVDs.
>
>


ROFL

I couldn't agree more. I don't care if my son Pat never reads a word of
Shakespeare and if he wanted to watch Shakespeare - although goodness
knows why that would ever occur to him - give me Baz Luhrmann over
Laurence Olivier any day.

Bob Collier

It's been my experience, too. Now is what matters. Then the next now,
then the next.

My daughter Bronnie is 22 and just graduating from university. She
had a conventional schooling, but in her early years before she
started school and we were seldom out of each other's company -
virtually never in the first two years - all we did was whatever made
us happy. Sometimes we were busy, sometimes we were cruising along
nicely, sometimes we did nothing. Whenever we were home alone, I used
to say to her, "Well, it's just you and me and nobody else, so I
guess we can do what we like!" That's exactly the same with my son
Pat. Except he's almost a teenager not a 'preschooler'. All we do is
whatever makes us happy. And that doesn't even mean doing things
together any more. At the moment, he's heavily into World of Warcraft
and plays for hours while I do other things and we just have an
occasional conversation. I know he's happy because his body language
shouts it out and, as I write, he's sitting across the room from me
humming a little tune to himself. That's priceless. I wouldn't swap
it for anything.

I know maybe I make a big deal sometimes about the fact that I have a
conventionally educated academically successful daughter as well as
an, in effect, 'radically unschooled' son (though I call it 'self-
educated under my supervision'), but the point I would make here is
that the success my daughter has achieved on *her* chosen path is
without a doubt in my mind *founded* on those early years of her life
when she did whatever made her happy without any expectation that she
should meet some external or abstract standard of development or
achievement. Thus, I have every reason to believe that my son is also
becoming a 'successful adult' in his own way.

Research I've read about recently, at Harvard and other places, backs
me up. It's been determined by people who allegedly know about these
things that being successful doesn't make us happy, as most people
seem to believe - it's happiness that makes us successful.

In my experience, "go with the flow" is not just an idle platitude.
It's what works. Taking one day at a time and making that day a
success in itself (however you choose to define 'success') is what
works.

My son is very good at that, as it happens. Occasionally, I'll have
my own moment of doubt and ask him if he's thought about what he'd
like to be when he grows up, and he'll answer something like, "Bob,
I'm only interested in what I'm doing now." And I'll say something
like, "Okay, that's cool" and get on with my life.

It's a grand adventure alright. :)

Bob



--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-Because now is what matters. Not 10 years from now. If you take
> care of this moment, this child, than they will grow up strong and
> engaging and enviable. -=-
>
> That has been my experience. Kirby was promoted one step at work,
> having decided not to apply for the step above that. He wanted to
> make sure he wasn't a manager who wasn't sure of himself, so he
has
> decided to wait another while and then apply for the senior
position
> the next time. He's 21.
>
> Here are my two youngest, last night:
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com
>
> They're solid humans.
> Not many teens are solid humans.
> I was very unsettled myself at their age.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>