Re: [AlwaysLearning] Repressive Mom
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/2001 7:59:21 AM Pacific Standard Time,
groundhoggirl@... writes:
but as a daughter of a very controlling and repressive mother, I believe in
allowing little children to express, in any way they wish, their happiness,
sadness, or anger. I know you don't all agree and I really don't know
anyone who feels the way I feel, but, from my own personal experiences, this
is how I honestly feel the situation should be handled.
Hi Mimi,
To me you are sooooo on. I also come from a very controlling and repressive
mother. The biggest thing that I remember about my childhood is being
totally powerless. I couldn't wait to get out and get away. My daughter is
four and we just began homeschooling 4 months ago. I found that I was taking
the same route my mother took with me and didn't want that for her. I found
I was creating a little "perfect pet". When I realized that my goals for her
were to grow up as a confident, independent, strong, female.........I
realized that what I was doing would turn her out just the opposite. I've
changed so dramatically in the last few months. You bet, we still have
"house-rules", but I'm so much more relaxed. I give her so many more
breaks.......gosh knows that I need someone to allow me them. I do not spoil
and I expect her to be within the boundaries. However, SHE'S FOUR.....I've
learned to let her be four.
I appreciate your honesty. It is hard when you were raised one way and our
now trying to reprogram yourself. I do it everyday, and know that I doing
the best for my family. Isn't that what homeschooling is about? What is
best for our particular children and family?
Kindest Regards,
Crystal
groundhoggirl@... writes:
but as a daughter of a very controlling and repressive mother, I believe in
allowing little children to express, in any way they wish, their happiness,
sadness, or anger. I know you don't all agree and I really don't know
anyone who feels the way I feel, but, from my own personal experiences, this
is how I honestly feel the situation should be handled.
Hi Mimi,
To me you are sooooo on. I also come from a very controlling and repressive
mother. The biggest thing that I remember about my childhood is being
totally powerless. I couldn't wait to get out and get away. My daughter is
four and we just began homeschooling 4 months ago. I found that I was taking
the same route my mother took with me and didn't want that for her. I found
I was creating a little "perfect pet". When I realized that my goals for her
were to grow up as a confident, independent, strong, female.........I
realized that what I was doing would turn her out just the opposite. I've
changed so dramatically in the last few months. You bet, we still have
"house-rules", but I'm so much more relaxed. I give her so many more
breaks.......gosh knows that I need someone to allow me them. I do not spoil
and I expect her to be within the boundaries. However, SHE'S FOUR.....I've
learned to let her be four.
I appreciate your honesty. It is hard when you were raised one way and our
now trying to reprogram yourself. I do it everyday, and know that I doing
the best for my family. Isn't that what homeschooling is about? What is
best for our particular children and family?
Kindest Regards,
Crystal
Cindy
dcsmiller@... wrote:
motivators in getting over my repressive mother. And when Sandra once wrote
about finding ways to say "yes" to our children, I saw another way I had been
carrying my father around - whenever we asked him anything, he didn't even need
to hear the end of the question before saying "no". I had that similar
knee-jerk response. Now I say yes as much as possible.
--
Cindy Ferguson
crma@...
>I could have written those words too! My daughter has been one of my biggest
> In a message dated 12/9/2001 7:59:21 AM Pacific Standard Time,
> groundhoggirl@... writes:
> but as a daughter of a very controlling and repressive mother, I believe in
> allowing little children to express, in any way they wish, their happiness,
> sadness, or anger. I know you don't all agree and I really don't know
> anyone who feels the way I feel, but, from my own personal experiences, this
> is how I honestly feel the situation should be handled.
>
> Hi Mimi,
>
> To me you are sooooo on. I also come from a very controlling and repressive
> mother. The biggest thing that I remember about my childhood is being
> totally powerless. I couldn't wait to get out and get away. My daughter is
> four and we just began homeschooling 4 months ago. I found that I was taking
> the same route my mother took with me and didn't want that for her. I found
> I was creating a little "perfect pet". When I realized that my goals for her
> were to grow up as a confident, independent, strong, female.........I
> realized that what I was doing would turn her out just the opposite.
>
motivators in getting over my repressive mother. And when Sandra once wrote
about finding ways to say "yes" to our children, I saw another way I had been
carrying my father around - whenever we asked him anything, he didn't even need
to hear the end of the question before saying "no". I had that similar
knee-jerk response. Now I say yes as much as possible.
--
Cindy Ferguson
crma@...
[email protected]
<< And when Sandra once wrote
about finding ways to say "yes" to our children, I saw another way I had been
carrying my father around - whenever we asked him anything, he didn't even
need
to hear the end of the question before saying "no". >>
Before someone says I always tell my kids yes, here's the deal:
Some people think they're being good parents by saying "no."
And some people say no and then qualify it quickly, like "NO, not until after
dinner," or "NO, not today."
I'd rather say "Yes, as soon as we're done," or "Yes, maybe tomorrow."
Sandra
about finding ways to say "yes" to our children, I saw another way I had been
carrying my father around - whenever we asked him anything, he didn't even
need
to hear the end of the question before saying "no". >>
Before someone says I always tell my kids yes, here's the deal:
Some people think they're being good parents by saying "no."
And some people say no and then qualify it quickly, like "NO, not until after
dinner," or "NO, not today."
I'd rather say "Yes, as soon as we're done," or "Yes, maybe tomorrow."
Sandra
zenmomma *
>I remember reading a parenting column once, it might have been John
>Some people think they're being good parents by saying "no."
Rosemond. He said that parnets should be saying no at least 5 times to every
yes. Yuck!
~Mary
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[email protected]
Yup, that's one of Rosemond's 10 items on a child's Bill of Rights.
See why I never went on a second date with the guy who liked him? ;-)
Dar
On Sun, 09 Dec 2001 15:12:09 -0700 "zenmomma *" <zenmomma@...>
writes:
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See why I never went on a second date with the guy who liked him? ;-)
Dar
On Sun, 09 Dec 2001 15:12:09 -0700 "zenmomma *" <zenmomma@...>
writes:
>________________________________________________________________
>
> >
> >Some people think they're being good parents by saying "no."
>
> I remember reading a parenting column once, it might have been John
> Rosemond. He said that parnets should be saying no at least 5 times
> to every
> yes. Yuck!
>
> ~Mary
>
> _________________________________________________________________
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[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/01 3:15:48 PM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< He said that parnets should be saying no at least 5 times to every
yes. Yuck! >>
I think parents should say yes twenty times to every no.
And maybe the "no" should be...
"NO, I don't want to make Holly go to bed."
"No, you don't have to come back right away."
"No, you don't have to finish your food."
When parents are going to feel bad if they don't say no, maybe (when the iron
is cold--good concept!) they should make up lists of things they can say no
about.
NO, I don't mind if you use my stuff.
No, it won't bother me if you have a party.
Sandra
<< He said that parnets should be saying no at least 5 times to every
yes. Yuck! >>
I think parents should say yes twenty times to every no.
And maybe the "no" should be...
"NO, I don't want to make Holly go to bed."
"No, you don't have to come back right away."
"No, you don't have to finish your food."
When parents are going to feel bad if they don't say no, maybe (when the iron
is cold--good concept!) they should make up lists of things they can say no
about.
NO, I don't mind if you use my stuff.
No, it won't bother me if you have a party.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/01 3:25:25 PM, freeform@... writes:
<< Yup, that's one of Rosemond's 10 items on a child's Bill of Rights. >>
What, to get "yes" one in six times?
I'm going to look this "expert" up!
Sandra
<< Yup, that's one of Rosemond's 10 items on a child's Bill of Rights. >>
What, to get "yes" one in six times?
I'm going to look this "expert" up!
Sandra
[email protected]
This was on a site called Stepfamilies of America or some such.
I'm even more offended at the idea of these principles being applied by
stepparents.
From here down is not me.
Bill of Rights for Children
Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English
language, children have the right to hear their parents say "No" at least
three times a day.
Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents
don't exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn
the skills they-children-will need to eventually make themselves happy.
Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their
parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming
to certain areas of their homes.
Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for
them but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given
moment in time.
Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children
have the right to hear their parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and
frequent basis.
Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in,
children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household
chores.
Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn't the center
of the universe (or his family or his parents' lives) that he isn't a big
fish in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and that he's not
even-in the total scheme of things-very important at all, no one is, so as to
prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive,
therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and
very little of what they simply want.
Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to
legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for
disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore,
persuasive.
Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure
he/she enjoys all of the above Rights.
The author of these "Bill of Rights" is John Rosemond, a family psychologist
who writes a weekly column which is published in over 200 newspapers. He
gives terrific, common sense advice to parents. His web site is
www.rosemond.com.
I'm even more offended at the idea of these principles being applied by
stepparents.
From here down is not me.
Bill of Rights for Children
Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English
language, children have the right to hear their parents say "No" at least
three times a day.
Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents
don't exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn
the skills they-children-will need to eventually make themselves happy.
Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their
parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming
to certain areas of their homes.
Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for
them but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given
moment in time.
Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children
have the right to hear their parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and
frequent basis.
Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in,
children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household
chores.
Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn't the center
of the universe (or his family or his parents' lives) that he isn't a big
fish in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and that he's not
even-in the total scheme of things-very important at all, no one is, so as to
prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive,
therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and
very little of what they simply want.
Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to
legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for
disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore,
persuasive.
Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure
he/she enjoys all of the above Rights.
The author of these "Bill of Rights" is John Rosemond, a family psychologist
who writes a weekly column which is published in over 200 newspapers. He
gives terrific, common sense advice to parents. His web site is
www.rosemond.com.
[email protected]
www.rosemond.com
Not for those with a sensitive stomach.
Dar
On Sun, 9 Dec 2001 18:18:16 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
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Not for those with a sensitive stomach.
Dar
On Sun, 9 Dec 2001 18:18:16 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
>________________________________________________________________
> In a message dated 12/9/01 3:25:25 PM, freeform@... writes:
>
> << Yup, that's one of Rosemond's 10 items on a child's Bill of
> Rights. >>
>
> What, to get "yes" one in six times?
>
> I'm going to look this "expert" up!
>
> Sandra
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
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Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
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zenmomma *
>I'm going to look this "expert" up!I can say with much conviction, Sandra, that I don't think you're going to
>
>Sandra
>
like what you find. They ran his column in the newspaper when I lived in
Colorado. It used to make me fume.
~Mary
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp
KT
> And some people say no and then qualify it quickly, like "NO, notMy dad taught me that.
> until after
> dinner," or "NO, not today."
>
> I'd rather say "Yes, as soon as we're done," or "Yes, maybe tomorrow."
Unfortunately, it was after I gave him his first grandchild. ;)
Karen
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/2001 2:15:46 PM Pacific Standard Time,
zenmomma@... writes:
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma@... writes:
> I remember reading a parenting column once, it might have been JohnHe calls it Vitamin N.
> Rosemond. He said that parnets should be saying no at least 5 times to
> every
> yes. Yuck!
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
meghan anderson
<<<<Bill of Rights for Children
Because it is the most character-building, two-letter
word in the English language, children have the right
to hear their parents say "No" at
least three times a day.
Children have the right to find out early in their
lives that their parents don't exist to make them
happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the
skills they-children-will need to eventually make
themselves happy.
Children have a right to scream all they want over the
decisions their parents make, albeit their parents
have the right to confine said screaming
to certain areas of their homes.
Children have the right to find out early that their
parents care deeply for them but don't give a hoot
what their children think about them at any given
moment in time.
Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, children have the right to hear their
parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and
frequent basis.
Because it is the most character-building activity a
child can engage in, children have the right to share
significantly in the doing of household
chores.
Every child has the right to discover early in life
that he isn't the center of the universe (or his
family or his parents' lives) that he isn't a big fish
in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and
that he's not even-in the total scheme of things-very
important at all, no one is, so as to prevent him from
becoming an insufferable brat.
Children have the right to learn to be grateful for
what they receive, therefore, they have the right to
receive all of what they truly need and very little of
what they simply want.
Children have the right to learn early in their lives
that obedience to legitimate authority is not
optional, that there are consequences for
disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable
and, therefore, persuasive.
Every child has the right to parents who love him/her
enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above
Rights.
The author of these "Bill of Rights" is John Rosemond,
a family psychologist who writes a weekly column which
is published in over 200 newspapers.
He gives terrific, common sense advice to parents. His
web site is www.rosemond.com. >>>>>
Reads more like, 'How to crush your children's spirit
completely'. I feel like crying for the children of
the parents who read this guy and think that "He gives
terrific, common sense advice". IMO he seems like a
very frustrated (he obviously didn't get his 'needs'
met and needs to make sure that others don't get
theirs met either) and controlling person. The fact
that this guy is in over 200 newspapers is just plain
scary to me.
Meghan
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com
Because it is the most character-building, two-letter
word in the English language, children have the right
to hear their parents say "No" at
least three times a day.
Children have the right to find out early in their
lives that their parents don't exist to make them
happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the
skills they-children-will need to eventually make
themselves happy.
Children have a right to scream all they want over the
decisions their parents make, albeit their parents
have the right to confine said screaming
to certain areas of their homes.
Children have the right to find out early that their
parents care deeply for them but don't give a hoot
what their children think about them at any given
moment in time.
Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, children have the right to hear their
parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and
frequent basis.
Because it is the most character-building activity a
child can engage in, children have the right to share
significantly in the doing of household
chores.
Every child has the right to discover early in life
that he isn't the center of the universe (or his
family or his parents' lives) that he isn't a big fish
in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and
that he's not even-in the total scheme of things-very
important at all, no one is, so as to prevent him from
becoming an insufferable brat.
Children have the right to learn to be grateful for
what they receive, therefore, they have the right to
receive all of what they truly need and very little of
what they simply want.
Children have the right to learn early in their lives
that obedience to legitimate authority is not
optional, that there are consequences for
disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable
and, therefore, persuasive.
Every child has the right to parents who love him/her
enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above
Rights.
The author of these "Bill of Rights" is John Rosemond,
a family psychologist who writes a weekly column which
is published in over 200 newspapers.
He gives terrific, common sense advice to parents. His
web site is www.rosemond.com. >>>>>
Reads more like, 'How to crush your children's spirit
completely'. I feel like crying for the children of
the parents who read this guy and think that "He gives
terrific, common sense advice". IMO he seems like a
very frustrated (he obviously didn't get his 'needs'
met and needs to make sure that others don't get
theirs met either) and controlling person. The fact
that this guy is in over 200 newspapers is just plain
scary to me.
Meghan
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
http://greetings.yahoo.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/10/01 4:49:39 PM, moonmeghan@... writes:
<< IMO he seems like a
very frustrated (he obviously didn't get his 'needs'
met and needs to make sure that others don't get
theirs met either) and controlling person. >>
That's what I thought. I found him praised in Christian parenting sites, in
a Libertarian webpage and in the Stepparenting newsletter.
I would have never found him praised in La Leche League or Adult Children of
Alcoholics or Unschooling groups, I think. The background that shaped my
parenting was way different from whatever his is.
I'm guessing he's a marriage counselor (if anything) and NOT a child
development specialist.
Sandra
<< IMO he seems like a
very frustrated (he obviously didn't get his 'needs'
met and needs to make sure that others don't get
theirs met either) and controlling person. >>
That's what I thought. I found him praised in Christian parenting sites, in
a Libertarian webpage and in the Stepparenting newsletter.
I would have never found him praised in La Leche League or Adult Children of
Alcoholics or Unschooling groups, I think. The background that shaped my
parenting was way different from whatever his is.
I'm guessing he's a marriage counselor (if anything) and NOT a child
development specialist.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/10/01 5:05:31 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< That's what I thought. I found him praised in Christian parenting sites,
in
a Libertarian webpage and in the Stepparenting newsletter. >>
OH. Forgot. And a letter home to parents from an elementary school.
<< That's what I thought. I found him praised in Christian parenting sites,
in
a Libertarian webpage and in the Stepparenting newsletter. >>
OH. Forgot. And a letter home to parents from an elementary school.
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/10/2001 6:49:35 PM Eastern Standard Time,
moonmeghan@... writes:
the time (to help with my parenting). I've since cut out communication with
her. Life is sweeter.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
moonmeghan@... writes:
> Reads more like, 'How to crush your children's spiritCry for me. My mother used to send me his column cut out of the newspaper all
> completely'. I feel like crying for the children of
> the parents who read this guy and think that "He gives
> terrific, common sense advice". IMO he seems like a
> very frustrated (he obviously didn't get his 'needs'
> met and needs to make sure that others don't get
> theirs met either) and controlling person. The fact
> that this guy is in over 200 newspapers is just plain
> scary to me.
>
>
the time (to help with my parenting). I've since cut out communication with
her. Life is sweeter.
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sharon Rudd
Kelly, I hadn't planned to really cry, but when I your
little note, that says so much, sank in, I really did.
I am sorry you've had a hard time, and am glad you are
strong.
Sharon of the Swamp
Do You Yahoo!?
Check out Yahoo! Shopping and Yahoo! Auctions for all of
your unique holiday gifts! Buy at http://shopping.yahoo.com
or bid at http://auctions.yahoo.com
little note, that says so much, sank in, I really did.
I am sorry you've had a hard time, and am glad you are
strong.
Sharon of the Swamp
> Cry for me. My mother used to send me his column cut__________________________________________________
> out of the newspaper all
> the time (to help with my parenting). I've since cut
> out communication with
> her. Life is sweeter.
>
> Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
Do You Yahoo!?
Check out Yahoo! Shopping and Yahoo! Auctions for all of
your unique holiday gifts! Buy at http://shopping.yahoo.com
or bid at http://auctions.yahoo.com