Response to MIL Strong-Willed article
Crystal Miller
<<"Maisha Khalfani" maitai373@... maitai373>>
<<Crystal I thought your response was great! Do you mind if I save it to
use for the future? And your blog is great. I'm inspired by it and your
relationship with Sorscha. I sincerely hope that I'm creating that
relationship with my 8 yr old (who does want to grow up and be a teenager
already! - sheesh! LOL)>>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It took a few days to formulate it and not continue to be upset. I realize
that MIL will probably never understand 'what we do' & 'what we don't do'
and I am okay with that. I am glad that we were able to come up with it and
not start a whole hoopla about the article with her. Which, by the way, I am
going to use the article in my LIFE Conference fireside chat with Gillian
about sparkly kids and how the 'use of certain words' and the 'mindset of
label words' can cause negativity within the home and especially a child's
life. Several days after we sent our response MILs favorite Aunt died. I
think the timing of us trying to convince her of something that she has no
desire to get would not have been good. I also think that if we are truly
living by principles of kindness that it should extend far beyond the walls
of our home.
Anyhow, thanks so much for your kudos on the blog. It's just our life story
and I'm glad that I'm finding so many relating to it.
~Crystal~
<<Crystal I thought your response was great! Do you mind if I save it to
use for the future? And your blog is great. I'm inspired by it and your
relationship with Sorscha. I sincerely hope that I'm creating that
relationship with my 8 yr old (who does want to grow up and be a teenager
already! - sheesh! LOL)>>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It took a few days to formulate it and not continue to be upset. I realize
that MIL will probably never understand 'what we do' & 'what we don't do'
and I am okay with that. I am glad that we were able to come up with it and
not start a whole hoopla about the article with her. Which, by the way, I am
going to use the article in my LIFE Conference fireside chat with Gillian
about sparkly kids and how the 'use of certain words' and the 'mindset of
label words' can cause negativity within the home and especially a child's
life. Several days after we sent our response MILs favorite Aunt died. I
think the timing of us trying to convince her of something that she has no
desire to get would not have been good. I also think that if we are truly
living by principles of kindness that it should extend far beyond the walls
of our home.
Anyhow, thanks so much for your kudos on the blog. It's just our life story
and I'm glad that I'm finding so many relating to it.
~Crystal~
[email protected]
Hello, all. I, too, rarely post but couldn't let this pass. I am an unschooling mother of 4 boys in WI. We live on a little farm outside of Madison and my in-laws built a house across the road from us a couple of years ago. Fortunately, this is a good set up. Anyway, the in-laws came over last night for dinner and afterward my MIL asked the fateful question, "so what are you in to right now" to my 8 year old. He hemmed and hawed and thought and thought, and I just sat there, knitting, holding my breath but trusting (in the past I would have jumped up explaining all the amazing things they do on a daily basis!). Time passed, he got out this Digimon game that he got at Goodwill and showed her some of the "codes" or something and the time passed. Well, my oldest (11) comes in and says "let's show gma and gpa our karate" (the 3 of us are taking karate), so we did. Afterward, my 8 year old made us re-enact the whole "belting" ceremony with daddy playing the role of our t!
eacher (too cute) and then he proceeds to get gma and gpa up and starts TEACHING them the basic karate stances and such. He was clear, he was patient, he was encouraging, etc. My MIL gave me a look like "wow! This kid is really INTO this and he's great!". It was such a nice moment, I had to share.
Right now my oldest boys are "into" D & D and have "encouraged" me to be into it too, so we're pouring over the manuals and D&D for Dummies, setting up mentoring sessions at a local gaming store, etc. They are so excited and although most of my friends can't believe I would be so patient as to play D&D with them, I think "what do I have to give but my time to these kid?" D&D is so far out of my box, it's a HUGE stretch for me (I'd rather knit, frankly) but it is so fun to see them so excited about this and to be so excited to have me participate.
Anyway, I love this life. I am living in so much joy! Thank you, Sandra, for all your articles and your words and thoughts. You have really helped me to find the confidence in this. Now when I talk to people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math." Leave him alone! Think about all the things your kids are and all the things your kids know instead all they aren't and all they don't know.
I'm rambling but it's been such a great couple of unschooling (life learning) weeks. I'm beginning to feel like I'm trusting them and myself!!!
Jodi
eacher (too cute) and then he proceeds to get gma and gpa up and starts TEACHING them the basic karate stances and such. He was clear, he was patient, he was encouraging, etc. My MIL gave me a look like "wow! This kid is really INTO this and he's great!". It was such a nice moment, I had to share.
Right now my oldest boys are "into" D & D and have "encouraged" me to be into it too, so we're pouring over the manuals and D&D for Dummies, setting up mentoring sessions at a local gaming store, etc. They are so excited and although most of my friends can't believe I would be so patient as to play D&D with them, I think "what do I have to give but my time to these kid?" D&D is so far out of my box, it's a HUGE stretch for me (I'd rather knit, frankly) but it is so fun to see them so excited about this and to be so excited to have me participate.
Anyway, I love this life. I am living in so much joy! Thank you, Sandra, for all your articles and your words and thoughts. You have really helped me to find the confidence in this. Now when I talk to people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math." Leave him alone! Think about all the things your kids are and all the things your kids know instead all they aren't and all they don't know.
I'm rambling but it's been such a great couple of unschooling (life learning) weeks. I'm beginning to feel like I'm trusting them and myself!!!
Jodi
Sandra Dodd
-=-Now when I talk to people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra
Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this
is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math."
Leave him alone! -=-
Thanks. <g>
Too often it's something like taking them away from a game on
composers to do something educational like music. <g>
The other night I was at an SCA business meeting. Haven't been for
many years, to one of those local business meetings.
There's a big event coming up in February. There will be thousands of
people there, doing medievalesque and Rennaisance stuff. Keith and
Marty are going, but the rest of us are going to the HENA conference
in Tempe the next month and nobody wanted to drive to Arizona twice
in a week and a half.
Anyway, the head of the local group asked a mom there if her fifteen
year old was going to be there. He had a task for him, some cool
responsibility. She said "He can only go if his grades are up by
then." I could feel it coming. Had some of you been there, I
would've no doubt said aloud, "What, HISTORY!?" but I breathed slowly
and kept quiet and hoped it wasn't. She said to her husband, "What
is it, German?"
And I thought
#1 she's not so clear on what his problem is for which he might be
"punished"
and
#2 who cares about German grades, let alone ANY grades? Who can
learn German efficiently in New Mexico?
And I kept breathing slowly until they looked each other long enough
to decide no, it was history.
And I breathed.
And everyone else in the room kinda laughed at the irony, but nobody
said "He'll learn more about history at that event than he will in
the next four months at school."
It was American history. A few others in the room said they always
hated American history. One said he hated ALL history until he
joined the SCA.
And I didn't say a word.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this
is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math."
Leave him alone! -=-
Thanks. <g>
Too often it's something like taking them away from a game on
composers to do something educational like music. <g>
The other night I was at an SCA business meeting. Haven't been for
many years, to one of those local business meetings.
There's a big event coming up in February. There will be thousands of
people there, doing medievalesque and Rennaisance stuff. Keith and
Marty are going, but the rest of us are going to the HENA conference
in Tempe the next month and nobody wanted to drive to Arizona twice
in a week and a half.
Anyway, the head of the local group asked a mom there if her fifteen
year old was going to be there. He had a task for him, some cool
responsibility. She said "He can only go if his grades are up by
then." I could feel it coming. Had some of you been there, I
would've no doubt said aloud, "What, HISTORY!?" but I breathed slowly
and kept quiet and hoped it wasn't. She said to her husband, "What
is it, German?"
And I thought
#1 she's not so clear on what his problem is for which he might be
"punished"
and
#2 who cares about German grades, let alone ANY grades? Who can
learn German efficiently in New Mexico?
And I kept breathing slowly until they looked each other long enough
to decide no, it was history.
And I breathed.
And everyone else in the room kinda laughed at the irony, but nobody
said "He'll learn more about history at that event than he will in
the next four months at school."
It was American history. A few others in the room said they always
hated American history. One said he hated ALL history until he
joined the SCA.
And I didn't say a word.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
R & N Tomassone
I remember when my neice was about 2 or so...her mother made the comment that "she thinks she's going to run this house!" 2 years old and already wanting to run a household! I did refrain from asking her if she actually thought her child was trying to take over. Its clear that she does think so. Our parents have asked us "who wears the pants in family"...... well we all do....HaHa....I still to this day have a hard time ( I'm really working on this) respecting my parents....... I was shown none as a kid..... repsect your elders is what we heard. So maybe if I respect my son he will know how to do so to others. This is a great group!! I'm new but liking it a lot already. Thanks, Rachel
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-Now when I talk to people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra
Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this
is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math."
Leave him alone! -=-
Thanks. <g>
Too often it's something like taking them away from a game on
composers to do something educational like music. <g>
The other night I was at an SCA business meeting. Haven't been for
many years, to one of those local business meetings.
There's a big event coming up in February. There will be thousands of
people there, doing medievalesque and Rennaisance stuff. Keith and
Marty are going, but the rest of us are going to the HENA conference
in Tempe the next month and nobody wanted to drive to Arizona twice
in a week and a half.
Anyway, the head of the local group asked a mom there if her fifteen
year old was going to be there. He had a task for him, some cool
responsibility. She said "He can only go if his grades are up by
then." I could feel it coming. Had some of you been there, I
would've no doubt said aloud, "What, HISTORY!?" but I breathed slowly
and kept quiet and hoped it wasn't. She said to her husband, "What
is it, German?"
And I thought
#1 she's not so clear on what his problem is for which he might be
"punished"
and
#2 who cares about German grades, let alone ANY grades? Who can
learn German efficiently in New Mexico?
And I kept breathing slowly until they looked each other long enough
to decide no, it was history.
And I breathed.
And everyone else in the room kinda laughed at the irony, but nobody
said "He'll learn more about history at that event than he will in
the next four months at school."
It was American history. A few others in the room said they always
hated American history. One said he hated ALL history until he
joined the SCA.
And I didn't say a word.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-Now when I talk to people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra
Dodd) "why take them away from their computer game on composers (this
is a true story!) to make them do something "educational" like math."
Leave him alone! -=-
Thanks. <g>
Too often it's something like taking them away from a game on
composers to do something educational like music. <g>
The other night I was at an SCA business meeting. Haven't been for
many years, to one of those local business meetings.
There's a big event coming up in February. There will be thousands of
people there, doing medievalesque and Rennaisance stuff. Keith and
Marty are going, but the rest of us are going to the HENA conference
in Tempe the next month and nobody wanted to drive to Arizona twice
in a week and a half.
Anyway, the head of the local group asked a mom there if her fifteen
year old was going to be there. He had a task for him, some cool
responsibility. She said "He can only go if his grades are up by
then." I could feel it coming. Had some of you been there, I
would've no doubt said aloud, "What, HISTORY!?" but I breathed slowly
and kept quiet and hoped it wasn't. She said to her husband, "What
is it, German?"
And I thought
#1 she's not so clear on what his problem is for which he might be
"punished"
and
#2 who cares about German grades, let alone ANY grades? Who can
learn German efficiently in New Mexico?
And I kept breathing slowly until they looked each other long enough
to decide no, it was history.
And I breathed.
And everyone else in the room kinda laughed at the irony, but nobody
said "He'll learn more about history at that event than he will in
the next four months at school."
It was American history. A few others in the room said they always
hated American history. One said he hated ALL history until he
joined the SCA.
And I didn't say a word.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k9gyp
I seldom read this group, never post, but I am so glad to have you all
as a resource. Because of my children, and their passions, I live in
a world of dogs and read dog related groups. But this discussion
caught my eye, epecially
"what do I have to give but my time to these kids" as Joni says below
This is the secret to life and it made me cry, well said.
Thanks for the list of unschooling movies, whoever posted it.
Doree
as a resource. Because of my children, and their passions, I live in
a world of dogs and read dog related groups. But this discussion
caught my eye, epecially
"what do I have to give but my time to these kids" as Joni says below
This is the secret to life and it made me cry, well said.
Thanks for the list of unschooling movies, whoever posted it.
Doree
--- In [email protected], <bubenzers@...> wrote:
>
> Hello, all. I, too, rarely post but couldn't let this pass. I am
an unschooling mother of 4 boys in WI. We live on a little farm
outside of Madison and my in-laws built a house across the road from
us a couple of years ago. Fortunately, this is a good set up.
Anyway, the in-laws came over last night for dinner and afterward my
MIL asked the fateful question, "so what are you in to right now" to
my 8 year old. He hemmed and hawed and thought and thought, and I
just sat there, knitting, holding my breath but trusting (in the past
I would have jumped up explaining all the amazing things they do on a
daily basis!). Time passed, he got out this Digimon game that he got
at Goodwill and showed her some of the "codes" or something and the
time passed. Well, my oldest (11) comes in and says "let's show gma
and gpa our karate" (the 3 of us are taking karate), so we did.
Afterward, my 8 year old made us re-enact the whole "belting" ceremony
with daddy playing the role of our t!
> eacher (too cute) and then he proceeds to get gma and gpa up and
starts TEACHING them the basic karate stances and such. He was clear,
he was patient, he was encouraging, etc. My MIL gave me a look like
"wow! This kid is really INTO this and he's great!". It was such a
nice moment, I had to share.
>
> Right now my oldest boys are "into" D & D and have "encouraged" me
to be into it too, so we're pouring over the manuals and D&D for
Dummies, setting up mentoring sessions at a local gaming store, etc.
They are so excited and although most of my friends can't believe I
would be so patient as to play D&D with them, I think "what do I have
to give but my time to these kid?" D&D is so far out of my box, it's
a HUGE stretch for me (I'd rather knit, frankly) but it is so fun to
see them so excited about this and to be so excited to have me
participate.
>
> Anyway, I love this life. I am living in so much joy! Thank you,
Sandra, for all your articles and your words and thoughts. You have
really helped me to find the confidence in this. Now when I talk to
people, I'm the one who's saying (ala Sandra Dodd) "why take them away
from their computer game on composers (this is a true story!) to make
them do something "educational" like math." Leave him alone! Think
about all the things your kids are and all the things your kids know
instead all they aren't and all they don't know.
>
> I'm rambling but it's been such a great couple of unschooling (life
learning) weeks. I'm beginning to feel like I'm trusting them and
myself!!!
>
> Jodi
>