judging and "not judging"
Sandra Dodd
We've discussed judgment and judgmentalism and critical thinking and
clarity and honesty on this list before. Regularly. I was thinking
of doing another round, and found this:
"If you think everyone around you is judging you, than maybe you
should look at how you judge everyone around you and stop doing it.
It's that simple."
That was on the facebook page of the dad of an unschooling family I've
known since before we were unschooling. He has no idea that in the
past day on this list two people have said "not judging, but..."
I *Know* people are judging me all the time. It's part of thought.
People are deciding whether I'm for real, one way or another. Whether
I should be invited to play board games with them. Whether I'm a good
person to confide in about something burning and current. Whether I
could go to Walgreen's and get shampoo for them (friend has a broken
leg; I've had two broken legs, so she knew I'd be sympathetic!!).
Whether I suck. Whether I'm wonderful. Whether I made their marriage
better, or whether they've decided to e-mail me and say that I've
probably done more damage to new unschooling families than anyone else.
If I were to accept the positive things, or the fun things, and reject
the negative parts with "I'm feeling judged," how would that make the
positive things more sensible? And that's not to say that I
indiscriminately consider them all equally thoughtful and valid.
Someone might ask my advice more for a photo op or because mine's the
first e-mail address she found, than that she has thought carefully
and thinks I would be the best for her in her situation. Some of
those who have insulted me as hard as they could later came around and
apologized. So many have done that, in fact, that now when someone
goes ape shit early on I tend to file them under "Might come around
and apologize later" in my head rather than writing them off as never
going to get it.
I could call those who said nice things "right; smart; good" and those
who didn't like me "wrong and bad." There's the evidence for the
original quote up top that feeling judged involves making a judgment.
Sandra
clarity and honesty on this list before. Regularly. I was thinking
of doing another round, and found this:
"If you think everyone around you is judging you, than maybe you
should look at how you judge everyone around you and stop doing it.
It's that simple."
That was on the facebook page of the dad of an unschooling family I've
known since before we were unschooling. He has no idea that in the
past day on this list two people have said "not judging, but..."
I *Know* people are judging me all the time. It's part of thought.
People are deciding whether I'm for real, one way or another. Whether
I should be invited to play board games with them. Whether I'm a good
person to confide in about something burning and current. Whether I
could go to Walgreen's and get shampoo for them (friend has a broken
leg; I've had two broken legs, so she knew I'd be sympathetic!!).
Whether I suck. Whether I'm wonderful. Whether I made their marriage
better, or whether they've decided to e-mail me and say that I've
probably done more damage to new unschooling families than anyone else.
If I were to accept the positive things, or the fun things, and reject
the negative parts with "I'm feeling judged," how would that make the
positive things more sensible? And that's not to say that I
indiscriminately consider them all equally thoughtful and valid.
Someone might ask my advice more for a photo op or because mine's the
first e-mail address she found, than that she has thought carefully
and thinks I would be the best for her in her situation. Some of
those who have insulted me as hard as they could later came around and
apologized. So many have done that, in fact, that now when someone
goes ape shit early on I tend to file them under "Might come around
and apologize later" in my head rather than writing them off as never
going to get it.
I could call those who said nice things "right; smart; good" and those
who didn't like me "wrong and bad." There's the evidence for the
original quote up top that feeling judged involves making a judgment.
Sandra