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When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns, and ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require more water than xeriscaping would. That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down. Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting or yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current argument, the breathing...)... what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain. And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion and danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast. And shallow, shallow, shallow. Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.
Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid and you breathe shallowly, you stay that way. I have something of a monster antidote: breathing. Breathe deeply and calmly. Get oxygen into that part of you that fears the tiny monsters. Once you master calming your hurts and fears (or at least calming the adrenaline that would make you lash out), you'll have time to think about how to deal with them rationally and sweetly and compassionately. —Sandra Dodd
Two days ago I got irritated at David. And I raged at him for about 1/2 second and I stopped. I breathed and I apologized and it was gone. There is no way that I could have done that when Simon and Linnaea were little, not because of them, but because I hadn't taken the small steps to get from where I was to where I am. Amy Doggett, on UnschoolingDiscussion, April 10, 2007: As for things like waiting in line or being stuck in traffic, I don't look at it as wasted time. I look at it as opportunity: What can I do with this time? I always have a book with me for that reason. Or I use that time to focus on my breath--bring myself to the present moment. It's all how you look at it.
Leah Rose responding to Glenda on Always Learning, July 2010: When you notice you're starting to feel anxious, stop right then and take a couple deep breaths and purposely shift your perspective. If that's not your usual way of being, it *will* take thought and effort. But it *does* come easier the longer you do it. —Glenda I had an amazing experience with just this kind of thing last night. At bedtime (which is about midnight in our family) I had just tucked in and said goodnight to our two youngest (8 and 11 yo boys) and was climbing into my own bed when I heard one of them calling me. My knee-jerk reaction was a blast of annoyance—very typical of me in that situation, exacerbated by the fact that I'd felt crummy all day and was really looking forward to collapsing into bed. I huffed out an angry breath, started to head back to their room and suddenly had a thought from something I'd read here recently (or maybe on Sandra's website or the RU Network): "First, breathe and center yourself." So I took a deep breath, and as I inhaled I felt my whole being kind of slide into place—it was weird, almost a tangible sensation—and suddenly I felt completely peaceful. I walked into their room with a smile on my face and asked if either of them had called me. It was ds 11, he wanted me to set up his extra pillow (which was on the floor leaning against his bed) behind him so he could sit up and read for a bit. Normally in this circumstance I'd have walked into the room annoyed and impatient and would have responded to this request by going on a rant about why he couldn't just reach down and pick it up himself, why he had to call me all the way back into his room for that, how tired and crummy I was feeling and there is no reason why I have to be the one to do it since he's perfectly capable himself! (You get the picture.) Last night I just said, "Sure!" and set his pillows up behind him and gave them both another kiss goodnight and then went to bed feeling exhausted but very peaceful—and very thankful for my networks of unschoolers, from whom I'm learning the precious principle of abundance. ~Leah Rose Pam Sorooshian, on Always Learning: There are times in life that you won't feel like you can take care of others around you as well as you'd like. You need nurturing yourself and other people's neediness starts to be draining on you. I've felt that, too. But, I've also found that if I focus more on "seeing" my kids with loving eyes—focus, consciously choose to pay attention to what I love about them, then I actually begin to feel more nourished and strengthened by them, and by the very acts of caring for them. Partly what is so draining is that your mind is on other things while your kids want your attentiveness on them. So you feel pulled and that is stressful. If you can, try to stop thinking about the other stuff and focus on the little details of what you're doing at the moment. If your child wants pasta at midnight (just happened here), then you go put the water in the pot and put it on the stove. While you're doing that, concentrate on feeling the coldness of the water, the heaviness of the pot as it fills with water. Hear the sound of the water running. It is late and I'm not being as articulate as I'd like—but what I'm saying is to practice being totally "in the moment" by noticing every sensation—sound, touch, smell, etc. Especially do this in regard to your children—touch them, smell them, listen to the sound of their voices, and so on. Even if you only manage to get into this heightened state of mind for a minute or two at a time, do it as often as you think of it throughout your day. Each minute will be refreshing—it is a form of meditation that you can do while you're going about your daily activities.
Schuyler Waynforth, on Always Learning (it comes back around to breathing again near the end): When we lived in Japan we had neighbors who did meditation. I got really frustrated and hit my three year old Simon one day. He told everybody. I was ashamed of myself and proud of him for telling people. I didn't want him to hide my abuse. Ward, one of the neighbors, sat with me and talked me through a 10 second meditation technique, it was just a way to calm myself down. And 10 seconds was about how long I had most of the time with an almost 1 year old and a moving toward 4 year old. It gave me space in the times that I remembered to use it. http://sandradodd.com/breathing has similar ideas. Breathing long enough, taking the 2 seconds it can take to refocus on the good things, the more that I did that, the less I felt like I was in need of my own space. |