Money
[email protected]
Hi all,
I'm realizing this is an issue where I keep slipping back into old thinking,
and could use a boost. I think that it must involve a lot of mixed-up
thoughts in my head, both rational and irrational: worry about saving enough for
college and retirement; anxiety about acquiring debt at times and being sloppy
about budgeting; fears of "spoiling" the kids (totally irrational, I know, I
know!) and not "teaching" them to be responsible about money, leading to fears
for their future; guilt about not contributing enough myself financially.
I've read here for a while and get that many of you consider your money to be
"family money," but how does that work, practically? As I write this, I
imagine the answer would be similar to what you get with moving toward unlimited
tv; supply and demand, and that once you start with give-give-give, they might
first respond with take-take-take, but then will become less so as you build
trust in that area and continue to work toward that climate of helping everyone
get what they wants. Is that it?
It's funny how just writing the question starts me seeing the problem more
clearly and imagining at least a few ways people might suggest I could improve
things. But since I doubt I'm the only one struggling with this issue and I'm
sure I still have plenty of blind spots in my own thinking, can those of you
who've developed healthy and peaceful relationships with your kids regarding
money please share some of your thoughts, ideas, experiences?
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm realizing this is an issue where I keep slipping back into old thinking,
and could use a boost. I think that it must involve a lot of mixed-up
thoughts in my head, both rational and irrational: worry about saving enough for
college and retirement; anxiety about acquiring debt at times and being sloppy
about budgeting; fears of "spoiling" the kids (totally irrational, I know, I
know!) and not "teaching" them to be responsible about money, leading to fears
for their future; guilt about not contributing enough myself financially.
I've read here for a while and get that many of you consider your money to be
"family money," but how does that work, practically? As I write this, I
imagine the answer would be similar to what you get with moving toward unlimited
tv; supply and demand, and that once you start with give-give-give, they might
first respond with take-take-take, but then will become less so as you build
trust in that area and continue to work toward that climate of helping everyone
get what they wants. Is that it?
It's funny how just writing the question starts me seeing the problem more
clearly and imagining at least a few ways people might suggest I could improve
things. But since I doubt I'm the only one struggling with this issue and I'm
sure I still have plenty of blind spots in my own thinking, can those of you
who've developed healthy and peaceful relationships with your kids regarding
money please share some of your thoughts, ideas, experiences?
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Holly's birthday's next week but for various reasons, she needed to
do something before then, so she wanted to take a friend to a haunted
house, $13 each. I figured I'd give her $40 and she could take three
people. Marty was going to go with her. Then others wanted to go.
I gave her $60, remembering it's cheaper than a baker cake and enough
food for a party, and suggested maybe she could equally subsidize
people or something.
Seven people went--Holly, Marty and five others from 18 to 28. Holly
had the birthday $60, and $10 of her own, and two other people made
up the difference. So Holly purchased all the tickets at once.
Afterwards they went for Boba Tea and others covered Holly because
she had spent all her money.
Today she's going to a birthday party at the zoo. I owed her $10.
It costs $7 to get into the zoo (our membership expired and with only
one "child" under 18 it's not a good deal anymore). I was invited to
the party too, but I'm staying home, so it's already cheaper than it
would be if I went. Holly can drive herself. I gave her a twenty
dollar bill and three dollars in quarters. The quarters are for the
food for the koi and the ducks. I put them in a baggie with six
small paper cups so the littler kids at the party can feed ducks.
She's taking the only automatic transmission car that's running at
the moment and will be gone for hours. She doesn't have to pay for
the gasoline.
She's generous when she has money and we try to be generous with her.
-=-As I write this, I
imagine the answer would be similar to what you get with moving
toward unlimited
tv; supply and demand, and that once you start with give-give-give,
they might
first respond with take-take-take, but then will become less so as
you build
trust in that area and continue to work toward that climate of
helping everyone
get what they wants. Is that it? -=-
We never had a take-take-take phase, but we never had a very stingy-
parents phase either, so I don't know.
I was surprised when we went to Disneyland and kept offering Marty
money or souvenirs and he kept saying no thanks, and not in any kind
of surly or reactionary way, he was just honestly having fun without
the acquisition of *stuff.* Kirby and Holly had money and hardly
spent any. I was so surprised I wrote it up and it's here:
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled
When Kirby was moving out, we offered to lend him money but he wanted
to try to do it on his own. When he got to Austin, he needed to pay
his second month's rent before his first paycheck came, so Keith
transferred $500 to lend him. We told him he didn't have to pay it
right away, but when he got settled.
Marty went to visit last week and Kirby sent back a check, with
Marty, for $500, on his own account with his new address on the
check, and his handwriting was really nice. I thought of scanning it
to show people here his naturally-evolved handwriting and his
forceful signature, but then I thought better of photocopying a
check! <bwg>
A couple of times last week when I was out, once with Holly and once
with Marty, I asked if we should go out to eat and they each
separately said, "Let's just go home and eat." "Out to eat" is my
dream thing, I guess. I feel good if I eat out and sometimes sorry
for myself when I eat at home. They don't have that, though. They
don't have the feeling that they're only loved if someone's spending
money on them, and they like to be home.
It's all inter-related I think.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
do something before then, so she wanted to take a friend to a haunted
house, $13 each. I figured I'd give her $40 and she could take three
people. Marty was going to go with her. Then others wanted to go.
I gave her $60, remembering it's cheaper than a baker cake and enough
food for a party, and suggested maybe she could equally subsidize
people or something.
Seven people went--Holly, Marty and five others from 18 to 28. Holly
had the birthday $60, and $10 of her own, and two other people made
up the difference. So Holly purchased all the tickets at once.
Afterwards they went for Boba Tea and others covered Holly because
she had spent all her money.
Today she's going to a birthday party at the zoo. I owed her $10.
It costs $7 to get into the zoo (our membership expired and with only
one "child" under 18 it's not a good deal anymore). I was invited to
the party too, but I'm staying home, so it's already cheaper than it
would be if I went. Holly can drive herself. I gave her a twenty
dollar bill and three dollars in quarters. The quarters are for the
food for the koi and the ducks. I put them in a baggie with six
small paper cups so the littler kids at the party can feed ducks.
She's taking the only automatic transmission car that's running at
the moment and will be gone for hours. She doesn't have to pay for
the gasoline.
She's generous when she has money and we try to be generous with her.
-=-As I write this, I
imagine the answer would be similar to what you get with moving
toward unlimited
tv; supply and demand, and that once you start with give-give-give,
they might
first respond with take-take-take, but then will become less so as
you build
trust in that area and continue to work toward that climate of
helping everyone
get what they wants. Is that it? -=-
We never had a take-take-take phase, but we never had a very stingy-
parents phase either, so I don't know.
I was surprised when we went to Disneyland and kept offering Marty
money or souvenirs and he kept saying no thanks, and not in any kind
of surly or reactionary way, he was just honestly having fun without
the acquisition of *stuff.* Kirby and Holly had money and hardly
spent any. I was so surprised I wrote it up and it's here:
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled
When Kirby was moving out, we offered to lend him money but he wanted
to try to do it on his own. When he got to Austin, he needed to pay
his second month's rent before his first paycheck came, so Keith
transferred $500 to lend him. We told him he didn't have to pay it
right away, but when he got settled.
Marty went to visit last week and Kirby sent back a check, with
Marty, for $500, on his own account with his new address on the
check, and his handwriting was really nice. I thought of scanning it
to show people here his naturally-evolved handwriting and his
forceful signature, but then I thought better of photocopying a
check! <bwg>
A couple of times last week when I was out, once with Holly and once
with Marty, I asked if we should go out to eat and they each
separately said, "Let's just go home and eat." "Out to eat" is my
dream thing, I guess. I feel good if I eat out and sometimes sorry
for myself when I eat at home. They don't have that, though. They
don't have the feeling that they're only loved if someone's spending
money on them, and they like to be home.
It's all inter-related I think.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
--- In [email protected]_
(mailto:[email protected]) , Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
do something before then, so she wanted to take a friend to a haunted house,
$13 each. I figured I'd give her $40 and she could take three people. Marty
was going to go with her. Then others wanted to go.
I gave her $60, remembering it's cheaper than a baker cake and enough food
for a party, and suggested maybe she could equally subsidize people or
something.>>
So it sounds like you had kind of a party budget in your head, and you more
or less stuck to it. And when it wouldn't completely cover her, she chipped in
and her friends helped out.
That's pretty similar to what we do, most of the time.
Holly's older and has more money than Abby, who's 11 and not earning anything
on her own yet, but maybe it works out about the same since the things Holly
wants probably cost more. So maybe it's more an issue of Abby not having a
big enough allowance. She still asks me for things at the store, and I have a
hard time drawing a line between things she should pay for, and things I
should.
I guess I have issues at times with judging as frivolous or unnecessary stuff
she wants. Like the other day I got annoyed with her at the store because I
invited her to come with me to get milk and she ended up getting excited
thinking *we* should buy a Halloween mask that she thought would be funny for dh,
when she didn't have any money. I did catch myself afterward and said, look,
I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to buy other stuff, we don't even know if dad
*wants* to wear a mask on Halloween, why don't you ask him if he wants you to
pick something out for him and if so, we'll go back and get it. And sure enough,
he saw her excitement about it and said yes, so the next day I did go back
with her and get it.
So depending how you view it, it was either a total *waste* of money, or,
*priceless* to see how delighted it made her to present it to dh. (And if *was*
a pretty funny mask --- it's the top half the Elvis' head. Looks hilarious on
him, IF you're not focusing on how you *wasted* another $6 after spending $25
on stuff for her own costume.) Looking back, it was pretty dumb of me to
think she wasn't going to actually want anything at the store, because she nearly
always does.
I supposed I could've offered her a loan. But with loans and paybacks it's
not what I imagined as a system of the money belonging to everyone. But it
would be an improvement over what I'm doing now.
silly that the fears come up anyway even when the evidence right in front of me
says otherwise.
But you do have limits -- but they're natural ones, not arbitrary ones, right?
Part of the reason I ask is that I was just having a conversation with a
friend who's trying improve her relationship with her teen son. She's wrestling
with a decision of whether to grant his request for her to take him to the Led
Zeppelin concert in London (from California.) And it *is* within their means,
and he knows it, and reminds her of that -- which is one source of her
concern, I think. She and her husband have some of the same fears I've mentioned.
But since saying yes to this would be a very new approach for her, I'm
predicting it may work the same as the unlimited tv thing. But maybe not. She says
he doesn't ask for a lot.
So when you have money and they don't, you occasionally do just hand it out.
I cut this from there:
<<I think they knew if they had REALLY wanted something–a toy or a t-shirt or
whatever–that they could have had it. So their decisions were not made on any
basis except "Do I really want this? Would it make my life better to have
it?">>
This is the place I'd like to get to with Abby. Only I worry there are a
*whole* lot of things she'd like and in her opinion would make her life better.
Her room is knee-deep in stuffed animals, which is fine, but it's not like
they're going to stop making them or new ones will cease to be cute and
appealing. My mother-in-law loves to buy things too, and with her it seems like a
symptom of a larger problem. So maybe that's it, I worry that we've done
something wrong and made her needy for hundreds of stuffed animals. Or it's genetic, a
shopping gene she got from Grandma that has nothing to do with me. Or
neither.
My son is more like how you describe Marty though. He seems to take pride in
using his own money and not needing things from us. But he's a year older.
And I do remember getting to that point with my own parents. So maybe it's
just a matter of time.
-Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(mailto:[email protected]) , Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>>Holly's birthday's next week but for various reasons, she needed to
do something before then, so she wanted to take a friend to a haunted house,
$13 each. I figured I'd give her $40 and she could take three people. Marty
was going to go with her. Then others wanted to go.
I gave her $60, remembering it's cheaper than a baker cake and enough food
for a party, and suggested maybe she could equally subsidize people or
something.>>
So it sounds like you had kind of a party budget in your head, and you more
or less stuck to it. And when it wouldn't completely cover her, she chipped in
and her friends helped out.
That's pretty similar to what we do, most of the time.
Holly's older and has more money than Abby, who's 11 and not earning anything
on her own yet, but maybe it works out about the same since the things Holly
wants probably cost more. So maybe it's more an issue of Abby not having a
big enough allowance. She still asks me for things at the store, and I have a
hard time drawing a line between things she should pay for, and things I
should.
I guess I have issues at times with judging as frivolous or unnecessary stuff
she wants. Like the other day I got annoyed with her at the store because I
invited her to come with me to get milk and she ended up getting excited
thinking *we* should buy a Halloween mask that she thought would be funny for dh,
when she didn't have any money. I did catch myself afterward and said, look,
I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to buy other stuff, we don't even know if dad
*wants* to wear a mask on Halloween, why don't you ask him if he wants you to
pick something out for him and if so, we'll go back and get it. And sure enough,
he saw her excitement about it and said yes, so the next day I did go back
with her and get it.
So depending how you view it, it was either a total *waste* of money, or,
*priceless* to see how delighted it made her to present it to dh. (And if *was*
a pretty funny mask --- it's the top half the Elvis' head. Looks hilarious on
him, IF you're not focusing on how you *wasted* another $6 after spending $25
on stuff for her own costume.) Looking back, it was pretty dumb of me to
think she wasn't going to actually want anything at the store, because she nearly
always does.
I supposed I could've offered her a loan. But with loans and paybacks it's
not what I imagined as a system of the money belonging to everyone. But it
would be an improvement over what I'm doing now.
>Abby is too, really. I mean look, the mask wasn't even for her. But it's
> She's generous when she has money and we try to be generous with her.
>
silly that the fears come up anyway even when the evidence right in front of me
says otherwise.
>parents phase either, so I don't know.
> We never had a take-take-take phase, but we never had a very stingy- >
But you do have limits -- but they're natural ones, not arbitrary ones, right?
Part of the reason I ask is that I was just having a conversation with a
friend who's trying improve her relationship with her teen son. She's wrestling
with a decision of whether to grant his request for her to take him to the Led
Zeppelin concert in London (from California.) And it *is* within their means,
and he knows it, and reminds her of that -- which is one source of her
concern, I think. She and her husband have some of the same fears I've mentioned.
But since saying yes to this would be a very new approach for her, I'm
predicting it may work the same as the unlimited tv thing. But maybe not. She says
he doesn't ask for a lot.
> I was surprised when we went to Disneyland and kept offering Martyhere:
> money or souvenirs and he kept saying no thanks, and not in any kind
> of surly or reactionary way, he was just honestly having fun without
> the acquisition of *stuff.* I was so surprised I wrote it up and it's
> _http://sandradodd.com/spoiled_ (http://sandradodd.com/spoiled)That's really good (and I will share it with my friend and her husband, too.)
So when you have money and they don't, you occasionally do just hand it out.
I cut this from there:
<<I think they knew if they had REALLY wanted something–a toy or a t-shirt or
whatever–that they could have had it. So their decisions were not made on any
basis except "Do I really want this? Would it make my life better to have
it?">>
This is the place I'd like to get to with Abby. Only I worry there are a
*whole* lot of things she'd like and in her opinion would make her life better.
Her room is knee-deep in stuffed animals, which is fine, but it's not like
they're going to stop making them or new ones will cease to be cute and
appealing. My mother-in-law loves to buy things too, and with her it seems like a
symptom of a larger problem. So maybe that's it, I worry that we've done
something wrong and made her needy for hundreds of stuffed animals. Or it's genetic, a
shopping gene she got from Grandma that has nothing to do with me. Or
neither.
My son is more like how you describe Marty though. He seems to take pride in
using his own money and not needing things from us. But he's a year older.
And I do remember getting to that point with my own parents. So maybe it's
just a matter of time.
-Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-She still asks me for things at the store, and I have a
hard time drawing a line between things she should pay for, and things I
should. -=-
What we've done with allowance is that it's for things they don't
have to ask about at all. If they want something I think is part of
what parents should provide anyway and if we can afford it, I might
offer or they might ask. Or we think about it and talk about it and
that ends up one way or the other too.
In the case of gifts for their dad, sometimes we just tell the story
and tell him how much it would have cost and so how much we saved
him. <g>
-=-And sure enough,
he saw her excitement about it and said yes, so the next day I did go
back
with her and get it. -=-
That's cool.
-=-> We never had a take-take-take phase, but we never had a very
stingy- >
parents phase either, so I don't know.
-=-But you do have limits -- but they're natural ones, not arbitrary
ones, right?-=-
We talk about things to buy just like we talk about every other kind
of thing. I don't know about "limits," but the factors include what
else has been bought lately, what's coming up, what the longterm or
sharing or "educational" value of a thing might be, whether we can
play with it for a while and then give it as a gift, etc.
Thrift stores are great for satisfying curiosity, general desire, and
the need for newness.
-=She's wrestling
with a decision of whether to grant his request for her to take him
to the Led
Zeppelin concert in London (from California.) And it *is* within
their means,
and he knows it, and reminds her of that -- which is one source of her
concern, I think.-=-
If she treats it like a big fling, not the eternal opening of the
"you can have whatever you want forever" door, how would it be
different from going to London for a wedding, a funeral, a
conference, a week of touristing? And they could get some touristing
in too, and shopping and maybe get on a train and get off in some
little town the name of which they'll never remember when they get home.
Seeing it as *just* a concert isn't the best angle for viewing, I think.
-=-Her room is knee-deep in stuffed animals, which is fine, but it's
not like
they're going to stop making them or new ones will cease to be cute and
appealing.-=-
But she's older every day.
-=-Or it's genetic, a
shopping gene she got from Grandma that has nothing to do with me.-=-
My dad's mother was a packrat, and I am. My dad wasn't, my mom wasn't.
I've known since I was little that I have similarities to that
grandmother. Similar body parts (ankles, nose), similar health
patterns growing up. I only point that out to point that out. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hard time drawing a line between things she should pay for, and things I
should. -=-
What we've done with allowance is that it's for things they don't
have to ask about at all. If they want something I think is part of
what parents should provide anyway and if we can afford it, I might
offer or they might ask. Or we think about it and talk about it and
that ends up one way or the other too.
In the case of gifts for their dad, sometimes we just tell the story
and tell him how much it would have cost and so how much we saved
him. <g>
-=-And sure enough,
he saw her excitement about it and said yes, so the next day I did go
back
with her and get it. -=-
That's cool.
-=-> We never had a take-take-take phase, but we never had a very
stingy- >
parents phase either, so I don't know.
-=-But you do have limits -- but they're natural ones, not arbitrary
ones, right?-=-
We talk about things to buy just like we talk about every other kind
of thing. I don't know about "limits," but the factors include what
else has been bought lately, what's coming up, what the longterm or
sharing or "educational" value of a thing might be, whether we can
play with it for a while and then give it as a gift, etc.
Thrift stores are great for satisfying curiosity, general desire, and
the need for newness.
-=She's wrestling
with a decision of whether to grant his request for her to take him
to the Led
Zeppelin concert in London (from California.) And it *is* within
their means,
and he knows it, and reminds her of that -- which is one source of her
concern, I think.-=-
If she treats it like a big fling, not the eternal opening of the
"you can have whatever you want forever" door, how would it be
different from going to London for a wedding, a funeral, a
conference, a week of touristing? And they could get some touristing
in too, and shopping and maybe get on a train and get off in some
little town the name of which they'll never remember when they get home.
Seeing it as *just* a concert isn't the best angle for viewing, I think.
-=-Her room is knee-deep in stuffed animals, which is fine, but it's
not like
they're going to stop making them or new ones will cease to be cute and
appealing.-=-
But she's older every day.
-=-Or it's genetic, a
shopping gene she got from Grandma that has nothing to do with me.-=-
My dad's mother was a packrat, and I am. My dad wasn't, my mom wasn't.
I've known since I was little that I have similarities to that
grandmother. Similar body parts (ankles, nose), similar health
patterns growing up. I only point that out to point that out. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanne
Here's what we do...my nine and twelve year old daughter each get
$25 on the first of the month. There are no chores attached to that
money but over time we have all (all of us in the family) have
gravitated towards certain things we take responsibility for in the
house. My husband does most of the cooking, I do the cleaning,
except for the vacuuming which my husband does. My nine year old
keeps the back yard play area under control (picks up fallen
branches, fills up the bird feeders and butterfly, squirell and bird
drinking bowls, removes the ever falling leaves off the trampoline,
etc) and she also puts the dishes away after my 12 year old washes
them. The other things we do on an as needed basis or whoever sees
it or can do it first.
They can do whatever they want with their money, which they also use
for birthday & Christmas gifts. I pay for all activites, clothes,
haircuts, etc. I still buy stuff for them in the store if I have
extra cash and there have been times where they've paid for me or
taken me out to lunch (they LOVE doing that....they took me to
Burger King the other day for a veggie burger and both wanted to pay
for it. LOL)
Hope this helps!
*** Joanne ***
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
$25 on the first of the month. There are no chores attached to that
money but over time we have all (all of us in the family) have
gravitated towards certain things we take responsibility for in the
house. My husband does most of the cooking, I do the cleaning,
except for the vacuuming which my husband does. My nine year old
keeps the back yard play area under control (picks up fallen
branches, fills up the bird feeders and butterfly, squirell and bird
drinking bowls, removes the ever falling leaves off the trampoline,
etc) and she also puts the dishes away after my 12 year old washes
them. The other things we do on an as needed basis or whoever sees
it or can do it first.
They can do whatever they want with their money, which they also use
for birthday & Christmas gifts. I pay for all activites, clothes,
haircuts, etc. I still buy stuff for them in the store if I have
extra cash and there have been times where they've paid for me or
taken me out to lunch (they LOVE doing that....they took me to
Burger King the other day for a veggie burger and both wanted to pay
for it. LOL)
Hope this helps!
*** Joanne ***
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
[email protected]
<<Here's what we do...my nine and twelve year old daughter each get
$25 on the first of the month. >>
See, this is why it's so good to ask other people. We've been doing $5, but
weekly. And it works SO badly because we all forget until somebody wants
something, then nobody can't remember how much they're owed. It just never
occurred to me that a kid's allowance could be a monthly thing - duh!
I'll ask them if they think monthly would be easier for everybody. And maybe
we'll toss in a $5 raise as well.
Thanks!
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
$25 on the first of the month. >>
See, this is why it's so good to ask other people. We've been doing $5, but
weekly. And it works SO badly because we all forget until somebody wants
something, then nobody can't remember how much they're owed. It just never
occurred to me that a kid's allowance could be a monthly thing - duh!
I'll ask them if they think monthly would be easier for everybody. And maybe
we'll toss in a $5 raise as well.
Thanks!
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<If they want something I think is part of
what parents should provide anyway... >>
This is where it gets tricky though, because then don't we start saying
things like "books, yes, stuffed animals, no?" "Veggie sandwich, yes, cotton
candy, no?" "College, yes, trip to Amsterdam to experiment with potsmoking, no?"
Are there things parents *shouldn't* provide? Or does everything depend on
the situation and the perceived value of things by the people involved?
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
what parents should provide anyway... >>
This is where it gets tricky though, because then don't we start saying
things like "books, yes, stuffed animals, no?" "Veggie sandwich, yes, cotton
candy, no?" "College, yes, trip to Amsterdam to experiment with potsmoking, no?"
Are there things parents *shouldn't* provide? Or does everything depend on
the situation and the perceived value of things by the people involved?
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<Thrift stores are great for satisfying curiosity, general desire, and
the need for newness.>>
Thanks for reminding me of this. She LOVES Thrift stores, and I do too,
because then she can buy whatever she wants and I really don't care.
Even better though is garage sales. A few weeks ago we fell into one when we
were out, and she managed to get a stuffed puppy, a mini beany baby, a
stuffed "Peeps" bunny, eight cute animal Hallmark Christmas ornaments, a "Wolf Xing"
sign for her friend's bedroom, a shirt with an 'A' on it (like the 'L' ones
Laverne wore on Laverne & Shirley,) a kitty coffee cup and two puppy
knickknacks, all for $6.50, which I think is less than just one of the Hallmark
ornaments would've cost new.
It's be good to remember this next time we're out and that shopping bug
starts to nibble at her (and bug me,) I can remind her about how far our money can
go at garage sales, and see if she'd rather make a plan to get our butts out
of bed on Saturday morning to go 'saling."
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the need for newness.>>
Thanks for reminding me of this. She LOVES Thrift stores, and I do too,
because then she can buy whatever she wants and I really don't care.
Even better though is garage sales. A few weeks ago we fell into one when we
were out, and she managed to get a stuffed puppy, a mini beany baby, a
stuffed "Peeps" bunny, eight cute animal Hallmark Christmas ornaments, a "Wolf Xing"
sign for her friend's bedroom, a shirt with an 'A' on it (like the 'L' ones
Laverne wore on Laverne & Shirley,) a kitty coffee cup and two puppy
knickknacks, all for $6.50, which I think is less than just one of the Hallmark
ornaments would've cost new.
It's be good to remember this next time we're out and that shopping bug
starts to nibble at her (and bug me,) I can remind her about how far our money can
go at garage sales, and see if she'd rather make a plan to get our butts out
of bed on Saturday morning to go 'saling."
Patty
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lorilee Kopp
I absolutely love this post. What a great idea. We already share
with household chores and duties. But the $25 at the beginning of
the month is a great idea. I am going to adopt this!
We bought an old vintage snow-cone machine that basically grinds ice
into a pretty little light up box:) Lucas (8) will sell snow-cones
at the festivals our little town holds for .75 each and makes a
killing. He pays for half of the supplies and I the other half.
Sometimes we invite friends to help out and earn money too and
sometimes we donate $ to our swim team. It's so much fun and he
loves that it is an actual job instead of chores:)
Lorilee Kopp--- In [email protected], "Joanne"
<billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
with household chores and duties. But the $25 at the beginning of
the month is a great idea. I am going to adopt this!
We bought an old vintage snow-cone machine that basically grinds ice
into a pretty little light up box:) Lucas (8) will sell snow-cones
at the festivals our little town holds for .75 each and makes a
killing. He pays for half of the supplies and I the other half.
Sometimes we invite friends to help out and earn money too and
sometimes we donate $ to our swim team. It's so much fun and he
loves that it is an actual job instead of chores:)
Lorilee Kopp--- In [email protected], "Joanne"
<billyandjoanne@...> wrote:
>that
> Here's what we do...my nine and twelve year old daughter each get
> $25 on the first of the month. There are no chores attached to
> money but over time we have all (all of us in the family) havethe
> gravitated towards certain things we take responsibility for in
> house. My husband does most of the cooking, I do the cleaning,bird
> except for the vacuuming which my husband does. My nine year old
> keeps the back yard play area under control (picks up fallen
> branches, fills up the bird feeders and butterfly, squirell and
> drinking bowls, removes the ever falling leaves off thetrampoline,
> etc) and she also puts the dishes away after my 12 year old washesuse
> them. The other things we do on an as needed basis or whoever sees
> it or can do it first.
>
> They can do whatever they want with their money, which they also
> for birthday & Christmas gifts. I pay for all activites, clothes,pay
> haircuts, etc. I still buy stuff for them in the store if I have
> extra cash and there have been times where they've paid for me or
> taken me out to lunch (they LOVE doing that....they took me to
> Burger King the other day for a veggie burger and both wanted to
> for it. LOL)
>
> Hope this helps!
>
> *** Joanne ***
> http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
>
Darcy, Hannah, King & Stacey
Our 8 year old son and nearly 10 year old daughter get $30 on the first of each month. They can do with it what they please. At first they would buy lots of lollies (which was cool) but now they spend a bit more time thinking about what they want to buy. And they also want to buy stuff for us too which is super sweet.
On another note, their maths skills have increased heaps since they started getting an allowance. DS will stand in the shop working out in his head what he can afford. It's fantastic to see. REAL hands on maths!!
I just love unschooling!!!
Stacey in NZ
Mama to Hannah (9) and Darcy (8) and wife of 13 months to Kingsley
On another note, their maths skills have increased heaps since they started getting an allowance. DS will stand in the shop working out in his head what he can afford. It's fantastic to see. REAL hands on maths!!
I just love unschooling!!!
Stacey in NZ
Mama to Hannah (9) and Darcy (8) and wife of 13 months to Kingsley
----- Original Message -----
From: Joanne
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, October 28, 2007 3:21 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Money
Here's what we do...my nine and twelve year old daughter each get
$25 on the first of the month. There are no chores attached to that
money but over time we have all (all of us in the family) have
gravitated towards certain things we take responsibility for in the
house. My husband does most of the cooking, I do the cleaning,
except for the vacuuming which my husband does. My nine year old
keeps the back yard play area under control (picks up fallen
branches, fills up the bird feeders and butterfly, squirell and bird
drinking bowls, removes the ever falling leaves off the trampoline,
etc) and she also puts the dishes away after my 12 year old washes
them. The other things we do on an as needed basis or whoever sees
it or can do it first.
They can do whatever they want with their money, which they also use
for birthday & Christmas gifts. I pay for all activites, clothes,
haircuts, etc. I still buy stuff for them in the store if I have
extra cash and there have been times where they've paid for me or
taken me out to lunch (they LOVE doing that....they took me to
Burger King the other day for a veggie burger and both wanted to pay
for it. LOL)
Hope this helps!
*** Joanne ***
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
harmony
there is a really good movie called winning at parenting without beating your child. She talks about allowance and her thought is that children should have money as soon as they are old enough to not eat it. Then they should get a "raise" once they prove they need it. She said she had 3 kids and one wanted to be paid monthly, the others weekly. One of the older ones wanted a raise and had reasons why he would need more money. One of the younger kids had a bunch of reasons that she didn't agree with, but he worked so hard to convince her of his need for more money that she gave him some too.
When my kids were younger Friday was "dollar day" They would each get a dollar to spend or save as they wish. Then for a while money was tight and 2 dollars a week was too much for me to give them. They understood that. They know about how much money we make working in our family business and they know what bills we have. They have a good understanding of money.
I personally do not like to attach money to chores around the house because then when I ask my kids to help with something they ask if they are getting paid and they only want to help out if they are getting something out of it. I do have optional jobs that they can do to earn money, like mowing the lawn, but laundry and dishes are something that everyone in the house is expected to help out with, without payment or reward.
Harmony
When my kids were younger Friday was "dollar day" They would each get a dollar to spend or save as they wish. Then for a while money was tight and 2 dollars a week was too much for me to give them. They understood that. They know about how much money we make working in our family business and they know what bills we have. They have a good understanding of money.
I personally do not like to attach money to chores around the house because then when I ask my kids to help with something they ask if they are getting paid and they only want to help out if they are getting something out of it. I do have optional jobs that they can do to earn money, like mowing the lawn, but laundry and dishes are something that everyone in the house is expected to help out with, without payment or reward.
Harmony
> -------Original Message-------
> From: pattywithawhy@...
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Money
> Sent: Oct 28 '07 11:31am
>
> <<Here's what we do...my nine and twelve year old daughter each get
> $25 on the first of the month. >>
>
> See, this is why it's so good to ask other people. We've been doing $5,
> but
> weekly. And it works SO badly because we all forget until somebody wants
> something, then nobody can't remember how much they're owed. It just
> never
> occurred to me that a kid's allowance could be a monthly thing - duh!
>
> I'll ask them if they think monthly would be easier for everybody. And
> maybe
> we'll toss in a $5 raise as well.
>
> Thanks!
> Patty
>
> ************************************** See what's new at [LINK:
> http://www.aol.com] http://www.aol.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-
I personally do not like to attach money to chores around the house
because then when I ask my kids to help with something they ask if
they are getting paid and they only want to help out if they are
getting something out of it.-=-
Similarly, if they have to help, they will tend to do only what they
have to do.
-=-I do have optional jobs that they can do to earn money, like
mowing the lawn, but laundry and dishes are something that everyone
in the house is expected to help out with, without payment or reward.-=-
"Expected to" is another way to say that they are required to do it,
right?
There are other ways.
http://sandradodd.com/chores
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I personally do not like to attach money to chores around the house
because then when I ask my kids to help with something they ask if
they are getting paid and they only want to help out if they are
getting something out of it.-=-
Similarly, if they have to help, they will tend to do only what they
have to do.
-=-I do have optional jobs that they can do to earn money, like
mowing the lawn, but laundry and dishes are something that everyone
in the house is expected to help out with, without payment or reward.-=-
"Expected to" is another way to say that they are required to do it,
right?
There are other ways.
http://sandradodd.com/chores
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jenstarc4
>I don't like to attach money to household chores. I don't like to
> I personally do not like to attach money to chores around the house
>because then when I ask my kids to help with something they ask if
>they are getting paid and they only want to help out if they are
>getting something out of it.
call them chores either. I love it when my kids help out, but I try
not to make a big deal out of it. A simple thanks is all I takes.
When I make a big deal out of it, they get this idea that what they
did is out of the ordinary and exceptional. I may have these long
held beliefs about doing household work, but I don't want my kids
to. It is what it is, something I choose to do to make our lives
more comfortable, and that's how I'd like them to experience it too.
It's not something exceptional and extraordinary, it's just something
we do to get on in the world. Everyone has their own comfort levels.
>... but laundry and dishes are something that everyone in the houseI don't expect my kids to do anything. Sometimes one or the other
>is expected to help out with, without payment or reward.
> Harmony
>
will just pitch in while I'm doing some cleaning, especially if they
know why I'm doing it and they like the reason.
For a long time I asked my 13 yr old to help do this or that. She
said "no" for so long that I stopped asking. The other day she was
talking about wanting a pet rat. I told her I wasn't comfortable
having another pet because I felt like I wasn't taking care of the
ones we already had well enough. I started to list off all the
things that I do to keep our pets healthy and happy. She cut me off
in the middle of it and said "mom, you never ask me to do that stuff,
I'd be happy to help out but you never ask." She's right, though I
never ask anymore. She wants me to ask her to help out and says that
she would, she just doesn't always know what or when to do things.
That's kinda cool! Before that was able to happen, I had to change
how I viewed doing household work and general other maintenance
around the house. When she was little, I expected her to help do
things, like pick up her toys and such. I wasn't mean about it and I
did it with her, but it was still an expectation and it did years of
damage. Over the years she's on and off helped out willingly, but
probably not as much as she would've had I never expected her to, to
begin with.
My younger daughter has never had that expectation placed upon her
and she helps out a LOT more all on her own. It could be
personality, but it could be that whole expectation thing.