Toddler, iPad, observations, and request!
Juliet Kemp
My 18 month old is currently very interested in playing with my iPad. After several months of reading this list, I am supporting his enthusiasm rather than restricting it with worry about "screens" etc, which is lovely. A couple of specific incidents:
He wanted to play with it while we were on the way down to lunch, and stayed engaged for ages while I started to worry about him being hungry - he wasn't interested in leaving and coming to eat, and at 18 months he is not a tidy enough eater for me to be happy taking it with us! So instead of pushing him into coming down to the kitchen, I thought for a bit, and instead went to get him a big plate of (non-sticky...) snacks and brought it up. He stopped playing for a bit and we shared the snacks happily, then he went back to playing with a big grin. A happy moment for both of us instead of upset and me carrying him down to lunch. Thanks to this list for this idea!
He's been playing a lot with the Spotify app, switching repeatedly between different songs, and I could swear he's learning to time it so that they stop/start at the "right" musical place. I tried to do the same thing to show his dad and it was hard! (There's a bunch of other things I've noticed him practising and experimenting and getting the hang of, too, but that was one that stuck out to me.) I don't think I'd have been so aware of that sort of learning if I hadn't read so much on here about how learning is everywhere, and opened my mind more to see that. So another thank you to the list there.
Despite all of this though, I'm still struggling a bit with a little internal voice saying "at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or an hour at a time with a computer?". I am trying not to let this influence my behaviour. And he does do plenty of other things with his time too; we play lots of physical games together, read books, draw, sing, run round the park and garden, etc etc. But having decided intellectually that I/we are very happy with the way he's playing and learning and enjoying himself with the iPad and that we want to support that, I would rather not have that back-of-head worry bothering me! Any suggestions for getting rid of that or is it just a case of hanging on in there and continuing to watch and enjoy his learning and fun, and eventually I won't think that way even in the anxious "are we doing right by him?" back of my mind?
Juliet
He wanted to play with it while we were on the way down to lunch, and stayed engaged for ages while I started to worry about him being hungry - he wasn't interested in leaving and coming to eat, and at 18 months he is not a tidy enough eater for me to be happy taking it with us! So instead of pushing him into coming down to the kitchen, I thought for a bit, and instead went to get him a big plate of (non-sticky...) snacks and brought it up. He stopped playing for a bit and we shared the snacks happily, then he went back to playing with a big grin. A happy moment for both of us instead of upset and me carrying him down to lunch. Thanks to this list for this idea!
He's been playing a lot with the Spotify app, switching repeatedly between different songs, and I could swear he's learning to time it so that they stop/start at the "right" musical place. I tried to do the same thing to show his dad and it was hard! (There's a bunch of other things I've noticed him practising and experimenting and getting the hang of, too, but that was one that stuck out to me.) I don't think I'd have been so aware of that sort of learning if I hadn't read so much on here about how learning is everywhere, and opened my mind more to see that. So another thank you to the list there.
Despite all of this though, I'm still struggling a bit with a little internal voice saying "at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or an hour at a time with a computer?". I am trying not to let this influence my behaviour. And he does do plenty of other things with his time too; we play lots of physical games together, read books, draw, sing, run round the park and garden, etc etc. But having decided intellectually that I/we are very happy with the way he's playing and learning and enjoying himself with the iPad and that we want to support that, I would rather not have that back-of-head worry bothering me! Any suggestions for getting rid of that or is it just a case of hanging on in there and continuing to watch and enjoy his learning and fun, and eventually I won't think that way even in the anxious "are we doing right by him?" back of my mind?
Juliet
Joyce Fetteroll
On Sep 8, 2013, at 10:31 AM, Juliet Kemp wrote:
"at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or an hour at a time with a computer?"
What if it were something else he were engaged that deeply with? Would you feel the same worry? Building something? Playing in the sand? A puzzle? Books as he figured out how to read? (It's been known to happen!) Climbing?
How is the iPad different than a book? How is it worse? How is it better? Are those differences significant to be concerned with? Why do you think so?
Joyce
Pam Sorooshian
On Sun, Sep 8, 2013 at 7:31 AM, Juliet Kemp <juliet@...> wrote:
Any suggestions for getting rid of that or is it just a case of hanging on in there and continuing to watch and enjoy his learning and fun, and eventually I won't think that way even in the anxious "are we doing right by him?" back of my mind?
I do think that you will feel better and better about it the more you do what you were doing at the beginning of your post - notice the learning. But, even if you weren't able to see the learning, there is learning happening ALL the time. So keep that in mind.
But there is something more. Play along with me here. What if there is NO learning happening when he's playing with the ipad? So what? Do you think he needs to be learning something every single minute of the day? What if that is a big blank spot in his day where no neurons are firing (except those keeping him alive, of course)? What if?
What's his purpose of existence right now? To build up his brain so he'll reach his maximum capacity of intelligence? American parent are obsessed with how smart their kids are. Are you? Or can he just play with it because he wants to? Isn't the fact that he wants to play with it enough? Are you worried that he's "missing out" on the learning he'd be doing during that time? He could be learning more? Better stuff? More useful learning that would help him more as he grows up? Make him more successful? What's the point? (Things to ask yourself, not answer here.)
Or - think about this. More than missing out on other learning he could be gaining, do you secretly in your heart of hearts still think it is actually doing him damage? Destroying brain cells? Most recent article I read (just this morning) was about how a group of old people playing video games increased their ability to pay attention to more information at once and that ability was generalized beyond just the video game and beyond the time they continued playing. They had not previously played and in the study they only played 3 hours a week for a month and the benefits to their brain function were measurable.
Imagine this:
A toddler is interested in books. The parents are concerned that that is not a good activity for their child who should be doing other things that are more developmentally appropriate. So they restrict his book time and, being kind parents, they try to distract him from books by keeping them out of his sight and by finding him many other fun things to do in place of them.
Is this sensible? An iPad is like a wonderful book to a child these days. To deny them the experience of growing up with something like this is, in my opinion, not different than keeping books away from them. It comes out of an overwhelming love for the child that makes you want to do something, anything, to protect him from any and all possible harm ever. That is fear-based thinking, though, and it is better for your child if you choose to live a life in which you embrace those things your child loves and find the joy and sweetness in them.
There are so many things we'd like to protect our children from and we'd like so much to do everything exactly right. Right?
That's why people get very very defensive about food or tv or other things they've glommed onto as ways to protect their child! Protect! It comes from fear. It makes them feel better to think they are taking control of something to protect their child because we all know that things happen that are out of our control and it terrifies us that something happen to our little ones.
Be careful about living a life ruled by unreasonable fear or you'll be overprotective and controlling of your kids. That won't go well for your relationship with your child, especially as the child gets older. Start now to practice using your emotions (fear and love) to inform your intellect, but use your intellect to make decisions. Say to yourself, "Yes, I have some fear about this, but I understand where that fear is coming from and I don't think it is a reasonable reaction to this situation so I'm not going to make my decisions based on it. I am going to decide based on what makes sense to me logically."
Have courage. Courage means choosing to do something in spite of fear.
-pam
Sandra Dodd
-=-Have courage. Courage means choosing to do something in spite of fear.-=-
And it might not take much courage. :-)
http://sandradodd.com/screentime might amuse you (and humor often disperses fear).
Here's something by Deb Lewis about courage:
Sandra
Ali Zeljo
Hi Juliet, He sounds adorable and clever! I have four sons 13, 10, 5, 3. They've been using all sorts of technological gadgets as soon as they could. I had some concerns about little ones being around the EMR pulses. Is this your worry? Airplane mode is no fun once they get past the phase of just wanting to eat the device or push the buttons. I have become comfortable using the EMR neutralizing products. A friend purchased a meter and we tested the difference between an iPhone with and without the xZubi sticker on the back. There was a low level of EMR until checking email or using Safari and then the phone without the sticker had a big surge to supposedly unsafe levels, whereas the phone with the sticker kept at the low EMR reading- without a surge.
It makes me feel better anyway. There are a few brands of neutralizing stickers and I also recently found another company called Swiss Harmony that provides a range of products to neutralize the radiation from all sorts of devices.
For me, neutralizing that risk relieved my main concern and I could dive in and enjoy playing without a nagging worry!
Warmly,
Ali
It makes me feel better anyway. There are a few brands of neutralizing stickers and I also recently found another company called Swiss Harmony that provides a range of products to neutralize the radiation from all sorts of devices.
For me, neutralizing that risk relieved my main concern and I could dive in and enjoy playing without a nagging worry!
Warmly,
Ali
Virginia Warren
If you lost all your books, but had your iPad, you could still read. If you lost all your art supplies, but had your iPad, you could still draw. If you lost your garden, but had your iPad, you could still see how plants grow.
Virginia
<plaidpanties666@...>
An hour isn't very long! And if that's the longest he spends engaged with anything, it's worth considering what's so wonderful and if there are other ways to give him more of the same - more music, maybe, or some simple musical instruments. Or more simple cause-and-effect relationships. He might like an electronic keyboard - those are great fun.>> "at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or an hour at a time with a computer?"<<
---Meredith
*************************************************************************************************
--- In [email protected], <[email protected]> wrote:My 18 month old is currently very interested in playing with my iPad. After several months of reading this list, I am supporting his enthusiasm rather than restricting it with worry about "screens" etc, which is lovely. A couple of specific incidents:
He wanted to play with it while we were on the way down to lunch, and stayed engaged for ages while I started to worry about him being hungry - he wasn't interested in leaving and coming to eat, and at 18 months he is not a tidy enough eater for me to be happy taking it with us! So instead of pushing him into coming down to the kitchen, I thought for a bit, and instead went to get him a big plate of (non-sticky...) snacks and brought it up. He stopped playing for a bit and we shared the snacks happily, then he went back to playing with a big grin. A happy moment for both of us instead of upset and me carrying him down to lunch. Thanks to this list for this idea!
He's been playing a lot with the Spotify app, switching repeatedly between different songs, and I could swear he's learning to time it so that they stop/start at the "right" musical place. I tried to do the same thing to show his dad and it was hard! (There's a bunch of other things I've noticed him practising and experimenting and getting the hang of, too, but that was one that stuck out to me.) I don't think I'd have been so aware of that sort of learning if I hadn't read so much on here about how learning is everywhere, and opened my mind more to see that. So another thank you to the list there.
Despite all of this though, I'm still struggling a bit with a little internal voice saying "at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or an hour at a time with a computer?". I am trying not to let this influence my behaviour. And he does do plenty of other things with his time too; we play lots of physical games together, read books, draw, sing, run round the park and garden, etc etc. But having decided intellectually that I/we are very happy with the way he's playing and learning and enjoying himself with the iPad and that we want to support that, I would rather not have that back-of-head worry bothering me! Any suggestions for getting rid of that or is it just a case of hanging on in there and continuing to watch and enjoy his learning and fun, and eventually I won't think that way even in the anxious "are we doing right by him?" back of my mind?
Juliet
Juliet Kemp
Joyce said:
===
Which are pretty much the questions my partner and I sat down and asked
ourselves before deciding *not* to restrict Leon's iPad use (because we
wouldn't be worried if it was books or lego or sand; and we don't think
the iPad is different in a relevant or worrying way.) Right now this is
a thing he is FASCINATED by, and that is great! And I don't think I'd
have thought of breaking down the fear and considering those questions
like that without this list, so for that many thanks to everyone.
And yet despite that logical decision, which I am logically happy with,
I have that back-of-head niggle. Pam said this:
===
There are so many things we'd like to protect our children from and we'd
like so much to do everything exactly right. Right?
===
and also
===
Be careful about living a life ruled by unreasonable fear or you'll be
overprotective and controlling of your kids. That won't go well for your
relationship with your child, especially as the child gets older. Start
now to practice using your emotions (fear and love) to inform your
intellect, but use your intellect to make decisions. Say to yourself,
"Yes, I have some fear about this, but I understand where that fear
is coming from and I don't think it is a reasonable reaction to
this situation so I'm not going
to make my decisions based on it. I am going to decide based on what
makes sense to me logically."
===
Both of which I think really hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you.
I hope that repeating some version of that to myself every time I start
getting that worried niggle in the back of my head will help shift it!
And keep noticing the learning :)
That quote about fear also brings to mind a comparison with physical
exploration. My fear inclines/inclined me to say "careful!" a lot or to
prevent him from doing certain 'risky' things. My logical decision is to
let him explore (and be ready to catch if necessary, without hovering
fearfully), to make sure that really risky things (household chemicals) are
out of reach, and help with things he can't quite manage safely yet
(knives, matches). That's something that has become much easier as I've
watched him carefully explore the world -- and, sure, take the odd
tumble! (Trying, waiting, and watching :) )
It turns out that swinging on the unfastened stairgate is a great way of
learning about centre of gravity (he never went further than he could
back up from, and I sat a couple of steps down and chatted with him,
just in case), and that at 18 months he can carefully and safely light a
candle, though he hasn't yet the dexterity to light the match without
help. Basing decisions on fear, rather than on watching *my* specific
child, wouldn't have let either of us find that out.
So I can now apply that same logic elsewhere... like to the iPad!
Juliet
===
> What if it were something else he were engaged that deeply with? Would===
> you feel the same worry? Building something? Playing in the sand? A
> puzzle? Books as he figured out how to read? (It's been known to
> happen!) Climbing?
>
> How is the iPad different than a book? How is it worse? How is it
> better? Are those differences significant to be concerned with? Why do
> you think so?
Which are pretty much the questions my partner and I sat down and asked
ourselves before deciding *not* to restrict Leon's iPad use (because we
wouldn't be worried if it was books or lego or sand; and we don't think
the iPad is different in a relevant or worrying way.) Right now this is
a thing he is FASCINATED by, and that is great! And I don't think I'd
have thought of breaking down the fear and considering those questions
like that without this list, so for that many thanks to everyone.
And yet despite that logical decision, which I am logically happy with,
I have that back-of-head niggle. Pam said this:
===
There are so many things we'd like to protect our children from and we'd
like so much to do everything exactly right. Right?
===
and also
===
Be careful about living a life ruled by unreasonable fear or you'll be
overprotective and controlling of your kids. That won't go well for your
relationship with your child, especially as the child gets older. Start
now to practice using your emotions (fear and love) to inform your
intellect, but use your intellect to make decisions. Say to yourself,
"Yes, I have some fear about this, but I understand where that fear
is coming from and I don't think it is a reasonable reaction to
this situation so I'm not going
to make my decisions based on it. I am going to decide based on what
makes sense to me logically."
===
Both of which I think really hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you.
I hope that repeating some version of that to myself every time I start
getting that worried niggle in the back of my head will help shift it!
And keep noticing the learning :)
That quote about fear also brings to mind a comparison with physical
exploration. My fear inclines/inclined me to say "careful!" a lot or to
prevent him from doing certain 'risky' things. My logical decision is to
let him explore (and be ready to catch if necessary, without hovering
fearfully), to make sure that really risky things (household chemicals) are
out of reach, and help with things he can't quite manage safely yet
(knives, matches). That's something that has become much easier as I've
watched him carefully explore the world -- and, sure, take the odd
tumble! (Trying, waiting, and watching :) )
It turns out that swinging on the unfastened stairgate is a great way of
learning about centre of gravity (he never went further than he could
back up from, and I sat a couple of steps down and chatted with him,
just in case), and that at 18 months he can carefully and safely light a
candle, though he hasn't yet the dexterity to light the match without
help. Basing decisions on fear, rather than on watching *my* specific
child, wouldn't have let either of us find that out.
So I can now apply that same logic elsewhere... like to the iPad!
Juliet
Juliet Kemp
On Sun, Sep 08, 2013 at 03:57:58PM -0700, plaidpanties666@...
wrote:
not the same *thing* he's doing for that long (one great thing about it
-- it's a lot of things all in one!). He seems to be a dabbler in many
things!
We do have quite a few musical instruments, sing and dance, and he has a
keyboard which he likes but usually only for a few minutes. At toddler
groups he's tried push-button or twirly turny walkers, again a few
minutes then not returned to them. He likes fiddly things but anything
we've tried so far (big nuts and bolts, those 'activity centre' things
with beads and wires and twiddly bits, Lego) he's either only been
interested in for a few minutes, or isn't quite ready for (Lego/Duplo
-- can't quite work it out yet). Water or rice play some days is
fascinating, some days not. Home corner at toddler group or pots and
pans in the kitchen are fun for a fair while. (His granddad is making
him a toy kitchen for Xmas.)
Does anyone have any other suggestions for fiddly things? Or things that
might hit the iPad fascination spot? I think perhaps it appeals because
the *effect* can be quite complicated, but it's within his dexterity
ability, but I am drawing a blank on other similar things right now.
Juliet
wrote:
> >> "at 18 months surely he SHOULDN'T be spending half an hour or anFor Leon right now an hour is unusually long -- even on the iPad it's
> >> hour
> at a time with a computer?"<<
>
>=== An hour isn't very long! And if that's the longest he spends
>engaged with anything, it's worth considering what's so wonderful and
>if there are other ways to give him more of the same - more music,
>maybe, or some simple musical instruments. Or more simple
>cause-and-effect relationships. He might like an electronic keyboard -
>those are great fun. ===
not the same *thing* he's doing for that long (one great thing about it
-- it's a lot of things all in one!). He seems to be a dabbler in many
things!
We do have quite a few musical instruments, sing and dance, and he has a
keyboard which he likes but usually only for a few minutes. At toddler
groups he's tried push-button or twirly turny walkers, again a few
minutes then not returned to them. He likes fiddly things but anything
we've tried so far (big nuts and bolts, those 'activity centre' things
with beads and wires and twiddly bits, Lego) he's either only been
interested in for a few minutes, or isn't quite ready for (Lego/Duplo
-- can't quite work it out yet). Water or rice play some days is
fascinating, some days not. Home corner at toddler group or pots and
pans in the kitchen are fun for a fair while. (His granddad is making
him a toy kitchen for Xmas.)
Does anyone have any other suggestions for fiddly things? Or things that
might hit the iPad fascination spot? I think perhaps it appeals because
the *effect* can be quite complicated, but it's within his dexterity
ability, but I am drawing a blank on other similar things right now.
Juliet