[email protected]

<< Maybe an unschooling.com reunion? Or union perhaps, since you can't have
"re" when you've never met!! LOL >>

I think the whole conference is an unschooling.com extravaganza!

<<My 12y.o. ds buys the gaming guides for nearly everything he plays and
reads
them intently. He loves having directions to help him figure out the games.
>>

I tried to buy a game guide for PS2 Harvest Moon, which Holly is pretty far
into, Marty is not quite as far, and his friend Logan has been playing for
months. Marty was relieved when I didn't find one. I asked them how many
girls there were in the town. They didn't really know, but he looked in the
little pamphlet that comes with the game.

Not only did it name all the characters but told their birthdays and what
gifts they liked best. Marty was appalled, shut the thing up as soon as he
saw that, and said maybe Holly would like to use that, but he would NOT, and
didn't want anyone telling him what it said.

To Marty, it was just like working a crossword puzzle by looking at the
answer key. (OR, for Marty, maybe like working a jigsaw puzzle by looking at
the picture on the box!! <bwg>)

Sandra

Mark Kenski

From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Saturday, March 09, 2002 10:06 AM
>
Not only did it name all the characters but told their birthdays and what
gifts they liked best. Marty was appalled, shut the thing up as soon as he
saw that, and said maybe Holly would like to use that, but he would NOT, and
didn't want anyone telling him what it said.

To Marty, it was just like working a crossword puzzle by looking at the
answer key. (OR, for Marty, maybe like working a jigsaw puzzle by looking
at
the picture on the box!! <bwg>)
>

Strategy guides don't seem like directions. When I think directions, I
think the vast numbers of sheets with text translated from Korean, often
poorly, with 500 little pieces and drawings - like for putting together
furniture.

We've always liked strategy guides - often getting them at the same time we
buy the game (which comes after renting the game and finding it is the one
in ten we'll really enjoy).

The guides are full of "clues" and "research info". We like that. For the
game we've been playing with for the past couple months (ace combat 04)
Nathan and I have the strategy guide pretty well memorized. (Now, we could
write some additional chapters.) The directions are at a more general
level and based on features of the challenge. And the statistics for all the
planes and targets are there. Yummy...

But what about "cheat codes"? I think when it comes to video games, if
cheat codes help you reach the goal - which really is to have fun - by
changing the rules enough to match your skills to the game play level (thus
promoting flow), then they're cool. Once we have progressed in our skills,
we move on to more challenging play with the codes off. We have gamesharks
for two of our consoles, but haven't needed one yet for the PS2.

I think of these things as like training wheels. Is that cheating? Who's
losing? Who is being treated unfairly? When my son and I play chess,
sometimes I start down a piece, occasionally it's the queen (it's up to him
based on how much of a challenge he wants) and then I know I am in for a
challenge. But I'm not being treated unfairly. Unfairness is wrong,
dishonesty is wrong, but I think breaking rules is only wrong when the
consequences are wrong.

Of course, people who make rules usually don't make them to be examined and
thought about. They're not usually presented as "optional" or "flexible."
Nathan and Cris and I have talked quite a bit about rules and the ethics of
play, how this relates to other situations, you know - "the real world".
These conversations have grown out of Nathan's concern about the ethics of
using "cheat" codes since he knows "cheating is wrong". He is delightfully
honest. It's one of the things I admire about him most of all. So we talk
it through and think about different examples. And as we explore, lots of
shades of gray emerge. Traveling further...colors!

I don't think anything in life is simple. Really. It's a curse, but there
it is.

I agree, deeply, that real cheating is wrong. If an Olympic skier takes a
shortcut on the cross-country course and wins, that's bad because games like
the Olympics are one of the few things in life that are designed to be
"fair." (back to the Princess Bride quote) But the distinction is in the
dishonesty, not the rule-breaking. Athletes agree to the rules before the
game starts and it if they don't abide by them, they're disqualified.
That's how it should be.

Games, though, aren't an applicable metaphor for all the things in life one
does.

If two people are playing a game and both agree to change the rules, right
in the middle of the game, that's not cheating, that's innovation. If
you're playing a video game, you can only cheat yourself out of a greater
challenge. And that's your choice.

Drawing on what I do for a living, if I go out to the web and find free
source code (or copy my co-worker's code) that solves a problem and get a
program written in half the time, that makes my boss very happy. And my
co-worker is flattered.

Much of the mindset I need for work is in the willingness to identify which
rules can be broken and which ones cannot, and seeing how much advantage can
be gained by breaking the ones that can be broken. In my job, I'd guess I
break more rules than I follow. We call it thinking outside the box, but we
all know you can't wear Bermuda shorts and a tank top to work. Ahhhh,
Balance.

Here's the thing: Knowing the difference between different kinds of rules.

That's what I try to communicate to Nathan in our play and daily life. A
deeper understanding of how to play and live peacefully with others means
you need to have a sensitivity to the rules. This carries over into family
rules, and honestly - he will negotiate changes if he thinks a rule my wife
and I have come up with could be changed or suspended. This has been our
policy since he learned to talk. And we have gotten really good at this
now, even though it baffles our friends and family when we take a time out
to have a little "hearing" ;) The rule he can't break in the negotiations
is that the parents make the final ruling. The ruling is probably final
when both parents agree on a precise finding. It's definitely final when
both parents agree it's final. Is negotiating-after-the-fact kosher?
Absolutely not.

Sometimes that negotiation is fruitful for him, sometimes it's just
"practice" and he doesn't get what he was pursuing. But I think it is so
much better training for adulthood than living with the sense that all rules
are unconditional and simply to be obeyed without thought or question.
Yuck!

Way off course, but ok with it,
Mark

[email protected]

Mark wrote: "Here's the thing: Knowing the difference between different
kinds of rules."

This is from a diary I used to keep on Marty. He was four.

"Wed, Jul 28, 1993
"The first thing he said after “good morning” was “Mom, if you count to
infinity, is it illegal?”

"I explained to him about infinity, with a million plus one and a
“gadillion” plus one. He was fine with the explanation, and I said, “Who
told you you can’t count to infinity?” He said I did, so I explained the
difference in things that are impossible and things that are illegal (have
consequences)."


Until that conversation it hadn't occurred to me that when a mom says "You
can't do th

zenmomma *

We have had many, many "infinity" conversations in our house. The other day,
Casey asked me what eternal meant exactly. I described it like this:"as
infinity is to numbers, eternal is to time". Those eternal questions about
inifinity paid off. She understood immediately.

~Mary



_________________________________________________________________
MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos:
http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx