CASS KOTRBA

My daughter (11) has a best buddy that she's been pals with for several years.  The friend has a little brother who was born on my birthday 2 1/2 years ago.  Sadly, the little brother has recently been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of brain cancer.  He is in the hospital 2 hours away.  The family plans to be down there for 6 months for his treatments.  The survival rate is very low for a child of his age so he may very well pass away.  We want to support the friend through this as much as we can.  My top priority is to support my kids through this. 
 
The friend stayed with us for 3 days/nights last week & they all had a great time (including my son who is almost 10).  The girls pretended they were roommates and they were so cute.  Like a miniature version of Laverne & Shirley.  I gave them lots of support to be independent & happily occupied.
 
I have two concerns that are causing me to reach out for support.  First, the girls have a pattern of being besties for awhile & then needing a break from each other.  Sometimes my daughter needs a LONG break.  I want to be a safe place for the friend, who is sweet and adorable, but I don't want to push her on my daughter.  I want the stays to be a positive experience for all of us.  So far they're in a good place & I hope to keep it there so that we can continue to be a safe retreat for the friend.  I think the best way to support long stays is to have interesting & fun things available for them.  I think it's when they get a little bored that they start to turn on each other.  I am looking for fun ideas for them.  Things that make them feel grown & responsible.  They like to cook & I let them take over the kitchen & clean it up for them.  They both like creating things.  I've ordered some popin' cookin' kits & candle making supplies, when the weather gets nice enough we can set up our camper, they can have camp fires outside near our trampoline (with me quietly checking in through the window)...
 
The other thing I'm looking for is thoughts on how to support the kids emotionally.  My kids and I have babysat the little brother numerous times in the past & we all feel pretty close to him.  It's just unbelievable that he is going through this.  How can I best help my kids (& my husband & I) to process this experience in a healthy way?  We are helping with 2 fund raisers which does help us feel like we are doing something proactive.
 
Thanks so much you guys,
Cass

Sandra Dodd

-=-Sometimes my daughter needs a LONG break.  I want to be a safe place for the friend, who is sweet and adorable, but I don't want to push her on my daughter.  I want the stays to be a positive experience for all of us.  So far they're in a good place & I hope to keep it there so that we can continue to be a safe retreat for the friend. -=-

It might help to consider the friend a guest of everyone, not just of your daughter.  If your daughter is needing a break, maybe you and the other girl could do something.  Maybe you could ask your son to do something with her.    If she is treated less as your daughter's friend and more as your family's friend, new possibilities will open.

Sandra

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

When we had a family emergency a couple years ago  my sister left her two boys with me for 4 days.
Our kids only get along for a few house and then it can get really tricky , specially the older 2.

When I knew that my son needed a break I engaged the cousins. One day I left my kids at home with dad and took the two cousins to the park to give my kids a break.
It made things much smoother. 
When I noticed my son wanted to be alone I took the cousins outside for some play or  invited them to play a game with me in another room because sometimes what my son needed was alone time in his room doing his thing and not engage with others.
 
Alex Polikowsky