Pam Tellew

This article about homeschooled teens was just forwarded to me. I'm
curious what radical unschooling parents of teens have to say about it.

I was never hoping for my kids to wear "fashions straight from Ward &
June Cleaver's closet!" (Though of course, if they chose to...)


Exploring The Ultimate Urban Legend: Homeschooled Teens
<http://www.homefires.com>by Diane Flynn Keith I

http://app.subscribermail.com/dspcd.cfm?ec=ae8b71c92dcd44ee99c987e96237120b&emai

Pam T.

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Sandra Dodd

I think it's a fairly insipid article that doesn't say much.

-=-The energy homeschooled teens exude could jump-start a doorknob.
When it is channeled in a positive direction it becomes a chain
reaction of benevolence in the form of good deeds, good work, and
good will. When it is misguided or neglected it swallows their
opportunities for growth and detours them from their natural course
of development to adulthood. The same is true for all teens.-=-

This doesn't make much sense to me. "Jump-start a doorknob"? and
"the same" what is true of all teens? It doesn't follow.


-=-My hope for all of you homeschooling teens is that once your
children safely transition into healthy and well-adjusted young
adults, you will look back on this stage of their development with
some amusement, and also with deep appreciation that through
homeschooling you became your teens' allies in the process of growing
up.-=-

The final paragraph turns to mush because "all of you homeschooling
teens" seems to address teens who are homeschooled, but by the time I
was in the middle of the paragraph I knew she had meant to address it
to "all of you who are homeschooling teens"--homeschooling is the
verb and teens is the object. I read it as homeschooling the
adjective, teens the noun.

I don't look at this stage of my kids development with amusement.
It's as deep and full and real as any other phase of our lives together.

-=-through homeschooling you became your teens' allies in the process
of growing up.-=-

Through La Leche League and a nursing relationship I became my
babies' allies, and it didn't happen when they were teens. It was a
lifelong relationship with them by the time they were teens.

Sandra

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Pamela Sorooshian

Kind of - hmmm - hard to respond to because there isn't much
substance. This part jumped out at me, though:

<The changing bodies brought new and different energy, attitudes,
thought, and behavior -- and along with it, parental anxiety. This
was a surprise to me and many of my homeschool friends who believed
the ultimate urban legend - that homeschooled teens are immune to the
pressures, social expectations, and behavior dictated by pop culture
in America.>

As if pop culture in America is a disease that teens are especially
susceptible to? I've known lots of people who are living a life
filled with trying to resist pop culture. That isn't what we're doing
- we're embracing whatever we find adds to the joy in our lives - not
labeling it as "pop culture" and so to be resisted. That's a big
difference. We can revel in new styles, new music, even clever
advertisements, and so on.

Also occurred to me that the poor kids might feel guilty that they've
let their parents down by being interested in "pop culture."

-pam

On Sep 26, 2007, at 3:51 PM, Pam Tellew wrote:

> This article about homeschooled teens was just forwarded to me. I'm
> curious what radical unschooling parents of teens have to say about
> it.
>
> I was never hoping for my kids to wear "fashions straight from Ward &
> June Cleaver's closet!" (Though of course, if they chose to...)



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Pam Tellew

Pam Sooroshian wrote: <<Also occurred to me that the poor kids might
feel guilty that they've
let their parents down by being interested in "pop culture.">>

That's it. That's what was bugging me about this one. What I see
between the lines here are power struggles *because* the teens are
into pop culture and the parents are worried about it, if not
completely negative about it.

Pam



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jenstarc4

>
> That's it. That's what was bugging me about this one. What I see
> between the lines here are power struggles *because* the teens are
> into pop culture and the parents are worried about it, if not
> completely negative about it.
>
> Pam
>
>

That is what I felt reading it too. A lot of parents look down on
pop culture, homeschooled or not, as if in some way they could
control it or their child's access to it.

My personal experience is that, even if a child is highly sheltered,
there is no way to not be exposed to it.

We have some friends that try to shelter their kids from all of
that. They are exposed to it through us. My younger daughter is
friends with them, they are really nice kids. However, my younger
daughter lives with a teenager. She knows teen language and teen
ideas and brings them into her play. She can't help but be exposed
to pop culture.

When my oldest daughter was little, she lived a little less in pop
culture, not because we were sheltering her, but because her life was
different primarily as the only child hanging out with her parents
and doing what her parents did, which didn't always include pop
culture.

Kids come across pop culture over and over in places that parents
can't control. What always strikes me about that, is if you live in
a culture that is immersed in pop culture, how can you truly control
it or avoid it. Even the Amish aren't so isolated that they aren't
exposed to it here and there. You really can't isolate yourself from
your own culture, so why not embrace it and experience the truth of
it.

The article was a lot of nothing. As if we can control how our kids
turn out, or even worse uphold a really bad stereotype of
homeschooling that all kids are genuises if they are homeschooled.
It seems to be a prevelant way of thinking and I guess homeschoolers
aren't immune from it.

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<< Even the Amish aren't so isolated that they aren't
> exposed to it here and there. >>>>

Don't the Amish have a tradition where a young adult leaves the community
for a year and lives as a "regular" person with a Western lifestyle &
technology before returning - if they choose to - to the Amish life? I
understood that the purpose of this sabbatical was to allow their folk to
embrace the self-chosen limits without reservation.

<<< You really can't isolate yourself from
your own culture, so why not embrace it and experience the truth of it. >>>

I would want to embrace it even if I COULD isolate myself from it.
Unschooling is partly about making our children's world bigger, not smaller.

Robyn L. Coburn

harmony

> >
> > That's it. That's what was bugging me about this one. What I see
> > between the lines here are power struggles *because* the teens are
> > into pop culture and the parents are worried about it, if not
> > completely negative about it.


Some how this reminded me of a conversation I had when I was 16 years old. I was talking to a mother of a 13 year old. He had an unusual hair style and I asked her "why would you let him fix his hair like that?" I asked it totally thinking she would see things my way. She said "it's not my head" That remark has stuck with me and I think about it a lot. It isn't her head, her hair or her decision. I grew up thinking that parents had to tell their kids what to do and enforce it and I was shocked that she wasn't doing her job as a parent. Now that I am a parent, I completely agree with her answer. Small things can really make a big difference in the way we live our lives and treat others. Now I stop myself before "telling" my kids to do something and I ask myself "would I want my husband to say it to me?"
Harmony