self doubt
Lisa on the Gulf Coast
Hello All,
I'll apologize ahead of time if this is not the right place to post
this.
I made a mistake , I think, and went to a "school store" and even
worse, I brought my 8 and 6 y/o sons. It was a spur of the moment hey-
whats-that kind of pit stop that turned into an hour long visit.
I keep thinking about all the things they "might be missing".
We looked at all the posters and they said things like " hey look,
the parts of a cell" "hey look, a robot poster",
"oooh, check this math game out".
I bought 2 petri dishes w/agar at the request of the 8 y/o " so we
can see the bacteria on our hands".
I looked at BUT did NOT buy any workbooks. I saw an interesting
looking Egyptian card game that was half price. It also came home
with us.
All the different kinds of pencils and sharpeners were fun.
They know other people go to school. I observed the looks on their
faces and imagined they were thinking about what they might be
missing. No one had any specific comments along those lines
afterwards though. Just things like can we play the card game when we
get home.....I hate self doubt.
They are happy, playful and loving. Just let them be 6 and 8 , right?
Me
I'll apologize ahead of time if this is not the right place to post
this.
I made a mistake , I think, and went to a "school store" and even
worse, I brought my 8 and 6 y/o sons. It was a spur of the moment hey-
whats-that kind of pit stop that turned into an hour long visit.
I keep thinking about all the things they "might be missing".
We looked at all the posters and they said things like " hey look,
the parts of a cell" "hey look, a robot poster",
"oooh, check this math game out".
I bought 2 petri dishes w/agar at the request of the 8 y/o " so we
can see the bacteria on our hands".
I looked at BUT did NOT buy any workbooks. I saw an interesting
looking Egyptian card game that was half price. It also came home
with us.
All the different kinds of pencils and sharpeners were fun.
They know other people go to school. I observed the looks on their
faces and imagined they were thinking about what they might be
missing. No one had any specific comments along those lines
afterwards though. Just things like can we play the card game when we
get home.....I hate self doubt.
They are happy, playful and loving. Just let them be 6 and 8 , right?
Me
Ren Allen
YES...just let them be themselves.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with stopping by an
"educational" store when you approach it the way you did. The very
fact that it became an hour long stop tells me that your kids were
having FUN. Right?
We love going into those stores, only because they have cool, sciency
kits that my kids love playing with...or magnets or art supplies.
As long as you aren't looking at those stores as better than other
learning places in life, then enjoy!
I don't believe they're any more or less educational than other places
we frequent. *I* happen to adore all that unit study kind of material,
all that hands-on looking projecty stuff, I just keep it to myself for
the most part...it's leftover school think probably.:) I can create
some fabulous unit studies on my own. Fortunately, my kids don't know
that.
They seem to find the connections in FAR more meaningful ways.
Ren
But I don't think there's anything wrong with stopping by an
"educational" store when you approach it the way you did. The very
fact that it became an hour long stop tells me that your kids were
having FUN. Right?
We love going into those stores, only because they have cool, sciency
kits that my kids love playing with...or magnets or art supplies.
As long as you aren't looking at those stores as better than other
learning places in life, then enjoy!
I don't believe they're any more or less educational than other places
we frequent. *I* happen to adore all that unit study kind of material,
all that hands-on looking projecty stuff, I just keep it to myself for
the most part...it's leftover school think probably.:) I can create
some fabulous unit studies on my own. Fortunately, my kids don't know
that.
They seem to find the connections in FAR more meaningful ways.
Ren
Angela
If your kids were interested in the different posters on cells, etc. you
could buy them for them, make your own, or look for a book with that
information at the library. Just because it's schooly doesn't make it off
limits. :) Have fun with whatever their interests are. I love those type
of stores.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
could buy them for them, make your own, or look for a book with that
information at the library. Just because it's schooly doesn't make it off
limits. :) Have fun with whatever their interests are. I love those type
of stores.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/5/05 3:53:28 AM, janclan@... writes:
I don't think it's a mistake to buy things that seem fun and exciting.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> They are happy, playful and loving. Just let them be 6 and 8 , right?School supplies and posters won't keep a kid from being six or eight.
>
>
I don't think it's a mistake to buy things that seem fun and exciting.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
I was just at one of those stores with 10yo dd today. We went in looking
for Tangrams because the kids have been cutting them out of paper from a
copy of a book on math games. I said."I think I know where we can buy
those." and now they are being played with by everyone including dh at the
kitchen table. We also got some magnetic foam pattern blocks (not as nice
as the wood ones but really cheap and you can make your patterns on the
refridgerator.) Before we left I saw some lovely wooden geometric solids
that I knew 5yodd would love to have as well as a couple of posters and a
cool set of plastic pieces that demonstrate the Pythagorean theorum for
12yoDS who has been interested in that subject since reading an interesting
story of Pythagoras recently. Not all of this stuff will get taken out and
used right away. But it's all good for strewing.
I think the key to those stores is to treat it like a toy store and just get
stuff that would be fun.
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
for Tangrams because the kids have been cutting them out of paper from a
copy of a book on math games. I said."I think I know where we can buy
those." and now they are being played with by everyone including dh at the
kitchen table. We also got some magnetic foam pattern blocks (not as nice
as the wood ones but really cheap and you can make your patterns on the
refridgerator.) Before we left I saw some lovely wooden geometric solids
that I knew 5yodd would love to have as well as a couple of posters and a
cool set of plastic pieces that demonstrate the Pythagorean theorum for
12yoDS who has been interested in that subject since reading an interesting
story of Pythagoras recently. Not all of this stuff will get taken out and
used right away. But it's all good for strewing.
I think the key to those stores is to treat it like a toy store and just get
stuff that would be fun.
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
We used to have a really good educational supply store near us - and
it was one of our favorite places to go when my kids were younger.
Cool stuff!
One of my kids liked to get workbooks, once in a while. I used to get
free posters - the owners liked us and would give us posters that
vendors had given them - mostly advertising kids' books, but
sometimes they were timelines or things like the "parts of a cell" or
"planets in the solar system," etc.
We just browsed around and shopped just like any other store. We
aren't interested in most of the stuff in Sears, either, but we still
go there.
Kids in school don't get to CHOOSE cool stuff - and going to the
educational supply store never made my kids want to go to school.
-pam
it was one of our favorite places to go when my kids were younger.
Cool stuff!
One of my kids liked to get workbooks, once in a while. I used to get
free posters - the owners liked us and would give us posters that
vendors had given them - mostly advertising kids' books, but
sometimes they were timelines or things like the "parts of a cell" or
"planets in the solar system," etc.
We just browsed around and shopped just like any other store. We
aren't interested in most of the stuff in Sears, either, but we still
go there.
Kids in school don't get to CHOOSE cool stuff - and going to the
educational supply store never made my kids want to go to school.
-pam
On Nov 5, 2005, at 1:45 AM, Lisa on the Gulf Coast wrote:
> They know other people go to school. I observed the looks on their
> faces and imagined they were thinking about what they might be
> missing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/5/05 5:24:22 PM, krisula@... writes:
Treat the whole world as a toy store!
There's one little thing I took out of the Moving a Puddle book because I had
no illustrations for it and the book was going to format up better without
it, but it was this:
Gifts for Guys to Buy
Some people are just not cut out to cruise the Barbie aisles. Luckily there
are alternatives and you were probably going there anyway. There are fine
educational toys to be found at the hardware store, sporting goods store, auto
parts store, and even grocery stores, but people usually go there with a
mission and forget to browse.
Well, I should correct what I said above. They're not toys. A real tape
measure, a length of cotton rope, a disposable flashlight, a plastic wide-angle
(fish-eye) lens or convex “spot” mirror-you can't even GET these things at
toy stores or educational supply houses.
Here's the warning: If you're not sure what's “age appropriate,” you might
possibly get something that's too difficult to manipulate or technically
unsafe.
Here's the reminder: Lots of those age recommendations are based on
frustration levels and what's “appropriate” in school-year terms. When you're buying
for a child you know well, you don't need to live by those manufacturer's
recommendations. For a child whose skills and surroundings are less familiar to
you, avoid sharp, heavy, and small-enough-to-swallow.
If you want to introduce the concept of “simple tools,” you could get a
poster and some little models, or you could go buy a big nut and bolt, a claw
hammer and some nails (nail removal is a great leverage lesson) . . . well, you
get the idea. Storage ideas for kids:
tool boxes
tackle boxes
parts drawers
canvas buckets
hooks
(designed for tools
but could be used for sports equipment)
Kids could use these things for art supplies, Lego, Barbie accessories,
little cars, miniature action figures, rock collections-who knows what?
And “who knows what” is a good motto for shopping in odd places. If you
go looking for a tool box that doubles as a stepping stool and seat, you might
not find that. If you go looking for something neat the kid in your life
would love, you mcould easily find the PERFECT gift but it might not be
something you'd ever considered buying as a gift for a child. Indoor/Outdoor
thermometers. Wrenches and a bike repair book. Big nuts and bolts and the wrench
to match them. Plastic magnifying sheets from office supply stores. A
long-reach stapler to make booklets.
There are some great commercial toys, but there are some that so many other
kids also have that they become background. If you think back to your own
childhood, there were probably a couple of special possessions you still remember
or still have. Be flexible and open in your search for gifts, and consider
combining several things into one “kit” or “gift basket.” A magnifying
glass and a compartmented box could be a rock or bug colle cting kit. A
flashlight, mirror and some colored lens covers could be an optical physics kit. I
can't predict what you'll find that kids might love, but I can predict that if
you forget to consider “non standard” sources for children's gifts they'll
miss out on some memorable treasures!
Enchanted Families Newsmagazine, Family Learning Network, December/January
1998
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-I think the key to those stores is to treat it like a toy store and justGood way to look at it.
> get
> stuff that would be fun.-=-
>
Treat the whole world as a toy store!
There's one little thing I took out of the Moving a Puddle book because I had
no illustrations for it and the book was going to format up better without
it, but it was this:
Gifts for Guys to Buy
Some people are just not cut out to cruise the Barbie aisles. Luckily there
are alternatives and you were probably going there anyway. There are fine
educational toys to be found at the hardware store, sporting goods store, auto
parts store, and even grocery stores, but people usually go there with a
mission and forget to browse.
Well, I should correct what I said above. They're not toys. A real tape
measure, a length of cotton rope, a disposable flashlight, a plastic wide-angle
(fish-eye) lens or convex “spot” mirror-you can't even GET these things at
toy stores or educational supply houses.
Here's the warning: If you're not sure what's “age appropriate,” you might
possibly get something that's too difficult to manipulate or technically
unsafe.
Here's the reminder: Lots of those age recommendations are based on
frustration levels and what's “appropriate” in school-year terms. When you're buying
for a child you know well, you don't need to live by those manufacturer's
recommendations. For a child whose skills and surroundings are less familiar to
you, avoid sharp, heavy, and small-enough-to-swallow.
If you want to introduce the concept of “simple tools,” you could get a
poster and some little models, or you could go buy a big nut and bolt, a claw
hammer and some nails (nail removal is a great leverage lesson) . . . well, you
get the idea. Storage ideas for kids:
tool boxes
tackle boxes
parts drawers
canvas buckets
hooks
(designed for tools
but could be used for sports equipment)
Kids could use these things for art supplies, Lego, Barbie accessories,
little cars, miniature action figures, rock collections-who knows what?
And “who knows what” is a good motto for shopping in odd places. If you
go looking for a tool box that doubles as a stepping stool and seat, you might
not find that. If you go looking for something neat the kid in your life
would love, you mcould easily find the PERFECT gift but it might not be
something you'd ever considered buying as a gift for a child. Indoor/Outdoor
thermometers. Wrenches and a bike repair book. Big nuts and bolts and the wrench
to match them. Plastic magnifying sheets from office supply stores. A
long-reach stapler to make booklets.
There are some great commercial toys, but there are some that so many other
kids also have that they become background. If you think back to your own
childhood, there were probably a couple of special possessions you still remember
or still have. Be flexible and open in your search for gifts, and consider
combining several things into one “kit” or “gift basket.” A magnifying
glass and a compartmented box could be a rock or bug colle cting kit. A
flashlight, mirror and some colored lens covers could be an optical physics kit. I
can't predict what you'll find that kids might love, but I can predict that if
you forget to consider “non standard” sources for children's gifts they'll
miss out on some memorable treasures!
Enchanted Families Newsmagazine, Family Learning Network, December/January
1998
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
maria spears
hello all. i am maria, mama to noah 5 and lilian 3. i posted a bit a month or so ago, but we are so busy these days it never get online! i had like 1000 mesages in my box!
anyhow, we are still trying top reprogram ourselves as parents, kwim. my fiance is very much authoritatian. wants respect, expects chores and bedtimes, and some organization. not to the extreme or controlling point. but it is important to him, hew grew up that way, with spankings if he didnt comply... i just dont feel like that is the way i want to parent my children. he feels it works, and if " done with love" and not in anger its beneficial. but he has also respected my decisions and for the most part in willing ot try most anything.
i give this background because part of why i feel so drawn to "unschooling" is because my son is just a little more then any child i have know. there is a strong history of mental health problems, his father (not my fiance) is bipolar, still praying not schitzophrenic. his fathers uncle and his grandfather live with this disorder,and it is severe. noah can be very aggressive, tends to be negative alot of the time, i am not seeing him develop empathy the way other children around us are... and its all in the little things that are constant... i serioulsy feel outta control, im lately plagued by doubts and fears, am i doing the right thing i ask myself??
im not sure where im gong with this, other then reaching out for a little reassurance, maybe someone else in a similiar situation...it just is so saddening to me that this way of life that i feel in my heart is right, is not coming as naturally as is seems for others. i feel so consumed by his behaviour,and trying to figure out what the best approach is, and then my fiance wanting to send him off to his room and every once in a great while spank him, and the total disagreement betweent the two of us as to how to handle it whan noah for e.g stomps on the dogs tail and replies that he did it because he wanted to that i may not be "doing enough" as far as providing a enviroment for him to learn.honestly there are entire days i dont even get to do a puzzle or play with him. its hard to take him and his sister out by myself, like to the library bc it becomes a game of cat and mouse... im talking books on the floor, kids left and right. my freind and a homeschooler (very curriculum
oriented) said to me that homeschooling is great, unschooling sounds wonderful to her she says "in theory" , but maybe neither is for me. i wanted to cry!
i found myself AP before i knew who Dr. Sears was. 5 years later, i have been a waterbithin, sling wearin, extened nursing, non vaxing, mama, always able to folloew my instincts... until now. with my complete exaperation and having little patience, and my conventional fiance who is always by my side, for the most part quitely supporting my decisions im could really use some advice!
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
anyhow, we are still trying top reprogram ourselves as parents, kwim. my fiance is very much authoritatian. wants respect, expects chores and bedtimes, and some organization. not to the extreme or controlling point. but it is important to him, hew grew up that way, with spankings if he didnt comply... i just dont feel like that is the way i want to parent my children. he feels it works, and if " done with love" and not in anger its beneficial. but he has also respected my decisions and for the most part in willing ot try most anything.
i give this background because part of why i feel so drawn to "unschooling" is because my son is just a little more then any child i have know. there is a strong history of mental health problems, his father (not my fiance) is bipolar, still praying not schitzophrenic. his fathers uncle and his grandfather live with this disorder,and it is severe. noah can be very aggressive, tends to be negative alot of the time, i am not seeing him develop empathy the way other children around us are... and its all in the little things that are constant... i serioulsy feel outta control, im lately plagued by doubts and fears, am i doing the right thing i ask myself??
im not sure where im gong with this, other then reaching out for a little reassurance, maybe someone else in a similiar situation...it just is so saddening to me that this way of life that i feel in my heart is right, is not coming as naturally as is seems for others. i feel so consumed by his behaviour,and trying to figure out what the best approach is, and then my fiance wanting to send him off to his room and every once in a great while spank him, and the total disagreement betweent the two of us as to how to handle it whan noah for e.g stomps on the dogs tail and replies that he did it because he wanted to that i may not be "doing enough" as far as providing a enviroment for him to learn.honestly there are entire days i dont even get to do a puzzle or play with him. its hard to take him and his sister out by myself, like to the library bc it becomes a game of cat and mouse... im talking books on the floor, kids left and right. my freind and a homeschooler (very curriculum
oriented) said to me that homeschooling is great, unschooling sounds wonderful to her she says "in theory" , but maybe neither is for me. i wanted to cry!
i found myself AP before i knew who Dr. Sears was. 5 years later, i have been a waterbithin, sling wearin, extened nursing, non vaxing, mama, always able to folloew my instincts... until now. with my complete exaperation and having little patience, and my conventional fiance who is always by my side, for the most part quitely supporting my decisions im could really use some advice!
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meg Walker
Hi Maria -
I always recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped us tremendously.
My husband and I also took a parenting class together--it was called
STEP, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. It met once a week
for six weeks. The women who came by themselves complained that they
went home from class and tried to share with their husbands what was
discussed, and the husbands all said it was nonsense! Having my
husband sit there beside me for the six sessions was so helpful--he
seemed to HEAR what the instructor was saying when he'd found it
difficult to hear ME when I'd talk about the parenting books I was
reading.
Some hospitals offer parenting classes. The one we took was actually
offered by the local school district, through the community
recreation program. It was really so helpful for the two of us to
attend this class together, hear the same information at the same
time, and be on the same page together. My wonderful mother offered
to babysit so we could go together.
It was difficult for my husband to let go of his authoritarian
assumptions. Eventually, he realized that they were simply
assumptions and that living with our children was showing him that
those assumptions weren't valid.
My spirited son reminds me very much of my father, who was an
alcoholic. I'm quite certain that the punitive way my dad was raised--
all his energy and spirit being crushed and punished at every turn--
contributed to his eventual alcoholism. I can't comment on your
concerns about bipolar disorder at all. Just wanted to share that my
strongest motivation in pursuing the "spirited child" approach was to
avoid repeating the past in my family.
Good luck.
- Meg
I always recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped us tremendously.
My husband and I also took a parenting class together--it was called
STEP, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. It met once a week
for six weeks. The women who came by themselves complained that they
went home from class and tried to share with their husbands what was
discussed, and the husbands all said it was nonsense! Having my
husband sit there beside me for the six sessions was so helpful--he
seemed to HEAR what the instructor was saying when he'd found it
difficult to hear ME when I'd talk about the parenting books I was
reading.
Some hospitals offer parenting classes. The one we took was actually
offered by the local school district, through the community
recreation program. It was really so helpful for the two of us to
attend this class together, hear the same information at the same
time, and be on the same page together. My wonderful mother offered
to babysit so we could go together.
It was difficult for my husband to let go of his authoritarian
assumptions. Eventually, he realized that they were simply
assumptions and that living with our children was showing him that
those assumptions weren't valid.
My spirited son reminds me very much of my father, who was an
alcoholic. I'm quite certain that the punitive way my dad was raised--
all his energy and spirit being crushed and punished at every turn--
contributed to his eventual alcoholism. I can't comment on your
concerns about bipolar disorder at all. Just wanted to share that my
strongest motivation in pursuing the "spirited child" approach was to
avoid repeating the past in my family.
Good luck.
- Meg
On Nov 6, 2005, at 10:39 AM, maria spears wrote:
> anyhow, we are still trying top reprogram ourselves as parents,
> kwim. my fiance is very much authoritatian. wants respect, expects
> chores and bedtimes, and some organization. not to the extreme or
> controlling point. but it is important to him, hew grew up that
> way, with spankings if he didnt comply... i just dont feel like
> that is the way i want to parent my children. he feels it works,
> and if " done with love" and not in anger its beneficial. but he
> has also respected my decisions and for the most part in willing ot
> try most anything.
>
> i give this background because part of why i feel so drawn to
> "unschooling" is because my son is just a little more then any
> child i have know. there is a strong history of mental health
> problems, his father (not my fiance) is bipolar
[email protected]
-=-
http://sandradodd.com/spanking
-=-there is a strong history of mental health problems, his father (not my
fiance) is bipolar, still praying not schitzophrenic. his fathers uncle and his
grandfather live with this disorder,and it is severe. noah can be very
aggressive, tends to be negative alot of the time-=-
Did spankings help any of his older relatives?
Did they decrease negativity? Curb agression?
-=-and then my fiance wanting to send him off to his room and every once in a
great while spank him-=-
I wouldn't marry a man who wanted to mistreat my child.
If you can afford not to get married, concentrate on your children.
-=-whan noah for e.g stomps on the dogs tail and replies that he did it
because he wanted to=-=-
Someone stomped on Noah's tale (spanked him) because he wanted to, right?
It's okay.
(Or if it's NOT okay, then don't stomp on Noah's tale, or lock Noah's tale in
a room.
Maybe all the attention you're giving to your boyfriend is taking from
direct, warm, full-touch attention Noah needs. He needs more, anyway, not less.
And it needs to be you, not the boyfriend.
-=-honestly there are entire days i dont even get to do a puzzle or play with
him.-=-
You don't talk with him or watch shows with him or sing with him?
-=-my freind and a homeschooler (very curriculum
oriented) said to me that homeschooling is great, unschooling sounds
wonderful to her she says "in theory" , but maybe neither is for me.-=-
It is possible to spread yourself too thin.
If your children are a priority, LIVE THAT. Make them a priority.
-=- until now. with my complete exaperation and having little patience, and
my conventional fiance who is always by my side-=-
How long has this guy been in the picture?
-=-always able to folloew my instincts... until now.-=-
When did this "now" begin?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> my fiance is very much authoritatian. wants respect, expects chores andPlease read here:
> bedtimes, and some organization. not to the extreme or controlling point. but it
> is important to him, hew grew up that way, with spankings if he didnt
> comply... i just dont feel like that is the way i want to parent my children. he
> feels it works, and if " done with love" and not in anger its beneficial. but
> he has also respected my decisions and for the most part in willing ot try
> most anything.
> -=-
http://sandradodd.com/spanking
-=-there is a strong history of mental health problems, his father (not my
fiance) is bipolar, still praying not schitzophrenic. his fathers uncle and his
grandfather live with this disorder,and it is severe. noah can be very
aggressive, tends to be negative alot of the time-=-
Did spankings help any of his older relatives?
Did they decrease negativity? Curb agression?
-=-and then my fiance wanting to send him off to his room and every once in a
great while spank him-=-
I wouldn't marry a man who wanted to mistreat my child.
If you can afford not to get married, concentrate on your children.
-=-whan noah for e.g stomps on the dogs tail and replies that he did it
because he wanted to=-=-
Someone stomped on Noah's tale (spanked him) because he wanted to, right?
It's okay.
(Or if it's NOT okay, then don't stomp on Noah's tale, or lock Noah's tale in
a room.
Maybe all the attention you're giving to your boyfriend is taking from
direct, warm, full-touch attention Noah needs. He needs more, anyway, not less.
And it needs to be you, not the boyfriend.
-=-honestly there are entire days i dont even get to do a puzzle or play with
him.-=-
You don't talk with him or watch shows with him or sing with him?
-=-my freind and a homeschooler (very curriculum
oriented) said to me that homeschooling is great, unschooling sounds
wonderful to her she says "in theory" , but maybe neither is for me.-=-
It is possible to spread yourself too thin.
If your children are a priority, LIVE THAT. Make them a priority.
-=- until now. with my complete exaperation and having little patience, and
my conventional fiance who is always by my side-=-
How long has this guy been in the picture?
-=-always able to folloew my instincts... until now.-=-
When did this "now" begin?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
>>>.... grew up that way, with spankings if he didnt comply... ijust dont feel like that is the way i want to parent my children. he
feels it works, and if " done with love" and not in anger its
beneficial. but he has also respected my decisions and for the most
part in willing ot try most anything.<<<
How can you hit a child with love?
The ONLY excuse is losing control in anger - and that's not much of
an excuse.
Hitting a child is an admission that force is the only thing that
works - that ultimately we humans behave well only because of the
threat of violence. I wonder if he really believes that?
-pam
Ticia
--- In [email protected], "Lisa on the Gulf Coast"
<janclan@n...> wrote:
and imagined they were thinking about what they might be
their faces was really your issue, not theirs and I mean this kindly.
If I take my kids 6 and 3 into the toy store or the "education store"
they have this look too...I do too...it is the look of wonder and
possibility IMO of what I could have or imagine to have ;). The kid in
the candy store look I guess :). Sometimes I even feel this way
shamelessly about shoes lololol.
Yes, let them be 6 and 8. My dd (almost 7) loves all things "science".
She loves any microscope *package*. She saw the new Toys R Us ad and
went nuts over the CSI microscope "kit". She has all the things in the
kit already (in my grown up eyes)...but it is packaged differently
this year. She spent a constructive hour cutting, pasting, and writing
out her list of Christmas wishes because of this new "set". I better
start saving my $$. ;)
Ummm...where did I digress...let them be 6 and 8...yeah that is what I
meant to say ;).
Ticia
<janclan@n...> wrote:
and imagined they were thinking about what they might be
> missing. No one had any specific comments along those linesI think what you saw in this idea of "what they "might be missing" in
> afterwards though. Just things like can we play the card game when we
> get home.....I hate self doubt.
> They are happy, playful and loving. Just let them be 6 and 8 , right?
>
> Me
>
their faces was really your issue, not theirs and I mean this kindly.
If I take my kids 6 and 3 into the toy store or the "education store"
they have this look too...I do too...it is the look of wonder and
possibility IMO of what I could have or imagine to have ;). The kid in
the candy store look I guess :). Sometimes I even feel this way
shamelessly about shoes lololol.
Yes, let them be 6 and 8. My dd (almost 7) loves all things "science".
She loves any microscope *package*. She saw the new Toys R Us ad and
went nuts over the CSI microscope "kit". She has all the things in the
kit already (in my grown up eyes)...but it is packaged differently
this year. She spent a constructive hour cutting, pasting, and writing
out her list of Christmas wishes because of this new "set". I better
start saving my $$. ;)
Ummm...where did I digress...let them be 6 and 8...yeah that is what I
meant to say ;).
Ticia
Brandie
--- maria spears <prizamama@...> wrote:
-- non-vaxing, baby wearing, and so on -- but yet you
are a woman who allows this man to spank your child?
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
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> i found myself AP before i knew who Dr. Sears was. 5I'm just very confused. You list all of these things
> years later, i have been a waterbithin, sling
> wearin, extened nursing, non vaxing, mama, always
> able to folloew my instincts... until now. with my
> complete exaperation and having little patience, and
> my conventional fiance who is always by my side, for
> the most part quitely supporting my decisions im
> could really use some advice!
>
-- non-vaxing, baby wearing, and so on -- but yet you
are a woman who allows this man to spank your child?
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
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maria spears
thank you meg! i am rereading Raising... right now. it was enlighting! it has been awhile since i read it. do you know anything about the workbook? i have not seen it. i we could attend her seminar. i havent looked into any local support groups, or classes. i guess ive been afraid theyll be too "mainstream" as far as rewards, time outs ect. not that i havent tried these things, im very openminded and have tried many suggestions. i kinda feel thats part of the problem, i have tried so many diffrent "methods". i m feeling like i wasted time trying methods that i am missing what my son himself is trying to tell me, like weve fallen out of touch kwim? as of late, its just been alot of attention, and prayer, and trying to relax, take it a day at a time.perfect time to rearead Raising... with a clearer head.
Meg Walker <MegWalker@...> wrote:Hi Maria -
I always recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped us tremendously.
My husband and I also took a parenting class together--it was called
STEP, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. It met once a week
for six weeks. The women who came by themselves complained that they
went home from class and tried to share with their husbands what was
discussed, and the husbands all said it was nonsense! Having my
husband sit there beside me for the six sessions was so helpful--he
seemed to HEAR what the instructor was saying when he'd found it
difficult to hear ME when I'd talk about the parenting books I was
reading.
Some hospitals offer parenting classes. The one we took was actually
offered by the local school district, through the community
recreation program. It was really so helpful for the two of us to
attend this class together, hear the same information at the same
time, and be on the same page together. My wonderful mother offered
to babysit so we could go together.
It was difficult for my husband to let go of his authoritarian
assumptions. Eventually, he realized that they were simply
assumptions and that living with our children was showing him that
those assumptions weren't valid.
My spirited son reminds me very much of my father, who was an
alcoholic. I'm quite certain that the punitive way my dad was raised--
all his energy and spirit being crushed and punished at every turn--
contributed to his eventual alcoholism. I can't comment on your
concerns about bipolar disorder at all. Just wanted to share that my
strongest motivation in pursuing the "spirited child" approach was to
avoid repeating the past in my family.
Good luck.
- Meg
Meg Walker <MegWalker@...> wrote:Hi Maria -
I always recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped us tremendously.
My husband and I also took a parenting class together--it was called
STEP, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. It met once a week
for six weeks. The women who came by themselves complained that they
went home from class and tried to share with their husbands what was
discussed, and the husbands all said it was nonsense! Having my
husband sit there beside me for the six sessions was so helpful--he
seemed to HEAR what the instructor was saying when he'd found it
difficult to hear ME when I'd talk about the parenting books I was
reading.
Some hospitals offer parenting classes. The one we took was actually
offered by the local school district, through the community
recreation program. It was really so helpful for the two of us to
attend this class together, hear the same information at the same
time, and be on the same page together. My wonderful mother offered
to babysit so we could go together.
It was difficult for my husband to let go of his authoritarian
assumptions. Eventually, he realized that they were simply
assumptions and that living with our children was showing him that
those assumptions weren't valid.
My spirited son reminds me very much of my father, who was an
alcoholic. I'm quite certain that the punitive way my dad was raised--
all his energy and spirit being crushed and punished at every turn--
contributed to his eventual alcoholism. I can't comment on your
concerns about bipolar disorder at all. Just wanted to share that my
strongest motivation in pursuing the "spirited child" approach was to
avoid repeating the past in my family.
Good luck.
- Meg
On Nov 6, 2005, at 10:39 AM, maria spears wrote:
> anyhow, we are still trying top reprogram ourselves as parents,
> kwim. my fiance is very much authoritatian. wants respect, expects
> chores and bedtimes, and some organization. not to the extreme or
> controlling point. but it is important to him, hew grew up that
> way, with spankings if he didnt comply... i just dont feel like
> that is the way i want to parent my children. he feels it works,
> and if " done with love" and not in anger its beneficial. but he
> has also respected my decisions and for the most part in willing ot
> try most anything.
>
> i give this background because part of why i feel so drawn to
> "unschooling" is because my son is just a little more then any
> child i have know. there is a strong history of mental health
> problems, his father (not my fiance) is bipolar
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