Not Sure
Eileen Mahowald
Dear Group,
Need some perspective with a situation at our park day.
My son is among the older in our group and is 9 almost 10.
He is a beautiful, free spirited boy who is somewhat solitary yet loves kind
hearted active play. I have tried to put my finger on his lack of interest
to come into our homeschool group.
He has expressed shyness, not surprising to me as I grew up incredibly
shy.(I got into a lot of trouble in school during my years for fooling
around with friends which was my way of fittiing in, not to mention that I
was most likely insanely bored)
I do understand his lack of interest in kids who he doesn't relate to or as
he has said some girls are nice and some aren't.
He is a child that does not follow rules that are abitrary. I find that he
doesn't connect with the kids who sit quietly and he doesn't easily
connect when a group is connected to things like Pokemon or Bakugan. He
says he's not into it.
There are a few other kids in the group that are his age yet he
complains(lately saying the kids are too young,babies or baby play) and
somewhat struggle to get along or fit in.(sometimes causing trouble because
he get bad vibes or negativity or rejection on the onset)(regular stuff with
kids and he can be reactionary)
We are new to radical unschooling and have embraced no limitations(with
food, t.v. ,sleep schedules,and let go academics) within our lives trying to
be joyful in our living together. I love this way of being and my three
(twin daughters 6 and son 9) thrive in it. My husband is trying and does a
decent job trusting I am not nuts.
Now that I have educated myself with the ideas and principles of respectul
parenting and always learning I see yet another stark contrast in this new
group of homeschool friends that we hang with.
We have shopped for this new group and are far happier than some of our past
relations.(It has been hard in this way).Maybe I am too tolerant, I do think
it is good to let others be themselves, expecting that I would receive the
same considerations. Unfortunately this is sometimes my own silly notion,
but it is part of who I am so I usually rise above it and move on in a
natural way, away from negativity, or crazy people who appear normal ect.
Within our group I notice the "good" behavior of the kids whose parents are
controlling in many ways.
I hear alot of talk about what book series this one is reading and many
other discussions that make it challenging for me to fit into our group
also.
I have sought out this newer group after coming away from a few other
families who (as I look back and understand) were so controlling and
punishing. So much so that the kids interactions with my kids were
controlling of play limiting time with lego to 30 minutes or certain items
or ways of playing or too aggressive( and my son and daughter are active and
rough and tumble but beyond that).
And then because the parents thought it healthier to be forced to play
outside/ forbidden to touch the hidden legos. Lots of bossing around
behavior from kids or parent touting how great their kids where with
academics ect. (My son would moan to me about how he just couldn't
understand why they wouldn't let them in their house. It was Crazy!
I tend to be easy going thinking that to each his own and to be tolerant
and respectful of others ideas, opinions. My views have definitely changed
on this with more experience and knowledge.(though I am wondering how to
cope with others so stuck, while I feel like we are growing and beginning to
make real progress in breaking the paradyms.)
(I stuck out a co-op for what felt like an eternity to me (My girls liked it
my son hated it and would stay with me and the girls in our space)with a
group that when I shared how curious my son was about how babies are born.
The retort was a what about it is a "gift from god".
I have some semi-horror stories of the religious folk I have encountered and
their ideas of how the devil is to cause for my sons spiritness and how I
could implement spanking and even had a book title on the subject
recommended. Some bullying incidents that were physical that the mom thought
was regular horse play. These incidents happened along our journey
sporadically and I got away quietly (Except for the bullying I called the
mom and let her know that I considered it serious) and quickly from most.
While I never agreed with the control of play with many a family as we were
invited over for what seemed like a hold out reward for their kids to have
done some school work.)
So our new group that seems to be varied in approaches is better and we
enjoy our connectedness to a group. I feel like I am still settling for
peoples that don't quite get it.
The kids that sit perfectly still or the mother who touts that she doesn't
have to worry about her kids on the play ground because they are not daring.
This same mom who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly perfect child
who doesn't eat junk yet his mom brought about 30 homemade oreo balls to the
playground came whispering that she didn't have enough for the kids but the
adults could eat them on the"sly". I was disgusted with the mentality and
chalked it up to ignorance.
there are so many incidents of parents correcting behavior (facilitating
childrens challenges) woking every thing out publicly that I am getting
burnt out some more.
So my view in general of those who seem to be lacking information is that I
tolerate and in many ways feel sorry for them and their children.(I ask
myself am I doing that much better?) It doesn't make it easy to share views
and treat your kids with out constant correction.
My specific situation was that a group of (average age 10 yrs. old) boys
made their way onto to the playground (as it was a half a day from school)
and my son is drawn to them like a magnet.
I felt joyful for him as he quickly eased into this group of boys and also
had one 4 yr, old little girl in his tow from our group. They were a little
rough on the edges as they commented that they had never seen celery with
peanutbutter and raisins on it that my son was munching. (I did feel
protective but held back a he didn't seem hindered by their ezspeak)
I watched from a distance after checking in to say hello to the group and
see if they were friendly(I felt a pressure to do this thinking I would be
thought of as negligent had I just watched), they seemed pretty regular and
the 4 yr old seemed just as welcome so it all seemed good.
We had a ball for kickball and the group of boys decided to play a game.
They did move like a pack with a leader and they "teased" "hey dude" along
the way to a few in the group a little boy about 5 who looked puzzled but
seemingly un-bothered and more pointed remarking to the two boys on the
bleachers saying something about "oh homeschoolers"(these are the sons(my
son chooses to not relate to sometimes) of the moms touting academics and
keeping yummy homemade cookies away from the kids???)
Meanwhile my son is in tow with the group(I call the boy herd) to play kick
ball. I watch not knowing what has been said and seeing that they are
somewhat romping. One mom swoops her sons up and leaves quickly.(The 5 yr.
old and the sit still son on the bleacher, leaving the other friend on the
bench.)
So I am still observing not judging these mainstream kids(that my son has
attached himself to) they begin to play and I am glad to see the 9yr old
female in our group (along with an age varied group from 4's to 9)
somehow gain enough interest that our whole group come to join the fun.
One 8yr old girl leaves crying because the boys are yelling all the rules
they have made up in their semi-official game(we had been pitching to our
group with noone in the outfield and the kids just kicking and running bases
for fun)
I speak to her and she says the are calling them babies and lots of yelling
rules.
My son I know from recent experience does not like me interferring so I am
still appraising (as I sit on the bleachers)and next thing I know our whole
group comes disgruntled onto the bleachers moaning that they are not babies
and who do those school boys think they are ba, ba, ba, pa da.
These homeschoolers were completely on with coming off the field with lots
of opinion about it.
So I have my two 6 yr olds among the other homeschoolers on the bleachers
and my son still on the field wanting to play with the boy herd. I listened
to the homeschoolers and made a quick judgement call that my son brought the
ball and said maybe the kids could go off playing as they had been while the
herd played kickball.
I wasn't sure of the right thing to do but thought I would give my son the
opportunity to do what he wanted.(The herd did not seem pointed yet were
loud and obnoxious with their superiority act.)
Our beautiful strong minded 9yr. old female with her great facilitating mom
came back to reclaim the game.(Seriously beautiful mom and kids expecting
Justice.)
I explained the situation from my perspective and my sons possible
perspective and she spent time putting the fires out with the firey
homeschoolers.
Interestingly, as the homeschool kids came back my son dropped out of the
game.
I asked one of the other moms to consult with my son and he said he decided
to drop out also because it was boring and they were yelling.
At that point I stepped in kindly to reclaim the ball and the boys romped
away. (I didn't feel that these boys were being overtly bad. Yet they did
have an air of obnoxiousness.)
There has been a strong opinion against school kids almost stereotyping
their behavior(valid to a degree)within our homeschool group which seems
just as pointed as "hey homeschoolers".
I don't portray kids in school this way with my kids and they don't spout
off in a way that I think is judgemental and hurtful. These kids are
products of the institution of school and our parenting culture.(Not really
their fault)
My sons take in retrospect is that he came in and out of the groups. Playing
with them freely and leaving them freely, and playing again. I think it
seems healthy for him but the group overall feels insulted by "the boy
herd". I am on the fence. I had kids on each side. If there are any sides?
The mom who left the playground abruptly talked about the situation today
and said she wrote about in her blog and that she discussed it with her
kids, they said the (boy herd) was teasing she suggested it was on the verge
of bullying (I do tend to agree) as they taunted hello homeschoolers.
My challenge is that I don't like to generalize about schooled children, my
son was part of the romp and innocently enjoyed the choice to come and go
freely from this group.
I see inadequateness in each side. I don't like getting into calling the
kettle black and overgeneralizing and sometimes overreacting to situations.
What would you have done???
Some other moms saw this as a good point for discussions I am wondering what
your discusions with your kids would sound like?
Thanks for any input feeling out in space sometimes with people who aren't
looking to grow and feel they are superior.
not usually up this late just wanted to articulate so that I can sleep
easier.
Ifell like their are a few issues here my sons freedom and my ability to
co-exist within mixed groups. Trying .....I don't feel I can be open with
my opinions of some of the parenting homeschooling ways.
Best Regards,
Eileen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Need some perspective with a situation at our park day.
My son is among the older in our group and is 9 almost 10.
He is a beautiful, free spirited boy who is somewhat solitary yet loves kind
hearted active play. I have tried to put my finger on his lack of interest
to come into our homeschool group.
He has expressed shyness, not surprising to me as I grew up incredibly
shy.(I got into a lot of trouble in school during my years for fooling
around with friends which was my way of fittiing in, not to mention that I
was most likely insanely bored)
I do understand his lack of interest in kids who he doesn't relate to or as
he has said some girls are nice and some aren't.
He is a child that does not follow rules that are abitrary. I find that he
doesn't connect with the kids who sit quietly and he doesn't easily
connect when a group is connected to things like Pokemon or Bakugan. He
says he's not into it.
There are a few other kids in the group that are his age yet he
complains(lately saying the kids are too young,babies or baby play) and
somewhat struggle to get along or fit in.(sometimes causing trouble because
he get bad vibes or negativity or rejection on the onset)(regular stuff with
kids and he can be reactionary)
We are new to radical unschooling and have embraced no limitations(with
food, t.v. ,sleep schedules,and let go academics) within our lives trying to
be joyful in our living together. I love this way of being and my three
(twin daughters 6 and son 9) thrive in it. My husband is trying and does a
decent job trusting I am not nuts.
Now that I have educated myself with the ideas and principles of respectul
parenting and always learning I see yet another stark contrast in this new
group of homeschool friends that we hang with.
We have shopped for this new group and are far happier than some of our past
relations.(It has been hard in this way).Maybe I am too tolerant, I do think
it is good to let others be themselves, expecting that I would receive the
same considerations. Unfortunately this is sometimes my own silly notion,
but it is part of who I am so I usually rise above it and move on in a
natural way, away from negativity, or crazy people who appear normal ect.
Within our group I notice the "good" behavior of the kids whose parents are
controlling in many ways.
I hear alot of talk about what book series this one is reading and many
other discussions that make it challenging for me to fit into our group
also.
I have sought out this newer group after coming away from a few other
families who (as I look back and understand) were so controlling and
punishing. So much so that the kids interactions with my kids were
controlling of play limiting time with lego to 30 minutes or certain items
or ways of playing or too aggressive( and my son and daughter are active and
rough and tumble but beyond that).
And then because the parents thought it healthier to be forced to play
outside/ forbidden to touch the hidden legos. Lots of bossing around
behavior from kids or parent touting how great their kids where with
academics ect. (My son would moan to me about how he just couldn't
understand why they wouldn't let them in their house. It was Crazy!
I tend to be easy going thinking that to each his own and to be tolerant
and respectful of others ideas, opinions. My views have definitely changed
on this with more experience and knowledge.(though I am wondering how to
cope with others so stuck, while I feel like we are growing and beginning to
make real progress in breaking the paradyms.)
(I stuck out a co-op for what felt like an eternity to me (My girls liked it
my son hated it and would stay with me and the girls in our space)with a
group that when I shared how curious my son was about how babies are born.
The retort was a what about it is a "gift from god".
I have some semi-horror stories of the religious folk I have encountered and
their ideas of how the devil is to cause for my sons spiritness and how I
could implement spanking and even had a book title on the subject
recommended. Some bullying incidents that were physical that the mom thought
was regular horse play. These incidents happened along our journey
sporadically and I got away quietly (Except for the bullying I called the
mom and let her know that I considered it serious) and quickly from most.
While I never agreed with the control of play with many a family as we were
invited over for what seemed like a hold out reward for their kids to have
done some school work.)
So our new group that seems to be varied in approaches is better and we
enjoy our connectedness to a group. I feel like I am still settling for
peoples that don't quite get it.
The kids that sit perfectly still or the mother who touts that she doesn't
have to worry about her kids on the play ground because they are not daring.
This same mom who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly perfect child
who doesn't eat junk yet his mom brought about 30 homemade oreo balls to the
playground came whispering that she didn't have enough for the kids but the
adults could eat them on the"sly". I was disgusted with the mentality and
chalked it up to ignorance.
there are so many incidents of parents correcting behavior (facilitating
childrens challenges) woking every thing out publicly that I am getting
burnt out some more.
So my view in general of those who seem to be lacking information is that I
tolerate and in many ways feel sorry for them and their children.(I ask
myself am I doing that much better?) It doesn't make it easy to share views
and treat your kids with out constant correction.
My specific situation was that a group of (average age 10 yrs. old) boys
made their way onto to the playground (as it was a half a day from school)
and my son is drawn to them like a magnet.
I felt joyful for him as he quickly eased into this group of boys and also
had one 4 yr, old little girl in his tow from our group. They were a little
rough on the edges as they commented that they had never seen celery with
peanutbutter and raisins on it that my son was munching. (I did feel
protective but held back a he didn't seem hindered by their ezspeak)
I watched from a distance after checking in to say hello to the group and
see if they were friendly(I felt a pressure to do this thinking I would be
thought of as negligent had I just watched), they seemed pretty regular and
the 4 yr old seemed just as welcome so it all seemed good.
We had a ball for kickball and the group of boys decided to play a game.
They did move like a pack with a leader and they "teased" "hey dude" along
the way to a few in the group a little boy about 5 who looked puzzled but
seemingly un-bothered and more pointed remarking to the two boys on the
bleachers saying something about "oh homeschoolers"(these are the sons(my
son chooses to not relate to sometimes) of the moms touting academics and
keeping yummy homemade cookies away from the kids???)
Meanwhile my son is in tow with the group(I call the boy herd) to play kick
ball. I watch not knowing what has been said and seeing that they are
somewhat romping. One mom swoops her sons up and leaves quickly.(The 5 yr.
old and the sit still son on the bleacher, leaving the other friend on the
bench.)
So I am still observing not judging these mainstream kids(that my son has
attached himself to) they begin to play and I am glad to see the 9yr old
female in our group (along with an age varied group from 4's to 9)
somehow gain enough interest that our whole group come to join the fun.
One 8yr old girl leaves crying because the boys are yelling all the rules
they have made up in their semi-official game(we had been pitching to our
group with noone in the outfield and the kids just kicking and running bases
for fun)
I speak to her and she says the are calling them babies and lots of yelling
rules.
My son I know from recent experience does not like me interferring so I am
still appraising (as I sit on the bleachers)and next thing I know our whole
group comes disgruntled onto the bleachers moaning that they are not babies
and who do those school boys think they are ba, ba, ba, pa da.
These homeschoolers were completely on with coming off the field with lots
of opinion about it.
So I have my two 6 yr olds among the other homeschoolers on the bleachers
and my son still on the field wanting to play with the boy herd. I listened
to the homeschoolers and made a quick judgement call that my son brought the
ball and said maybe the kids could go off playing as they had been while the
herd played kickball.
I wasn't sure of the right thing to do but thought I would give my son the
opportunity to do what he wanted.(The herd did not seem pointed yet were
loud and obnoxious with their superiority act.)
Our beautiful strong minded 9yr. old female with her great facilitating mom
came back to reclaim the game.(Seriously beautiful mom and kids expecting
Justice.)
I explained the situation from my perspective and my sons possible
perspective and she spent time putting the fires out with the firey
homeschoolers.
Interestingly, as the homeschool kids came back my son dropped out of the
game.
I asked one of the other moms to consult with my son and he said he decided
to drop out also because it was boring and they were yelling.
At that point I stepped in kindly to reclaim the ball and the boys romped
away. (I didn't feel that these boys were being overtly bad. Yet they did
have an air of obnoxiousness.)
There has been a strong opinion against school kids almost stereotyping
their behavior(valid to a degree)within our homeschool group which seems
just as pointed as "hey homeschoolers".
I don't portray kids in school this way with my kids and they don't spout
off in a way that I think is judgemental and hurtful. These kids are
products of the institution of school and our parenting culture.(Not really
their fault)
My sons take in retrospect is that he came in and out of the groups. Playing
with them freely and leaving them freely, and playing again. I think it
seems healthy for him but the group overall feels insulted by "the boy
herd". I am on the fence. I had kids on each side. If there are any sides?
The mom who left the playground abruptly talked about the situation today
and said she wrote about in her blog and that she discussed it with her
kids, they said the (boy herd) was teasing she suggested it was on the verge
of bullying (I do tend to agree) as they taunted hello homeschoolers.
My challenge is that I don't like to generalize about schooled children, my
son was part of the romp and innocently enjoyed the choice to come and go
freely from this group.
I see inadequateness in each side. I don't like getting into calling the
kettle black and overgeneralizing and sometimes overreacting to situations.
What would you have done???
Some other moms saw this as a good point for discussions I am wondering what
your discusions with your kids would sound like?
Thanks for any input feeling out in space sometimes with people who aren't
looking to grow and feel they are superior.
not usually up this late just wanted to articulate so that I can sleep
easier.
Ifell like their are a few issues here my sons freedom and my ability to
co-exist within mixed groups. Trying .....I don't feel I can be open with
my opinions of some of the parenting homeschooling ways.
Best Regards,
Eileen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
My oldest has never really connected well with other homeschoolers. She's never been to school, yet all of her friends go to school. She knows a few unschoolers and homeschoolers, but they are not her best friends. She never really jived with the park day crowds.
Your son was in school. His relationship with other school kids in a park is going to feel familiar, even if he decides that they are being mean and opts out.
Not everyone at a playground is going to get along and play together. If the parents want it to be more cohesive, they'll proactively involve the kids in games and play with them, or at the very least, initiate a game and lay down the common ground rules, so that everyone is on the same page. I've done that lots, start a game with a group of kids and then before I know it, they are all off doing it on their own without me.
I rarely sit and talk with the adults at park days. I'm usually playing with the kids, and the adults I talk to are the ones doing the same thing.
Large groups of "schooled" kids that come out and play at parks enjoy adult company, and in fact are quite used to adults telling them what to do and how to play. One can navigate that and use that to their advantage to help kids play together then find a way to wander off, like a school playground attendant, but without the whistle and bossiness.
I've met more than a few self righteous homeschoolers that trash all schooled kids and dismiss them outright as unworthy playmates for their children. I don't believe for a moment that kids don't pick up on that. Although, I do see the difference, in general, in how public school kids behave on playgrounds and how homeschool kids do. Homeschooled kids are more likely to create their own rules and include multiple ages and both genders, while school kids are more likely to dictate rules and be age and gender exclusive. That's just my own observation, and again, I'm generalizing, so take that for what it's worth.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Your son was in school. His relationship with other school kids in a park is going to feel familiar, even if he decides that they are being mean and opts out.
Not everyone at a playground is going to get along and play together. If the parents want it to be more cohesive, they'll proactively involve the kids in games and play with them, or at the very least, initiate a game and lay down the common ground rules, so that everyone is on the same page. I've done that lots, start a game with a group of kids and then before I know it, they are all off doing it on their own without me.
I rarely sit and talk with the adults at park days. I'm usually playing with the kids, and the adults I talk to are the ones doing the same thing.
Large groups of "schooled" kids that come out and play at parks enjoy adult company, and in fact are quite used to adults telling them what to do and how to play. One can navigate that and use that to their advantage to help kids play together then find a way to wander off, like a school playground attendant, but without the whistle and bossiness.
I've met more than a few self righteous homeschoolers that trash all schooled kids and dismiss them outright as unworthy playmates for their children. I don't believe for a moment that kids don't pick up on that. Although, I do see the difference, in general, in how public school kids behave on playgrounds and how homeschool kids do. Homeschooled kids are more likely to create their own rules and include multiple ages and both genders, while school kids are more likely to dictate rules and be age and gender exclusive. That's just my own observation, and again, I'm generalizing, so take that for what it's worth.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Eileen Mahowald
Jenny thanks for responding we have actually always been at home except for
a year and a half of preschool.
we are new to the radical aspect of unschooling and have in the past had
curriculmns and learning materials and classes that we felt were good for
our kids, along with good/healthy food ideas and no tv. that we felt were
good for our kids.
I remember several Friday evenings when I would destress from the week by
reading Joyce's Joyful living pages and things began to resonate. Now I have
a good understanding of letting go of so many levels of what I may think is
good for my kids and now allowing them to be themselves.
I think my son is aware of the kids who talk about schooly things or things
there parents find exceptable. He was drawn to the group of school boys for
their good energies.
I was able to process this today with our local group and one radical
unschooler who has been at it for 12+ years.
The woman who left the park abruptly put it out to the local group through
email and her blog and got some feed back. The story was different than mine
because she left abruptly and I stayed tuned giving my son autonomy and he
stepped in and out of the group freely, based upon what was happening.
My impression of the kids was not bad but boistrous.I felt that judging kids
based upon there dress and romping stance wasn't fair and to pointed
generalize about schooled kids was harmful in itself and could be dispelled
by engaging with them as you described playing games or simply speaking with
them.
I wonder about the micromanaging parents sometimes do with kids. I found it
valuable to allow the situation to unfold and let the kids work through it
before jumping the gun so to speak and leaving abruptly or chalking it up to
"bad school kid" behavior.
I remember a professor of mine once said, "we have more in common with
others than not". Just that we are all basic human beings. I like to think
that we can get along equally as well with schoolers as homeschoolers.
Sometimes I think the lofty ideas some homeschoolers have as I once did are
ridiculous and harmful.
eileen
a year and a half of preschool.
we are new to the radical aspect of unschooling and have in the past had
curriculmns and learning materials and classes that we felt were good for
our kids, along with good/healthy food ideas and no tv. that we felt were
good for our kids.
I remember several Friday evenings when I would destress from the week by
reading Joyce's Joyful living pages and things began to resonate. Now I have
a good understanding of letting go of so many levels of what I may think is
good for my kids and now allowing them to be themselves.
I think my son is aware of the kids who talk about schooly things or things
there parents find exceptable. He was drawn to the group of school boys for
their good energies.
I was able to process this today with our local group and one radical
unschooler who has been at it for 12+ years.
The woman who left the park abruptly put it out to the local group through
email and her blog and got some feed back. The story was different than mine
because she left abruptly and I stayed tuned giving my son autonomy and he
stepped in and out of the group freely, based upon what was happening.
My impression of the kids was not bad but boistrous.I felt that judging kids
based upon there dress and romping stance wasn't fair and to pointed
generalize about schooled kids was harmful in itself and could be dispelled
by engaging with them as you described playing games or simply speaking with
them.
I wonder about the micromanaging parents sometimes do with kids. I found it
valuable to allow the situation to unfold and let the kids work through it
before jumping the gun so to speak and leaving abruptly or chalking it up to
"bad school kid" behavior.
I remember a professor of mine once said, "we have more in common with
others than not". Just that we are all basic human beings. I like to think
that we can get along equally as well with schoolers as homeschoolers.
Sometimes I think the lofty ideas some homeschoolers have as I once did are
ridiculous and harmful.
eileen
On Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 2:55 PM, Jenny Cyphers <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
>
>
> My oldest has never really connected well with other homeschoolers. She's
> never been to school, yet all of her friends go to school. She knows a few
> unschoolers and homeschoolers, but they are not her best friends. She never
> really jived with the park day crowds.
>
> Your son was in school. His relationship with other school kids in a park
> is going to feel familiar, even if he decides that they are being mean and
> opts out.
>
> Not everyone at a playground is going to get along and play together. If
> the parents want it to be more cohesive, they'll proactively involve the
> kids in games and play with them, or at the very least, initiate a game and
> lay down the common ground rules, so that everyone is on the same page.
> I've done that lots, start a game with a group of kids and then before I
> know it, they are all off doing it on their own without me.
>
> I rarely sit and talk with the adults at park days. I'm usually playing
> with the kids, and the adults I talk to are the ones doing the same thing.
>
> Large groups of "schooled" kids that come out and play at parks enjoy adult
> company, and in fact are quite used to adults telling them what to do and
> how to play. One can navigate that and use that to their advantage to help
> kids play together then find a way to wander off, like a school playground
> attendant, but without the whistle and bossiness.
>
> I've met more than a few self righteous homeschoolers that trash
> all schooled kids and dismiss them outright as unworthy playmates for their
> children. I don't believe for a moment that kids don't pick up on that.
> Although, I do see the difference, in general, in how public school kids
> behave on playgrounds and how homeschool kids do. Homeschooled kids are
> more likely to create their own rules and include multiple ages and both
> genders, while school kids are more likely to dictate rules and be age and
> gender exclusive. That's just my own observation, and again, I'm
> generalizing, so take that for what it's worth.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-not usually up this late just wanted to articulate so that I can
sleep
easier.-=-
Sometimes writing is helpful, even if you don't mail it to anyone
else. Journals. Diaries. Drafts of e-mails.
That post was very, very long. I don't usually mind long posts, but
that one was not easy to read.
-=-Maybe I am too tolerant, I do think
it is good to let others be themselves, expecting that I would receive
the
same considerations.-=-
Judging from this one post, I don't think you're too tolerant. :-)
It's great to let others be themselves. It's really all you can do.
It's not as good to expect them to give you "the same
considerations." For one thing, they don't know you're "letting them
be themselves." They probably are being the same way they would be
whether you were there or not, so they don't see you as magnanimously
allowing it.
-=-Unfortunately this is sometimes my own silly notion,
but it is part of who I am so I usually rise above it and move on in a
natural way, away from negativity, or crazy people who appear normal
ect.-=-
If you see it as something you usually (not always) "rise above," then
you're seeing it in a negative way.
-=-I tend to be easy going thinking that to each his own and to be
tolerant
and respectful of others ideas, opinions.-=-
That's the way you're presenting yourself in a description to us, but
the rest of the post seemed to be critical of others in your old group
and your new group both.
-=I feel like I am still settling for peoples that don't quite get it.-
=-
"Settling for" marks them as all quite below your standards. Could
you think of it as being accepting of people who don't quite get it
yet? Whether the parents "get it" or not, your children might still
like their children a lot!
-=-This same mom who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly
perfect child
who doesn't eat junk yet his mom brought about 30 homemade oreo balls
to the
playground...-=-
Please proofread your posts before you send them. I couldn't manage
to make sense of "who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly
perfect child..." You don't need to explain it, you just should know
you've send something difficult to get through.
This is very negative:
"I was disgusted with the mentality and chalked it up to ignorance."
-=-(I did feel protective but held back a he didn't seem hindered by
their ezspeak)-=-
What's "ezspeak"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sleep
easier.-=-
Sometimes writing is helpful, even if you don't mail it to anyone
else. Journals. Diaries. Drafts of e-mails.
That post was very, very long. I don't usually mind long posts, but
that one was not easy to read.
-=-Maybe I am too tolerant, I do think
it is good to let others be themselves, expecting that I would receive
the
same considerations.-=-
Judging from this one post, I don't think you're too tolerant. :-)
It's great to let others be themselves. It's really all you can do.
It's not as good to expect them to give you "the same
considerations." For one thing, they don't know you're "letting them
be themselves." They probably are being the same way they would be
whether you were there or not, so they don't see you as magnanimously
allowing it.
-=-Unfortunately this is sometimes my own silly notion,
but it is part of who I am so I usually rise above it and move on in a
natural way, away from negativity, or crazy people who appear normal
ect.-=-
If you see it as something you usually (not always) "rise above," then
you're seeing it in a negative way.
-=-I tend to be easy going thinking that to each his own and to be
tolerant
and respectful of others ideas, opinions.-=-
That's the way you're presenting yourself in a description to us, but
the rest of the post seemed to be critical of others in your old group
and your new group both.
-=I feel like I am still settling for peoples that don't quite get it.-
=-
"Settling for" marks them as all quite below your standards. Could
you think of it as being accepting of people who don't quite get it
yet? Whether the parents "get it" or not, your children might still
like their children a lot!
-=-This same mom who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly
perfect child
who doesn't eat junk yet his mom brought about 30 homemade oreo balls
to the
playground...-=-
Please proofread your posts before you send them. I couldn't manage
to make sense of "who's hand raising, writing novels the seemingly
perfect child..." You don't need to explain it, you just should know
you've send something difficult to get through.
This is very negative:
"I was disgusted with the mentality and chalked it up to ignorance."
-=-(I did feel protective but held back a he didn't seem hindered by
their ezspeak)-=-
What's "ezspeak"?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carnationsgalore
> Need some perspective with a situation at our park day.I read through your whole post but I'm not sure what was happening and what you were asking?
Is there a reason you are purposefully trying to fit in with a homeschool group? Are you looking for opportunities to meet people? There are other options besides homeschool groups. It's also possible to be friends with families who are different. They may parent their children differently, send them to school, or homeschool them. Is it really possible to find a group of people who think and behave exactly as you do? I can understand not wanting to be with people who question your choices in a very negative way, but I think it's important to see if that attitude is going the other way. You describe some of them as feeling superior, and yet you imply your lifestyle is better than their lifestyles.
You also described your son as not being interested in groups of children, and him not liking the homeschool groups very much. At that point in your post, I was wondering why you continue to put him in those situations. My 13 yr. old son doesn't like groups. He's truly fine without them. Then you were talking about him hanging out with a group of boys that were not part of the homeschool group, and apparently were kids who attended school. The group was name-calling? Was your son bothered by it? Why would you ask another mom to consult with him? Do you hold the homeschooled kids to some generalized expectation that they should be better behaved than kids who attend school? If not, why is the park day even an issue for you? Is the opinion of the group very important to you?
Bottom line: What are you wanting from a group like that?
Beth M.