tanyaziegler

We are going to visit family next week, and I'm already nervous about responding to homeschool questions. My husband flew back last weekend for his Grandmother's 80th birthday. We had all submitted letters for Grandma that were placed in a scrapbook for her as a gift. My son drew a picture. And of course it was brought up that even though his penmanship was pretty neat for a 6yo, it was in all capital letters --- and, you know, 1st graders are required to write in lower case letters. Ugh! I think my husband handled it fine. He said his son writes like him. He asked his sister (the person who brought it up) if she writes in all lower case letters and exactly how it's taught in school. She said no. He replied, "Then it's not really important, is it? He's allowed to write however he wants to write." He told me he said all this in a "no big deal" kind of way, but I could tell he was a bit peeved that he even has to answer stupid questions like that.

While my husband was visiting his family back home, my son and I were visiting my parents as they had just arrived here in AZ for the winter (they live here just in the winter). One of the first things my mom asked was if my son was reading. I answered that yes he has been sight reading for a while. I blurted out a few other things about him reading, but I always feel like I have to qualify ourselves and say so much more and I don't know what to say. So instead of being informative, I sound defensive.

I'm starting to get anxious over it, and we don't even leave for our trip for another week! Even simple questions like "how's homeschooling going?" - which I know from some well-meaning friends are meant just to be nice conversation questions - leave me tongue-tied. I always start out saying "good", but then the silence leads me to start blabbering about it and again sounding like I have to qualify our decision. And I'm terrible at quickly thinking of something to ask them in return to change the subject.

So, I guess what I'm asking for is help to have a couple one or two-liner responses ready. Like when someone asks "how is homeschooling going?" What's another sentence or two I can say beyond "good" that would be polite and not sound defensive? And how about if someone asks a specific question about what they think my child should be learning... Like maybe something to describe how learning happens at our house. Thanks in advance for your help!! :-)

Sandra Dodd

Short answers won't help you. Understanding it more deeply will help.
If you're signed up for Pam Laricchia's introductory e-mails, maybe print out those you've received. Read them on the way. Keep them in your room. Offer to let the curious relatives read them if they want.

Or buy her book and give it to the relative most likely to read it. It's only 100 pages. If they're not willing to read that much, don't feel obligated to "teach" them about unschooling.

But don't say "Yes, we'll do this for twelveyears."

Say "We're doing this for now."

If they have serious concerns, maybe take notes, or ask them to write down their concerns and questons and that you'll consider that and get back with them.

There are other things to read here: http://sandradodd.com/response

Another idea is to be prepared to talk to them about their own interests, families, news, hobbies, plans.
They want friendly conversation and news.
Think of cool things to tell them about you, your family, your own interests, news, hobbies and plans.


Sandra

Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp

A cool idea for family visits is doing a short slideshow of the different things your children have been doing over the last year - places and people they have visited, things they made, friends they hung out with, activities they did, clubs/sports that they participated in, costumes they wore, experiments they did, etc.

I'm not very computer savvy, but it was super simple to do with iPhoto on my Mac computer. You add photos and videos and the program creates this great finished product complete with music.

I made one for my home learners group last year for our year end party and it was amazing how many different things we had done over the year. It looked quite impressive. We all watched it together on the television and the kids (and parents) got a big kick out of watching the year go by. I showed the slideshow later to the grandparents and they loved it. It helped give our extended family conversational topic ideas. It also helped to reassure them that Gianluca and Gisele were socializing with other children and having lots of learning opportunities.

Rippy




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Pam Sorooshian

On Tue, Oct 23, 2012 at 9:43 AM, tanyaziegler <tanyaz1@...> wrote:

> >>I answered that yes he has been sight reading for a while. I blurted out
> a few other things about him reading, but I always feel like I have to
> qualify ourselves and say so much more and I don't know what to say. So
> instead of being informative, I sound defensive. >>>
>

You sound defensive because you actually feel defensive. You'll be calmer
and easier with the questioning if you immerse yourself in reading about
unschooling and observing your child with unschooling in mind.

It is hard to fake confidence - easier and better to really become more
confident.

In the meantime, though, it can help to remember to only answer the
question. "Is he reading?" "Oh, yes. Very exciting." That was ALL you
needed to say - include a grin and a confident toss of your head and you're
fine.

>
> >>I'm starting to get anxious over it, and we don't even leave for our
> trip for another week! Even simple questions like "how's homeschooling
> going?" - which I know from some well-meaning friends are meant just to be
> nice conversation questions - leave me tongue-tied.>>
>

You're doing this out-of-the-ordinary thing - why would people not ask you
how its going? That isn't some kind of attack or criticism, that's just
interest. If you'd just bought a new horse or taken ice dancing lessons or
done something else interesting, they'd be asking about that. Again, a big
grin and a positive comment like, "We're having a blast," is probably
enough. They may have more questions because they don't really understand
what you're doing. Maybe you can make a list of all the questions they
might ask and figure out a positive, nondefensive way to answer.

> >>I always start out saying "good", but then the silence leads me to start
> blabbering about it and again sounding like I have to qualify our decision.
> >>
>

Don't say, "Good." Say, "We are totally loving it." They might want to know
what you love about it. "Say, we love all the free time to explore
interests." Then they might want to know about those interests and now
you're talking about something - swimming, music, lego-building, drawing,
travel....whatever your family does.

Just saying "good" is too stingy with words and it is kind of obvious you
don't want to talk about it. But why NOT talk about it if it is good?

> >>>And I'm terrible at quickly thinking of something to ask them in return
> to change the subject. >>
>

I'm not sure why you'd want to change the subject, really. Talk about it.
Talk about what you love about it.

>
> >>So, I guess what I'm asking for is help to have a couple one or
> two-liner responses ready. Like when someone asks "how is homeschooling
> going?" What's another sentence or two I can say beyond "good" that would
> be polite and not sound defensive? And how about if someone asks a specific
> question about what they think my child should be learning... Like maybe
> something to describe how learning happens at our house. Thanks in advance
> for your help!! :-)>>
>
There is so much out there already written about this - I think you're
needing to read more so that you feel more comfortable articulating your
own ideas about learning.

But - remember that in social chit-chat people don't want either a lecture
or to feel brushed off. I think you're brushing them off because you don't
feel capable of giving them a thorough description. But just give them a
bit more so they don't feel brushed off - you don't have to educate them
all about unschooling, just give them a hint of how your life is.

Example:

"Hi Aunt Jane." "Hi, Tanya. Well, I hear you're homeschooling." "Yes,
having a great time." "Well, what a challenge. How is it going?" "Oh, we're
loving it." "How do you make sure xxx learns everything he needs to know?"
"Oh you wouldn't believe how many resources there are out there for
homeschoolers these days." "So is he reading yet?" "Right on
schedule.""Well, I just worry about homeschooled kids being isolated, I
hope you make sure to take care of his social needs."
"You know, homeschooling is a big thing these days. I bet you have no idea
how many homeschool groups and activities there are going on."

In other words - make it clear that you know way more about it than she
does. Because you DO.

After about that many questions and brief answers, it is appropriate for
you to say, "So, what's up with you these days? Anything interesting?"

-pam


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mrsmakeen

You could also remember you don't have to tell them what method of homeschooling you're using unless they ask. Most of my relatives know our kids are homeschooled, but only a handful have shown enough interest for us to have a conversation specifically about unschooling. Often they just want to make small talk. Since many people have never heard of unschooling, they probably imagine our "schooling" as very different from the way it actually is, but that's ok, I let them assume what they're comfortable with, and assure them my children are happy and learning.

A few months back there was a question similar to yours. I copied and saved the following response from Rippy Dusseldorp, so I could re-read her suggestions for responding to unschooling questions. I found it helpful to remember to provide more or less information depending on the questioner. Here it is:
Sue
*****************************************************************

Re: What to say to the naysayers

Sun Jul 29, 2012 4:16 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Rippy and Graham Dusseldorp" rdusseldorp
-=- The advice I am looking to receive is about how to deal with these people. They want to know how I'm going to do it and when I meet homeschoolers, they want to know what curriculum I'm going to use. -=-

My answer depends on who is asking. I start with short, simple answers. If they ask for more information, I give a bit more.

If parents of school children ask, I usually say our homeschooling is pretty eclectic. I may give certain examples such as visiting interesting places, doing experiments, playing 'learning' games, reading stories, having conversations of events that happened in the past, talking about famous people, making things, hanging out with friends, etc. Sometimes I share with them a detailed description of an interesting day that we've had, especially if it has impressive signs of learning that they will recognize.

If I notice that a parent is particularly anxious with my answers, I might add that the children use Brain Quest workbooks (see note below). Or something else schoolish that we have in our house that the children have showed some sort of interest in. I usually don't tell the parent that I never ask our children to use workbooks. I don't tell them that sometimes the children cut up their unfinished workbooks to make other things. I don't tell them that sometimes the children pretend to be my teacher and ask me to do homework and fill out the workbooks. I let the parent fill in the blanks with their own thoughts and ideas.

Often a school parent will ask what hours we homeschool and I tell them we have slow mornings and then we do different things that the children find interesting - maybe working on an ongoing project or going on a little trip. I tell them that we have some really busy days, and some really luxurious downtime days. Most days are a mix of both. Some school parents ask whether or not our homeschooling is similar to Montessori or Waldorf. I tell them it can have elements of either one. It is more similar to the open classroom philosophy or the democratic Sudbury model. Sometimes it has elements of Reggio Emilia. Usually at this point, they suspect I may know more about educational approaches than they do, and they change the topic.

If it is a homeschooler that asks, I tell them we unschool. If they ask about curriculum, I say unschooling parents provide a rich and interesting environment for children to learn and use things like games, books, television, music, maps, art and craft supplies, computers, and much, much more to help create this environment. I tell them that we help our children follow their interests and passions by being a facilitator. If they want more information on curriculum, I direct them here: http://sandradodd. com/unschoolingc urriculum

If the homeschooling parent shows curiosity or interest in unschooling, I direct them to Sandra's and Joyce's websites:

http://sandradodd. com
http://joyfullyrejo ycing.com

If the person asking is attached to the idea of 'real research', I often answer that our approach is natural learning. I suggest that they might want to read the work of Peter Gray (professor at Boston University), Alan Thomas (Visiting Fellow at University of London) and/or Carlo Ricci (professor at Nipissing University) if they would like to learn more.

No matter who is asking, I answer with confidence and matter of factness. I'm friendly and disarming. I smile :-) If there is a lull in the conversation, I smoothly transition into asking something about their child. Maybe something like - 'How is Susie doing? I saw that she has a brand new pink bicycle with a Barbie bell. She must love that'.

The way I've dealt with people's questions has improved with time and practice.

-=- In your experience, after the first year of everyone asking what we are doing, does the hub nub die down or do they keep coming? -=-

Our confidence in unschooling helped the hub nub die down for us. My confidence in answering people's questions dramatically improved after the first year. In the very beginning I was almost apologetic that we homeschooled :-)

These days, if someone asks me a question about homeschooling, it's usually Gianluca and Gisele that bubble over with excitement and take over the conversation. They explain with great enthusiasm what homeschooling is for them and happily answer people's questions.

I didn't expect for that to happen. Something else that I didn't expect was that the people who asked us lots of homeschooling questions in the early days, began to make complimentary remarks about our children and started to notice different things that they were learning. Some things that people have said are 'Gianluca is a really logical problem solver' or 'Gisele is super confident' or 'you have really happy/helpful/ friendly children'.

People see evidence of us doing all sorts of stuff. If someone comes into our house, they see a rich and nourishing environment where there are recognizable (to them) signs of learning - little family post boxes for notes that we write each other, a substantial library, craft projects and lego structures in different stages of completion, drawings, puzzles and more.

People see our children out and about in the world - having conversations with adults, teens, younger children and older children. They see Gianluca and Gisele go exploring in the neighbourhood with binoculars, magnifying glasses, nature identification cards, and other fun tools. They see them build things in front of the house, trade games, toys and cards with neighbourhood kids, bike around with friends, invite friends over to play wii and watch movies. People see the children come back from interesting places and witness them enthusiastically tell others what they saw, felt, heard, witnessed, smelled, tasted, and talked about. The children themselves radiate confidence in their happiness with homeschooling. Probably that helped most with the questions dying down.

Rippy
(Gianluca 7, Gisele 5)

Note: For your family, the most important thing now is to deschool. Avoid anything schoolish, unless your children really want to use those types of resources. This is their rest and recovery time from their 6 years of schooling. It's important not to rush them and to give yourself plenty of time to deschool as well.