troubadour4me

Hi everyone, I have not posted here in some time. I've been over at
RUN often. I need advice with my 7yo. son. For a long time now he gets
very upset whenever another kid looks at him. Girls that is! In the
past when we took him to the playground and he "freaked out" if other
kids were there. I would honor his feelings,ask him if he wanted to
leave or keep him near me. Sometimes,slowly,he would get used to them
and join in play. He gets extremely upset if a girl looks at him. Like
today in Bealls,he was in the cart and a girl came around the aisle
and he stood up and yelled: She's looking at me!! I held him and said
"it's okay" and she left and he was glad. Later,I asked him what he
doesn't like and he only said girls looking at him. I told him people
look,that he looked at her right? She's not going to hurt you. He
doesn't offer up much info but i did ask him what we can do to help
him and he says keep them away. I said they do have a right to walk
around the store.A few years back we were at the park with my friend
who has two little girls and one walked up to him and hit him so he
now has a fear of that happening again.I said it's probably not going
to happen again,trying to reassure him.
My Husband thinks he needs MORE exposure to kids and said even if we
left him alone with some. Do you think i need to bring him around lots
more kids,more often? In the past it's been like okay you don't like
being around kids so we won't do that but now i wonder if the approach
was wrong.His friends have all been boys.

Joanna Murphy

> My Husband thinks he needs MORE exposure to kids and said even if we
> left him alone with some. Do you think i need to bring him around lots
> more kids,more often? In the past it's been like okay you don't like
> being around kids so we won't do that but now i wonder if the approach
> was wrong.His friends have all been boys.
>
My thoughts:

1. Try not to make a big deal out of the situation (in your mind, and with your son), and
have confidence that it will resolve. I doubt whether he will go off to college hating girls!
LOL

2. Don't try to immerse him in girls against his will!

3. Role play so that you can help him find ways to react that will be more respectful of the
girls he encounters.

My dd had a friend, when she was 5, who had no use for boys because of the same
experience your son had. She was not very nice to my son for a long time, but we kept
working on it because she wanted to come over to play with my dd. We lived quite a
distance apart, so playdates alone were rarely an option in our case. She finally tolerated
his presence, and now she considers him one of her good friends, and he's always invited
to her birthday parties. I remember when she said, "Hey, some boys aren't that bad." It
was a milestone, but it took about 2 years.

Joanna

k

I think you shouldn't force the issue or make a big deal out of it in
your own mind. It's common for many kids. Karl isn't like that at 5
but I was. Of course I was going to kindergarten so I didn't have any
option but to be around kids I didn't want to be around. One cute kid
(somehow a picture was taken .. dunno how) declared himself my
boyfriend and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him! I
distinctly remember outside at recess he marched around the basketball
court with a little troupe of boys behind him while holding a broom
before him (used to knock a stuck basketball out of the hoop) and at
the top of his lungs shouted "I'm gonna marry you!" over and over
again. I was so annoyed and exasperated, and that's why I have such a
clear memory of it. He liked me and I wasn't ready for boys to be
paying attention to me.

Now I look back and it's a fun little episode in my very young life.

And I had totally got over my aversion by the time I was 11 or so.

~Katherine