My three year old just asked for one of the balls, took a bite, and then spotted the garlic. He handed me back the rest of the ball, and asked me to give him a dish of the garlic.

My six year old finished the rest of the ball, and then shared a few pieces of the garlic.

Zero control. Zero manipulation. Kids do like sweets, that's for sure. But they also like other stuff. Don't limit them, or assume they're limited.

response from Pam Sorooshian:

My husband is Persian. Persian sweets tend to be very very sweet, but they don't eat a lot of them, just a bit with a cup of tea, usually. All the many Persian families I know have lots of sweets sitting out all the time—all available. But the kids, who could have the pastries and candies if they wanted them, very often choose pickles or fruits and vegetables over the sweets. My kids are like that - they will turn down ice cream in favor of a cucumber with some salt and lemon juice on it.

Yeah, it kind of makes my brain twirl when DS (7) eats half a double chocolate donut then leaves the other half sitting so he can have a grilled cheese sandwich (or whatever else he decides he wants at the time that isn't a chocolate donut) - sometimes he comes back and finishes it, sometimes the half donut sits a day or two until it's obvious he doesn't want it any longer then out it goes. The hardest thing was not going ahead and eating it myself (or DH eating it) "because it's there". We're eating better (more consciously) by learning from DS to listen to our insides as to what we want when and when we're done.

My daughter was eating her dinner in front of the TV in the basement when she flew up the stairs to ask what was for dessert.

"Peach cobbler with ice cream. Do you want some?" I replied.

"After I finish my broccoli," she answered and she flew back down the stairs.

My husband and I just looked at each other in amazement. This is a kid whose diet has consisted mainly of corn dogs and doughnuts (glazed, chocolate, or with sprinkles!) for the past two weeks.

same child, another year:

We had the opportunity to out to eat twice this past Sunday. At our dinner meal we discussed getting the big, gooey, chocolate cake with the giant dip of ice cream and the hot oozing chocolate sauce (I'm making myself hungry!) for dessert. My older DD (7) who loves sweets said at the end of the meal, "I'm full, let's not have the cake." And we all agreed and there was no cake.

I told my husband later that the reason DD felt free to turn down the cake was because she always has all of the sweets she wants whenever she wants. If a child were constantly denied sweets she would have felt compelled to order the cake and eat it even if she were full because she might not get another chance for sweets.

In fact, at Sunday brunch earlier that day this same DD, Sarah, had no less than 6 desserts. She methodically brought them from the buffet and arranged them around herself and ate as much or as little as she wanted from all of them. And so, at dinner, satisfied and full, she felt free to turn down a fabulous dessert!

He wasn't in the mood to eat, had just seen someone on TV eating ice cream. We always have ice cream in the freezer, he rarely eats it but an apple or watermelon will be gone in no time.

Lanora, 13, was talking about eating some cantaloupe. I told her that it was really good with ice cream, she looked at me like I had suggested pouring sand over it. She likes her melon neat, thank you.

Kris
January, 2005

[On UnschoolingBasics, Ren had written: "can't tell you how many times my kids have thrown candy away "]

This is true at our home also. Logan did go trick or treating this year and most of it is still in a box in his room. Brenna occasionally asks him for a piece and he tells her go ahead (she didn't go trick or treating). Candy is always around and chips and ice cream. If the neighbor kids don't come by often to eat the ice cream we have been known to throw it out when it gets a little old.

Logan often has tuna on crackers for breakfast while Brenna will eat carrot cake. There is just no emotion to a certain type of food except we like most of it. When I ask if they want anything at the store it might be artichokes or sour cream dip but very rarely is it anything sweet.

This summer when my stepdaughter was with us, she ate so many M&M's cookies that she got sick and threw up. Not just once but on two different occasions. When I talked with her about it, she said she was afraid the other kids were going to eat them all. I told her we'd just buy more. By the time she went home, I think she was starting to get the idea that all kinds of food would be available to her while she was at our house. No need to binge or hoard. Since food is not an issue in our family it seems we make healthy choices most of the time.

Not only are our food choices healthier but since I have stopped controlling sleep and chores and T.V. watching and video games our family is healthier and happier . It didn't happen overnight but it's been like this long enough that I can't imagine our lives any other way.

Gail
(very content with our unschooling life)

The other night we went through Mc Donald's Drive thru my oldest ordered a water with his meal. He knows he can have a pop whenever he wants but that night water was what he wanted.

It is so cool when you let go.

He wrinkled his nose and said, "Nah, I'm not in the mood for ice cream today."

His overall intake of healthy stuff is really good. If he asks for cookies or cake or ice cream anytime, and we have it in the house, he can eat it. He can eat as much as he wants. We don't always have it in the house, and then he chooses other things.

Jalen just turned 3 in February. He chooses water to drink more often than any other liquid. He had cream soda, soymilk (both vanilla and strawberry/banana) to choose from last night. He only wanted water. If I regulated what he drank, he would have a harder time listening to his true needs, and go for the limited items.

It's cool when they don't need to do that.

My kids have now had food freedom for about a week and a half. Last night we ate dinner at the Olive Garden. They had some fruit and snacks before we left, because they don't like restaurant food, generally.

The last time we ate there, the boys just scarfed as many breadsticks as the server would bring and guzzled root beer like there was no tomorrow.

THIS time, Zach drank about half of his root beer, ate 1.5 breadsticks, and said he was full. He didn't even want to try one bite of the dessert we ordered. I have NEVER seen this kid turn down chocolate cake before. He didn't NEED to try it because he knows he can have "dessert" (whether it's cake or marshmallows or jelly beans) when he is hungry for it.

Even in such a short time I have been seeing some really positive changes, and we're all much happier and more relaxed about food. My husband even said, "I've got to admit, this is sure a lot easier!"

I was putting away the groceries while this was going on. As I put the carrots away, I thought about how tasty a carrot sounded. I could have had ice cream — in fact I love ice cream — but I had the carrot instead because it really sounded better at that moment. I know I can have ice cream AND carrots both, whenever I want.

It feels so good to eat what I want.

I heard a radio show recently, I think it was NPR's This American Life, about food. One segment of the show said that one reason French women are so thin is because they eat sweets whenever they wish and they don't feel guilty about it. That may be a poor stereotype, but I liked the sound of it. Eat what you really want and feel good about eating it.

This is one of those "it works" stories. We got back from Hometown Buffet and a quick trip to the store. Jayn said, "Do we have any chocolate?" I answered "yes" and since I happened to be standing near the chocolate in the kitchen, I broke off a piece and held it out to her. "I don't want any. Thank you." And she wandered off.

It's not that she just doesn't like donuts, cookies etc. - I took her and her younger brother out to get some donuts the other day because they asked. The great thing is that she doesn't feel the need to eat them just because they are available (that's me!).

Holly asked for broccoli Tuesday. I bought some and cooked it before I knew she had gone to her friend's for an overnighter (she got the invite and left while I was shopping). So yesterday she asked about it, I reheated it and brought it to her at the TV where she was playing a game, waiting for the Simpsons to come on. She finished that bowl of broccoli, salt and butter, and asked for more with less butter.

I cooked the rest of it, and she ate most of it.

When The Simpsons ended she was done with the TV.

This isn't theoretical broccoli or TV, it was yesterday.

"I made it for my almost 3 yo daughter and she loved it! It had carrots, grape tomatoes, ranch dressing, chocolate chips, celery, celery with peanut butter, cold cut up hot dog, and strawberries. She munched on it all afternoon. The first two things she ate were a tomato and carrot. The only things left right now are the chocolate chips and celery!"

More of Susan's day

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A Tale of 3 lbs. of Chocolate More about food freedoms Monkey Platters Illustrated Choosing to make choices parenting issues for unschoolers