Bedtimes for real
Dawn Falbe
Hi All:
So I'm back to the bedtimes dilemma again... Since I left the group and
rejoined the boys have chosen to share a room again. That has been
fine. Max still comes into our bed in the middle of the night and
sleeps with us, sometimes Zak does too (Zak 7, Max turns 3 in 2 weeks).
Last night we "tried" to get them to bed about 9pm (we moved them both
into a different room yesterday, still together though). And it was
nearly 11pm when they finally fell asleep, Max in our bed and Zak in
his.
DH actually said to be at one time "can't you make them go to bed?"
"how?" was my response.... "I'm all out of suggestions.
As a "practicing unschooler" how do I handle the bedtime "thing"? I
would really appreciate hearing how it works for many of you. Some part
of me says just let them stay up until they are ready to go to sleep and
take themselves off to bed (when our babysitter is here Max takes
himself off to bed on his own at about 8:30pm she says and she never has
to tell him to go to bed)....
Of course this brings up the problem of when do DH and I have time
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not.
So a little gentle help with your thoughts and experiences and ideas
would be great.
PS Thanks for the welcome back
Dawn
Tucson, AZ
So I'm back to the bedtimes dilemma again... Since I left the group and
rejoined the boys have chosen to share a room again. That has been
fine. Max still comes into our bed in the middle of the night and
sleeps with us, sometimes Zak does too (Zak 7, Max turns 3 in 2 weeks).
Last night we "tried" to get them to bed about 9pm (we moved them both
into a different room yesterday, still together though). And it was
nearly 11pm when they finally fell asleep, Max in our bed and Zak in
his.
DH actually said to be at one time "can't you make them go to bed?"
"how?" was my response.... "I'm all out of suggestions.
As a "practicing unschooler" how do I handle the bedtime "thing"? I
would really appreciate hearing how it works for many of you. Some part
of me says just let them stay up until they are ready to go to sleep and
take themselves off to bed (when our babysitter is here Max takes
himself off to bed on his own at about 8:30pm she says and she never has
to tell him to go to bed)....
Of course this brings up the problem of when do DH and I have time
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not.
So a little gentle help with your thoughts and experiences and ideas
would be great.
PS Thanks for the welcome back
Dawn
Tucson, AZ
Kimber
<<<As a "practicing unschooler" how do I handle the bedtime "thing"? I
would really appreciate hearing how it works for many of you.>>>
After struggling with my son for years about bedtime I discovered what worked for our family. What I did when my ds was 5 and dd 2 was move a bunk bed into our bedroom. It fit perfectly between our bed and the wall. My dd slept on the bottom and ds slept on the top. It made bedtime so much easier for us. My husband and I didn't sleep well with the kids in our bed so that just wasn't a long term option for us. Usually they stayed up until 10pm with us and we all went to bed together but sometimes they went earlier, while we were still up, and watched a movie in our room. The kids were in our room for about 1 1/2 years and then we moved them back to their own rooms when they and we were ready. We don't have many bedtime problems now.....ds9 and dd6. They usually sleep together in her room or his or even the living room.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
would really appreciate hearing how it works for many of you.>>>
After struggling with my son for years about bedtime I discovered what worked for our family. What I did when my ds was 5 and dd 2 was move a bunk bed into our bedroom. It fit perfectly between our bed and the wall. My dd slept on the bottom and ds slept on the top. It made bedtime so much easier for us. My husband and I didn't sleep well with the kids in our bed so that just wasn't a long term option for us. Usually they stayed up until 10pm with us and we all went to bed together but sometimes they went earlier, while we were still up, and watched a movie in our room. The kids were in our room for about 1 1/2 years and then we moved them back to their own rooms when they and we were ready. We don't have many bedtime problems now.....ds9 and dd6. They usually sleep together in her room or his or even the living room.
Kimber
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 8:32:49 AM, astrologerdawn@... writes:
<< Of course this brings up the problem of when do DH and I have time
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not. >>
We would rent a movie, recent kid movie they hadn't seen (or had) in the
theater, put food and drinks out for them, and we would go to the other end
of the house (our old house, the other end wasn't very far), and LOCK THE
DOOR, and know that it would be at least 45 minutes before one of them needed
us.
Or on a more normal night (no movie rental opportunity), just get them all
engrossed in one thing or another, and zip to the back for twenty minutes.
Some couples don't mind quickies. I do; my husband doesn't. So if you're
incompatible on that and really need a hourlong candlelit extravaganza, I reco
mmend special snacks and movie nights (for the kids!) and maybe getting a
slightly-older neighbor to come and watch WITH them (so little needs can be
taken care of by someone else, who also benefitted by seeing a newish movie
and eating the snacks).
Nowadays, I "hang out with" my husband when he's going to sleep, and then I
come back out and do the house closing up, checking on kids days, cleaning up
the kitchen, and helping Holly get to sleep... there's another whole
parenting shift after my husband is asleep.
Sandra
Sandra
<< Of course this brings up the problem of when do DH and I have time
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not. >>
We would rent a movie, recent kid movie they hadn't seen (or had) in the
theater, put food and drinks out for them, and we would go to the other end
of the house (our old house, the other end wasn't very far), and LOCK THE
DOOR, and know that it would be at least 45 minutes before one of them needed
us.
Or on a more normal night (no movie rental opportunity), just get them all
engrossed in one thing or another, and zip to the back for twenty minutes.
Some couples don't mind quickies. I do; my husband doesn't. So if you're
incompatible on that and really need a hourlong candlelit extravaganza, I reco
mmend special snacks and movie nights (for the kids!) and maybe getting a
slightly-older neighbor to come and watch WITH them (so little needs can be
taken care of by someone else, who also benefitted by seeing a newish movie
and eating the snacks).
Nowadays, I "hang out with" my husband when he's going to sleep, and then I
come back out and do the house closing up, checking on kids days, cleaning up
the kitchen, and helping Holly get to sleep... there's another whole
parenting shift after my husband is asleep.
Sandra
Sandra
Betsy
**Of course this brings up the problem of when do DH and I have time
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not.**
I have to admit that when my kid was little, and not sleeping much, I
was too tired to care much about spending quality time with my husband.
But now that I'm finally getting enough sleep, this is an important
issue for me, too.
Now, we nudge our son a bit to get him off the TV and computer by 10pm
in the hopes that he will be asleep by 11 and we'll still be awake and
not desperately tired. I typically read him a bedtime story until 10:30.
We'll shut our door and turn off our lights and typically start cuddling
when son first goes to bed. Fairly often he rebounds back and knocks on
our door 10 minutes later. I just try to keep a sense of humor about
this. I also try to stretch our the early fooling around stages and not
get too intent in the first 15 minutes. I'd rather not be really
committed to what I am doing when the knock on the door happens.
My son is also old enough to be left watching a one hour TV show while
mom and dad disappear. Hour and a half long videos are better!
For just "talking time" with my husband the early morning hours before
my son wakes up are good.
Betsy
together.... I have to say though this is my most pressing problem in
this whole unschooling experience and other things are going really well
and I'm comfortable now (as I enter the 2nd year of doing this) with
unschooling, even if my family members are not.**
I have to admit that when my kid was little, and not sleeping much, I
was too tired to care much about spending quality time with my husband.
But now that I'm finally getting enough sleep, this is an important
issue for me, too.
Now, we nudge our son a bit to get him off the TV and computer by 10pm
in the hopes that he will be asleep by 11 and we'll still be awake and
not desperately tired. I typically read him a bedtime story until 10:30.
We'll shut our door and turn off our lights and typically start cuddling
when son first goes to bed. Fairly often he rebounds back and knocks on
our door 10 minutes later. I just try to keep a sense of humor about
this. I also try to stretch our the early fooling around stages and not
get too intent in the first 15 minutes. I'd rather not be really
committed to what I am doing when the knock on the door happens.
My son is also old enough to be left watching a one hour TV show while
mom and dad disappear. Hour and a half long videos are better!
For just "talking time" with my husband the early morning hours before
my son wakes up are good.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 11:40:04 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Nowadays, I "hang out with" my husband when he's going to sleep, and then
I
come back out and do the house closing up, checking on kids days, cleaning
up
the kitchen, and helping Holly get to sleep... there's another whole
parenting shift after my husband is asleep.
Dh feels so much like I am pouring so much into the kids that I neglect our
reltionship lately. I felt defensive about that, but I see how he is right.
I am a night owl, the kids seem to be also. Even the baby likes to be up
until 11pm
Dh is a morning person. Loves to be up working out at the crack of dawn, in
bed by 9:30pm except when we do something as a family.
I feel so much like I owe the kids first and foremost, and have had a hard
time balancing this lately. Well, I didn't exactly balance anything. He goes
to bed early, we stay up, he gets up in the morning while I sleep.......see
the pattern? No alone time hardly.
Guess I didn't even think of going to bed with him when he gets ready, for a
while.
Trevor is great with watching the little man, so there is no excuse.
Guess I just wasn't being creative with this. Easier to blame dh for being a
weirdo!! LOL
Thanks for the idea.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< Nowadays, I "hang out with" my husband when he's going to sleep, and then
I
come back out and do the house closing up, checking on kids days, cleaning
up
the kitchen, and helping Holly get to sleep... there's another whole
parenting shift after my husband is asleep.
>>This was really good for me to read tonight.
Dh feels so much like I am pouring so much into the kids that I neglect our
reltionship lately. I felt defensive about that, but I see how he is right.
I am a night owl, the kids seem to be also. Even the baby likes to be up
until 11pm
Dh is a morning person. Loves to be up working out at the crack of dawn, in
bed by 9:30pm except when we do something as a family.
I feel so much like I owe the kids first and foremost, and have had a hard
time balancing this lately. Well, I didn't exactly balance anything. He goes
to bed early, we stay up, he gets up in the morning while I sleep.......see
the pattern? No alone time hardly.
Guess I didn't even think of going to bed with him when he gets ready, for a
while.
Trevor is great with watching the little man, so there is no excuse.
Guess I just wasn't being creative with this. Easier to blame dh for being a
weirdo!! LOL
Thanks for the idea.
Ren
Kate Green
> Dh is a morning person. Loves to be up working out at the crack of dawn, inWe have the same issue but it's reversed. I am in bed early and up early
> bed by 9:30pm except when we do something as a family.
and he is an insomniac and sleeps better when it begins to turn light out!
We've had lots of issues with this problem and it's caused plenty of strife
between us.Can't say we have it figured out yet after 19 years but one good
thing is that we both get quiet time away from each other and away from the
kids (they haven't adopted either side and are balanced in the middle:)
So this pretty much leaves us with afternoons and early evenings together.
As others have said this is when movies, video games and snack foods come
into play! We have one TV in the living room that has to accomodate games,
movies and 5 people so in our house what is watched or played is limited
for the kids -- they really enjoy it when both parents aren't around for an
hour! They've also learnt some sneaky tricks like yelling thru the door
"hey mom, you know that Dove ice cream bar that you didn't eat last night
-- can I have it?" If not busy there's no way I'm giving that up (hey I'm 7
months pregnant:) but when caught off guard it's anything for continued peace!
Another thing dh and I have noticed is that during the first few years of
children, interuptions such as this would have dampened the mood
considerably. Now it takes nothing short of puncture wounds, open flames,
or perhaps the sound of breaking glass to, shall we say, deflate the mood!
kate
> I feel so much like I owe the kids first and foremost, and have had a hardgoes
> time balancing this lately. Well, I didn't exactly balance anything. He
> to bed early, we stay up, he gets up in the morning while I sleep.......seefor a
> the pattern? No alone time hardly.
> Guess I didn't even think of going to bed with him when he gets ready,
> while.being a
> Trevor is great with watching the little man, so there is no excuse.
> Guess I just wasn't being creative with this. Easier to blame dh for
> weirdo!! LOL
> Thanks for the idea.
>
> Ren
>
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Sharon Rudd
> there is no excuse.I tend to think that Papa Bear could be a little
> Guess I just wasn't being creative with this. Easier
> to blame dh for being a
> weirdo!! LOL
> Thanks for the idea.
creative, himself.
Sharon of the Swamp
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