There's something about patience that's biochemical. Some people are more naturally patient than others. When an impatient person has a child, though, and especially if that impatient person wants to be an unschooler, it's good to look at ways to become a safer, softer parent. It's win-win, if stress is minimized and life is smoother.
In a discussion on chores, Karen James had written something beautiful. I saved the last paragraph to quote, and didn't get right back to it. So I wanted to confirm and verify that it was really, truly Karen's writing before I published it. When I went to search the discussion to make sure, what came up was something even better, by Karen.
Here are those two pieces of writing, from 2017 and 201:
Someone had written:***I can say for myself, when I've tried to have my children assist with chores, and they do not, I get super triggered***Karen James responded:Think about what kids are learning when they watch us. If I generously pick up a few things around the house, my son learns a few things about me and about keeping a home. He learns that I value keeping things in decent working order so that we can more easily do what we'd like to whenever we want to do it. He learns that tidying up doesn't need to be a chore. It can be a choice we make to help ourselves enjoy our home, and help others enjoy our home with us. He learns that there is value in doing things for those we love and care to support. He learns that he has choices too. He can always join me. He knows that his help would be welcomed and appreciated.
Links to more on other pages
click for more, and context
Now that we are on OUR schedule, I have the patience to say yes, the patience to always answer a question, the patience always to look something up.
—Carole in CT, at The Value of Choices page
"You can't give what you don't have," some people say, and if you want your children to give generosity and kindness and patience to others, you should give them so much they're overflowing with it.
—Sandra Dodd , at Spoiled Kids
Unschooling requires a “paradigm shift” to make it work. And it works best when you (the parent) are an active learner. And curious and thoughtful and enthusiastic and interested and interesting.
It’s about trust and respect and patience.
—Kelly Lovejoy , from What is Unschooling? page
I've been thinking about that saying "All things in moderation." Next time someone says it to me, I think I might just ask them: "Do you mean we should have joy in moderation? Should we have peace in moderation? Kindness in moderation? Patience in moderation? Forgiveness? Compassion? Humility?" Honestly, I used to think it sounded like a very wise and balanced philosophy. Now, the more I think about it the less sense it makes.
—Leah Rose , at the Moderation page
Other moms have told me they think I'm patient. It makes me feel guilty because I have the internal list of all the times I've blown it, but a few things have helped me....
—Sandra Dodd , at Calm
Breathe Before You Speak
.... The almost immediate results include increased patience, added perspective, and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect from others.
—Dr. Richard Carlson, not an unschooler,
but quoted on the page on Breathing