DJ250

Alright, I've given up control of these things and have educated my girls that it's good to brush your teeth to keep cavities from forming and to shower because it helps you not smell and gets rid of germs. Also, refreshes you! But, they're not consistent with the brushing (they're 7 and 9) and my eldest hasn't showered in over a week! It used to be we agreed on Sunday as being her day to shower but now I realize she didn't hold up her end of the "bargain" because she was just choosing a day to please me. She really sees no value in showering and doesn't smell, to be honest. Her hair is getting a little gummy but still looks fine. I know that once you let loose the reigns on these things (TV, video games, brushing, etc), the kids can go whole hog on doing as much of it (TV, video games) or as little of it (showering, brushing) as possible, either because they're afraid you're going to change your mind or because they're making up for lost time or because they just need to do it that way. Argh! Advice?!

~Melissa :)



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<< I know that once you let loose the reigns on these things (TV, video
games, brushing, etc), the kids can go whole hog on doing as much of it (TV,
video games) or as little of it (showering, brushing) as possible, either
because they're afraid you're going to change your mind or because they're
making up for lost time or because they just need to do it that way. Argh!
Advice?! >>>>

Jayn (9) has always unschooled without any of the restrictions you speak of
and still rarely brushes her teeth or washes her hair, although she loves
water so will play in the shower a lot. She was pleasantly surprised when
she washed her hair with shampoo a couple of evenings ago how blond her hair
looks when clean. But I am telling myself not to get attached to any idea
that this will spur a whole lot of regular hair washing just yet.

All I'm saying is that it may not be only a reaction to former
restrictions - it may also be an issue of the developmental readiness to
take a greater interest in the physical self as presented to the world.

Advice? Quiet acceptance. Perhaps more frequent visits to the dental
hygenist and plenty of chewing gum with xylitol available.

Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/6/2008 3:31:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,
dj250@... writes:

<<<She really sees no value in showering and doesn't smell, to be honest. >>>



Isn't the main value of showering *to* not smell? I mean, sure "clean", but
how dirty can one be and not smell? My 9 year old isn't much interested in
showering or bathing right now and he isn't often dirty. Sometimes, he
remembers how much he likes climbing into bed clean from the shower and will ask for
help getting the water the right temperature. (He hasn't yet asked for me to
get him a towel or clean clothes, but I like to make sure he has those things
when he gets out, so I get them together for him-and turn on the heater if
it's necessary.) Once a week would be *extremely* often, here. Once a month or
every 3 weeks is more the norm.

My youngest loves baths and will sometimes take 3 in a day. He doesn't wash
much (though he's recently taken to using a washcloth while in there), but I
figure that the bubbles he likes me to pour in, combined with the sloshing
about he does in there gets him pretty clean. He looks clean and he doesn't
stink.

My youngest has *finally* started brushing his teeth on his own! Since he
started using the bathroom recently (still haven't gotten rid of the diapers,
since he seems to want to make sure they're still around), every once in a
while, he'll get out his brush and put toothpaste on it and scrub his teeth-then
he'll come announce it to the rest of the family. *That* was a long time
coming, because I had a hard time letting go of my insistence that his teeth get
brushed. I now know I've finally gotten rid of my anxiety about it, because
now he is casual and relaxed about it!

Even I can go with washing my hair only twice a week (on rare occasions,
once a week), but usually ends up being 2 1/2 to 3 times a week, on average. I
don't shower every day unless I get dirty all over or get stinky/sweaty, or am
hot and want to cool off before bed. In the hot, humid part of the summer, I
can easily shower every day and occasionally twice a day, but in the winter,
not nearly so much. There's a lot to be said for sponge baths in-between
showering/bathing, too. Funny, though... I still can't bring myself to skip
tooth brushing, myself. I can be almost completely asleep and suddenly remember I
had forgotten to brush my teeth... no matter how tired I am, I cannot get
back to sleep without getting up (no matter how cold that hardwood floor is!),
cooling off the bed and brushing my teeth! LOL

Peace,
De
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-It used to be we agreed on Sunday as being her day to shower but
now I realize she didn't hold up her end of the "bargain" because she
was just choosing a day to please me.-=-

Many times parents say "we agreed" when they mean the parent said
"This is what you should do" or "You need to take a shower at least
once a week, now about Sunday?" and the child said "okay."

That's not the same as an agreement between equals. It wasn't really
"a bargain."

-=-She really sees no value in showering and doesn't smell, to be
honest. -=-

She's young and pre-pubescent. If you really do leave her alone
about it, or maybe get her some cool bath toys and some music to
listen to in the bathroom, maybe she'd take baths, or maybe she'd
take showers, but lure her toward it instead of pushing her (even
verbally or with attitude).

-=-Her hair is getting a little gummy but still looks fine. -=-

Do you have a big counter space she could lie down on and you could
wash her hair in the sink? My mom used to do that for me sometimes
(we didn't have a shower) and it was WONDERful.

When Holly was younger, there was a way she could lie down on the
toilet seat with her feet on the bathroom counter and her head on a
towel on the edge of the tub and I could wash her hair. It can be
very soothing for someone else to wash your hair.

-=-I know that once you let loose the reigns on these things (TV,
video games, brushing, etc), the kids can go whole hog on doing as
much of it (TV, video games) or as little of it (showering, brushing)
as possible, either because they're afraid you're going to change
your mind or because they're making up for lost time or because they
just need to do it that way. Argh! Advice?!-=-

Avoid ideas like "go whole hog." It seems to be a put-down. If you
see their reactions as extreme, maybe just feel that feeling and
realize for real, in depth, that it was the limitations that created
the reaction. While you're waiting for them to trust you, maybe read
this:
http://sandradodd.com/choices

They need remedial choice-making, and the best you can do is make
life interesting and full of many honest options to which they can
say no or yes. Let them practice on things now so they don't get
their first whole-hog urges with sex and drugs and alcohol. Let them
say "no" to little things now, so they don't say "no" when you advise
them about staying in the state and always having a sober driver and
so forth.

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mnbyelich

Thanks for this post. I'm letting go of our restrictions too and
showering and teeth brushing has been one of the hardest things for
me too. My son (6) hasn't showered for days and today when I asked
him if he was going to shower he said "definitely" (this afternoon)
but by the evening, he was not so definite anymore :' I don't think
I *made* him shower exactly, I just started the shower for him and I
turned around and he was in the bathroom. He also brushed his teeth
tonight totally on his own but this is after days of not brushing.

I like Pam's thoughts on that maybe for them, this is just not a
concern yet and as they get older they will be more inclined to smell
nice and have fresh mouths. I'm just now thinking that in
the "olden" days people didn't shower daily and it's really our
society that makes such a big deal of daily showering. I have been
making a point to brush my teeth when they are in the bathroom with
me and showering when he is still awake to kind of be an example. In
the meantime, I'm going to get some gum with xylitol and work on not
making showering an issue.

natalie

--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn"
<dezigna@...> wrote:
>
> <<<< I know that once you let loose the reigns on these things
(TV, video
> games, brushing, etc), the kids can go whole hog on doing as much
of it (TV,
> video games) or as little of it (showering, brushing) as possible,
either
> because they're afraid you're going to change your mind or because
they're
> making up for lost time or because they just need to do it that
way. Argh!
> Advice?! >>>>
>
> Jayn (9) has always unschooled without any of the restrictions you
speak of
> and still rarely brushes her teeth or washes her hair, although she
loves
> water so will play in the shower a lot. She was pleasantly
surprised when
> she washed her hair with shampoo a couple of evenings ago how blond
her hair
> looks when clean. But I am telling myself not to get attached to
any idea
> that this will spur a whole lot of regular hair washing just yet.
>
> All I'm saying is that it may not be only a reaction to former
> restrictions - it may also be an issue of the developmental
readiness to
> take a greater interest in the physical self as presented to the
world.
>
> Advice? Quiet acceptance. Perhaps more frequent visits to the
dental
> hygenist and plenty of chewing gum with xylitol available.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
> www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
> www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-In
the meantime, I'm going to get some gum with xylitol and work on not
making showering an issue. -=-



Apples and carrots in the daytime (slice them up and set them out)
and cheese at night (like cheddar--hardish cheese, not American or
cream cheese or such) are reported to help with mouth health.



Sandra

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