wannabeinfiji

Hi! Our children have gone to public school until just last Spring
when we offered our 6th grade son to homeschool. We offered because
we saw him "going away" from us emotionally - not talking to us
anymore, not showing affection towards us, and basically shutting
down. I talked to him about it and he denied it, but when we gave him
the opportunity to homeschool he jumped on it. We pulled him out of
school after Spring Break last year, and he's been home with us
since. He has changed since he's been home and we feel connected to
his heart again - laughing, talking, playing games, having fun. He's
a very social person - loves lots of activities with kids his age.

My problem is that he now wants to go back to 7th grade. He hasn't
even given homeschooling or decompression a chance. And he says now
that I forced him to homeschool last Spring when we pulled him out.
His memory is not accurate, but he's using homeschooling against me
now in order to get our approval to go back to school. I'm really at
a losss. We want to stay connected to his heart no matter what
happens. We can't force him to love homeschooling. I have taken him
around to different homeschooling park days and he's only met one boy
he's connected with. We haven't had much luck meeting 12 year old
boys.

Ultimately, I want him to be happy and well-adjusted. We also have a
9 year old daughter who is watching. She is unsure now what she wants
to do for the next school year.

Does anybody have experience with this? Any help would be greatly
appreciated.

Leslie Nack

Deanna

Hi Leslie,
I also have a 12 year old boy. Sorry I don't have much advice to offer but I have a question, why does he want to go to school? Is it only for socialization? You're right that you can't force him to love homeschooling. I love homeschooling and my son thought about going to school this fall until he visited a school for the day. During that time I was very stressed because the thought of school appaulled me. However, I did feel that he needed to make his own choice. I guess I would try to get more information as to why he feels homeschooling isn't working for him.

Deanna



wannabeinfiji <lesnack@...> wrote:
Hi! Our children have gone to public school until just last Spring
when we offered our 6th grade son to homeschool. We offered because
we saw him "going away" from us emotionally - not talking to us
anymore, not showing affection towards us, and basically shutting
down. I talked to him about it and he denied it, but when we gave him
the opportunity to homeschool he jumped on it. We pulled him out of
school after Spring Break last year, and he's been home with us
since. He has changed since he's been home and we feel connected to
his heart again - laughing, talking, playing games, having fun. He's
a very social person - loves lots of activities with kids his age.

My problem is that he now wants to go back to 7th grade. He hasn't
even given homeschooling or decompression a chance. And he says now
that I forced him to homeschool last Spring when we pulled him out.
His memory is not accurate, but he's using homeschooling against me
now in order to get our approval to go back to school. I'm really at
a losss. We want to stay connected to his heart no matter what
happens. We can't force him to love homeschooling. I have taken him
around to different homeschooling park days and he's only met one boy
he's connected with. We haven't had much luck meeting 12 year old
boys.

Ultimately, I want him to be happy and well-adjusted. We also have a
9 year old daughter who is watching. She is unsure now what she wants
to do for the next school year.

Does anybody have experience with this? Any help would be greatly
appreciated.

Leslie Nack






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

We did this in 3rd grade with our oldest and he did go back for less than 2
weeks. He has been home since and will be 15 in September. Our younger 3 (2,4
& 6) have be living a life of unschooling since birth.
Here is the interview i did in April and discussed it:
_http://wmpg.org/archivefiles/Homedad/2006mp3s/184Unschooling42506.mp3_
(http://wmpg.org/archivefiles/Homedad/2006mp3s/184Unschooling42506.mp3)
It should open right up and play for you... ffwd the beginning it drags a
little...

As for play groups..park days esp mixed-traditional styles... Homeschool
circles change often,kids go to school and the focus often IME is on the parents
social needs rather than the kids. If the group doesn't feel right leave. It
will only put more stress on your son (and you). I had to do this last year.
The uneasiness was there and it was affecting our unschooling bliss.

My point is a mix of life experiences helps to balance when one is no longer
an interest.. Positive friendships (MAJOR) no matter the style (PS/HS) go a
long way. My son has several PS friends near home due to the limited
availability of unschoolers locally. His schooled friends worked at him in the
beginning. Now they respect his choice.

Maybe you could begin your own group?

Another thought is age. 12yrs is sorta a cross over age. Body changes
etc..What about a mature 10yr old or an open 14 yr old?
He's in transition and needs to find something cool about staying home. I
would find what he likes to do and focus on his interests. The friends will come
when he starts getting into things he likes.

Ask him why he wants to go back to school and see if you can offer what he
feels he's missing.
You know him and he knows you. Ask him what you could do better you might
find he just needs more 1 on 1 time..

Laura
Unschoolingmaine.com

<< I have taken him
around to different homeschooling park days and he's only met one boy
he's connected with. We haven't had much luck meeting 12 year old
boys.

Ultimately, I want him to be happy and well-adjusted. We also have a
9 year old daughter who is watching. She is unsure now what she wants
to do for the next school year.

Does anybody have experience with this? Any help would be greatly
appreciated.

Leslie Nack>>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wannabeinfiji

Deanna: We haven't officially begun homeschooling actually. He was
given time off as a decompression. We have never attempted anything
academic yet. He's just not ready yet, I think. He needs time to
unwind from being pushed so much at school. And I don't want to
repeat school at home. So we're giving him some time right now.
But with the new school year looming over us, he sees himself at
home bored and waiting for his public school friends to get home.
We tried going to homeschooling park days but didn't meet very many
boys his age. Lots of girls and boys that are my daugther's age (9
or below). So I think he is just discouraged and wants to go back
to school for the socializiation mostly. It's ironic, because
that's the part I have the biggest problem with. Anyway, I think I
need to focus on meeting some other teens and pre-teens who
homeschool so he can meet some other boys his age, with similiar
interest, who don't go to public school.

Leslie

--- In [email protected], Deanna <drl8994@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Leslie,
> I also have a 12 year old boy. Sorry I don't have much advice to
offer but I have a question, why does he want to go to school? Is it
only for socialization? You're right that you can't force him to
love homeschooling. I love homeschooling and my son thought about
going to school this fall until he visited a school for the day.
During that time I was very stressed because the thought of school
appaulled me. However, I did feel that he needed to make his own
choice. I guess I would try to get more information as to why he
feels homeschooling isn't working for him.
>
> Deanna
>
>
>
> wannabeinfiji <lesnack@...> wrote:
> Hi! Our children have gone to public school until just
last Spring
> when we offered our 6th grade son to homeschool. We offered because
> we saw him "going away" from us emotionally - not talking to us
> anymore, not showing affection towards us, and basically shutting
> down. I talked to him about it and he denied it, but when we gave
him
> the opportunity to homeschool he jumped on it. We pulled him out of
> school after Spring Break last year, and he's been home with us
> since. He has changed since he's been home and we feel connected to
> his heart again - laughing, talking, playing games, having fun.
He's
> a very social person - loves lots of activities with kids his age.
>
> My problem is that he now wants to go back to 7th grade. He hasn't
> even given homeschooling or decompression a chance. And he says now
> that I forced him to homeschool last Spring when we pulled him out.
> His memory is not accurate, but he's using homeschooling against me
> now in order to get our approval to go back to school. I'm really
at
> a losss. We want to stay connected to his heart no matter what
> happens. We can't force him to love homeschooling. I have taken him
> around to different homeschooling park days and he's only met one
boy
> he's connected with. We haven't had much luck meeting 12 year old
> boys.
>
> Ultimately, I want him to be happy and well-adjusted. We also have
a
> 9 year old daughter who is watching. She is unsure now what she
wants
> to do for the next school year.
>
> Does anybody have experience with this? Any help would be greatly
> appreciated.
>
> Leslie Nack
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

diana jenner

wannabeinfiji wrote:

I think I need to focus on meeting some other teens and pre-teens who
homeschool so he can meet some other boys his age, with similiar
interest, who don't go to public school.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The Live and Learn Conference sounds like just what you need! Ask him
to come check us out, it's a great opportunity for the kids to network
(at *all* ages!) and amazing bonds created. liveandlearnconference.org
Take him out of school to go, even <bg>

:) diana




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-We have never attempted anything
academic yet. He's just not ready yet, I think.-=-

Don't attempt anything academic if you intend to be unschoolers.

Here are ideas:
http://sandradodd.com/checklists
http://sandradodd.com/subjects

-=-But with the new school year looming over us, he sees himself at
home bored and waiting for his public school friends to get home. -=-

Distract him with fun plans so he's not spending his days "seeing
himself" in some imaginary bored and listless future. Do something
interesting every day. Not "time off," but busy, interesting outings
outside his own neighborhood, outside his own school district. Get
away from the school physically and emotionally.

-=-We tried going to homeschooling park days but didn't meet very many
boys his age.-=-

Try to get away from the idea that his friends need to be boys his
age. That's another school situation you can avoid. And his
friends don't need to be homeschoolers necessarily either. There are
other clubs and activities where he can meet kids.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-The Live and Learn Conference sounds like just what you need! Ask him
to come check us out, it's a great opportunity for the kids to network
(at *all* ages!) and amazing bonds created. liveandlearnconference.org
Take him out of school to go, even <bg>-=-

But.... Bonds aren't created unless people see each other twice,
generally speaking.

And if too many kids are taken out of school to go, it won't be an
unschooling conference. When new families come to see what
unschoolers are like, if the kids they're seeing aren't unschoolers,
the learning experience is diluted for everyone.

Introducing kids to other kids they'll never see again can be more
discouraging than not, with some personalities. Some just like to
see that such things are possible. Those who wanted long-term
relationships more than the one-time experience can suffer sadness
after instead of the uplifting memories and visions of how cool life
can be.

Unschooling parents shouldn't think unschooling is an easy out, and
they can just let their kids veg all day. They need to be ACTIVELY
unschooling, creating an interesting big life. Pam Sorooshian
describes this really well. I wish I'd saved all she ever wrote about
it, but I saved some:
http://sandradodd.com/nest

Sandra

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Kathleen Whitfield

If a group is all wrong, which you'll be able to tell after a bit, it makes
sense to avoid it affecting your unschooling bliss. At the same time, I
really think that it's important to give most groups at least a few visits
before writing them off, particularly if you're new. It seems as though the
older the child, the more difficult it is to "break in." I know in my group
that not everyone comes every time, and the energy of the group can vary
dramatically depending on the particular mix.

Here's a not-super-unschoolish article I wrote for Home Education magazine
on the subject of joining new homeschooling groups:

http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/231/newgroup.html

My suggestions for the transitional time (between feeling new and feeling
accepted) would be this: Encourage your child to bring lots of "stuff" to
the park: Balls, Gameboy, books (if that's what he likes), cool outdoor toys
(stomp rockets have been a big hit at local park days where I am). Play with
your child(ren), if they want you to -- sometimes the games attract other
children -- and, even if they don't attract other children, it's fun for you
and your children to be playing together.

Sometimes the expectation of "We're going here to socialize/make friends"
puts pressure/expectations onto the experience, which makes it more
challenging for the 9+ set, particularly when there's no one with whom the
child feels an immediate connection.

We're moving yet again, and my 10yo was excited about the move -- until we
went to the local park day. He loves the homeschool group where we are now
(as do I). My family is one of the regulars, and other children seek him out
and are excited to see him. But we've been going virtually every week for
2.5 years! He wasn't particularly happy with the new group. He didn't think
the children his age (who happened to be new to homeschooling and were
probably uncomfortable themselves!) were particularly nice. He's never been
to school or preschool and he sees the common sophistication/cynicism of
many schooled children his age as rude. He also came in with certain
expectation for what park days should be like -- and it'll take a while
before they're approaching what he has in L.A. He does remember not liking
our current park day as much when we first came, and since he had that
experience, he's willing to keep coming back to the new one.

Kathleen






on 7/31/06 5:31 PM, HMSL2@... at HMSL2@... wrote:

As for play groups..park days esp mixed-traditional styles... Homeschool
circles change often,kids go to school and the focus often IME is on the
parents
social needs rather than the kids. If the group doesn't feel right leave.
It
will only put more stress on your son (and you). I had to do this last
year.
The uneasiness was there and it was affecting our unschooling bliss.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-My suggestions for the transitional time (between feeling new and
feeling
accepted) would be this: Encourage your child to bring lots of
"stuff" to
the park: Balls, Gameboy, books (if that's what he likes), cool
outdoor toys
(stomp rockets have been a big hit at local park days where I am).
Play with
your child(ren), if they want you to -- sometimes the games attract
other
children -- and, even if they don't attract other children, it's fun
for you
and your children to be playing together.-=-

That really helped with us.

Also bring snacks and water to share. Chalk for sidewalks. Sand toys.

-=-Sometimes the expectation of "We're going here to socialize/make
friends"
puts pressure/expectations onto the experience, which makes it more
challenging for the 9+ set, particularly when there's no one with
whom the
child feels an immediate connection.-=-

I used to say "I need to go to talk to the moms" and then if the kids
had fun it was extra. I knew they'd have fun nearly always, and if
they weren't we'd leave early, or I'd find something to do with them
myself. Sometimes we went specifically to help a new family. For
many years we were the organizing family and had more obligation to go.

Maybe a compromise would be to go just for the middle part, when the
most people are likely to be there, and leave early if it's not fun,
and if/when he makes friends, go earlier.

Sandra

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