Krisula Moyer

Anika, my 6yo dd is a daisy scout. I am the troop leader. The troop has
been together for just over a year and I am getting ready to bridge them to
Brownies. All is not well, however, in Daisy land. Anika really wants this
group but she is frustrated with the format. Wants more free play and less
crafts and meeting stuff. The problem is when she feels frustrated she
whines, yells, and acts in ways that bring the meetings to a screaming halt.

Ani is loud when she is playing but mostly when she does not like the way
the meeting is going. Some of the other girls' mothers have told me that
this frightens their daughters. and although I could see this when they had
just met, My take is that they are annoyed with her and frustrated rather
than frightened. If I give her verbal guidance, no matter how gentle, in
the moment, she will shout something like, I don't care! Now, I know she
does care about having friendships with these girls. She was nearly in
tears about it last week.

The other moms are about fed up with the disruptions. They are mostly very
nice. They are all very schooly and have recently asked that we implement
"consequences" and "discipline". I am afraid the actual consequence of not
fixing this problem will be that we won't have a troop next year because no
one will sign up again. I just hate that it has gotten to the point where
my dd is being viewed as "the problem". These girls are only 6. Surely
part of the experience is to help them with just these kinds of
interpersonal issues.

Any ideas would be welcome.

Krisula


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Sandra Dodd

-=-Wants more free play and less
crafts and meeting stuff. The problem is when she feels frustrated she
whines, yells, and acts in ways that bring the meetings to a
screaming halt.-=-

If she were going to a meeting and you weren't the leader, wouldn't
you quit taking her?

-=-Some of the other girls' mothers have told me that
this frightens their daughters. and although I could see this when
they had
just met, My take is that they are annoyed with her and frustrated
rather
than frightened. If I give her verbal guidance, no matter how gentle, in
the moment, she will shout something like, I don't care! -=-

You're justifying her behavior even to the point of questioning the
veracity of people who were brave enough to tell you how they and
their daughters felt. Most people aren't brave enough to say things,
they just wander away quietly. If people tell you how they feel and
you say "My take is that they are [this] rather than [that]," you've
discounted their input.

-=-Now, I know she
does care about having friendships with these girls. She was nearly in
tears about it last week. -=-

Nearly in tears? Did you tell her that developing friendships will
require her to stop shouting and will need for her to learn to let
other people have their way at least half the time? Did you tell
her that most kids' moms won't want to help maintain a friendship
between their child and a child who shouts "I DON'T CARE!" at her
scout leader? or at her mother?

-=-They are all very schooly and have recently asked that we implement
"consequences" and "discipline". I am afraid the actual consequence
of not
fixing this problem will be that we won't have a troop next year
because no
one will sign up again.-=-

The actual consequence will be that your daughter loses all access to
those girls.

-=-I just hate that it has gotten to the point where
my dd is being viewed as "the problem". -=-

Your own description shows her to be the problem, unless you want to
suggest that the whole troop do what she wants all the time. That
would be a problem.

Maybe she's just way too young for an organized activity like that.
Girl Scouting is not an unschooling type of activity. It can be, to
some extent, with older girls pursuing their own interests
independently, but with kids too young to read, where you're trying
to organize group activities, it can't help but be a situation that
needs to involve discipline and consequences and schoolishness. It's
a group meeting on a schedule, limited by age and gender.

-=-Surely part of the experience is to help them with just these
kinds of interpersonal issues.-=-

There are reasonable expectations in people who come to a scout
meeting at any level. It's not an interpersonal issue if one member
is being so disruptive that the troop can't function.

The only thing I can think of besides dropping the project would be
for you to have someone near enough to extricate her when she gets
tired of it, so she's gone before she blows up.

Sandra





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