When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns, and ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require more water than xeriscaping would. That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down. Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting or yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current argument, the breathing...)... what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain. And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion and danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast. And shallow, shallow, shallow.
Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.
Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid and you breathe shallowly, you stay that way.
If you're calm (as in a meditative state) then breathing shallowly maintains it, once you've gotten there.
I have something of a monster antidote: breathing. Breathe deeply and calmly. Get oxygen into that part of you that fears the tiny monsters. Once you master calming your hurts and fears (or at least calming the adrenaline that would make you lash out), you'll have time to think about how to deal with them rationally and sweetly and compassionately.
—Sandra Dodd
in "Tiny Monsters"
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Breathe Before You Speak This simple strategy has had remarkable results for virtually everyone I know who has tried it. The almost immediate results include increased patience, added perspective, and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect from others. The strategy itself is remarkably simple. It involves nothing more than pausing—breathing—after the person to whom you are speaking is finished. At first, the time gap between your voices may seem like an eternity—but in reality, it amounts to only a fraction of a second of actual time. You will get used to the power and beauty of breathing, and you will come to appreciate it as well. It will bring you closer to, and earn you more respect from, virtually everyone you come in contact with. You'll find that being listened to is one of the rarest and most treasured gifts you can offer. All it takes is intention and practice.
Richard Carlson |
Two days ago I got irritated at David. And I raged at him for about 1/2 second and I stopped. I breathed and I apologized and it was gone. There is no way that I could have done that when Simon and Linnaea were little, not because of them, but because I hadn't taken the small steps to get from where I was to where I am.
Amy Doggett, on UnschoolingDiscussion, April 10, 2007:
As for things like waiting in line or being stuck in traffic, I don't look at it as wasted time. I look at it as opportunity: What can I do with this time? I always have a book with me for that reason. Or I use that time to focus on my breath--bring myself to the present moment. It's all how you look at it.
Pam Sorooshian, on Always Learning:
There are times in life that you won't feel like you can take care of others around you as well as you'd like. You need nurturing yourself and other people's neediness starts to be draining on you.
I've felt that, too.
But, I've also found that if I focus more on "seeing" my kids with loving eyes—focus, consciously choose to pay attention to what I love about them, then I actually begin to feel more nourished and strengthened by them, and by the very acts of caring for them.
Partly what is so draining is that your mind is on other things while your kids want your attentiveness on them. So you feel pulled and that is stressful. If you can, try to stop thinking about the other stuff and focus on the little details of what you're doing at the moment. If your child wants pasta at midnight (just happened here), then you go put the water in the pot and put it on the stove. While you're doing that, concentrate on feeling the coldness of the water, the heaviness of the pot as it fills with water. Hear the sound of the water running.
It is late and I'm not being as articulate as I'd like—but what I'm saying is to practice being totally "in the moment" by noticing every sensation—sound, touch, smell, etc. Especially do this in regard to your children—touch them, smell them, listen to the sound of their voices, and so on.
Even if you only manage to get into this heightened state of mind for a minute or two at a time, do it as often as you think of it throughout your day. Each minute will be refreshing—it is a form of meditation that you can do while you're going about your daily activities.