[email protected]

In a message dated 1/31/2004 9:08:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
>>>>>What he does is very important to me whatever it is. However it has
only been 2 months and he really just wants to sleep, watch TV, play
video games. <<<<<<<<<<<

Two months is a VERY short time. My Cameron spent *18* months doing these
things----well, NO----get rid of the video gaming; add telephoning friends
instead)---and add eating too. He ate a lot.

This is the DEschooling part. He desperately needs to "veg out" for....well,
as long as it takes. And he needs to you quit nagging!

Let's say he was in school for six years, so that's six months of lying in
bed, watching tc, sleeping, eating, and gaming/telephoning. OK. Let's say he's
particularly sensitive, as my Cameron was,----add another month or two (the
sensitive ones need a little more time). Good so far?

OK. Let's say that after oh....five months, you start nagging him to "just do
SOMEthing". Fine, but now you have to start counting ALL OVER AGAIN. You just
blew it! So.....you need to allow him to start again and allow him as much
time as *HE* needs to deschool.

With *my* screw-ups and Cameron's sensitive nature, it took us 18 months to
get through the deschooling. I have another son eight years younger than
Cameron, so we'd just do the things we wanted to do. Cam was old enough to be left
at home. Mostly he's sleep or watch tv, but then came that one day when I
offered, as I always did, a trip to the State Museum or the beach or whereever. He
said, "yes", and we were off and running. OH! And act NORMAL! Don't make a big
deal out of his wanting to join you! Act normal.

The nagging----even the quiet nagging in your HEART---must stop. You have to
banish it from your mind and heart----not just your voice! As soon as you have
truly let go of the *idea* that he must be doing "something", you've "got it".


>>>>>Not in and of themselves negative things. <<<<<<


Not negative at all. IMPERATIVE!


>>>>During the
Summer he's my "roaddawg". He's always wanting to be on the go.
He's typically very depressed and irritable during the school year.
I just wish that he was more like out of school Kameron since he's
not in a school.<<<<<<<

He doesn't believe you yet! He'll get that way if you'll quit nagging him
verbally OR in you heart. Each time you nag, just a little bit---he *knows*
you're not serious about this UNschooling garbage----he *knows* you'll give up and
send him back to school or back to school-at-home. YOU must believe for HIM to
believe!

>>>>> Our state however does require certain things. <<<<

You're in my state, SC, right? Trust me!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

one4oneness

Kelly

Yes I am in SC. Sandra gave me a curriculum idea from her site. I
already have a lesson plan book that I was using. But, I immediately
put one like the demo together for us. If I've got to keep
doing "school" stuff it's my problem. Today he sat down beside me
while I was working and just started reading. I have to admit I
wanted to say "Oh how responsible" or something else as stupid to
show how desperate and scared I have been. I just kept quiet and
let him do his thing.

My ex-husband is also opposed to homeschooling. Funny thing he has
been majorally uninvolved until now. That and his custody threats
have added to my stress. All of which I've been projecting onto
this poor kid. By that I mean feeling that I've got to force him to
act like he's still in "school" school.

Speaking of which I meant to tell all of those awesome suggestions
for the custody hearing were greatly appreciated. His request was
denied. Yippeee!! The judge did order we get a guardian ad litem.
If anyone has any other words of wisdom about that, I'd love them.

I amde a promise to myself to just log on and read through my
anxieties. All of the success stories calm me down. It helps to
keep me focused on what we are really trying to do and why. Reminds
me to JUST DO IT! Last week someone told me to let it all go and
there's no other way around it if I truly want this to work.

Keepin the faith-Taunya


--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 1/31/2004 9:08:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> [email protected] writes:
> >>>>>What he does is very important to me whatever it is. However
it has
> only been 2 months and he really just wants to sleep, watch TV,
play
> video games. <<<<<<<<<<<
>
> Two months is a VERY short time. My Cameron spent *18* months
doing these
> things----well, NO----get rid of the video gaming; add telephoning
friends
> instead)---and add eating too. He ate a lot.
>
> This is the DEschooling part. He desperately needs to "veg out"
for....well,
> as long as it takes. And he needs to you quit nagging!
>
> Let's say he was in school for six years, so that's six months of
lying in
> bed, watching tc, sleeping, eating, and gaming/telephoning. OK.
Let's say he's
> particularly sensitive, as my Cameron was,----add another month or
two (the
> sensitive ones need a little more time). Good so far?
>
> OK. Let's say that after oh....five months, you start nagging him
to "just do
> SOMEthing". Fine, but now you have to start counting ALL OVER
AGAIN. You just
> blew it! So.....you need to allow him to start again and allow him
as much
> time as *HE* needs to deschool.
>
> With *my* screw-ups and Cameron's sensitive nature, it took us 18
months to
> get through the deschooling. I have another son eight years
younger than
> Cameron, so we'd just do the things we wanted to do. Cam was old
enough to be left
> at home. Mostly he's sleep or watch tv, but then came that one day
when I
> offered, as I always did, a trip to the State Museum or the beach
or whereever. He
> said, "yes", and we were off and running. OH! And act NORMAL!
Don't make a big
> deal out of his wanting to join you! Act normal.
>
> The nagging----even the quiet nagging in your HEART---must stop.
You have to
> banish it from your mind and heart----not just your voice! As soon
as you have
> truly let go of the *idea* that he must be doing "something",
you've "got it".
>
>
> >>>>>Not in and of themselves negative things. <<<<<<
>
>
> Not negative at all. IMPERATIVE!
>
>
> >>>>During the
> Summer he's my "roaddawg". He's always wanting to be on the go.
> He's typically very depressed and irritable during the school
year.
> I just wish that he was more like out of school Kameron since he's
> not in a school.<<<<<<<
>
> He doesn't believe you yet! He'll get that way if you'll quit
nagging him
> verbally OR in you heart. Each time you nag, just a little bit---
he *knows*
> you're not serious about this UNschooling garbage----he *knows*
you'll give up and
> send him back to school or back to school-at-home. YOU must
believe for HIM to
> believe!
>
> >>>>> Our state however does require certain things. <<<<
>
> You're in my state, SC, right? Trust me!
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

emsimmom

Hi!
I LOVE Sandra's book, "Moving a Puddle." I just want to share because I can't believe how much it is helping me journey into new thinking.
I loved the essay about boredom being an emotion. I have never thought of it that way and I was never treated that way when I spoke of being bored. I always thought it was just a really bad thing to be. Wow! Now I am healing an inner belief and can't wait to be open and willing to help my children find a way to move through if they want.
http://sandradodd.com/BoredNoMore
I also thought of how the unschooling puddle is moving all across the states with each reading, sharing, or speaking of what we do and how we do it in all the free glorious ways we do choose. So when I purchased Sandra's book the puddle spread from NM to MI. :) Ok, I think it is a rushing river, not a puddle.
Thank You!
Dory

Sandra Dodd

-=-I also thought of how the unschooling puddle is moving all across
the states with each reading, sharing, or speaking-=-

Thank you very much for the kind words.
The book is on beyond the U.S.

There are copies in Canada, Australia, one in New Zealand (maybe two),
one in South Africa, two in France, several in the U.K. and maybe some
others I've forgotten.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

casa_divina

> I also thought of how the unschooling puddle is moving all across the states with each reading, sharing, or speaking of what we do and how we do it in all the free glorious ways we do choose. So when I purchased Sandra's book the puddle spread from NM to MI. :) Ok, I think it is a rushing river, not a puddle.
> Thank You!
> Dory
>


Not just in the states! Yes, I see it as a rushing river too. There is much hope and we can help spread the waters a little further by living the unschooling life.

I found myself enter into a debate yesterday at the store. I live in a small town where EVERYONE notices our strange way of living. I get asked often when my kids will go to school and get pitying looks when I tell them they won't be going. I've gotten better over time at either ending the conversation quickly, or vaguely answering questions about our life.

But yesterday I was feeling a little squirrely and let loose some bold statements explaining my decision to "homeschool" (knowing that unschooling was impossible to explain in this setting). It ended with the woman (in her 40's) feeling sad because she had always wanted to graduate from high school and never did and how tragic that I was depriving my children of that opportuntity.

I'd like to help spread the good news about unschooling. But what happened yesterday at the store is not the way to do it. These forums are the way to do it. Writing and reading books is the way to do it. Building relationships with others who are interested or already practicing these concepts is the way to do it.

Molly in Ecuador
Divina 5.5
Sabina almost 4!

Sandra Dodd

-=- It ended with the woman (in her 40's) feeling sad because she had
always wanted to graduate from high school and never did and how
tragic that I was depriving my children of that opportunity.-=-

Two stories:

A friend of mine from my hometown/school has two boys and a wife who's
wonderfully smart, speaks and writes Chinese, is an expert on Tibetan
Buddhism and runs a bookstore.

Their boys hated school and were being damaged by it, clearly. They
unschooled for a year or two, and she pressed for them to go to a very
expensive alternative school instead, because she never graduated from
high school.

A woman Holly works with has a baby and has to leave work in time to
pick her up from the caregiver, who charges $5 a minute for those who
arrive late. (I'd find another place to leave the baby.) Holly
told her she/Holly didn't really plan to go to college, but might want
to later. The woman reacted very strongly and negatively to the very
idea that Holly would be calm about choosing anything other than
college.

There's an odd emotion involved in pressuring others to do what one
didn't do.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]