Control and opposition
Sandra Dodd
I'm rearranging things to create a FAQ, and am finding things open on my desktop, and things "cut and paste" in my hand (cut but not yet pasted... and I've opened several windows since) so I decided to make a post here.
-=- My DD had severe ADHD. Her symptoms included severe hyperactivity dangerously combined with impulsivity (such as no thought or care before running into a busy street), inability to focus and related frustration with herself, very oppositional behavior, poor eye contact, difficulty listening, emotional hypersensitivity, social anxiety, overwhelmed by clean-up projects. She would say very negative things about herself and had chronic headaches.-=-
I don't know who wrote it. It was part of a tussle over deleted posts, many years ago. This wasn't sent through to Always Learning, so someone else made a new list called RAWAlwaysLearning, and posted it there.
Recently on the facebook list RadicalUnschoolingInfo someone wrote and asked how she could keep her four-year-old daughter from whining. What's she whining about? Being told to clean up.
When a parent presses a young child (4 years old, or younger, or older) to clean up everything she takes out, the child will be defiant and whiny at first, but might eventually learn just never to take anything out.
For unschooling to work, kids need to play. Parents who take on the role of facilitator should also be prepared to set up play/art/learning situations, and clean up after them. "Providing a clean canvas," someone described it, years ago. "To unschool" isn't a good verb, but unschooling shouldn't be someone a child is responsible for "doing" to/for himself. The parent should be creating an interesting, peaceful, safe atmosphere.
When a child is described as "oppositional, difficulty listening, overwhelmed by clean-up projects," I think the parent is likely telling her to do too many things, and talking to her too much. Too much pressure, too much control. I think ANYone would be oppositional if their live didn't seem to have choices and options and kindness. I've seen kids who wanted to be away from their mom any time it was possible, and that could cause running out into a street or a parking lot.
http://sandradodd.com/control
Oppostion can happen when people are on opposite, opposed sides. When they are partners, who would oppose a partnership?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=- My DD had severe ADHD. Her symptoms included severe hyperactivity dangerously combined with impulsivity (such as no thought or care before running into a busy street), inability to focus and related frustration with herself, very oppositional behavior, poor eye contact, difficulty listening, emotional hypersensitivity, social anxiety, overwhelmed by clean-up projects. She would say very negative things about herself and had chronic headaches.-=-
I don't know who wrote it. It was part of a tussle over deleted posts, many years ago. This wasn't sent through to Always Learning, so someone else made a new list called RAWAlwaysLearning, and posted it there.
Recently on the facebook list RadicalUnschoolingInfo someone wrote and asked how she could keep her four-year-old daughter from whining. What's she whining about? Being told to clean up.
When a parent presses a young child (4 years old, or younger, or older) to clean up everything she takes out, the child will be defiant and whiny at first, but might eventually learn just never to take anything out.
For unschooling to work, kids need to play. Parents who take on the role of facilitator should also be prepared to set up play/art/learning situations, and clean up after them. "Providing a clean canvas," someone described it, years ago. "To unschool" isn't a good verb, but unschooling shouldn't be someone a child is responsible for "doing" to/for himself. The parent should be creating an interesting, peaceful, safe atmosphere.
When a child is described as "oppositional, difficulty listening, overwhelmed by clean-up projects," I think the parent is likely telling her to do too many things, and talking to her too much. Too much pressure, too much control. I think ANYone would be oppositional if their live didn't seem to have choices and options and kindness. I've seen kids who wanted to be away from their mom any time it was possible, and that could cause running out into a street or a parking lot.
http://sandradodd.com/control
Oppostion can happen when people are on opposite, opposed sides. When they are partners, who would oppose a partnership?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]