mnbyelich

I'm new to unschooling and so far have really enjoyed it but the one
issue I'm hung up on is letting my 6 yo ds and 2 yo dd choose their
foods. I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
choices! I realize it will take awhile for them to balance out and
adjust to knowing that they can eat whatever they want, whenever they
want but frankly, watching my son choose ice cream (huge amounts) and
chips everyday (with the few excpetions of eating some healthier
things in between) just makes me cringe!! He is eating so much junk
that I'm worried for his health! He is also staying up later because
I've loosened on that end as well and now, not only is he eating so
much sugar, he has huge dark circles under his eyes! Looking at him
makes me feel like I am completely neglecting him and it makes me
feel like crying b/c I really like the philosophy of unschooling all
around (not just in "teaching") but looking at him I am beginning to
have my doubts! I need to know if this is normal when controls are
first loosened and should I just wait it out. Eating healthy has
always been a priority in my life for myself and my family and
watching this is truly killing me! He just asked for more ice cream
after eating a HUGE bowl of it and is finishing the rest of the
carton...my mom instincts are raging to tell him NO...I'm really
hopeful someone can help me...should I go back to SOME controls at
this point?
thanks so much for your help!
natalie

Joyce Fetteroll

On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:35 PM, mnbyelich wrote:

> I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
> week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
> choices!

Did you lift the controls all at once? Or make an announcement? It's
why it's suggested to say yes more rather than lifting controls.

But, at any rate, their behavior is predictable. It's human nature
for limits to create a craving.

> should I go back to SOME controls at
> this point?

Right now part of the gorging is fear that this free for all has a
time limit. If you return the controls, the next time you try it
they'll be pretty convinced it won't last and their desperation to
get as much as they can before the controls come back will be worse.

One thing people are urged to do is provide nutritious snacks that
are as good as the snacky stuff and easier to get. A big platter of
stuff to graze on throughout the day will make it easy for them to
pick at that rather than digging for ice cream. It won't stop them,
and you shouldn't either, but give them better options.

Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:

http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karen Swanay

LOL! I made it on to Sandra Dodd's page. *blush* Me with all the
tantrums.

You know it has made SUCH a difference in my life and the life of my family
and the changes I made/we made have been so good for our family.

LET THEM EAT MONKEY PLATTERS!!!

Karen

PS) Besides the whole picky eater thing...they are exceptional feeding
options for busy days, days I don't feel good (I have a chronic illness) and
days when there are just other things we'd rather do. I buy my stuff, wash,
cut and store on one day, then dump on the platter in seconds whenever I
want to make one, or the boys will even do it.

On Sun, Oct 26, 2008 at 6:35 PM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>wrote:

>
>
>
> Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
>
> Joyce
>
>
> **
>
>
> -
>
> .
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mnbyelich

Yes, I didn't annouce a lifting of the food controls...I've just been
saying yes...he was wondering why I was saying yes to everything and
I just told him that I decided it ws time for me to be more fun :)
I checked out the monkeyplatter page and will definitely do this!
Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!
natalie

--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:35 PM, mnbyelich wrote:
>
> > I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
> > week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
> > choices!
>
> Did you lift the controls all at once? Or make an announcement?
It's
> why it's suggested to say yes more rather than lifting controls.
>
> But, at any rate, their behavior is predictable. It's human nature
> for limits to create a craving.
>
> > should I go back to SOME controls at
> > this point?
>
> Right now part of the gorging is fear that this free for all has a
> time limit. If you return the controls, the next time you try it
> they'll be pretty convinced it won't last and their desperation to
> get as much as they can before the controls come back will be worse.
>
> One thing people are urged to do is provide nutritious snacks that
> are as good as the snacky stuff and easier to get. A big platter
of
> stuff to graze on throughout the day will make it easy for them to
> pick at that rather than digging for ice cream. It won't stop
them,
> and you shouldn't either, but give them better options.
>
> Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

mnbyelich

Thanks! I really feel so much better!
natalie
--- In [email protected], "Karen Swanay"
<luvbullbreeds@...> wrote:
>
> LOL! I made it on to Sandra Dodd's page. *blush* Me with all the
> tantrums.
>
> You know it has made SUCH a difference in my life and the life of
my family
> and the changes I made/we made have been so good for our family.
>
> LET THEM EAT MONKEY PLATTERS!!!
>
> Karen
>
> PS) Besides the whole picky eater thing...they are exceptional
feeding
> options for busy days, days I don't feel good (I have a chronic
illness) and
> days when there are just other things we'd rather do. I buy my
stuff, wash,
> cut and store on one day, then dump on the platter in seconds
whenever I
> want to make one, or the boys will even do it.
>
> On Sun, Oct 26, 2008 at 6:35 PM, Joyce Fetteroll
<jfetteroll@...>wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >
> > Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
> >
> > http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
> >
> > Joyce
> >
> >
> > **
> >
> >
> > -
> >
> > .
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Kelly Lovejoy

-----Original Message-----



From: mnbyelich <nbyelich@...>



He is eating so much junk 

that I'm worried for his health! He is also staying up later because

I've loosened on that end as well and now, not only is he eating so
much sugar, he has huge dark circles under his eyes! Looking at him
makes me feel like I am completely neglecting him and it makes me
feel like crying b/c I really like the philosophy of unschooling all
around (not just in "teaching") but looking at him I am beginning to
have my doubts! 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-


How long has this been going on? Days? Weeks? Months?



Are you offering meats and cheeses and fruits and vegies? Are they all as available as the ice cream and chips? Ultra-convenient and beautifully presented?



What are you doing to help him sleep? Do you dim the lights? Put on gentle, soothing music? Rub his feet and head?Hold and rock him to sleep?




It's *really* NOT about just dropping the metaphoric "rule floor" out from under them. It's about s-l-o-w-l-y lifting the arbitrary restrictions you've had while keeping a safety net under them.




Don't MAKE him figure all this out on his own. *Let* him, with your help.




Make sure you have *lots* of healthful options all day. Others have mentioned "monkey platters." That gives him a choice. Remember that most children LOVE to "dip"---hummus, ranch dressing, salsa, caramel sauce, melted chocolate, cheese sauce, salad dressing, cream cheese spread. Toothpicks are a mom's best friend: cut up *everything* and stick a toothpick in it.




With sleep, are you just leaving things alone until the child collapses? Make the space sleep-inducing, with soft music, dim lights, and a lavender massage. *Help* him sleep.


-=-=-=-=-=-



I need to know if this is normal when controls are
first loosened and should I just wait it out.  

-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Of course it is! Completely normal and expected! And the stricter the controls, the more 

"ravenous" they'll be! Can you imagine what it would be like to be controlled for 18 years 

and THEN have the controls loosened/disappear? Yeah---typical college behavior.


-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-

Eating healthy has
always been a priority in my life for myself and my family and
watching this is truly killing me!  

-=-=-=-==-=-=-

No, it's not. You're uncomfortable.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

He just asked for more ice cream
after eating a HUGE bowl of it and is finishing the rest of the
carton...my mom instincts are raging to tell him NO...I'm really
hopeful someone can help me...should I go back to SOME controls at
this point?


-=-=-=-=-=-=-


If you start controlling again, the *next* time will be harder because the child will have lost trust in you.




Patience.




~Kelly














[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Amy

We are new to unschooling, too, a little over 2 months or so now. I
am enjoying the change in atmosphere and struggling with ideologies of
my own as well.

Anyhow, just wanted to share a little about what has been happening
here regarding sleep, food, tv....

At first, both ds (5 and 1/2) and dd (1 and 1/2) went to town, staying
up til all hours, eating a lot of what I consider junk. HOwever, I
have noticed lately that both dd and ds are asking/helping themselves
to healthier food options. My dh took ds to the local country store
yesterday a.m. b/c ds wanted a donut or danish. He returned with an
egg sandwich! My dh was blown away! (So glad to for dh to see the
positives for himself ;) Ds will say, I want something good like a
banana and help himself or ask for a healthy snack. Dd will help
herself to fruit and veggie platters (great info on Sandra's site re:
monkey platters) Now that candy, etc. is not on restriction, they are
happy to choose what they want when their bodies want/need it! :)

Sleep. Ds has always been a late to bed kind of persons, dh and I are
night owls by choice. Anyhow, now ds pretty much stays up with us
until the last goes to bed, however, if he is tired, he will ask one
of us to read stories in bed or snuggle on the couch in front of the
fire. We do lower the lights, music, etc when it starts to get late,
or we see signs of tiredness. The interesting thing is that dd, has
been saying she's tired and wants to go to bed or go for a ride to
look for the moon when she is ready!

TV was totally my issue. Dh, dd, and ds like to watch and I am much
more inclined to read. In the past I was uncomfortable with the tv
watching, dh had no problem and often pointed out that the children
would choose to turn it off and walk away. I wasn't willing to see
that. Now that I have relaxed about it and don't say anything
anymore, I, too, see that they all watch and then make other choices
of what to do with their time!

I am finding that if I allow SPACE for things to occur, it falls into
place. I am not sure if that makes sense, so ask for clarification if
you want.

We are certainly enjoying the transition, although it is chaotic at
times...that's life! I am still struggling with my own needs as I
grew up being told not to "upset mom" or don't upset "dad". It's
freeing to realize that my needs are important and that I am a better
mom when I take advantage of the opportunities throughout the day to
have a minute or two to myself!

Anyhow, thanks for reading and for all of your wonderful posts and
challenges! Have a great day!

Peace,
Amy Lewis

--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:35 PM, mnbyelich wrote:
>
> > I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
> > week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
> > choices!
>
> Did you lift the controls all at once? Or make an announcement? It's
> why it's suggested to say yes more rather than lifting controls.
>
> But, at any rate, their behavior is predictable. It's human nature
> for limits to create a craving.
>
> > should I go back to SOME controls at
> > this point?
>
> Right now part of the gorging is fear that this free for all has a
> time limit. If you return the controls, the next time you try it
> they'll be pretty convinced it won't last and their desperation to
> get as much as they can before the controls come back will be worse.
>
> One thing people are urged to do is provide nutritious snacks that
> are as good as the snacky stuff and easier to get. A big platter of
> stuff to graze on throughout the day will make it easy for them to
> pick at that rather than digging for ice cream. It won't stop them,
> and you shouldn't either, but give them better options.
>
> Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

mnbyelich

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! I loved reading about
it! I'm really starting to see some shifts too...we went to my mom's
yesterday and she had some candy out. My ds had a COUPLE of pieces
and then chose to eat a BANANA!! I was thrilled but of course played
it off as a nonchalant (sp?) event :) Normally he would have had so
much! I went food shopping today and got lots of great monkeyplatter
items...can't wait to put these platters together.
natalie

--- In [email protected], "Amy" <naturalmamaof2@...>
wrote:
>
> We are new to unschooling, too, a little over 2 months or so now. I
> am enjoying the change in atmosphere and struggling with ideologies
of
> my own as well.
>
> Anyhow, just wanted to share a little about what has been happening
> here regarding sleep, food, tv....
>
> At first, both ds (5 and 1/2) and dd (1 and 1/2) went to town,
staying
> up til all hours, eating a lot of what I consider junk. HOwever, I
> have noticed lately that both dd and ds are asking/helping
themselves
> to healthier food options. My dh took ds to the local country store
> yesterday a.m. b/c ds wanted a donut or danish. He returned with an
> egg sandwich! My dh was blown away! (So glad to for dh to see the
> positives for himself ;) Ds will say, I want something good like a
> banana and help himself or ask for a healthy snack. Dd will help
> herself to fruit and veggie platters (great info on Sandra's site
re:
> monkey platters) Now that candy, etc. is not on restriction, they
are
> happy to choose what they want when their bodies want/need it! :)
>
> Sleep. Ds has always been a late to bed kind of persons, dh and I
are
> night owls by choice. Anyhow, now ds pretty much stays up with us
> until the last goes to bed, however, if he is tired, he will ask one
> of us to read stories in bed or snuggle on the couch in front of the
> fire. We do lower the lights, music, etc when it starts to get
late,
> or we see signs of tiredness. The interesting thing is that dd, has
> been saying she's tired and wants to go to bed or go for a ride to
> look for the moon when she is ready!
>
> TV was totally my issue. Dh, dd, and ds like to watch and I am much
> more inclined to read. In the past I was uncomfortable with the tv
> watching, dh had no problem and often pointed out that the children
> would choose to turn it off and walk away. I wasn't willing to see
> that. Now that I have relaxed about it and don't say anything
> anymore, I, too, see that they all watch and then make other choices
> of what to do with their time!
>
> I am finding that if I allow SPACE for things to occur, it falls
into
> place. I am not sure if that makes sense, so ask for clarification
if
> you want.
>
> We are certainly enjoying the transition, although it is chaotic at
> times...that's life! I am still struggling with my own needs as I
> grew up being told not to "upset mom" or don't upset "dad". It's
> freeing to realize that my needs are important and that I am a
better
> mom when I take advantage of the opportunities throughout the day to
> have a minute or two to myself!
>
> Anyhow, thanks for reading and for all of your wonderful posts and
> challenges! Have a great day!
>
> Peace,
> Amy Lewis
>
> --- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
> <jfetteroll@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:35 PM, mnbyelich wrote:
> >
> > > I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
> > > week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
> > > choices!
> >
> > Did you lift the controls all at once? Or make an announcement?
It's
> > why it's suggested to say yes more rather than lifting controls.
> >
> > But, at any rate, their behavior is predictable. It's human
nature
> > for limits to create a craving.
> >
> > > should I go back to SOME controls at
> > > this point?
> >
> > Right now part of the gorging is fear that this free for all has
a
> > time limit. If you return the controls, the next time you try it
> > they'll be pretty convinced it won't last and their desperation
to
> > get as much as they can before the controls come back will be
worse.
> >
> > One thing people are urged to do is provide nutritious snacks
that
> > are as good as the snacky stuff and easier to get. A big platter
of
> > stuff to graze on throughout the day will make it easy for them
to
> > pick at that rather than digging for ice cream. It won't stop
them,
> > and you shouldn't either, but give them better options.
> >
> > Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
> >
> > http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
> >
> > Joyce
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Don't forget to add the "non" healthy items to the monkey platter too!
Have the chocolate chip cookies right next to the carrots !

 
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
 



----- Original Message ----
From: mnbyelich <nbyelich@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 8:18:21 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Feeling overwhelmed, please help


Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! I loved reading about
it! I'm really starting to see some shifts too...we went to my mom's
yesterday and she had some candy out. My ds had a COUPLE of pieces
and then chose to eat a BANANA!! I was thrilled but of course played
it off as a nonchalant (sp?) event :) Normally he would have had so
much! I went food shopping today and got lots of great monkeyplatter
items...can' t wait to put these platters together.
natalie

--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "Amy" <naturalmamaof2@ ...>
wrote:
>
> We are new to unschooling, too, a little over 2 months or so now. I
> am enjoying the change in atmosphere and struggling with ideologies
of
> my own as well.
>
> Anyhow, just wanted to share a little about what has been happening
> here regarding sleep, food, tv....
>
> At first, both ds (5 and 1/2) and dd (1 and 1/2) went to town,
staying
> up til all hours, eating a lot of what I consider junk. HOwever, I
> have noticed lately that both dd and ds are asking/helping
themselves
> to healthier food options. My dh took ds to the local country store
> yesterday a.m. b/c ds wanted a donut or danish. He returned with an
> egg sandwich! My dh was blown away! (So glad to for dh to see the
> positives for himself ;) Ds will say, I want something good like a
> banana and help himself or ask for a healthy snack. Dd will help
> herself to fruit and veggie platters (great info on Sandra's site
re:
> monkey platters) Now that candy, etc. is not on restriction, they
are
> happy to choose what they want when their bodies want/need it! :)
>
> Sleep. Ds has always been a late to bed kind of persons, dh and I
are
> night owls by choice. Anyhow, now ds pretty much stays up with us
> until the last goes to bed, however, if he is tired, he will ask one
> of us to read stories in bed or snuggle on the couch in front of the
> fire. We do lower the lights, music, etc when it starts to get
late,
> or we see signs of tiredness. The interesting thing is that dd, has
> been saying she's tired and wants to go to bed or go for a ride to
> look for the moon when she is ready!
>
> TV was totally my issue. Dh, dd, and ds like to watch and I am much
> more inclined to read. In the past I was uncomfortable with the tv
> watching, dh had no problem and often pointed out that the children
> would choose to turn it off and walk away. I wasn't willing to see
> that. Now that I have relaxed about it and don't say anything
> anymore, I, too, see that they all watch and then make other choices
> of what to do with their time!
>
> I am finding that if I allow SPACE for things to occur, it falls
into
> place. I am not sure if that makes sense, so ask for clarification
if
> you want.
>
> We are certainly enjoying the transition, although it is chaotic at
> times...that' s life! I am still struggling with my own needs as I
> grew up being told not to "upset mom" or don't upset "dad". It's
> freeing to realize that my needs are important and that I am a
better
> mom when I take advantage of the opportunities throughout the day to
> have a minute or two to myself!
>
> Anyhow, thanks for reading and for all of your wonderful posts and
> challenges! Have a great day!
>
> Peace,
> Amy Lewis
>
> --- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Joyce Fetteroll
> <jfetteroll@ > wrote:
> >
> >
> > On Oct 26, 2008, at 6:35 PM, mnbyelich wrote:
> >
> > > I've started lifting my eating controls on them this past
> > > week and it has been so hard for me to watch them make their
> > > choices!
> >
> > Did you lift the controls all at once? Or make an announcement?
It's
> > why it's suggested to say yes more rather than lifting controls.
> >
> > But, at any rate, their behavior is predictable. It's human
nature
> > for limits to create a craving.
> >
> > > should I go back to SOME controls at
> > > this point?
> >
> > Right now part of the gorging is fear that this free for all has
a
> > time limit. If you return the controls, the next time you try it
> > they'll be pretty convinced it won't last and their desperation
to
> > get as much as they can before the controls come back will be
worse.
> >
> > One thing people are urged to do is provide nutritious snacks
that
> > are as good as the snacky stuff and easier to get. A big platter
of
> > stuff to graze on throughout the day will make it easy for them
to
> > pick at that rather than digging for ice cream. It won't stop
them,
> > and you shouldn't either, but give them better options.
> >
> > Here's lots of ideas to put on the platter:
> >
> > http://sandradodd. com/eating/ monkeyplatter
> >
> > Joyce
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]