Momma

------And related to that question, won't they just figure out what most
people consider etiquette and courtesy based on their own experiences
and make their own choice on whether or not to conform? Isn't this
very similar to a child choosing what interests her or not?

I have to chime in here about some personal experiences. My mother really didn't bother to talk to me about basic etiquette growing up. It just wasn't improtant to her and she was somewhat of a nonconformist herself. Well, in my teen years when I started to date and go places with friends and their parents I was terribly embarassed more than once. My friends parents and/or boyfriends parents weren't very kind when pointing out my mistakes. I wished my mother had just told me and then I would have at least known how to handle public situations. I wish I had at least been informed and had the tools when I needed them most. As far as I'm concerned, talking to my children about etiquette and public manners is for thier sake, not necessarily for other people. Not everyone is as kind and understanding with our children as we are unfortunatley.
Aubrey

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Sandra Dodd

-=-As far as I'm concerned, talking to my children about etiquette
and public manners is for thier sake, not necessarily for other
people. Not everyone is as kind and understanding with our children
as we are unfortunatley.-=-

I haven't even ever thought that others would correct my kids.
That's a new angle, and an important one.

If people decide consciously to live outside the mainstream, to be
tatooed bikers (less likely to need to know how to dine at the
governor's mansion, probably) or throwback missionaries (wearing
clothes of earlier times and responding with religious platitudes to
everything; not likely to be invited to many parties), then that's a
decision they can make as adults.

If a child doesn't get some idea of the range of what's going on out
in the world, socially, they end up having their potential movement
limited.

I have a friend with tattoos on his hands that he's had since he was
a teen. I asked him whether his mom and her tattoo artist friends
and roommates ever mentioned to him that it might be harder to get a
job, and he said no, never once. They physically limited his future.

Futures can be limited in other ways, too. Many people fear that
homeschooling is one of those ways, but those of us who've been
watching homeschooled kids grow up see other factors.

There's just not a good justification for keeping children in
ignorance about simple things. And if the parent says "I'm nice and
I love you so you can jump on the bed with food in both hands, but
other people's families are uptight and stupid, so don't try it
there," that's not helpful to the child's view of the world either.

Our babies and toddlers were always able to jump on the beds at our
house, and we said "don't do it at grandma's." Easy.
When they were big enough to break a bed, the urge to jump had been
completely satisfied.

Sandra

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