carolyn

So I'm reading Mira Kirshenbaum's book, "Parent/Teen Breakthrough" where she
advocates giving up control and developing a relationship approach. I know I need
to do this.

I have given up a lot of control already. Most of the time it has worked, very
successfully just like everyone told me it would. From food to makeup to TV and
computers (and more), there's a temporary burst of freedom and then a happy
settling down.

Yet as I read the book, I find myself getting so scared to stop being the one in
charge. I even understand I'm not in charge, it's just an illusion. I serve at
the pleasure of my child. But there's this fear.

I think it's about the transition, this time period where she may do "crazy"
things just because she can. I want her to live through it. I started to type
some examples but I guess the point is that they are all safety issues. I don't
want to negotiate safety issues. I guess I have to but it makes my hands wet just
thinking about it.

I know a lot of you have kids that were never controlled and didn't go through
this transitional time. Any advice on how to get through it?

Carolyn

Sharon Rudd

But there's this fear.
>
> I think it's about the transition, this time
period
> where she may do "crazy"
> things just because she can. I want her to live
> through it. I started to type
> some examples but I guess the point is that they
are
> all safety issues. I don't
> want to negotiate safety issues. I guess I have
to
> but it makes my hands wet just
> thinking about it.

It's those "crazies" out there in the world
that scare me!!! And most of the safety issues seem to
be related to potential encounters with that element.
If your child knows this, then being prepared (as best
as can) and being aware, and being in safe
environments (as best as can) seem more reasonable.
For example, having a well maintained vehicle to
drive, letting those who care know where they are,
taking the safe, scenic route, letting those who care
know when there is a change of venue, knowing when
that little inside voice says "I'm uncomfortable
with xxxx" that it is time to go home or run or
dial 911 or whatever is the plan for the emergency.
Knowing first aid, some self-defense, how to use money
(and having some to use), get from one place to
another, and a myriad of other safety issues are not
controlling.....knowing how to get along in the world
is not controlling....it allows for freedom becuase
you and your child know you are as prepared as you can
be.

Those "bad guy's" and the other people on the
roads aren't your fault or your child's, but you do
have to watch out for them. All of the time.

Sharon of the Swamp

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